With the onset of the 2008 football season, it's also time to resurrect your favorite in-season weekly feature. Enough with the preamble...here are three (3) things I guarantee will happen in Pittsburgh this weekend (Note: All guarantees are sure to be incorrect and are not guaranteed):

1. Matt Schaub throws for 270 yards and 2 TDs, though he'll also throw an interception. One of said TD passes will be to Andre Johnson, and we'll all remember what a ridiculously potent connection those two are.

2. Special teams will loom large, as Apostrophe Davis returns a kick for a TD. In related news, Jacoby Jones will make one play in the punt return game that makes me want to chug bleach, and we all begin wondering whether David Anderson should take over punt return duties.

3. Super Mario continues his tear through the NFL and sacks Roethlisberger. Lest you think I'm not being bold enough with these predictions, try this one on for size: Earl Cochran sacks Big Ben as well.

PUT YOUR NAME ON IT: When the schedule first came out, I called a win for the Texans. While I'm much more worried about the pass rush now than I was then, and remain just as worried about the secondary, it's the first game of a new season. If there was ever a time for unbridled optimism, this is it. Houston Texans 24, Pittsburgh Steelers 20. Drink that Kool-Aid!