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How can the Texans get into the playoffs?

The Texans are 5-7 and the playoffs sound impossible. Let's all start with the premise that they need to win their remaining games against Seattle, St Louis, Miami and New England, making the Texans 9-7.

The teams they are trying to pass by are the Denver Broncos (8-4), Miami Dolphins (6-6), NY Jets (6-6), Baltimore Ravens (6-6), Pittsburgh Steelers (6-7), Jacksonville Jaguars (7-5), and Tennessee Titans (5-7).

Okay, so they need to finish ahead of all of those teams except one, but I am going to show you a way they can go by all of them. I am assuming that New England, Cincy and San Diego hold on to win their respective Divisions. Indy can’t be caught. Now, let’s look, shall we?

The Denver Broncos (8-4) can not help the Texans, except by losing all of their games and finishing 8-8, because they do not play any of the other wildcard contenders. They have remaining games against Indy, Oakland, Philly, and KC. If they lose all of the games and the Texans win out, the Texans will pass Denver for a wildcard spot. We all knew that the Broncos'  early season success was a fluke, didn't we? One win or loss any other way puts them into a tie and subject to the tie-breaking rules, which are too complicated, therefore we will dispense with them for the purpose of this demonstration. The Broncos finish 8-8.

The Jacksonville Jaguars (7-5) have beaten the Texans twice, giving the Jags the edge in any tie-breaking scenario. The Jags have remaining games against Miami, Indy, New England and resurgent Cleveland. If the Texans win-out, the Jags need to lose three games to finish 8-8 for the Texans to get ahead in the wildcard race. Let’s give them loses to New England, Indy and Miami, but a win against Cleveland. This scenario hurts a little because it gives Miami a win, but I have another way of making up for that, which I hope you will approve of, as you will see a little later…. The Jags finish 8-8.

The NY Jets (6-6) is another team that has beaten the Texans heads-up, so it is important to top them record-wise. The Jets have remaining games against Tampa Bay, Atlanta, Indy, and Cincy.  Again, like the Broncos, the Jets cannot help the Texans except by losing, because they have no games against any wildcard contenders. So, the Jets need to go no better than 2-2 as the Texans win all their games. Losses to Indy and Cincy to end their season would be quite righteous, as their fanbase is getting used to that kind of letdown. We, here in Houston, prefer the mid-season roller-coaster kind of letdown. The Jets finish 8-8.

The Miami Dolphins (6-6) have a remaining game against the Texans, as well as games against Jacksonville, Tennessee and Pittsburgh; all wildcard contenders. The Dolphins need to lose two games while the Texans are winning out. I already counted the loss against the Texans and a win against the Jags. I’m giving them their second loss to the Titans! Why?  Because, we all know how much it would burn Bud Adams’ butt to know that he helped the Houston Texans get into the playoffs, is why!  Would there be a proper or improper way to thank him? A fruitcake in the shape of a "bird" comes to mind. Miami finishes 8-8.

The Baltimore Ravens (6-6) have remaining games against Detroit, Chicago, Pittsburgh and Oakland. The Ravens need to lose two as the Texans win out. I am thinking that the Lions and Raiders can't do it. I think we need to rely on Chicago and Pittsburgh somehow summoning up the ability to salvage their team pride and doing the Texans’ dirty work for them. Baltimore finishes 8-8.

The World Champion Pittsburgh Steelers (6-7) are going down faster than the Titanic. Five losses in a row is unprecedented. The Steelers just need to lose one more game while the Texans win out to get the Texans ahead in the final standings. They play Green Bay, Baltimore and Miami. I just gave them wins against the Ravens and Dolphins, so Green Bay, it has to be! Go Packers! The Steelers finish 8-8.

Lastly, the Tennessee Titans (5-7) are deadlocked with the Texans by league and head-to-head records.  The Titans have remaining games against St Louis, Miami, San Diego and Seattle and need to lose one of them. I already gave them a win over Miami, "Thanks Bud!" your fruitcake is on order! Is it a stretch to give them a loss to the Chargers or maybe even a loss to either St Louis or Seattle? Not if you are a true believer, it isn’t! The Titans finish 8-8.

So, there you have it folks! This Texans' season is not over (I have that FanPost already written and ready to go…) and there is still HOPE! I showed you that it is truly possible that this year’s Texans team can still be a playoff team, in fact the No. 1 Wildcard Team, and there is no reason to be thinking about next year’s draft or available free agents. There is still meaningful football to be played this season, and by the Texans! Fumbles, interceptions, misappropriated time-outs, bad red-flag challenges, penalty calls, wild-ass cut blocks, and missed field goals can still go our way! ...Not to mention, the above scenario will fry the NFL's computers while trying to calculate the second wildcard spot!

If it doesn't all happen as schemed, I will have an interesting fruitcake to share with all of you this holiday season….of course, I can always save it until next year!