Three And Out: Useless Predictions For Today's Game

Pain. That's what I'm predicting. Pain for those of us who simply can't quit the Texans and are going to tune in this afternoon. We're junkies. We know better, but we crave a fix that we know is going to leave us with our knees clenched to our chests, rocking back and forth, and mumbling that it's not fair that bad things happen to good people. Consider the above a "bonus prediction." Three (3) more things to look for:

1. A return to 100+ receiving yards from one Andre Johnson. He torched the Colts for 131 yards last time, and I believe he'll be good for 115 and a TD today.

2. Super Mario brings Peyton Manning down for his ninth sack of the season. Not bold enough for you? Fair enough...I'll raise my game accordingly and call the fourth sack of the year for Tim Bulman.

3. Of all the speed rushers he's encountered, Duane Brown has done the best job against Dwight Freeney. Freeney picked up a sack against D. Brown last time, but Brown did a pretty good job neutralizing Freeney in their initial meeting. Today, I fear that Freeney's going to be much more disruptive than he was back in October. Dwight Freeney picks up two (2) sacks, one of which will result in a fumble by Sage Rosenfels that will be returned for a TD by Gary Brackett. Again. At that moment of déjà vu, I will scream at the heavens and spontaneously combust.

PUT YOUR NAME ON IT: I said it here, so no surprise that I'm calling for the Colts to beat your Houston Texans today. I do think the offense will put some points on the board, and I think the defense will have moments of competence to break up the monotony of abomination. It won't be enough to make us forget that the Texans are incapable of winning on the road and/or sending me to bed tonight without a tear-soaked visage. Texans 21, Colts 31.