Three And Out: Useless Predictions For Sunday's Game

by Tim on Dec 18, 2009 2:47 PM CST in News

I'm in a bit of a fantasy football fix this week. My opponent is starting the defense of your Houston Texans. Needless to say, I want the Texans defense to do well. Just not too well. Every sack or interception by Houston will result in me cheering, then realizing a split second later that the welfare of my fantasy squad was damaged by said sack or interception. Then I'll get angry over the fantasy setback, and then I'll get angry at myself for getting angry that the Texans' defense is playing well. Then I'll take a swig of beer and start the cycle over again.

And now I read that Steven Jackson sat out practice today with symptoms of Anthony Hillfluenza. I hate fantasy football.

Oh, and if Larry Fitzgerald doesn't play on Sunday? I'm bathing in gasoline and shampooing with a lighter.

On to the three (3) things that I solemnly pledge will happen on Sunday when your Houston Texans face the St. Louis Rams in Mizzourah:

1. The Rams are giving up 147.2 rushing yards per game this season. If this were 2008, I'd predict Steve Slaton was going to go absolutely bonkers. Alas, it's 2009, so I'm calling Arian Foster gets the majority of the carries and finishes with 69 yards and a TD.

2. St. Louis will be without both of their starting guards and could also be missing their aforementioned starting running back. I just don't know how they're going to move the ball, even against a defense that features Dunta Robinson. If I was Steve Spagnuolo, I'd tell my QB to throw deep at Dunta all day. You figure that's got to be good for nine or ten pass interference or holding penalties. My second prediction is that the Houston defense holds St. Louis to 250 total yards (excluding penalty yards).

3. Jacoby Jones returns a punt for a touchdown. Just feels like it's time.

PUT YOUR NAME ON IT: I look for the Texans to get up big early via the passing game and then to take the foot off the gas for almost the entire second half. Sort of like last week against Seattle, only uglier. Texans 27, Rams 10.

Texans vs Rams coverage

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Comments

I'm going big on this one

35-0.

That’s right, a shutout. It will scare all of us with its unfamiliarity.

Also, Mario notches two more sacks on stunts.

Yay, sports.

by MDC on Dec 18, 2009 2:50 PM CST reply actions

Is this the first game in franchise history that everyone is pretty sure that

a) we’re going to win
and
b) we’re going to blow them out?

I can’t fathom a situation where the Texans don’t win. And I’m usually the pessimistic one around here.

- Rivers McCown, From Mom's Basement | Twitter

by riversmccown on Dec 18, 2009 2:53 PM CST reply actions

Situation Where The Texans Don't Win

Schaub gets driven into the ground and we’re subjected to more Rex Grossman. No way we’d emerge with a victory in that scenario.

Looking forward to a day when being a Texans fan doesn't mean that April is the highlight of my season...

by Tim on Dec 18, 2009 3:01 PM CST up reply actions

I take it

that you haven’t watched the Rams’ secondary of late.

Yay, sports.

by MDC on Dec 18, 2009 3:01 PM CST up reply actions

Correct

But I’ve seen enough of Grossman to think that even Dunta could snag a pick or two from him.

Looking forward to a day when being a Texans fan doesn't mean that April is the highlight of my season...

by Tim on Dec 18, 2009 3:02 PM CST up reply actions

Are you sure Dunta can get that deep?

I suppose if all of the stars, moons and planets align it could be possible, but what are the chances of that?

by Rip Jersey on Dec 18, 2009 3:04 PM CST up reply actions

Possibly correct...

but I think the Rams fans would find Dunta an upgrade over most of their current starters.

Yay, sports.

by MDC on Dec 18, 2009 3:10 PM CST up reply actions

And so it ends...

without so much as a whimper? Now, you are just like the rest of us. No longer master of a little sliver of the internets. Where are us potty mouths going to curse and wish incurable, horrific diseases on sports writers? And by curse, I mean really curse. Curses that even you are embarassed you said when they come out of your mouth. Godspeed as the government relocates you as part of your witness protection terms.

by Jersey Bill on Dec 19, 2009 2:00 PM CST up reply actions

My Over/Under on your utterly useless predictions

69 yards by Arian Foster, Over
1 TD by Arian Foster, I want to say tie, so I will go Over

250 yards by St Louis offense, Under

1 TD PR by Jacoby Jones, Under, not feelin’ it, but I hope he proves me wrong….

I suppose if all of the stars, moons and planets align it could be possible, but what are the chances of that?

by Rip Jersey on Dec 18, 2009 2:57 PM CST reply actions

Bonus O/U

The Texans defense will score mucho points in fantasy and contribute to your fantasy team possibly losing…sorry! But, Fitzgerald and Jackson will be the ultimate downfall. But, remember, it’s called fantasy for a reason.

