Glossary of Battle Red Blog Terms, Now With 90% More Weightspeed
by tehGrindCrusher on Mar 7, 2010 11:50 AM CST
Email
PrintLately we've been getting a lot of people who follow other teams over here at BRB. Some of them have expressed that they are occasionally confused at some of the terms we use here. With that in mind, I present to you all a glossary of terms that we use here at BRB. I should point out that some of these terms are blatantly stolen from DGDB&D. Full credit to MDC and bfd for coming up with them.
UPDATE: I'm hoping to put this back on the sidebar. I've added a new name and I'm hoping you guys can come up with some more.
UPDATED UPDATE: I've been meaning to add some more names to this list for a while now. Here they are. Enjoy!
BRB regulars, if you can think of any other terms, please put them in the comments and I will update this fanpost to reflect them.
Mr. Mittens, Zoolander, Eli Manning's Fluffer - David Carr
Winstonsaurus - Eric Winston
Barbaro - Charles Spencer, former LT of the Texans who got injured in a freak accident and never could get back to health.
Zima - A demonic substance that, when ingested rapidly, turns otherwise sane bloggers into raving lunatics.
Scott - Rumored co-founder of BRB. In actuality Tim's evil alter ego who only appears after Tim downs too much Zima.
LVJ - Kevin Bentley. Short for Lyndon Veins Johnson. To find out why, head over to DGDB&D (I'd link to them but I can't from here).
Smoove Will - Will Demps
Patrick Willis - Before the San Francisco game, we discovered that some of our friends at Niners Nation think a wee bit too highly of their (admittedly very excellent) linebacker. I'll let someone else explain it from here. Take it away, TexansForever:
When the ball is snapped, WIllis bursts out of his Jersey and flies 20 feet up into the air (spinning in a 360) as he is surrounded by a Holy Light and wings sprout from his back.
He then splits into the three aspects, Coverer, Tackler and Son. Each aspect then converges on an opposing player and blankets him in a radiant light of blinding glory while the offense falls prostrate in divine worship.
Rosencopter - One of the darkest days in franchise history. Sage Rosenfels' attempt to get one more first down against Indy that led to the Texans coughing up a 17 point lead with five minutes left to play.
DeJesus - DeMeco
The Baddest Person Who Ever Lived - Andre Johnson (I just made that up, but it is 100% accurate, I swear)
teh Schaub - Our quarterback
BESFs - The Baby Eating Sister F*ckers, also known as the Tennessee Titans. To find out why, click here.
Satan, Beelzebub - The owner of the BESFs.
Radio - Vince Young
Vodka - Kerry Collins
Apostrophe - Andre' Davis
Durga - A Hindu goddess to whom Texans fans pray for good luck.
BANNED! – Threatening to ban somebody for no reason.
Ballhawk Gamecock – The player formerly known as Fred Bennett
Hugene – Eugene Seale
Evil Genius – Frank Okam
Bitchephant – Kama’s "wheels"
THOR – James Casey (The Hero Of Rice) and minor deity
Bone Crusher, The Season Ender - Bernard Pollard
The Comicle - A Houston newspaper whose coverage of sports often appears to be written by bored chimpanzees.
Little Dicky Justice, Age 12 - Vince Young's soulmate. Also, one of the chief chimpanzees at the Comicle.
Pancakes - A Texas-sized version of the Sally Struthers character from South Park. Also writes for the Comicle.
K-Dub - Kevin Walter
OD - Owen Daniels
Cowgirls, Cokeboys - A team that plays in Southern Oklahoma.
Jerah - Owner of the aforementioned team.
Frenchy - Jacques Reeves.
Methopotamia - Where the BESFs and Satan reside.
Coors Light - Tim’s beverage of choice. Bad mouthing it will result in being BANNED!
Horse vomit - The secret ingredient in Coors Light.
The Human Coke Machine - Vonta Leach
The Vonta Leach KTFO Award - An award formerly given by DGDB&D for people who had been knocked the f*ck out in a style the Human Coke Machine would approve of. Ought to be resurrected (hint, hint).
