I'm Juiced

by Southern Lion on Jul 29, 2008 6:08 PM CDT Comment 11 comments

Here we are the first week of training camp and I'm juiced about the Texans upcoming season. Don’t misread "juiced" to mean drunk, although, after you read this you may be skeptical about my rumored sobriety.

The season holds so much hope at this time of year. Every team is on an even par as far as their future and the season is concerned. Every coach is fielding questions about this player or that player, when will this draft pick be signed, etc.

This year, just like last, the season is full of promise and hope. Promise that Travis Johnson will produce and hope that Petey Faggins learns to cover. There are also a lot of things that I, for one, hope to see this year. Here are a few things that this year may bring us. These are not predictions, just some things that have a chance to happen.

1. Mario Williams will sack Peyton Manning 4 times this season, with at least 1 happening during the Indy road game.

2. John Facenda will do at least 100 rpm in his grave every time ESPN’s Chris Berman lowers his voice obnoxiously and utters the phrase "Frozen tundra of Lambeau Field".

3. During the Texans/Browns game on November 23rd, a Texan defender will, while attempting to make a sideline tackle on Jamal Lewis, take out Brady Quinn. This will cause Quinn to drop his million-dollar clipboard and soil his uniform, from the inside.

4. Matt Schaub, Andre Johnson, Demeco Ryans, Mario Williams and Duane Brown will all go to the Pro Bowl, and not as spectators.

5. A despondent John Madden mopes and complains that he doesn’t know who to man-crush since Bret Favre isn’t playing (I hope to God almighty Favre stays retired). My spell check hates Schaub, but isn’t bothered at all by Favre, WTH?

6. Peyton Manning and Eli Manning both make it to the Pro Bowl, thanks to dad Archie pulling some strings on a "sweet" last minute ticket deal.

7. Skip Bayless loses his voice for 7 months. (Dare I to dream)

8. During the Texans/Jags game at Reliant Stadium, the roof malfunctions during a downpour, and Jack Del Rio’s Brooks Brothers suit gets soiled, also from the inside.

9. At halftime during a Texans home game, an incoherent Charlie Casserly is found at midfield muttering something to himself about Tony Boselli costing him his job.

10. At the Texans home game against Tennessee on December 14, the Texans defense sacks Vince Young for more yards than he gets passing.

11. The Texans go 10-6 and make the playoffs as a Wild Card team.

12. At least twice in the comments to this post, references will be made to rodents, peanut butter, and prison sex.

So, there you have it, some things that could happen this season. I’m by no means saying they will, but they could. Tell me how wrong I am.

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Nice

The first three seem plausible. The fourth one seems mostly plausible, and I hope it seems a lot more plausible after we start playing games that count.

I’m not a big fan of John Madden, but I am a big fan of Orbitz.

Please God, Durga, or whoever is listening, let #7 come true.

It looks like the sideline is a dangerous place to be. Better put a bag of depends in the other teams locker room.

How’d Casserly get past security? Has he been moonlighting as Toro?

I feel confident about # 10. What happens if Radio has negative passing yards though?

I definitely think that we should be around this level, but I’ve got a theory, that all of these years with Capers, Carr and Richard Smith have been like resistance training. Last year, without Carr, and without Capers, our offense was greatly improved. This year, with Ray Rhodes encouraging Smith to play defense like he has a pair, I think we’ll get a drastic improvement.

Flying Squirrels, Jif, Radio and LenDale White in Prison.

by Tailgate Andy on Jul 29, 2008 7:26 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

I forgot the one...

about Chris Brown and Kris Brown getting their jersies confused as they dress for the season opener.

Thanks for reading TA

"...and if I claim to be a wise man, well, it surely means that I don't know". SL

by Southern Lion on Jul 29, 2008 8:18 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Nice!

I think VY will be running around like an imprisoned rat, with peanut butter on his head trying to avoid the “sacking” that will be “laid ” upon him by the Texans D!

YOUR A GENIOUS!!!

Love the Post,

GO TEXANS!!!!!!!!!

by Texanmaniac on Jul 30, 2008 8:22 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs

re: #5

Your hopes are officially crushed, as Favre filed for reinstatement yesterday.
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Does anyone else notice that Favre is escalating each year? After 2 seasons of the “I haven’t made up my mind about retirement”, I guess he thought he had to 1-up it to stay scrolling across the bottom of ESPN during the summer. So this year we got to watch the “I’m retiring…..tissue please” only to be nullified by the constant ‘leaked’ rumors and eventual application for reinstatement.

My prediction for next year is this regarding the soap opera that is Brett Favre. The day after the ‘09 Draft, Favre fakes his own spectacular death with the help of Spielberg. Then, during the first day of Training Camp for whichever team he decides he should play for, Favre claws his way out from under the field (Living Dead style) just as the media is gathering…..

So you're saying that now I have to think of some witty Sig that will be applicable across all the SBN sites? Go Texan Horn Stros!

by Shake on Jul 30, 2008 8:48 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs