Three And Out: Useless Predictions For Sunday's Game

You folks know the drill by now, so here we go...three (3) things that are sure to happen tomorrow afternoon in Minnesota. WARNING: These things may not actually occur.

1. Andre Johnson will become the first player in NFL history to notch five (5) straight games with at least 130 receiving yards. History will be made, people! It'll be like witnessing the signing of the Declaration of Independence, only awesomer and more relevant. And 'Dre will add in a TD catch to boot. Which is good, because the Houston passing game (and more importantly, pass protection) will need to be firing on all cylinders to keep Jared Allen & Co. off The Schaub's back.

2. Your Houston Texans secondary will not intercept Gus Frerotte once. They'll intercept him twice, with one being made by Eugene Wilson, and another being made by Jacques Reeves. The latter will be a sight to see, as the ball will actually bounce high in the air off the back of Reeves' helmet; he'll then turn around and the ball will magically land in his hands, which he will have raised above his waist for the first time all season for the purpose of adjusting his helmet. You know, from the ball bouncing off of it.

3. Amobi Okoye will get his first sack of the season. In a related story, I will curse Anthony Weaver for stealing money from the organization at least seven (7) times during the broadcast.

PUT YOUR NAME ON IT: Back in July, I said this about Sunday's game (I had the Texans coming into the game at 4-3), which should've been coming after our bye week:

Unfortunately, the Vikes are coming off a bye this week as well. On the plus side, I figure there's a decent chance that Tarvaris Jackson has Minnesota fans wishing they'd offered a second-rounder for Sage and/or Adrian Peterson crumbling under the strain of forty (40) carries per game. Call me a putz, but I see a hard-fought win here. 5-3, baby.

Jackson's riding the pine, the Rosencopter occurred in steel blue/liberty white/battle red instead of purple, and Peterson's only had 151 carries so far, with nary a thirty (30) carry day this season. I'll stick with the last sentence, though: Call me a putz, but see a hard-fought win here. Texans 27, Vikings 24. Please disregard all "statistics," "data," "logic," and "trends" about how the Texans can't win on the road. If you can do that, you'll understand the prediction.