Shankapotamus - Kris Brown, our (hopefully) soon-to-be ex-kicker
Weightspeed - the sum of weight and speed. Extremely useful in gauging a player's ability as well as determining liability in motor vehicle collisions
Assmass - how big a player's ass is, as measured in pounds or kilograms
Peepants - Chris White
Falconry - a big time sport for big time athletes
Cowgirls - South Oklahoma's team
End Around - The exact same play as a reverse
126 comments
|
18 recs |
Do you like this story?
Comments
I feel much smarter now.
I appreciate the glossary. I have to admit, a personal fav is Rosencopter. I am going to have to investigate BESF further in a minute. Never heard of that one.
One thing about being a Texans fan
You absolutely have to be able to laugh at yourself if you want to survive.
When I'm on the mic, I'm like global warming, you can't ignore me.
by tehGrindCrusher on Nov 7, 2009 11:43 AM CST up reply actions
Very true
Any assertions that we’re arrogant or cocky are beyond ludicrous.
Note to self: Insert something witty here.
by bigfatdrunk on Nov 7, 2009 12:32 PM CST via mobile up reply actions
Oh, I already knew the Rosencopter one.
One of the best days in our franchise history. And you can’t forget SuperMathis!
Now a proud annoyance on Stampede Blue, 18to88, Indy Football Report, and Phil B's blog.
Man, I need a life...
Random fact of the week from the empty void that is my mind: This is my dad's favorite scene from one of my all-time favorite shows. Full of win, IMO.
Well, it was one of the best days
as far as a comeback goes. But, overall that was an awful day for most of the game, to even be that far behind. I hate close games!
We ought to start a sticky thread for definitions
Suggestions:
BANNED! – Threatening to ban somebody for no reason.
Ballhawk Gamecock – The player formerly known as Fred Bennett
Hugene – Eugene Seale
Evil Mastermind – Frank Okam
And we can’t possibly ever forget Bitchephant – Kama’s “wheels”
Note to self: Insert something witty here.
you left out
Captain hairspray another name for Carr
THOR – James Casey (The Hero Of Rice) and minor deity
The Bone crusher aka The Season ender Mr. Pollard
Douche – BigBlueShoe from SB
and of course the running jokes involving Beefy, BigFatDrunk, and Jordan and their love triangle and sexual ( and species) preferences.
You can't fix Dumb
I think...
We can SAFELY leave the last part out of the dictionary.
Note to self: Insert something witty here.
The last part
is critical to understanding large sections of most threads it has to stay
You can't fix Dumb
by Texans-Brocos on Nov 7, 2009 6:54 PM CST up reply actions
Love Triangle.
It’s now a square. And you’re a part of it TB.
You have no say in this by the way. So there’s no point in resisting.
is this an episode of OZ??????
if you're hating on dunta... ask yourself. are you upset that YOU aren't worth 10 million dollars?
http://www.twitter.com/doobieman21
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You can't fix Dumb
by Texans-Brocos on Nov 11, 2009 3:29 PM CST up reply actions
Try as you might...
No one can stop a three-man prison rape. No one.
Bacon tastes good... Pork chops taste good.
I wasn't originally going to do Bitchephant because it was kind of R-rated
But I went ahead and put it in there.
That link, btw, is easily the best Fake Conversation With Real People ever in the history of mankind.
When I'm on the mic, I'm like global warming, you can't ignore me.
by tehGrindCrusher on Nov 8, 2009 12:08 AM CST up reply actions
They're all the best.
Still waiting for what The Evil Genious Frank Okam has in store.
But I guess we’ll never find out.
Rec'd And...
No definition for “Scott?” He/It merits an explanation, doesn’t he/it?
Looking forward to a day when being a Texans fan doesn't mean that April is the highlight of my season...
good point
We may need separate entries for Scott and Zima that refer back to you.
Note to self: Insert something witty here.
Nicely Done, TGC
Looking forward to a day when being a Texans fan doesn't mean that April is the highlight of my season...
by Tim on Nov 8, 2009 9:30 AM CST up reply actions
ZIMA?
They still make that shit? And people publicly admit to drinking it?
I thought only 16 year old girls liked that stuff.
