Three And Out: Useless Predictions For Sunday's Game
by Tim on Dec 11, 2009 4:22 PM CST
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PrintI did a decent job last week, except for that whole correctly-predicting-which-team-would-win thing. I can now reveal to you that I actually did foresee the infamous Chris Brown halfback pass; sadly, I thought it was the product of a whiskey-induced haze and dismissed the power of my gift. Thus, I failed you yet again, BRB. It starts with me.
On to this week's surefire happenings:
1. I can't shake this eerie feeling that Matt Schaub's going to get knocked out of the game again via another piledriver to the turf on his non-throwing shoulder. That'll mean Rex Grossman, which will in turn mean turnovers and misplaced throws in bunches, which in turn will mean me getting my stomach pumped.
2. Dunta Robinson gets his first pick of the year. Unfortunately, he also gets flagged for pass interference on the same play, negating said interception.
3. Ryan Moats gets more carries than Chris Brown, finishes with an average of more than 4.2 yards per carry, and scores a TD. Even better, the number of passing attempts by Texans' running backs on Sunday reverts to zero.
PUT YOUR NAME ON IT: I probably should feel pretty good about this matchup. I don't. I'll call a Texans win, but if Prediction No. 1 actually comes to pass, that's out of the question. If Matt Schaub plays the entire game: Seahawks 20, Texans 24. If he doesn't: Seahawks 21, Texans 14.
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How in Durga's name...
are we gonna score 14 if Matt’s out of the game?
Jacoby on punts? better yet…. FAKE PUNT BY TURK FOR A TD!
I got it now!
Bacon tastes good... Pork chops taste good.
I'm Assuming
That Schaub goes down after we’ve already scored a TD, and that we somehow notch another score later, just to keep us blindly clinging to the possibility that the Texans will somehow pull it out. Which, of course, they won’t.
Looking forward to a day when being a Texans fan doesn't mean that April is the highlight of my season...
I can see it already
We’re in a close game in the 4th seperated only by a field goal.
Kubiak calls for a fake punt return on our 30 4th and 10. (his reasoning, no one would see it comming)
Its crazy enough to work but its also crazy enough to get himself fired after the season is over.
Lately some of his 4th quarter offensive plays havent gone his way… maybe sunday they will.
He’re hoping.
Because fuck it
I’m going deep. That’s how.
If the Treasury Secretary doesn't have to pay taxes, then why do I?
What you need
Is a double reverse fake punt, throw the ball back to turk, who in turn throws it to Chris Brown, who was standing a few inches from the sideline so the opposing team wouldn’t see him. Brown then reverses field and throws a bomb to who else but… Turk, who found some wheels to get thirty yards downfield.
Sounds good on paper…
If hip hop is dead, then it happened the day that Dilla died.
-Akrobatik
So based on the scores with and without Matt
if he doesn’t get hurt, he’s gonna block an extra point?
Mount Cody in round 1
I'll put my name on it
we get up 24-3 at halftime, and win 38-17.
Moats 2 TD’s, AJ 2, and Casey 1.
Chris Brown fumbles on 3 of his first 4 touches, and is removed from the field.
Mount Cody in round 1
How is he even the backup QB any more?
Is Orlovsky seriously worse?
If the Sex Cannon plays this will be the greatest game ever.
For Seahawks fans like myself, anyway.
But who knows, our team will find some way to fuck up the opportunity. I just want to see Sexy Rexy take another snap in the NFL.
Is that the light at the end of the tunnel, or the headlights of an oncoming train?
Rex I'm going deep grossman...
Haha, never gets old.
If hip hop is dead, then it happened the day that Dilla died.
-Akrobatik
I say we have our first tie in Texans history
Final score, 17-17
I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but you appear to be unarmed.
A Tie
Almost seems more sorry than a loss.
If hip hop is dead, then it happened the day that Dilla died.
