I watched it, you watched it, the world watched it. The (rockin' ass) Houston Texans beat the (mildy retarded) Kansas City Chiefs today , 20-3.
If you didn't watch the game here's some stats you can use to impress your friends. As usual, these are 100% fact.
- You're a douche if you didn't watch the game. The Texans are the greatest team in the history of the free world.
- Andre Johnson caught seven passes for 144 yards. Andre Johnson is to receiving what Jesus Christ is to Christianity
- Matt Turk's foot is made of solid gold.
- Mario Williams may be a one of the 0.004% of people athletic enough to play in the NFL, but he still runs like a fat guy.
- Eddie Kennison (Chiefs receiver) can see the future. He faked an injury on their first play so he didn't have to participate in the drumming.
- John Benton, the offensive line coach for the Texans, has a kick ass mustache. Look it up.
- I'm not gay but watching Matt Shaub scramble out of the pocket on 3rd and 8 and then throw the ball, instead of running for a 4 yard gain, gave me a total hard on. I'm pretty sure he invented that move because that is the first time I have ever seen it from a Houston Texan.
- Huard (Chiefs Q.B.) had the same amount of touchdown passes as I did. What a terd.
- Herm Edwards in not an intelligent man. There is a fan going around swearing that Herm Edwards wandered into a commons restroom in Reliant stadium and saw a sign that said "Employees must wash hands", paused for a second with a puzzled look on his face, and then said, "No thanks. I wash my own hands."
- Gary Kubiak likes speaking in generalities:
b. "It's about a team for us, it's not
c. "My assistant Offensive Line coach
Frank Pollack looks like he gives
poison candy to kids for Halloween
and assistant Head Coach Mike
Sherman looks like a fat Dick
d. "We were aggressive."
(note* I may or may not have made up one of those quotes.)