BigBadBrad,
BigBlueDouche, Horrible Blogger/Actor = BigBlueShoe
You are banned from Music City Miracles.
Happy Now Tits?
You are banned from Blogging The Boys.
Indeed
And I should also add Little Dicky Justice, Age 12 and Pancakes to the list as well.
When I'm on the mic, I'm like global warming, you can't ignore me.
by tehGrindCrusher on Nov 9, 2009 12:32 AM CST up reply actions
Speeking of the Comicle
How bad is todays post by Little Dicky Justice, Age 12
I guess he loves something other than just VY
Here
You can't fix Dumb
by Texans-Brocos on Nov 12, 2009 3:57 PM CST up reply actions
god damn rosencopter
The Dude Abides
by battle axe of doom on Nov 9, 2009 12:27 AM CST reply actions
Winston
has been referred to as Caveman on more than one occasion….because, I mean, just look at that guy’s mug
If the Treasury Secretary doesn't have to pay taxes, then why do I?
i actually like caveman better.
if you're hating on dunta... ask yourself. are you upset that YOU aren't worth 10 million dollars?
http://www.twitter.com/doobieman21
Good shit tGC
Rec’d most definitely.
You’re forgetting a couple of terms that needs to be up there:
Cunta: Our overly paid, overly hyped, franchise tagged CB that people still fear for I dont know what reason.
Frenchy: Jacques Reeves
Coors Light: Tim’s beverage of choice. Bad mouthing it will result in being BANNED!
Paytun Mannung/Pei-tan Manneng/etc: “Accidental” misspelling of Peyton Manning’s name to piss off Colt fans that can’t take a joke/are too serious.
BIGBADBRAD: BigBlueShoe of Stampede Blue
Methopotamia: The city where BE-SF’s and Beelzebud resides.
WR Reverse/End Around: If you can’t differentiate the two, you’re sure to piss Shake off. Which is always fun.
Fat: BFD
Drunk: BFD
Big: BFD
More to come because im trying to get my mind off the loss.
Did anyone else notice?
When we ran an ACTUAL REVERSE, Wilcots or Eagle called it an end-around?
I was baffled. They just can’t get it right, can they?
Bacon tastes good... Pork chops taste good.
Wilcots also said that Schaub had a cannon for an arm
It’s just pathetic what these guys say.
When I'm on the mic, I'm like global warming, you can't ignore me.
by tehGrindCrusher on Nov 9, 2009 11:15 AM CST up reply actions
They also said it was Studdard's first career start.
I thought I had been watching him start for weeks, thank god CBS is there to give me the facts.
You are banned from Music City Miracles.
Happy Now Tits?
You are banned from Blogging The Boys.
It's not their fault
The only watch the Texans when they play the Colts or Titans!
You can't fix Dumb
by Texans-Brocos on Nov 9, 2009 1:50 PM CST up reply actions
the guy who shits everytime he stands....
from all the man love…
how did i know it would be u jordann to throw cunta out there?
YOU ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
if you're hating on dunta... ask yourself. are you upset that YOU aren't worth 10 million dollars?
http://www.twitter.com/doobieman21
correction
even Beelzebud wouldn’t actually move to Methopotamia, even though he moved his team there.
He still lives in Houston, I do believe.
Smushiak will take us to the playoffs in 2009.
K-Dubs: Kevin Walter
OD: Owen Daniels
Cowgirls: Cowgirls
Those are easy.
Something should be up for Jacoby muffing punts…dunno what, but if you gave ’Dre a nickname, Jacoby gets one too.
JUGGERNAUT should be there…of course.
Which Cheerleader
is Juggernaut?
You can't fix Dumb
by Texans-Brocos on Nov 9, 2009 10:20 AM CST up reply actions
The one that AllenOU failed with.
When I'm on the mic, I'm like global warming, you can't ignore me.
by tehGrindCrusher on Nov 9, 2009 11:15 AM CST up reply actions
"Human Coke Machine"
Vonta Leach.
we all forgot about that one.
He hasn’t really shown up this season.
Have you ever been run over by a Coke Machine? I’m guessing not, because otherwise you wouldn’t be asking this.
If the Treasury Secretary doesn't have to pay taxes, then why do I?
