Post-Game Breakdown: Texans Pants Seahawks
Didn't know your Houston Texans had it in 'em. Predictable complaints about "taking the foot off the gas" in the second half aside, that was as one-sided a game as I've seen the Texans play since Week One. This experience was far more enjoyable, however, seeing as how this one unfolded with the Texans kicking the arse instead of being on the receiving end. If it wasn't the most dominating performance by the Texans in franchise history, it's at least in the discussion.
The burn, of course, is that the win puts the Texans at 6-7 and is therefore almost surely irrelevant in terms of postseason impact. Watching my team fire on all cylinders like that inevitably causes me to wonder, "Where has that been all season?" I don't have the answer to that question, and Gary Kubiak doesn't either. The inclination may well be to cite the opponent as the primary reason for the outcome, but Seattle had the same record the Texans did going into Sunday's game (though you'd never have known that in watching the game). I guess what I'm saying is that I have no idea why the Texans play the way they do when they do. That's probably the most infuriating thing about this team--the fact that you can never really feel good or bad about what they'll do on a given Sunday. Compared to the dog days of the Capers/Casserly Era, when you knew the Texans were being led to slaughter every week, that's a pretty profound improvement. On to the specifics:
1. If 10 out of the first 15 scripted plays each game had Andre Johnson as the first option, how many points would the Texans average a game? I'm going with 64, because...
2. Surely Kris Brown would miss 6 PATs. I don't know what has happened to the kicker we once dubbed "Mr. Automatic" (stop cackling, Pittsburgh fans). It's frightening. If the Texans were truly in the wild card mix, there would be kickers auditioning this week. If Smithiak doesn't bring in a kicker or two to compete with K. Brown in training camp, they're certifiable.
3. Matt Schaub has progressed to a point as the Texans' quarterback that I'm honestly surprised when he misses a WR. Well, the one interception each game notwithstanding, anyway. The Schaub is very, very good in this offense, and how he'd handle another scheme and/or head coach should be a sizable part of the decision-making process when it comes to Kubiak's future here.
4. Now that Steve Slaton's done for the season, the collective bargaining agreement mandates that another Houston RB start fumbling immediately. Ryan Moats is a company man.
5. Arian Foster: The New Wali Lundy? Foster's a bit bigger, yes. Still, it's going to take a handful of solid games before I jump on the bandwagon. The good news for Foster is that he should be given plenty of opportunities over the last three weeks to make a statement. Kubes knows what he has in Chris Brown and Moats, and neither is consistenly productive enough to warrant taking carries away from the unknown quantity when it's going to take several other teams completely falling apart for a realistic playoff scenario to materialize. Play the kid.
6. Zero sacks of Schaub by the Seahawks. That's particularly noteworthy in light of Schaub's physical condition. Kudos to the offensive line in that respect.
7. The Houston defense played its best game of the season. Seattle convered one out of fourteen (14!) third downs and only one out of five fourth downs. Wow.
8. DeMeco Ryans was all over the field. We take him for granted. Smithiak had better not.
9. Glover Quin is the best cornerback on the roster. He's a rookie, so that's exciting. He's also not stealing from Bob McNair, unlike a certain franchised corner, so that's solid too. I'm rather interested to see if the Texans try to transition Quin to free safety this offseason. I think he's got the chops for it, but the situation at corner is dire enough that I'm not sure you have the luxury of moving him right now.
10. Rumor has it that Mike Kerns got "Pollard Forever!" tattooed in his bikini zone immediately after the game. I'm impressed with what Bernard Pollard has brought to the table, too; I just think it's a bit early to start erecting shrines to the guy. As much as it appears he likes being here, Smithiak shouldn't be breaking the bank for the guy come March.
11. Mario Williams has not looked like Mario Williams all season, yet he's still likely to finish with double-digit sacks. When your bad years are that productive, you're doing something right.
12. If Brian Cushing isn't Defensive Rookie of the Year, there should be an investigation. I told you he'd be terrible awesome.
13. Fake Game Balls: Offense--Andre Johnson; Defense--DeMeco Ryans; Special Teams--Andre Davis.
Up to St. Louis for another winnable game against a team the Texans should handle with relative ease. Which probably means it'll be a nail-biter. Houston Texans Football: Flip That Coin!
Seahawks vs Texans coverage
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104 comments
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Comments
only one change.
give that fake gameball to Kevin Bentley…
he was all over the place sunday on special teams.
Michael: It is going to up in Tahoe a couple more days. Maybe you could take a date?
Lucille: How am I supposed to find someone willing to go into that musty old claptrap?
