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I Have No Use For Peter King

I've always thought that Peter King has several flaws that make him a less-than-average sportswriter.  For one thing, he is at best an average writer.  He's too chummy with several of the league's marquee players (see also: Farve, Brett), which effects his ability to remain neutral on football-related issues.  His analytical abilities are even worse than his writing.  And I don't care to read about his coffee fetish or how annoyed he gets when travelling.

Today, however, he's crossed the line with me, and this time for entirely selfish reasons.  Tonight is a big night for us Texans fans, even if the season hasn't gone according to plan.  It's our team's first ever appearance on Monday Night Football. 

I realize that a huge chunk of the U.S. doesn't really care about the Texans, an expansion team with a crappy record, paying against the Jags, another (though less recent) expansion team with a crappy record.  And I realize that this is not what the NFL had hoped when they scheduled this game before the season started.  No doubt, a great many Americans will find this game about as interesting as reading a treatise on celestial mechanics.  I don't even mind that Peter King thinks so (not that he's capable of understanding even the drawings in a treatise on celestial mechanics).

But woud it kill him to keep that thought to himself?  Today I find in his Monday morning ramblings (they're like a trainwreck, I can't stop myself from looking) an entire segment dedicated to encouraging readers to spend their Monday evenings doing something other than watching the Texans.  Adding insult to injury, among the recommendations King makes are shows from the Animal Planet and National Geographic networks.

Peter, I get it.  You'd much rather watch some retard run after a bull mastiff or two humpback whales, err, humping than watch the Texans and the Jags.  It's a shame neither team's seasons have panned out the way their respective fans would like.  You're not a paid shill for the league (just an unofficial shill for some of its supposed marquee players), so you don't have any responsibility to hype matchups between losing teams.

But isn't this a little uncalled for?  Even if this isn't Giants - Steelers, it could still end up being a more exciting game than people think.  Even if it isn't it wouldn't exactly be the most boring Monday Night game of all time, or even this year.

So, Peter, how about next time, instead of taking a few more minutes to add space to your already-too-long column (and while I'm at it, how about you keep your Ten Things lists down to, you know, only ten actual things) with suggestions for alternate programming, you just keep your big yap shut?  Just think, you could spend that time getting all warm and fuzzy over a cup of some exotic latte while you imagine yourself giving Brett Favre a massage.  I'm sure that would be better than watching the Texans and Jags play tonight.

If you'll excuse me, I have a game to watch.  I'm hoping for a resounding Texans victory.  It's about the only thing that will get the image of you massaging Brett Favre out of my mind.

5 recs | Comment 24 comments

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Great, great post. Agree with everything.

www.HoustonDiehards.com

by HoustonDiehards on Dec 1, 2008 4:20 PM CST reply reply actions actions   0 recs

Rec'd

{Insert what Chris said here}

So you're saying that now I have to think of some witty Sig that will be applicable across all the SBN sites? Go TexanHornStros!

by Shake on Dec 1, 2008 4:53 PM CST reply reply actions actions   0 recs

Well said

But I still enjoy some of the more inside info he passes along, like the ridiculous schedule the Cards had last week leading up to their Philly game.

And since we’re here, I’ve always wondered what others think of ESPNs TMQ, Gregg Easterbrook. His posts are longer than Peter Griffin’s King’s, but the guy seems to know what the hell he’s talking about, whether it’s football related or not. I actually find his non-football material more interesting than the other stuff. But that’s just me.

by BigTexBD on Dec 1, 2008 6:12 PM CST reply reply actions actions   0 recs

People are divided about Easterbrook

I happen to like him, but others around these parts don’t so much.

When I'm on the mic, I'm like global warming, you can't ignore me.

by tehGrindCrusher on Dec 1, 2008 6:45 PM CST to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

What's total bullshit about this

is that a real football fan can appreciate a good game. And, if this game plays out anything like the last Jags-Texans game, it should be good. Even if this isn’t the battle for a WC spot like so many thought it might be, it can still be a great game. The Detroit-BESF game wasn’t a battle for anything, but it might have been fun to watch if the Lions had put up a fight.