Seems like I remember the name coming from the Texans players
for the reasons spelled out by Shake, natch.
Schaub mentioned it in an interview/presser right after the GB game last year.
When I'm on the mic, I'm like global warming, you can't ignore me.
by tehGrindCrusher on Nov 12, 2009 4:51 AM CST up reply actions
A few offered for consideration-
From within the division:
Colts = Baby Horses, Jaguars= shiney sports cars, Titans = FormaRoilers
From Southern Oklahoma: the DullAss Cowpies
Here’s one that I like a lot. The coach of the Southern Oklahoma Cowpies, Bum’s Boy, who looks to me just like a projection into the future of what Bam-Bam Rubble would look like as an adult: Bam-Bam.
Everytime I see one of their games and something bad happens to them I actually find myself saying out loud “Suck on that, Bam-Bam”.
SL
"...and if I claim to be a wise man, well, it surely means that I don't know". SL
mine would be.......
colts = cunts, jags = fags, titans = tits. and the cowgurls of course.
if you're hating on dunta... ask yourself. are you upset that YOU aren't worth 10 million dollars?
http://www.twitter.com/doobieman21
Caveman ?
You are banned from Music City Miracles.
Happy Now Tits?
You are banned from Blogging The Boys.
by CFHTim on Nov 11, 2009 10:37 AM CST reply actions 7 recs
how in the hell did you forget the TITS?
(totally inept titan secondary)
and i can’t remember the other one i said.
if you're hating on dunta... ask yourself. are you upset that YOU aren't worth 10 million dollars?
http://www.twitter.com/doobieman21
and don't forget good ol' shark dick...
see explanation here:
http://tinyurl.com/yaperg7
if you're hating on dunta... ask yourself. are you upset that YOU aren't worth 10 million dollars?
http://www.twitter.com/doobieman21
by chrisd21 on Nov 11, 2009 11:50 AM CST reply actions 1 recs
and if you haven't seen this shit...
prepare to laugh your ass off.
if you're hating on dunta... ask yourself. are you upset that YOU aren't worth 10 million dollars?
http://www.twitter.com/doobieman21
SNAKE dick
and don’t forget about Bench Bitch
If the Treasury Secretary doesn't have to pay taxes, then why do I?
the article is funny... but the comments had me cracking up.
here are a few…….
Burt Says:
November 2nd, 2009 at 3:31 pm
Snake Dick will be the name of my first born.
MadmanMundt Says:
November 2nd, 2009 at 3:34 pm
Jesus Christ! Stu Scott should really start hanging out with crazy eyes Schaub up there.
Grimey Says:
November 2nd, 2009 at 3:35 pm
Schaub is the first player ever to take a shit during his team photo.
jackin’4beats Says:
November 2nd, 2009 at 4:05 pm
Andre Johnson is my new hero.
AJ: "Ayo Slaton, come and grab some of these things right over here."
SS: "These what?"
AJ: "DEEZ NUUUUUUUUUUUUTS!!!!!!"
/exits stage left
if you're hating on dunta... ask yourself. are you upset that YOU aren't worth 10 million dollars?
http://www.twitter.com/doobieman21
by chrisd21 on Nov 11, 2009 1:06 PM CST up reply actions 3 recs
I think T-Mac
is the guy that needs to start hangin’ with Stu Scott. Everyone would just assume they just got done smokin’ a blunt when they see their eyes.
You are banned from Music City Miracles.
Happy Now Tits?
You are banned from Blogging The Boys.
Piss White?
"An open mind is like a fortress with it's gates unbarred and unguarded."
The ROSENFAIL : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAKAKE-uq-8&feature=related
by TexansForever on Nov 11, 2009 2:26 PM CST up reply actions
I think we should just call White Yellow
You can't fix Dumb
by Texans-Brocos on Nov 11, 2009 3:33 PM CST up reply actions
lmfao @ "crazy eyes" schaub.
if you're hating on dunta... ask yourself. are you upset that YOU aren't worth 10 million dollars?
http://www.twitter.com/doobieman21
I found a pic of BigBlueShoe
You can't fix Dumb
by Texans-Brocos on Nov 14, 2009 2:29 PM CST reply actions 7 recs
Comments re-opened
Because I can.