-Akrobatik
Not feeling so depressed this week
1) Lofa Tatupu starts off playing well but then looks up into the stands and sees fans holding a banner that says The Blue-Haired Woman Will Make A Good Sacrifice. He promptly bursts into a fit of rage, mutters something about avenging his father and heads into the stands to confront the fans. He rips off his helmet, does a polynesian war chant and pulls one of the fans’ head and spinal cord off in one fluid motion. He is given a unnecessary roughness penalty and spends the rest of the time on the sidelines nibbling on the spinal cord.
2) When no one is looking, Marcus Trufant replaces all the footballs with Chilean sea bass from the Pike Place Fish Market, hoping Chris Brown will fumble even more. In a bizarre reversal of fortune, Chris Brown doesn’t fumble at all. In the first quarter he scores a touchdown and as he is about to spike the ball fish, he realizes what he is holding in his hands and runs straight into the locker room, fills a bath with water and puts the fish in there so that it doesn’t die. When he realizes that the fish is already dead, he borrows a pair of scissors from one of the trainers and makes a bunch of sashimi for the team to eat as snacks at halftime.
3) At halftime, a tearful Baby Shan confesses to the team that he is one of Tiger Woods’s mistresses and asks for the team’s forgiveness. Matt Turk, who secretly has had a crush on Baby Shan since he first joined the team, breaks into an uncontrollable sobbing fit and can’t complete the game. Duane Brown volunteers to take punts and ends up with a 47 yard net. The game ends up tied 35-35 with six seconds left and the Texans looking at a 50 yard field goal attempt to win the game but Kris Brown is still puking from eating a bad batch of sashimi. Kubiak, unaware of this, says, “Brown, get in there!” Everyone looks at Chris Brown who runs out on the field and takes the kick. Brown makes the kick, striking the ball so hard that it kills a person in the 25th row behind the uprights. Brown sends the victim’s family a fresh batch of home made sashimi as a way of apologizing.
Proudly supporting the Qatar National Falconry Team since December 6, 2009.
by tehGrindCrusher on Dec 12, 2009 4:51 AM CST reply actions 6 recs
who is the white guy that snuck in on the right?
"An open mind is like a fortress with it's gates unbarred and unguarded."
The ROSENFAIL : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAKAKE-uq-8&feature=related
by TexansForever on Dec 12, 2009 12:09 PM CST up reply actions
bfd
Proudly supporting the Qatar National Falconry Team since December 6, 2009.
by tehGrindCrusher on Dec 12, 2009 12:37 PM CST up reply actions
back before the fat kicked in
Nicely done, tgc.
"Because you cant read. Get lost looser." - Mcnair2VY
There's a Simpsons reference in there too
No one’s gotten it yet.
Proudly supporting the Qatar National Falconry Team since December 6, 2009.
by tehGrindCrusher on Dec 12, 2009 2:11 PM CST up reply actions
#1 would be funny, but....Tatupu is out for the year.
Not that we’re slitting our wrists about it, David Hawthorne has been pretty solid in his absence.
#2: Trufant takes Chris Brown on a tour of the Pike Place Market before the game. During the game Trufant will intercept a ball, and then toss it back at Brown. Brown, assuming it’s a fish, will let it slip through his arms like a real fish, then Nick Reed will pick up the fumble and run it back for a score.
Is that the light at the end of the tunnel, or the headlights of an oncoming train?
LOL check out the cat mystic in this viedo on Seagulls
http://www.fieldgulls.com/2009/12/11/1196063/video-preview-seahawks-at-texans#comments
rofl
"An open mind is like a fortress with it's gates unbarred and unguarded."
The ROSENFAIL : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAKAKE-uq-8&feature=related
by TexansForever on Dec 12, 2009 7:43 AM CST reply actions 1 recs
The video previews are one of FG's shining moments.
Glad others enjoy them.
Is that the light at the end of the tunnel, or the headlights of an oncoming train?
Also, holy shit that cat psychic video was amazing.
