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Least Favorite Texan Of All Time?

Ahhhh, the leisurely pace that is the bye week.  With the Texans licking their wounds to the extent possible, I thought a little historical exercise might be in order.

As we sit here halfway through the sixth year of our beloved franchise's existence, it's fair to say that the Texans have had a ton of below-average professional football players don the steel blue, battle red, and liberty white.  Some of that's to be expected, of course, what with the team's expansion roots.  And some of that is certainly due to the "talents" of Charley Casserly and/or Dom Capers, both of whom had a real penchant for burning draft picks, making awful trades, and/or doling out bushels of Bob McNair's money to free agents who either underperformed or never performed at all.  

So here's the question:  Given the rich tapestry that is the Texans' history, which player gets your goat the most?  Your choice can be for any reason.  Maybe the guy was just terrible (Matt Stevens).  Maybe he never seemed to earn the wads of cash the team threw at him (Todd Wade).  Maybe he didn't show even a flicker of being worth what the team gave up in trade to get him (Phillip Buchanon; Jason Babin).  Maybe he embarrassed the team off the field (Marcus Coleman).  Maybe he infuriated you with his comments about the team after he left town (Jabar Gaffney).  Maybe injuries kept him from ever contributing (Tony Boselli; Bennie Joppru).  Maybe he completely failed as a No. 1 overall pick and/or franchise quarterback (David Carr).  You get the picture.

The only thing I ask is that you explain why the player you named "won" the "honor" of being your least favorite Texan of all time.  Fire away in the Comments below.

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The most obscure....
Dorian Boose.  I got his autograph and then he was not able to make the '02 team.  It was quite disappointing

by Triple347 on Nov 6, 2007 6:42 PM CST reply actions   0 recs

Dorian Boose
I like to consider myself a fairly passionate Texans fan, and I have absolutely no idea who that is.  Wow.
Looking forward to a day when being a Texans fan doesn't mean that April is the highlight of my season...

by Tim on Nov 7, 2007 8:00 AM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Boose
I only knew him, b/c he spoke at my church when I was in 9th grade (I am 24, now) when he played with the Jets.  He didn't even make the team out of preseason, but I was just trying to be funny, b/c I knew no one had ever heard of him :).  Here is his profile from espn.

http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/players/stats?playerId=1486

by Triple347 on Nov 7, 2007 7:19 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Is it just me...
or do you have some sort of geographic and/or temporal link to an inordinate number of Texans players?

by MDC on Nov 7, 2007 8:50 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Zoolander
And if you have to ask why, you deserve one of his mittens.  Or see my boobs,  Both good.

by bigfatdrunk on Nov 6, 2007 8:54 PM CST reply actions   0 recs

Exception to the rule
This one needs to explanation.

by Nashmeister on Nov 6, 2007 9:03 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

I'll explain it
That should have said needs no explanation, but I'm a douche and can't type.

I'll elaborate on my reasoning though as to why Zoolander was no doubt the worst player our franchise has ever had.

He just didn't give a damn. When my team loses, I want to see dejected players. I want heads down walking into the locker room and the knowledge that the players feel even shittier than I do. It lets me know that even though they tend to play poorly, at least they realize that and might try to fix it next week in practice. With Carr though, there was never any of that. He'd walk out of a game after fumbling three times and doing absolutely nothing to help us win and have that same stupid grin on his chiseled face.

You could tell when he was playing too. There was never any sense of urgency, or the realization that you have to move the chains to win. He was content walking away with his 65% completion rate and 2.5 yards per attempt. You watch Schaub though, for instance, in the Indy game. You could tell he never gave up. Down 14 in the fourth quarter, he's pulling grass out of his eyes so he can stay on the field to convert a 4th and short (which he did admirably if I may say so myself).

I'm also getting sick of people talking about what a "beating" Carr took in Houston. News flash: It hurts much more to take a hit when you're standing tall in the pocket after stepping into a throw. Going into the fetal position is just a defense mechanism, and it's the reason that Carr never missed games despite taking a boat-load of sacks. Schaub has been hit ten times harder several more times in just a few games this season because he has the sand to make a play even when he knows it's going to hurt.