I suppose if all of the stars, moons and planets align it could be possible, but what are the chances of that?

by Rip Jersey on Dec 18, 2009 3:00 PM CST up reply actions

Re: Fantasy

My only salvation lies in the following:

1. I’ve got Arizona’s defense facing the Lions.
2. My opponent is starting Chris Chambers and Joshua Cribbs.

Looking forward to a day when being a Texans fan doesn't mean that April is the highlight of my season...

by Tim on Dec 18, 2009 3:03 PM CST up reply actions

Facing the Lions....money

Chris Chambers could be dangerous. He has had a third life at KC. The potential monkey wrench for him is that Dwayne Bowe is returning to the lineup and could steal some targets. I never heard of Joshua Cribbs before.

I suppose if all of the stars, moons and planets align it could be possible, but what are the chances of that?

by Rip Jersey on Dec 18, 2009 3:10 PM CST up reply actions

Cribbsey could do some damage from the wildcat, but as a reciever its an interesting play

by nolander on Dec 18, 2009 3:15 PM CST up reply actions

Re: Fantasy

I’m just glad Andre’s on my team. Easiest thing to root for on Sundays. I hate the conflictions and try to avoid them.

by TexansDC on Dec 18, 2009 3:29 PM CST up reply actions

this

I made sure he would be my first pick. Then slaton, then Schuab. two out of three aint bad.

by nolander on Dec 18, 2009 5:04 PM CST up reply actions

Speaking of Andre

He’s going to abuse another NFC team this week. I see 9 receptions 172 yards and 2 TDs.

I have a feeling Schaub may go 4 TDs and a INT this week.

by TexansDC on Dec 18, 2009 3:31 PM CST reply actions

Let's make today O/U Day, shall we?

AJ 9 receptions – Over
AJ 172 yards – Over
AJ 2 TDs – Over
Schaub 4 TDS – Over
Schaub 1 Int – Under

I suppose if all of the stars, moons and planets align it could be possible, but what are the chances of that?

by Rip Jersey on Dec 18, 2009 3:37 PM CST up reply actions

O/U & Predictions

Dunta gets a pick & no penalties in a quiet game
Jacoby Jones 1 PR TD – Under
Foster 69 Yds – Under rushing/over combined, Foster 1 TD – Even
AJ 9 receptions – Under, AJ 172 yards – Under, AJ 2 TDs – Under (1) (hope he’s pulled early in a blowout)
Schaub 4 TDS –Even, Schaub 1 Int – Even, Schaub 420 yds
Moats 60 Yds/ 1 TD
KW 1 TD
DA 1 TD
Casey 1 TD

by kozanack on Dec 18, 2009 9:44 PM CST reply actions

I hate being too overconfident.

I’ve never felt it against any team that the Texans face. But it’s hard not to be confident about this one. It’s gonna be an ugly Monday is the team don’t come out of St Louis victorious

37-3
300+ passing paired with 2 TD’s from Teh Schaub
120+ receiving yds and a TD from AJ
70+ yds and a TD from Arian Foster
60+ yds and a TD from Ryan Moats
Kris Brown goes 3 for 4. The miss comes out of a blocked FG from the 27

Last prediction.
Thor shows us that losing OD this offseason wouldn’t be such a bad thing by turning in 70+ receiving yds and his first career TD.

Yes. I am full of shit.

by Jordann on Dec 18, 2009 11:16 PM CST reply actions

use of the word "too" and "overconfident"

Fail.

by Jordann on Dec 18, 2009 11:16 PM CST up reply actions

As A Texans Fan

We don’t get the chance to be “too overconfident” very often. I say, enjoy it while the Rams are in town.

by kozanack on Dec 19, 2009 1:24 AM CST up reply actions

Technically the Rams arent "in town"

we are in the Rams’ town, but with the Rams it doesnt really matter.

"Every time you turn on ESPN you see Bama" - Earl Thomas' answer when asked what excites him most about the National Championship.

To all Houston sports fans, Houston is the 4th biggest city in America, there will be traffic on the way to your respective sports game. Come Early, Be Loud, Stay Late.

by TexasHoosier on Dec 20, 2009 4:37 AM CST up reply actions