Four straight Family Guys, I can assure you, will be better than four straight carries by Steve Slaton.

This shows:
1) Peter King has terrible taste in comedy (Family Guy peaked six years ago).
2) Peter King has no idea who Steve Slaton is.

And that’s just sad.

by Only_A_Lad on Dec 1, 2008 6:46 PM CST reply reply actions actions   0 recs

Uh

Family Guy is still awesome…

by Leein3D on Dec 2, 2008 10:25 AM CST to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

This is false.

Family Guy hasn’t been funny since before it got canceled.

Everything pales in comparison to South Park for the last 4 seasons.

by DisplacedTexan on Dec 2, 2008 1:22 PM CST to parent up reply reply actions actions   1 recs

The SP episode 24 hours after the election....

Awesome.

So you're saying that now I have to think of some witty Sig that will be applicable across all the SBN sites? Go TexanHornStros!

by Shake on Dec 2, 2008 2:13 PM CST to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

y'all just don't know.

and boom goes the dynamite

when will the losing end? THIS WEEK!!!!!!!

by m1 on Dec 6, 2008 6:38 PM CST to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

I couldnt agree more

I know man! He can keep his mouth shut and let us have our fun for ONE MEASLEY NIGHT. he annoys me to no end

by jazzcat108 on Dec 1, 2008 10:04 PM CST reply reply actions actions   0 recs

funny rant and

who doesn’t want to watch a team in red pajamas..they should have the shoes attached to the bottom like little slippers. : ) nice win tonight…that means the jags should pack it in for the last game against the ravens. i thought that was going to be a tough/meaningful game…

by raven on Dec 2, 2008 12:06 AM CST reply reply actions actions   0 recs

I enjoyed the game, actually.

We’ve been saying over at Stampede Blue that your Texans are much better than their record indicates…I saw a tough team Monday Night.

PK is an idiot…plain and simple.

Oh. And those uniforms?!? Whatever works is what I say. They appear to be lucky. :)

"I throw, you catch. It's NOT that hard!"
Peyton Manning, SNL, 2007

by peytonsthebest on Dec 3, 2008 5:19 PM CST reply reply actions actions   0 recs

Thanks

The uniforms get everyone pumped.

by BigTexBD on Dec 3, 2008 7:52 PM CST to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

I enjoyed the game, actually.

We’ve been saying over at Stampede Blue that your Texans are much better than their record indicates…I saw a tough team Monday Night.

PK is an idiot…plain and simple.

Oh. And those uniforms?!? Whatever works is what I say. They appear to be lucky. :)

"I throw, you catch. It's NOT that hard!"
Peyton Manning, SNL, 2007

by peytonsthebest on Dec 3, 2008 5:19 PM CST reply reply actions actions   0 recs

Thanks

The uniforms get everyone pumped.

by BigTexBD on Dec 3, 2008 7:51 PM CST to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

Deja Vu?

This would be a very bad thing if we were inside the Matrix.

So you're saying that now I have to think of some witty Sig that will be applicable across all the SBN sites? Go TexanHornStros!

by Shake on Dec 3, 2008 8:18 PM CST to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

I took the blue pill

But all it did was give me a raging hard-on for fourteen hours.

Made class awkward.

by DisplacedTexan on Dec 4, 2008 12:45 PM CST to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

You mean you could rub it out for fourteen hours straight?

Why did you go to class?

When I'm on the mic, I'm like global warming, you can't ignore me.

by tehGrindCrusher on Dec 4, 2008 2:46 PM CST to parent up reply reply actions actions   1 recs

lol too funny

when will the losing end? THIS WEEK!!!!!!!

by m1 on Dec 6, 2008 6:42 PM CST to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

Wierd.

"I throw, you catch. It's NOT that hard!"
Peyton Manning, SNL, 2007

by peytonsthebest on Dec 4, 2008 2:07 PM CST to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

VCR

I kinda like Heroes, but its the same show on tape. Football is live, man, and even a bad game is better than most of the other crap they show.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. If they get mad, you're a mile away AND you have their shoes.

by Caradoc on Dec 8, 2008 1:27 AM CST reply reply actions actions   0 recs

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