Three And Out: Useless Predictions For Sunday's Game

by Tim on Sep 11, 2009 8:00 AM CDT in News Comment 31 comments

Time for the return of yet another regular in-season feature--the much ballyhooed (read: minimally ballyhooed, if ballyhooed at all) "Three And Out." Each week, I'll make three (3) predictions concerning statistics, plays, performance, and the like that are guaranteed to occur in Sunday's Texans game. How often are said predictions accurate? Virtually never. Remember--I'm a moron. Nevertheless, I have a microphone and you don't, so you will read every damn prediction I make!

1. Gimpy ankle or not, Matt Schaub's going to be just fine on Sunday. He's going to take a couple of licks from Rex Ryan's defense, and we'll all hold our breath waiting for him to get up, but he's going to make it through. If you repeat the preceding sentence enough times, you will start to believe it. Only took me 19 sob-filled mutterings to become convinced that Schaub would play and play well. Try it.

Final stats for The Schaub: 22-29 for 241 yards with 2 TD and 1 INT.

2. DeMeco Ryans registers a sack. We all wonder aloud why it was that he wasn't turned loose more last year. We all then remember Richard Smith and get angry.

DeMeco sacking Mark Sanchez isn't much of a bold prediction, so I'm upping the ante by also predicting that Fred Bennett picks Sanchez off.

3. A bit of a downer here...I don't see a huge game for Steve Slaton. The offensive line will struggle against the Jets' 3-4, and I think Slaton's going to find the sledding tough. I foresee a final stat line of 17 carries for 65 yards and no TDs.

PUT YOUR NAME ON IT: As I said yesterday, give me the team that's starting a veteran at QB and playing at home. On balance, I expect a fairly ugly game with a few big plays here and there. Call it Texans 20, Jets 13.

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super/steve

Your right 65 rushing but 95 rec. yards screen alawys kill the ravens/jets. SUPER/STEVE……TOP 3 IN AII PURPOSE YDS.

by texan81 on Sep 11, 2009 8:46 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Hopefully the Texans do win 20-13...or just win, period.

Because after that tough loss last night, the Titans are not going to be showing any mercy next Sunday.

The true test in the life of a Texans fan is how gracefully you endure it.

by TexanKurt on Sep 11, 2009 9:11 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Respectable predictions all

I forsee a festival of field goals.

Texans 19 – 16 Jets.

by BigTexBD on Sep 11, 2009 9:12 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs

my 3 are.....

*shaub throws for over 300 (i dont see any pics… maybe a fumble on a sack, if anything)
*james casey scores his 1st NFL touchdown
*story of the game will be the defense.

by chrisd21 on Sep 11, 2009 9:17 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Last year

Didn’t you predict Reeves would come up with an interception in the first game last year? Sounded like a bold prediction at the time, then it happened.

by WhiskeyR on Sep 11, 2009 9:22 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs

rec'd

just in case any of your predictions come true. lol

by chrisd21 on Sep 11, 2009 9:29 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs

the TITS

are out in full force this morning….
and boy are they cranky! im battling them as we speak….

"If you're an asshole, you're gonna come back as a cockroach or a worm or a fuckin' anal bead, okay? If you're a man and you act heroic, you'll come back as an eagle. You'll come back as a dragon."

by chrisd21 on Sep 11, 2009 9:58 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs

me against 100...

and i slienced them all! hahahahahahha!!!!!!!!! my last rant went a little something like this:
gloves off.
say what you want, but it’s no secret why you guys had to "steal" the oilers… it’s because no OTHER team in their right mind wants to camp in country ass nashville.
besides the fact…
that you blew the only opportunity you had at winning a superbowl.
now…
you have a has been alcoholic quarterback, who is starting AHEAD of your "chosen boy". again, another guy you "stole" from texas.
seeing as texas has been so kind to you… gave you a team, gave you a quarterback…
you would think that you TIT fans would be more appreciative. (talk about biting the hand that fed you….)
by chrisd21 on Sep 11, 2009 9:27 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

btw…
hows your pro basketball team?
baseball team?
anyone? anyone?
ohhhhhhhhhh yeah…. you guys only have the TITS.
we can do this all day…..
unlike you guys, us texans fans are having a wonderful day today. :)

"If you're an asshole, you're gonna come back as a cockroach or a worm or a fuckin' anal bead, okay? If you're a man and you act heroic, you'll come back as an eagle. You'll come back as a dragon."

by chrisd21 on Sep 11, 2009 11:52 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

I'm calling for...