Is that the light at the end of the tunnel, or the headlights of an oncoming train?
Dearest Tim
I’m sorry, but I have to agree with your analysis.
Even if Schaub gets us a TD before being injured while Winston misses his man and chop blocks Ryan Moats, putting him out for the year, there’s no way we get another TD.
In fact, Sexy Rexy will be so bad, we’ll actually start losing points. So, I predict:
With all Schaub: Texans 38-17 (I liked the guess above)
With some Rex thrown in: Hawks 63 (on several INTs returned for TDs) to -21 for us.
You can write that down.
"Because you cant read. Get lost looser." - Mcnair2VY
good predictions for this game guys!
sometimes i feel a true measure of fanbase is the amount it enjoys making fun of the team.
by WishIwasnotahoustonfan on Dec 12, 2009 2:02 PM CST reply actions
Dunno, these Hawks fans can lay a claim to being no 1 too.
They’re as good at it as we are.
Proudly supporting the Qatar National Falconry Team since December 6, 2009.
by tehGrindCrusher on Dec 12, 2009 2:10 PM CST reply actions
We're just as good at pissing away wins as you guys are.
This game is a total crapshoot, Vegas lines be damned.
Is that the light at the end of the tunnel, or the headlights of an oncoming train?
Have you seen..
.. the NFL network playbook crew picking on John Busing this week? Weeee! Victory!
Die hard Texan fan from the heart of Denmark!
lol nice
"An open mind is like a fortress with it's gates unbarred and unguarded."
The ROSENFAIL : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAKAKE-uq-8&feature=related
by TexansForever on Dec 12, 2009 6:35 PM CST up reply actions
Thats alot of negativity
28-14 Texans win because Kubiak excels at getting his teams ready when he’s already cut the season short
haha, yeah we’re gonna finish strong, not make the playoffs and have our hopes up really high for next season until Shaub, Dre, Ryans, and Williams all suffer season ending injuries in our 4th preseason game
by WishIwasnotahoustonfan on Dec 12, 2009 6:43 PM CST up reply actions
666-0 Seahawks
Texans blow and to add insult to injury we just elected the first gay mayor of a major city in this country.
This year is officially fail.
"An open mind is like a fortress with it's gates unbarred and unguarded."
The ROSENFAIL : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAKAKE-uq-8&feature=related
What does homophobia have to do with football?
The Texans don’t “Blow”, excepting one maybe two games, they were in every game this year to the end and either could have or should have won each one. A team that “blows” i’d think wouldn’t even contest most games, they’d simply roll over and get routed. Instead this team when it falls behind fights to get back in the game, and while they have lost alot of close games this year, at least they have been close. There are alot of teams in the league who’d love to be the Texans right now instead of having an even worse record with a mix of has beens and never were on their roster. The Texans have the youngest team in the league, and while they are weak depth wise, overall they have a pretty strong nucleus of young talent to build around.
Dude really?
I’m straight but gay bashing online? Get a fuckin life. I mean damn someone needs to whoop you’re ass.
Why dont you come do it?
If you think someone should kick my ass for an opinion, why don’t you step up to the plate?
"An open mind is like a fortress with it's gates unbarred and unguarded."
The ROSENFAIL : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAKAKE-uq-8&feature=related
by TexansForever on Dec 13, 2009 7:29 AM CST up reply actions
Granted I was a bit drunk last night and probably should have left out the politics.
"An open mind is like a fortress with it's gates unbarred and unguarded."
The ROSENFAIL : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAKAKE-uq-8&feature=related
by TexansForever on Dec 13, 2009 8:28 AM CST up reply actions
I was actually hoping you two would fight
This place has been so boring lately.
Proudly supporting the Qatar National Falconry Team since December 6, 2009.
by tehGrindCrusher on Dec 13, 2009 10:14 AM CST up reply actions
So you're mad huh?
Granted I was drunk too and shouldve left that last part out. But you have to realize people have gay family members.