Michael: The cabin... yes! That would be difficult, too.
http://www.twitter.com/doobieman21
Re: One Change
Very valid point. Bentley’s been a demon all season; I should do a better job pointing that out.
Looking forward to a day when being a Texans fan doesn't mean that April is the highlight of my season...
I agree.
LVJ was either trying to show off against his former team or he’s really been that good and we haven’t been noticing it.
like chopping down a tree jordann....
natalie will be MINE!!!!!
Michael: It is going to up in Tahoe a couple more days. Maybe you could take a date?
Lucille: How am I supposed to find someone willing to go into that musty old claptrap?
Michael: The cabin... yes! That would be difficult, too.
http://www.twitter.com/doobieman21
damn right i AM! lol
Michael: It is going to up in Tahoe a couple more days. Maybe you could take a date?
Lucille: How am I supposed to find someone willing to go into that musty old claptrap?
Michael: The cabin... yes! That would be difficult, too.
http://www.twitter.com/doobieman21
another defensive masterpiece
this week.
Top 10 defense here we come.
Mount Cody in round 1
looking at the RB depth chart for 2010
uno. Slaton
dos. ?
tres. Foster
And no Moats, and no Brown.
If the Foster experiment works, and dos up there is a quality back, we can get some high powered OG’s in the draft.
Mount Cody in round 1
re #9
I’m all for moving Quin, but I think you hit the nail on the head.
We need to re-evaluate this in 2010 camp and see if our DB situation is still dire, and if Barber is any good at backing up Wilson.
Keeping him at CB1 puts us in a much better position on draft day. Not needing to fill CB1 and CB2.
Mount Cody in round 1
I would like to see...
the long pass to Andre to start every game, I bet it works more than not even if teams know it’s comin’………
if this post more than once, it’s just because I mean it, or its my over zealous phone.
GO TEXANS!!!!
Our time will come...
by Texanmaniac on Dec 15, 2009 2:17 PM CST via mobile reply actions
And to think...
The Seahawks cut Brian Russell to make room for whichever terrible safety got repeatedly torched on Sunday. Please, PLEASE, never let him see the field in a Texans uniform.
shows how desperate we are
to not let Busing ever see the field again.
Mount Cody in round 1
Sorry Nash
AW beat you by 6 days:
http://www.battleredblog.com/2009/12/9/1193476/yes-the-oversensitive-reactionary
If the Treasury Secretary doesn't have to pay taxes, then why do I?
The Rams game is as money as they come.
Jut think… The Seahawks beat them 28-0!
Jags? Playoffs?? 2009???
Your screen name
Is the second best name on this blog. Please stick around for a while.
Proudly supporting the Qatar National Falconry Team since December 6, 2009.
by tehGrindCrusher on Dec 15, 2009 11:22 PM CST up reply actions
Yes
That’s right. I can’t imagine the screen name that beats Women B. Shoppin.
Proudly supporting the Qatar National Falconry Team since December 6, 2009.
by tehGrindCrusher on Dec 16, 2009 12:43 PM CST up reply actions
Friend of mine made his AIM screen name
hello i am aids
I think that’s still the best one I’ve ever seen.
- Rivers McCown, From Mom's Basement | Twitter
by riversmccown on Dec 16, 2009 3:08 PM CST up reply actions
rams
im in fantasy playoffs and im a lil scared…i need another schaub/aj performace early or else the texans might take AJ out early and Schaub and i wont get the points…the good thing tho is i have foster so i prolly will start him and hope he gets garbage points
by EveryHoustonTeamRox! on Dec 15, 2009 3:42 PM CST reply actions
Tim, Tim, Tim....
You really had to go there, huh?
We don’t REEEEEAAALLLLYYYY want to start playing the man crush game, do we?
BattleRedBlog.com DontMessWithTexans.com
Clutchfans.net - Chuck 4 TexansTalk.com - Frak The Jags
Twitter - Zepp1978 Facebook - Zepp1978
Jiust so we can all rec it:
Rumor has it that Mike Kerns got “Pollard Forever!” tattooed in his bikini zone immediately after the game. I’m impressed with what Bernard Pollard has brought to the table, too;
"Because you cant read. Get lost looser." - Mcnair2VY
by bigfatdrunk on Dec 15, 2009 4:45 PM CST up reply actions 12 recs
Assholes...
BattleRedBlog.com DontMessWithTexans.com
Clutchfans.net - Chuck 4 TexansTalk.com - Frak The Jags
Twitter - Zepp1978 Facebook - Zepp1978
Oh, and Tim...
The Wali Lundy comparison… outfugginstanding, good sir!
That’s another name I can’t even see without getting a little pissed.