Mario gets an int. while Demeco is flinging Sanchez around like a toy for a sack, the flung at #90 in a desperate attempt to get rid of it and Monday Mike Greenberg cries :)

GO TEXANS!!!!

This is the year.......

by Texanmaniac on Sep 11, 2009 12:31 PM CDT via mobile up reply actions 0 recs

is it asking too much...

but I need the Texans to win AND cover the -4.5 spread.

by grungedave on Sep 11, 2009 10:33 AM CDT reply actions 1 recs

Rec'd

for the possibility that dave might end up having to type with his nose because he gets his fingers cut off when the texans dont cover that spread.

by Jordann on Sep 11, 2009 12:51 PM CDT up reply actions 2 recs

I think

We light them up on the first play. Like a post to Andre Davis, when there star CB is on Dre’.

I think the goal will be get points early and force them to go to the passing game to keep up.

It’s easy to stuff the run if they aren’t running.

I think schaub breaks 350 yards passing and SS and Brown get some good runs when they have run nickle and dime all the time.

You can't fix Dumb

by Texans-Brocos on Sep 11, 2009 11:06 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs

PS

I don’t think Thor sees the field unless they decide to run a trick play of some sort. Other than on Special teams.

You can't fix Dumb

by Texans-Brocos on Sep 11, 2009 11:07 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

Texans winning by any margin is OK with me

I stopped betting on games after too many expensive ~~lessons~~ losses. I would like to see several sacks by Super Mario, and a couple of INT’s would be cool too. How about one for Dunta? I’m not holding any grudges, and I hope the fans give him a warm reception. If I were the Texans, I would introduce the offense for the pregame hoopla.

How about an early huge punt return from Jacoby to get the crowd revved up?

Tim – Are you going to set up the game prediction contest again this year? I found that to be fun. Would be great if you have the time.

GO TEXANS!!!!!

It took the Astros 44 years to get to the Series, the Oilers-Texans are due to get to the big dance...Go Texans!!!!!

by oiler-texan diehard on Sep 11, 2009 11:10 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs

texans 27 jets 21

1. owen daniels has 9 catches for 90 yards and a TD. walter’s hamstring is not 100% and this will give daniels some more opportunities to get some targets.

2. brian cushing has 4 – 7 tackles total during the game in his limited play and comes up huge on a 3 and long screen play and stuffs leon washington cold.

3. mark sanchez has a respectable game against our mediocre secondary and he will get all of the media attention. his line will go 22 – 38 with 2 tds and an int. F the J-E-T-S and F U-S-C

by kcc28 on Sep 11, 2009 12:30 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Having come into possession of Top Secret information...

I am now beginning to think that we may all be pleasantly surprised with what the defense DIDN’T show us in the pre-season.

I think the Jets are going to have a much tougher time of things than people think.

TEXANS 31 JETS 17

"An open mind is like a fortress with it's gates unbarred and unguarded."

The ROSENFAIL : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAKAKE-uq-8&feature=related

by TexansForever on Sep 11, 2009 1:54 PM CDT reply actions 1 recs

pray tell!

and WHERE did you come into possession of this info?
and dont say if you tell me… you gotta kill me.

"If you're an asshole, you're gonna come back as a cockroach or a worm or a fuckin' anal bead, okay? If you're a man and you act heroic, you'll come back as an eagle. You'll come back as a dragon."

by chrisd21 on Sep 11, 2009 1:57 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

agreed

spit it out, TF.

Note to self: Insert something witty here.

by bigfatdrunk on Sep 11, 2009 3:00 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

TerrierFucker?

Bacon tastes good... Pork chops taste good.

by beefy on Sep 11, 2009 3:02 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

ok, the defense is better than the pre-season

I agree.

But 17 points to a new offense, rookie QB at home?

I will be disappointed in the defense win or lose, if we give up 17 points.

Smushiak will take us to the playoffs in 2009.

by texanphil on Sep 11, 2009 8:51 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

I had the opportunity...

…to speak with some “people”. These “people” indicated that the defense is going to be more aggressive and “tricky” than we may even have been led to believe.

That’s about as far as I can go with that little tidbit.

This was a chance opportunity as well, so don’t go thinking I have some special inside track. I just happened to be at the right place at the right time with the right people!

