Three And Out: Useless Predictions For Sunday's Game
by Tim on Sep 18, 2009 1:12 PM CDT
in News
33 comments
Boy, was I psychic last week or what? Good thing accountability isn't a prerequisite in the prediction biz, or I might hold off on flapping my gums about three (3) things sure to happen when your Houston Texans tangle with Bud Adams' Army of Darkness on Sunday. Without further ado:
1. Super Mario stops the team's streak of "Games Without A Sack" at one when he brings Kerry Collins down early in the second quarter. Extra prediction, free of charge: Amobi Okoye also notches a sack.
No, I haven't been drinking. Why do you ask?
2. I'd love to make a prediction about Matt Schaub having a 300 yard day through the air, but I can't. One, because I don't know about that ankle and two, because I believe the Titans are going to have a much easier time bringing him down than they did Ben Roethlisberger. I will, however, predict that a returning Kevin Walter (or David Anderson, if K-Dub still can't go) has a big day as the Titans' defense concentrates on bottling up Andre Johnson (who will still catch a TD pass nonetheless). Walter or Anderson finishes with 7 catches for 76 yards.
3. Steve Slaton will not make it three (3) 100 yards rushing games in a row against the Titans. He will, however, finish with 89 total yards, 40 of which will be receiving. A rushing touchdown will be scored, but it's going to be by Chris Brown.
Nope, still not drinking. But that's a fair conclusion to draw.
PUT YOUR NAME ON IT: Prior to the season starting, I figured the Texans would be 1-1 after Week Two. Based on what we saw against the Jets last week, I simply cannot stand by that prediction, much as I'd love to. Even though I have to call a loss (Texans 14, Titans 23), I do think we'll see a much different team than the frauds we saw at Reliant five days ago. If we don't? I'm stuffing my face at Manchu Wok in Terminal A and going Jimi Hendrix on the flight home.
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Irony - listening to watchtower right now
Mario WILL have at least one sack. And Antonio smith will assist on one tackle, good investment Texans.
If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
by CFHTim on Sep 18, 2009 1:23 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
I think...
The tits eek out a tight, low-scoring affair. I think we keep Johnson fairly contained for about 100 total yards (they’re going to feed him constantly, throughout), but Gage sneaks one in on a jumpball, in which Dunta is made to look like the fuggin bitch that he is.
Tits: 23-20. I did have 21-20, but you know Bironas is going to nail us to the cross.
Side prop: Little Sissy Bitch Boy, Courtland Finnegan gets hurt on a punt return, and the breath is knocked from the stadium for a while when we score off the consequential fumble. Not a fumble return, mind you.
Bacon tastes good... Pork chops taste good.
by beefy on Sep 18, 2009 1:32 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Think Beefy
called this one correct, sadly. But I will be happy just to see a competitive football team this Sunday. Sucks after 7 years i just have to hope we don’t get blown out.
If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
by CFHTim on Sep 18, 2009 1:39 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Got Warned on Music City Miracles Blog
Do not make any anti steve mcnair comments, they get a little bent out of shape
If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
by CFHTim on Sep 18, 2009 1:37 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
My own useless prediction
I’ll make my first post a positive one:
I predict the texans win 20-17 texans. I just really expect the O-line to play much better against the titans, and i think our secondary will be much better with eugene wilson and hopefully reeves. And maybe Dunta will remember how to tackle.
by nolander on Sep 18, 2009 5:19 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
I like your optimism nolander.
If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
by CFHTim on Sep 18, 2009 5:56 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
if for nothing else
I hope you are right about the secondary improving.
Its our only hope this year.
Smushiak will take us to the playoffs in 2009.
by texanphil on Sep 18, 2009 7:01 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Completely Useless and Sobering Predictions!!!!!
Here’s Mine (BBing from a hotel one block from the French Quarter of N’awlins)
(1) First sack of the season for the Texans goes to Connor Barwin, as does the second and third…for a three sack afternoon! (Obviosly not sober here on Friday afternoon in the Big Easy)
(2) Jacoby Jones silence the “music” with a PR TD, putting the Texans into a third quarter lead!
(3) Steve Slaton and Chris Brown, as “Wonder and Awe” make their debut as the newest dynamically-named duo, and they ball-control the Texans to a 17-13 win.