Bacon tastes good... Pork chops taste good.
Tim, when did y'all change all the backgrounds and text to red??
Sorry Jordann…. BATTLE red?
Bacon tastes good... Pork chops taste good.
Samkon Gado!
He’s actually a Ram now, too.
- Rivers McCown, From Mom's Basement | Twitter
by riversmccown on Dec 15, 2009 4:34 PM CST up reply actions
Well if he is...
He’s certainly no Morlon Greenwood.
If the Treasury Secretary doesn't have to pay taxes, then why do I?
Definitely too bland of a name to make it as a rapper
Stacey could’ve recorded “Return Of The Mack (Part 2)”
- Rivers McCown, From Mom's Basement | Twitter
by riversmccown on Dec 16, 2009 7:39 AM CST up reply actions
yeah, well...
Just because I CAN masturbate at work, doesn’t mean I SHOULD. I mean, unless it’s like… a slow Tuesday afternoon or something….
Bacon tastes good... Pork chops taste good.
by beefy on Dec 15, 2009 4:45 PM CST up reply actions 1 recs
I see that the shift key got stuck a couple of times there buddy.
At least use your other hand to cover the blast so it wouldn’t be all over your keyboard.
by Jordann on Dec 15, 2009 4:48 PM CST up reply actions 1 recs
Cushing
Looking back at the post you linked to during the draft is hilarious and fun. He made a believer out of not just most of us, but probably 100% of the fan base.
I looked back in the archives around the time we traded for Schaub too. Nice to see Smithiak’s foresight.
Makes two of us.
In fact, I went so far as to say that, if we got Amobi with the lower pick, then I would consider the draft swap a push.
Weird.
Yay, sports.
/builds bonfire
/gets guitar & starts singing Kumbaya
If the Treasury Secretary doesn't have to pay taxes, then why do I?
Like...
On a blog or something? Where? Did you have a blog or something?
DGDB&D is the Scott of Texans blogs.
Looking forward to a day when being a Texans fan doesn't mean that April is the highlight of my season...
by Tim on Dec 16, 2009 10:32 AM CST up reply actions 3 recs
Except, you know,
people have actually SEEN the blog and know that it existed at one point.
Yay, sports.
There Is No Record Of DGDB&D
At least Scott still has an account here.
And you, more than anyone else, know Scott exists. You’ve met him on multiple occasions.
Looking forward to a day when being a Texans fan doesn't mean that April is the highlight of my season...
Umm, no. No it doesn't
“Blog Not Found.”
If the Treasury Secretary doesn't have to pay taxes, then why do I?
Wow.
I was just reading the Thanksgiving PSA by Travis Johnson about remembering your vegetables when I posted that link. Now it’s gone?
Maybe I was hallucinating.
Or Tim slipped some Zima in my coffee.
Yep
Matt’s covering his trail faster than Ted Kennedy could drive a car off a bridge.
If the Treasury Secretary doesn't have to pay taxes, then why do I?
by Shake on Dec 16, 2009 5:02 PM CST up reply actions 1 recs
I find...
getting banned from MCM for what I said here far more offensive than the comment. Of course, I also find shows on Nick Jr. more offensive than the comment.
No, seriously, that Toot & Puddle is some really gay shit.
Yay, sports.
Wait
So have you been banned from an SBN site yet for, you know, something you actually did on that specific site?
If the Treasury Secretary doesn't have to pay taxes, then why do I?
Exactly
I never post at MCM (like, literally, not in over a year), but I browsed over there during the whole kerfuffle to see if they were bitching about it there. Then, boom!, I get the “You’ve been banned” box popping up as soon as I got there.
That’s lame^douche.
Yay, sports.
Heh
Rec’d for the Kopechne humor.
(I’d actually forgotten entirely about the old blogger site and was only reminded when Jordannnnnnn mentioned it.)
Yay, sports.
YES
"Because you cant read. Get lost looser." - Mcnair2VY
by bigfatdrunk on Dec 16, 2009 10:46 AM CST up reply actions
It's Funny
I clearly remember being at the Courtyard near McAllen Airport when I wrote that post, yet I fail to remember 85% or more of the “defining moments” that occurred during the courtship of my wife.
Priorities, man. Priorities.
Looking forward to a day when being a Texans fan doesn't mean that April is the highlight of my season...
blockbuster trade for a franchise QB
gets 10 comments.
meth trash talkin now gets 1000+
my how far we’ve come.
Mount Cody in round 1
hilarious
Look at the dumbasses on that thread: me, Shake, Tim, LVG (???). Man, that’s old school.