I do realize that. I have gay family members.
I do not agree with their lifestyle. Anymore than I think it is ok to steal, commit adultery or commit any other wrong action.
That does not mean I hate them. It just means that their choices conflict with my ethics.
I still like them and hang out with them though.
"An open mind is like a fortress with it's gates unbarred and unguarded."
The ROSENFAIL : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAKAKE-uq-8&feature=related
by TexansForever on Dec 13, 2009 11:14 AM CST up reply actions
That was well written
Let us leave ethics and morality out of football blogs from now on.
The modern education system
your & you’re / there, their, & they’re
look it up
If the Treasury Secretary doesn't have to pay taxes, then why do I?
What, doesn't it have punctuation?
Someone should tell Apple.
Proudly supporting the Qatar National Falconry Team since December 6, 2009.
by tehGrindCrusher on Dec 13, 2009 10:42 AM CST up reply actions 1 recs
Killing me Lol
Allright I’ll work on it.
I don't mean to be a dick or anything
But it makes you sound much more literate, and much less like a Titans fan.
Proudly supporting the Qatar National Falconry Team since December 6, 2009.
by tehGrindCrusher on Dec 13, 2009 11:01 AM CST up reply actions
Ouch
I sound like a titans fan. Now I might YouTube myself drinking bleach.
As much as I agree with the comments above me
I’m a little tickled that this was more shamed by Texans fans than the McNairHalloween.jpg
- Rivers McCown, From Mom's Basement | Twitter
by riversmccown on Dec 13, 2009 3:45 AM CST up reply actions
On totally unrelated news.
Matt shut down DGDB&D
I bookmarked the BBQ Handbook and now it’s all gone!!
did he kill himself?
quote – “Goodbye, cruel world.”
Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.
by Kiratomi on Dec 13, 2009 2:30 AM CST up reply actions 1 recs
Now
Thats fucked up? Come on now samurai warrior it’s just the end of a blog. Now if this team keeps losing? Just make sure y’all YouTube yalls breakdowns for me to watch.
Costs money.
If you’re not writing, probably not worth it.
Matt you’re always welcome to write your posts for an audience of 4’s at my blog.
- Rivers McCown, From Mom's Basement | Twitter
by riversmccown on Dec 13, 2009 3:47 AM CST up reply actions
oh and BTW,
Fuck Daunta, before the game, i just wanna go ahead and get it out of the way, so after we blow a 17 point lead in the 4th quarter i can just go straight to alcohol poisoning…
Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.
Like I said
You can dooo it. Just make sure you YouTube it.
will do bud
ill also scream “Titans Suck” as my last words so u know i dedicated it to you
Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.
by Kiratomi on Dec 13, 2009 2:43 AM CST up reply actions 1 recs
And recd
Because you gotta sense of humour when you’re drunk
no no no no no noooo
im sorry let me rephrase: “Will do my friend”
Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.
and also
im gonna write a suicide note blaming my death on Bud Adams and his decisions as a “human being” leading up to my death
Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.
Thanx
Cuz the screen name really should say it all. Fuck the tits. Ummmm no offense against tities like those.I mean fuck the titans.
i enjoyed this (hope this works) and sory if it doesnt
Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.
damn, well here
http://sendables.jibjab.com/view/c1PX3n0tGNaTfPuC
Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.
damn again, ignore the first one, this is the one i meant to copy
http://sendables.jibjab.com/view/3UOouQXYMuARdJEP
enjoy, i think its beautiful!
Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.
I called it a loss in my beginning on my Put Your Name On It post
That post is now 11-1 against reality.
Seahawks 21, Texans 20. Koobs runs a flea flicker on 4th & goal with 1:13 left.
- Rivers McCown, From Mom's Basement | Twitter
in *the beginning
- Rivers McCown, From Mom's Basement | Twitter
by riversmccown on Dec 13, 2009 3:53 AM CST up reply actions
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