Petey Faggins Rides Again

You know your season's not going the way you hoped when the player who was (in)arguably the worst on the entire team last year is returning to the starting lineup. Not because someone's injured, mind you; Petey's starting again because he's allegedly outperformed Fred Bennett, last year's rookie phenom.

I'll admit that Fred looked pretty bad his first three (3) games, but I thought he looked considerably better against Indy. I'm also a bit confused how any rational observer can say that Bennett looked worse than a CB who might as well have no arms and blinders on. As I noted here, I'm not even fundamentally opposed to returning Petey to the starting lineup, though I wanted it to be in place of Jacques Reeves. The same Petey who gave me night terrors last season (as well as pretty much every other season since the franchise was born). The same Petey I once described like this:

Petey Faggins' play was abominable, amiss, atrocious, awful, bad news, beastly, careless, cheap, cheesy, crappy, cruddy, crummy, defective, deficient, detrimental, dissatisfactory, dreadful, erroneous, fallacious, faulty, garbage, god-awful, gross, grungy, hurtful, icky, imperfect, inadequate, incorrect, inferior, injurious, junky, lousy, not good, off, poor, raunchy, rough, ruinous, sad, scuzzy, sleazy, slipshod, stinking, substandard, synthetic, the pits, unacceptable, and/or unsatisfactory. Because "bad" doesn't do his performance justice. Thank you, Thesaurus.com.

Needless to say, I'm scared. The thought of a starting CB tandem of Jacques and Petey makes me nauseous (despite the fact that Petey also apparently started last week, which I totally missed, having been at Reliant). Given who'll be "covering" his top two (2) wide receivers, Chad Pennington should be drooling with anticipation right now. He'll be able to hit Petey's assignment with ease, given Petey's patented eight (8) yard cushion, while occasionally airing it out to Jacques' man, who will have the benefit of not having to worry about a defender getting his hands up and/or knowing where the ball is.

Dunta, Bonnie Tyler Jim Steinman I wrote this for you. I think it really sums up what I'm feeling right now, right down to me repeatedly screaming "Turn Around!" every time the ball is headed to Jacques' man:

(Turn around) every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming round
(Turn around) every now and then I get a little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears
(Turn around) every now and then I get a little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by
(Turn around) every now and then I get a little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes

(Turn around, bright eyes) Every now and then I fall apart
(Turn around, bright eyes) Every now and then I fall apart

And I need you now tonight and I need you more than ever
And if you only hold me tight We'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right 'cause we'll never be wrong
Together we can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time (all of the time)
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight, forever's gonna start tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight

Once upon a time I was falling in love, but now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do... a total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time there was light in my life, but now there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can say... a total eclipse of the heart

(Turn around) bright eyes, Every now and then I fall apart
(Turn around) bright eyes, Every now and then I fall apart

And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you'll only hold me tight
We'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right
Cause we'll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time (all of the time)
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight

Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart
A total eclipse of the heart.

For the love of all that is decent and holy...get well soon, Dunta!

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