"Because you cant read. Get lost looser." - Mcnair2VY
Re: Hilarious
You said it. I’m constantly amazed at how this place has grown.
Looking forward to a day when being a Texans fan doesn't mean that April is the highlight of my season...
You should do a nostalgia post
You know… using the archives and archived comments to illustrate how some players have exceeded expectations and other have not. That’d make a good post imo.
Great Idea, Whiskey
That would be some good reading during the lull of the offseason.
Looking forward to a day when being a Texans fan doesn't mean that April is the highlight of my season...
I read the archives.
During the offseason. This offseason though, it’s gonna be a little rough because im one website short. I guess i’ll just read Peter King’s Adventures inside Favre’s colon.
I think the highlight of that post
Is where you admitted that you thought Sage should have a shot at being the starting qb.
Proudly supporting the Qatar National Falconry Team since December 6, 2009.
by tehGrindCrusher on Dec 15, 2009 11:29 PM CST up reply actions
up until the snap of the rosencopter play
there was a rising tide of fans that would have still agreed with that assessment, even after 1.5 years of teh Schaub.
Mount Cody in round 1
True
Prior to the Schaub deal, I was a big proponent of letting Sage start for a year or two while we looked for a long-term solution at QB.
I was, and shall forever remain, dumb.
Looking forward to a day when being a Texans fan doesn't mean that April is the highlight of my season...
You're Too Kind
I think it’s more like:
Smithiak: 1,894
Tim: -7
Looking forward to a day when being a Texans fan doesn't mean that April is the highlight of my season...
There's not enough Coors Light in this world.
For Tim to choose Grossman as his starting QB.
But then again, there’s not enough Coors Light in this world to get ANYBODY drunk enough to start Grossman.
There's not enough Coors Light
In one can for me to not vomit when I drink it.
Proudly supporting the Qatar National Falconry Team since December 6, 2009.
by tehGrindCrusher on Dec 16, 2009 12:46 PM CST up reply actions
But...
Coors Light is the official beer of the Qatar National Falconry Team!
Looking forward to a day when being a Texans fan doesn't mean that April is the highlight of my season...
Coors Light
Good for falcons. Bad for humans.
Proudly supporting the Qatar National Falconry Team since December 6, 2009.
by tehGrindCrusher on Dec 16, 2009 1:28 PM CST up reply actions
Tim and Chris Myers = Bros for life
- Rivers McCown, From Mom's Basement | Twitter
by riversmccown on Dec 16, 2009 3:13 PM CST up reply actions
Donte Stallworth
If you’ve already killed someone else, what’s a whole team?
- Rivers McCown, From Mom's Basement | Twitter
by riversmccown on Dec 16, 2009 3:12 PM CST up reply actions 1 recs
Bad year for WRs
and vehicles. Just ask Chris Henry.
Yay, sports.
by MDC on Dec 17, 2009 8:52 AM CST up reply actions 2 recs
Full disclosure
I made the joke before I knew he was dead. Not that it would have stopped me or anything, but still.
Hope there are no overly sensitive Bengals fans lurking.
Yay, sports.
Just picked him up in our FF league
Figured with my team deposed and dead it needed a captain.
- Rivers McCown, From Mom's Basement | Twitter
by riversmccown on Dec 17, 2009 9:41 AM CST up reply actions
A dead captain.
Like that guy from Pirates of the Caribbean? He’ll definitely dominate your league.
by Jordann on Dec 17, 2009 10:33 AM CST up reply actions 1 recs
Well I went 4-9
Thank you LDT, Brady, Cooley, and Eddie Royal.
So I can only dominate my league theoretically at this point.
- Rivers McCown, From Mom's Basement | Twitter
by riversmccown on Dec 17, 2009 10:47 AM CST up reply actions
Well,
You know how supposedly in college, when your room mate dies you get all A’s automatically for that semester? Does that apply to this scenario when you have Chris Henry on your roster? Do you automatically win the championship?
Because that would be awesome.
Has anyone
ever confirmed that urban legend? Because, let’s face it, if your roommate dies in a car wreck two days into the semester, I doubt you’d be too broken up about it and you’d have the most fun semester in the history of the world if you knew you were going to get all As automatically.
My point being: All freshmen should cut their roomies’ break lines at orientation.
Just kidding /legal protection
Yay, sports.
I looked it up. h/t google
Read a couple of articles, all of em saying that it’s false. If it were true, the number of college students every year would be cut in half.
And Chris Henry would still be dead.
Anyway to make it real?
I know some college kids, and 100% of them need to go.
Bacon tastes good... Pork chops taste good.
break line
is that like a surfer term?
Mount Cody in round 1

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