"An open mind is like a fortress with it's gates unbarred and unguarded."

The ROSENFAIL : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAKAKE-uq-8&feature=related

by TexansForever on Sep 11, 2009 4:04 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

i hate....

a tease. lol

"If you're an asshole, you're gonna come back as a cockroach or a worm or a fuckin' anal bead, okay? If you're a man and you act heroic, you'll come back as an eagle. You'll come back as a dragon."

by chrisd21 on Sep 11, 2009 4:16 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

Texans 24 NYJ 9

*Sanchez has a miserable day; looking up from his back, passes batted down; a real welcome to the NFL, kid sorta day.
*Hard fought ground game for Slayton and Brown, but the third and forth quarters wear down the Jets D, who’ll be on the field too much. Slayton picks up 79 yards and a TD, Brown nets 32 yards and a redzone TD, Schaub hooks up with Owens for a score and KBrown finishes it off.
*Texans D will be the big story: three sacks, three turnovers and a ton of QB hurries will leave the Jets kicking three field goals.

by SBond on Sep 11, 2009 4:37 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Texans 41 NY 16

TEXANS D……d rob…… 1 int…….#91 gets 1 sack & 1 forced/fum…….#56 gets 2 forced/fum……#90 gets 2 fumble/rec 1 for a TD…….#59 gets 12 tackles/fumble/rec & 1int……#98 gets game ending sack

by texan81 on Sep 11, 2009 5:33 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

This Season

If anyone cheap-shots Schaub, our defense needs to return the favor. It seems like teams have decided it’s worth the risk. I can see the Jets pulling something like this Sunday to set the tone.

by kozanack on Sep 11, 2009 9:47 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

With someone named Ryan as the coach

You could say this is a real possibility. And if they do something like that, I hope we pay them back.

When I'm on the mic, I'm like global warming, you can't ignore me.

by tehGrindCrusher on Sep 12, 2009 6:03 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

I find these predictions UTTERLY useless!!!

Here are mine:

(1) Mario gets zero sacks, however, the Jets are guilty of 5 holding penalties trying to stop him.

(2) AJ has 150 yards receiving in the first half and the Texans roll to 3 TD’s in the first half.

(3) Kubiak wins to “red flag” challenges…a personal record.

I suppose if all of the stars, moons and planets align it could be possible, but what are the chances of that?

by Rip Jersey on Sep 12, 2009 9:37 AM CDT via mobile reply actions 1 recs

Rec'd

for being bold enough to predict Kubes winning 2 challenges. I just hoped he replaced the 5 year old he had watching replays and advising him.

So you're saying that now I have to think of some witty Sig that will be applicable across all the SBN sites? Go Texan Horn Stro Kets!

by Shake on Sep 12, 2009 10:36 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

if kubes hasn't lost confidence in his timing of throwing the red flag

he certainly should.

He needs an easy win early to build his confidence for the 2009 season.

Smushiak will take us to the playoffs in 2009.

by texanphil on Sep 12, 2009 11:52 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

WHOULD IT BE A STRETCH...

to say that Texans might implement some no-huddle vs the Jets tomorrow!! Yeah it’s true that Ryan’s defenses like to fly around and blitz, so why not make them keep that same 11 out there for the entire drive!! Their D will tire out way before our offense would (seeing how the Texans are tops in the NFL at time of possession).

I see the Texans having the potential to blow this game wide open before halftime. The Jets O can’t gameplan for our defense because they haven’t seen it yet (none of us have). Did anyone notice that we were running the regular 4-3 defense in the preseason??!! That is not Bush’s scheme. He couldn’t run it the way he wanted then because Cush was out. Now he’s back, so expect more of an aggressive 5-2 lineup with crazy blitz packages lol. The Jets won’t be ready and will struggle to move the ball.

What do you guys think…???

by BdoFiFtY81 on Sep 12, 2009 1:48 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

No Huddle

Could be a nice way to keep the Jets off balance. Whatever it takes to make ’em uncomfortable.

Cautiously optimistic that F. Bush played things very close to the vest and conservatively throughout the preseason. Here’s hoping he unleashes hell tomorrow.

Looking forward to a day when being a Texans fan doesn't mean that April is the highlight of my season...

by Tim on Sep 12, 2009 2:26 PM CDT via mobile up reply actions 0 recs