I could probably write a thousand pages on the subject, but unless Carr commissions me to write his biography (something at jump at for the record), I really don't have the time. Anyways, if a picture says a thousand words, last week's Panthers game probably said about a billion words about Mr. Mittens.

by Nashmeister on Nov 7, 2007 7:07 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Props to Nash...
You know what?  I am wrong.  Nashmeister pointed it out (possibly unknowingly).

Ya know who mine is?  Charlie Casserly.  Any random dumbass-football-hating-quilt-making-dancing-with-the-stars-loving-dumbas knows that you never, ever, take a QB with the #1 pick as an expansion team.  Yes, Zoolander needs explanation.

He needs explanation because he should've never been there.  He needs explanation because he was obviously unfit for the job (unlike Darcy).

You can give Casserly a gimme for the Boselli pick.  It was a bet that never paid off, and that's OK.  You cannot forgive him for taking a QB with the first overall for an expansion team.  That is gross incompetence.  His throwing motion and his lack of leadership - from the very beginning - should've been enough to take anyone else with that pick.

Casserly, if anyone has earned a one-way ticket out of football, it's you.  Oh, and Norv Turner.

by bigfatdrunk on Nov 6, 2007 9:58 PM CST reply actions   0 recs

You Dirty Thief
You claim Mittens, and then you steal my pick.  I won't soon forget this.

What was I typing about?  Oh yeah, I vote for C-Cass.  The reasons are overwhelming, but my primary reason is just to see if Scott will show up.  He's sort of like Candyman in that regard.

Casserly........Casserly........Casser

Sorry, the fear overcame me.  I just don't think I can do it.

We can be critical of the draft picks, but in the end we always support the new Texan.

by Shake on Nov 7, 2007 7:20 AM CST up reply actions   0 recs

To be fair...
that motion would have made him an above-average relief pitcher.

Though I suppose he prefers to be the catcher.

by MDC on Nov 7, 2007 7:53 AM CST up reply actions   0 recs

True...
But chances are, if he didn't take Carr, we would have ended up with that other much maligned QB with great hair and a fantastic smile...
Shakin 'em off one win at a time...

by SOLIS on Nov 9, 2007 7:46 AM CST up reply actions   0 recs

DD
There were so many to pick from.  Mittens.  Jabar Gaffney.  Jerome Mathis.  So so many.

But like a pokemon... Dominic Davis I choose you!  Davis... Williams... whatever the hell your name is.  Seriously.  For one brief season you made me believe we had a late-round steal of a running back.  Our own Terrel Davis.  And then you turned out to be a giant freaking pansy who couldn't recover from a... who the hell knows what.  I know it's not your fault that C-Cass gave you a ridiculous contract.  But there it is.  Have fun distributing beer, if your knee can take it.

Tell me again why I follow sports?

by DisplacedTexan on Nov 7, 2007 7:57 AM CST reply actions   0 recs

Mine
Strangely, it's not Petey.  I don't hate him, I just hate that he plays so much.  Well, also that he sucks, but mainly that he gets to suck so often.

Anyway, my pick is Bennie Joppru.

He was one of my very favorite Wolverines ever.  I loved the dude in college and I talked him up to people, bragging about how he was going to be so damned good in the pros.  I even drafted him in fantasy football for god's sake.

And then he goes and makes me look retarded.  I still get the occasional "MAN, JOPPRU IS AWESOME!" joke from my friends.

by MDC on Nov 7, 2007 7:58 AM CST reply actions   0 recs

Easy for me
Philip Buchanon, for his sheer lack of effort on the football field.   It's not his fault we gave up too much to get him (2nd & 3rd rd'ers), or that he had a legend in the making on the other CB spot.  

Buchanon gets my pick because he didn't give it his all on the football field.  Remember the embarrassing attempts at arm tackles against lumbering RBs?  He seemed more interested in getting out of the way than making a play.