A Texans fan. Really. No, I'm not kidding.
http://www.battleredblog.com
by bigfatdrunk on Mar 7, 2010 1:12 PM CST reply actions 1 recs
Scrabble
Scrabble = Nnamdi Asomugha
Think TexansDC came up with it. I remember it because it confuzzed me a lil
by HoustonTransplant on Mar 7, 2010 1:19 PM CST reply actions
John Lynch needs to make his debut in the dictionary
A big-time announcer who makes big-time analysis in big-time games.
Leigh bodden
Syrup. Cause he is all over pancakes
by AllenOU on Mar 7, 2010 2:20 PM CST via mobile reply actions
Not until we sign him!
Now, go knock on some wood.
A Texans fan. Really. No, I'm not kidding.
http://www.battleredblog.com
No Reggie Bust or Mr. Kardashian reference?
Also no Tim Tebow/Teabag either?
I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but you appear to be unarmed.
Didn't see Fivehead or Seyton Manning either
Seyton – QB who wears 18 cause league regulations don’t allow him to wear 666 (6+6+6=18)
I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but you appear to be unarmed.
by The Night Owl on Mar 7, 2010 4:01 PM CST up reply actions
no, Seyton
Ever wonder why his receivers always get the Pass Interference calls & Roughing the Passer calls if someoone even breathes on him wrong? He owns the refs’ souls, that’s why
I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but you appear to be unarmed.
by The Night Owl on Mar 7, 2010 10:52 PM CST up reply actions
mr kardashian was my request
plus i also had LDJA12, just so it is easier for my lazy @$$, I think i had a few others but i will have to remember them..
I know, but I'm surprised there was no reference to it
I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but you appear to be unarmed.
by The Night Owl on Mar 9, 2010 11:37 AM CST up reply actions
What about...
Jordann – Not actually Mittens
While its technically not a definition, its a very important aspect of BRB. Unless, of course, Jordann wants newbies to think he is actually Mittens.
To all Houston sports fans, Houston is the 4th biggest city in America, there will be traffic on the way to your respective sports game. Come Early, Be Loud, Stay Late.
must be the hair envy
I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but you appear to be unarmed.
by The Night Owl on Mar 7, 2010 4:11 PM CST up reply actions
Latest pictures show the contrary
A Texas Wannabe, born and raised in New Zealand. Currently located 7539 miles South west of Houston.
by distant_texans_fan on Mar 8, 2010 1:56 PM CST up reply actions
I submit this
Ben rapelessburger
That is all
by AllenOU on Mar 7, 2010 4:09 PM CST via mobile reply actions 5 recs
I second adding this
I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but you appear to be unarmed.
by The Night Owl on Mar 7, 2010 4:10 PM CST up reply actions
Hilarious!
You guys had me laughing through the post and comments. This is great stuff!
Vae Victis!
by viator on Mar 7, 2010 4:37 PM CST reply actions 1 recs
Typo
It’s:
Beelzebud – for Bud
A Texans fan. Really. No, I'm not kidding.
http://www.battleredblog.com
Also one more term needs to be added
DLB – Houston term for weak side linebacker, short for Dilesbacker
I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but you appear to be unarmed.
and Cush-Lash?
I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but you appear to be unarmed.
by The Night Owl on Mar 7, 2010 5:14 PM CST up reply actions
Needs more Schaubenfraude
- Rivers McCown, From Mom's Basement | Twitter
by riversmccown on Mar 7, 2010 5:50 PM CST via mobile reply actions 2 recs
need a link to MDC's article that first coined weightspeed
http://www.battleredblog.com/2010/2/23/1266423/the-uncapped-season-collective
took me a while to find it but man =D y’all can’t appreciate how funny weightspeed is until you read how MDC came up with it ;-).
should define "Smithiak"
most people know it, but you have OD on there.
Dunta's weightspeed was too low
Speaking of OD
“Open Daniels”
A Texas Wannabe, born and raised in New Zealand. Currently located 7539 miles South west of Houston.
by distant_texans_fan on Mar 8, 2010 1:57 PM CST up reply actions
assmass
the unit of measurement for assmass is not pounds or kilos, its cheeseburgers. Everyone knows that.