Of all the Texans over the last 7 seasons, he's my least favorite.

by Diesel on Nov 7, 2007 9:08 AM CST reply actions   0 recs

Re: Showtime
I'm firmly in Diesel's camp, for all of the reasons he cited above.  No Texan, and I mean no Texan, enraged me as much as P-Buc.  And "Showtime" even has a signature moment--his "ole! tackle" against Pittsburgh inside the ten yard line during Week Two of the 2005 season.  It was as if his instincts told him he should try to make a play, but his brain convinced him to not actually get in the way of the opposing RB.

Just thinking about that play raises my blood pressure.

Looking forward to a day when being a Texans fan doesn't mean that April is the highlight of my season...

by Tim on Nov 7, 2007 9:23 AM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Fun fact
Jerome Soloman called Carr "Mittens" in his blog today.

Viva la revolucion online-o!

Tell me again why I follow sports?

by DisplacedTexan on Nov 7, 2007 9:29 AM CST reply actions   0 recs

So...
does this mean that Solomon found the Mr. Mittens blog or that he is reading BRB/DGDB&D and ripping one of us off?  Inquiring minds want to know.

by MDC on Nov 7, 2007 9:46 AM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Linked
He linked to the Mr. Mittens blog.  But really, do you think he found that on his own?  He's too busy smelling his own farts.  That guy wears Smug by Ralph Lauren.
Tell me again why I follow sports?

by DisplacedTexan on Nov 7, 2007 9:56 AM CST up reply actions   0 recs

That's a good point.
So, he reads DGDB&D.  That cracks me up.

by MDC on Nov 7, 2007 9:59 AM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Mittens
I honestly cannot even recall what I was looking at when I first saw that, but it certainly wasn't mainstream. No way in hell did he dig that up on his own. Hi Jerome.

by JBNJ on Nov 7, 2007 3:01 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Dumb Crappers
Clearly Dom Capers is my most-hated Texan.  His inability to distinguish an offensive philosophy from Corey Bradford's smoothly shaven backside set this franchise back decades.  Additionally, his barrel-chested intimidation and/or relentless romantic flirtations with Bobby Mac resulted in one of the most legendary personnel minds in the game being shut out in making vital roster decisions and heading for the TV studio, where the only moron who can keep him from voicing his brilliance is Sean McManus, who knows the game better than that.

by Scott on Nov 7, 2007 9:30 AM CST reply actions   0 recs

Re: Capers
I know you're waiting for me to respond to your latest love letter to the man who burned this team to the ground and poured salt upon the ashes, but I won't do it.  Your breathless, yet inexplicable and illogical, adoration and continued defense of Casserly speaks for itself.
Looking forward to a day when being a Texans fan doesn't mean that April is the highlight of my season...

by Tim on Nov 7, 2007 12:50 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

See
I told you if you say the Cass-word 3 times, Scott would magically appear.

Scary, huh?

We can be critical of the draft picks, but in the end we always support the new Texan.

by Shake on Nov 7, 2007 2:20 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

irish goggles
What's scary is, I don't think Scott actually exists.  I think it's Tim when he's on a gasoline and ex-lax bender.

by bigfatdrunk on Nov 7, 2007 2:31 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Re: My Other Personality
While I understand why people might think Scott is fictional, I would hope everyone realizes that there's not enough gasoline and laxatives in the world to make me defend Charley Casserly.
Looking forward to a day when being a Texans fan doesn't mean that April is the highlight of my season...

by Tim on Nov 7, 2007 4:54 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Gaffney
Mostly because Florida WR are never good in the NFL and Clinton Portis was just sitting there for the taking. May have changed the offensive philosophy of the franchise. But then again, that's why #2 on my list is Casserly.

by JBNJ on Nov 7, 2007 3:06 PM CST reply actions   0 recs

Got one...
Stacey Mack. Embodied the unfulfilled promise of a better tomorrow.  For that he earns the dubious distinction of being my least favorite Texan.

And him for being a fuckin' liar.

Shakin 'em off one win at a time...

by SOLIS on Nov 8, 2007 2:46 PM CST reply actions   0 recs

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