Dunta's weightspeed was too low
by texanphil on Mar 7, 2010 9:04 PM CST reply actions 1 recs
for reporters
McClain – Pancakes
Justice – Syrup
Chronicle – IHOP
by EveryHoustonTeamRox! on Mar 7, 2010 9:26 PM CST reply actions
Ragdoll.
Our center sometimes center, and any large nose tackle’s full time bitch, Chris Myers. I think rivers came up with that one.
PLEASE put Ragdoll in the glossary
I had to scroll all the way down to here to find it for certain.
by BattleRedFan on Mar 10, 2010 7:27 PM CST up reply actions
Shitdown Corner
A CB with poor coverage that scares the shitdown your leg…the opposite of a shutdown corner…see: Dunta Robinson.
haha
thanks for the explanation, i never would have thought of that
by typhoon.infamous on Mar 7, 2010 10:02 PM CST up reply actions
You came up with the term...I just put the definition to the phrase
It gives the Stanky Leg a whole new meaning too…
seyton
Thanks for the cut and paste reminder Night Owl, I’m kinda proud of that one and would like to see it added too. Kudos to whoever thought of Kung fu Panda for Duane too! Love it
by mckraut on Mar 8, 2010 9:26 AM CST via mobile reply actions
no problem
I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but you appear to be unarmed.
by The Night Owl on Mar 8, 2010 12:57 PM CST up reply actions
"End Around - The exact same play as a reverse"
Shake approves of this term being added to the glossary.
As do EVERY announcer employed for NFL games
And we would have known this sooner, except that Andre Ware was keeping it in his back-pocket to use later.
If the Treasury Secretary doesn't have to pay taxes, then why do I?
New suggestion
Immediate disqualification and fines imposed for anyone who pimps a nickname that they thought of…especially if they thought of it in the same comment.
Just type shit that you think is funny. If it is indeed funny, then everyone here will let you know it.
/rant about shit that annoys me
If the Treasury Secretary doesn't have to pay taxes, then why do I?
by Shake on Mar 8, 2010 1:04 PM CST reply actions 3 recs
A-fuggin-men
It’s like talking about baby names with a girl… Anything they think of, trying to be original, sucks so fuggin bad, yet they just keep at the “spaghetti at a wall” routine. Drives me insane.
rec’d, because alot of the shit people are saying in comments, I’ve never heard before.
Bacon tastes good... Pork chops taste good.
by beefy on Mar 8, 2010 2:44 PM CST up reply actions 3 recs
^This
All of it.
texanphil is smart and I’m a retard.
" If CB is a big hole, Dunta was the shovel."
- Rivers McCown
by MDC on Mar 8, 2010 3:44 PM CST up reply actions
I would say thanks
But it’s texanphil that’s smart. You’re the self-admitted retard.
If the Treasury Secretary doesn't have to pay taxes, then why do I?
by Shake on Mar 8, 2010 3:47 PM CST up reply actions 4 recs
Rec'ed
Well done, texanphil.
A Texans fan. Really. No, I'm not kidding.
http://www.battleredblog.com
What's the point of losing a bet?
If no one is going to give you shit about it
If the Treasury Secretary doesn't have to pay taxes, then why do I?
Comments For This Post Are Closed
Secondary Sidebar
User Tools
FanPosts
Community blog posts and discussion.
Recommended FanPosts
Recent FanPosts
SBNation.com Recent Stories
In Association With
Shutdown Corner - NFL - Yahoo! Sports
- Giants to be honored with commemorative NY license plate; some would rather see a 9/11 plate
- The hidden play of Super Bowl XLVI: Justin Tuck’s third-quarter sack
- Report: Chad Ochocinco will become Chad Johnson once again
- Video: Bill Belichick implores his defense to make the Giants throw to Mario Manningham
- Training Day: Learning the 40 with an Olympian
Certain photos copyright © 2012 by Associated Press or Getty Images. Any commercial use or distribution without the express written consent of Associated Press and Getty Images is strictly prohibited.