I suppose if all of the stars, moons and planets align it could be possible, but what are the chances of that?
by Rip Jersey on Sep 18, 2009 6:37 PM CDT via mobile reply actions 0 recs
I don’t know, I was hopping for Hammer and Sickle(goes with all the S’s around Steve “Slasher” Slaton). Maybe too commie sounding though.
by nolander on Sep 18, 2009 6:50 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
maybe Slasher and Basher? OK, I’ll stop now.
by nolander on Sep 18, 2009 6:53 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Well
Nebraska has the Black Shirts. Why can’t we have the Hammer and Sickle?
When I'm on the mic, I'm like global warming, you can't ignore me.
by tehGrindCrusher on Sep 19, 2009 7:16 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
shrug. I will say the Black Shirts are a little more obscure then the Hammer and Sickle.
by nolander on Sep 19, 2009 8:15 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
What Tim didn't mention
is CBrown scored on the second play of the game.
Because we all know he won’t play after that, due to injury.
They know him there, they are going for his (ankle, knee, fingernail… whatever it is, he’ll be hurt). Remember last year? We were misled last week, I do believe.
Smushiak will take us to the playoffs in 2009.
by texanphil on Sep 18, 2009 7:00 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
I don’t really feel mislead. He only touched the ball 3 damn times.
by nolander on Sep 18, 2009 7:16 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
he of all people
doesn’t have to be
a. on the playing field
or
involved in the playto get injured.
Smushiak will take us to the playoffs in 2009.
by texanphil on Sep 18, 2009 10:18 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
prediction
Collins torches the secondary for 320 yards, 2 touchdowns and isn’t touched by the Texans defense all day.
Chris Johnson racks up 140 total yards and a touchdown.
Titans sack Shaub 5 times, pick him off twice, and return one for a touchdown.
Lendale White runs over Dunta for a 25 yard touchdown and the rout is on
Titans embarass Houston 34-12.
You're not wrong walter, you're just an asshole.
by collinzoober5 on Sep 18, 2009 7:14 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
It's time for our latest session of "Know Your Troll"
Considering this is collinzoober has been so active trolling on BRB this week, why don’t we get to know him? In case you can’t see his profile picture in the smaller version, I highly suggest you go see the larger version. Here’s his bio, so you can feel closer to the troll hanging out on our site:
my name’s rob, though i’m certainly sure that’s not who i am, and i am ever lost as what to say in these things. But i like the most simple and the most complex of things, it seems i’m a person of extremes, i’ve been told by many that if and when you do meet me you’ll either love or hate me. I’d like to believe that there is at least some wiggle room in there. I’m not originally from Washington, and it’s becoming more and more apparent that i’ll be leaving soon, to work on my future, with going back to school and such. My “story” is quite unfortunate, yet there is much to smile upon, and i’m greatful for the people i’ve met and the lessons i’ve learned, even if the reason i’m here isn’t so flattering or encouraging. I’m at that crucial transitional period, still finding myself a bit, though i’ve figured most of that out already. There are things i’d like to work on, to keep growing really. I have some really wonderful friends who keep my life from being boring, and who really inspire me. My outlook on life is that we all make our own decisions there is no fate, or meant to be circumstances. Things just happen, and you are faced with decisions and your life is based off of those decisons. I don’t know if i believe in god, i’m still trying to figure that one out. Currently my biggest struggle is knowing that if i were to stay or if i were to go, i’d be leaving people behind i care very much about, and as many friends have advised me i must do what is right for myself. Though i’ve never really been interested in that one. I love film, and music though it can be disputed by some the quality of that music, i’m sure most of you will see that i like good music, but as i said it depends what your point of view on that is. I think the thing i’ve learned that is the most poignant is that you can never go home again, and i never really got that, until i left home and came back again. I sigh a lot, i try to step back and watch the world around me, the things that make me the happiest are driving at night, listening to music, watching sports.
Great, that was fun. Thanks for stopping by collinzoober.
You know... for kids.
by Jake on Sep 18, 2009 7:21 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Dear god, kid
Ever heard of a paragraph?
When I'm on the mic, I'm like global warming, you can't ignore me.
by tehGrindCrusher on Sep 19, 2009 7:17 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
geez
he does realize that this isn’t match.com right?
"If you're an asshole, you're gonna come back as a cockroach or a worm or a fuckin' anal bead, okay? If you're a man and you act heroic, you'll come back as an eagle. You'll come back as a dragon."
by chrisd21 on Sep 19, 2009 11:10 AM CDT via mobile up reply actions 0 recs
I have a feeling
I think the Titans will be so concerned about stopping Steve Slaton from getting another 100 yards, that they’ll use a higher proportion of run blitzes to pass blitzes than normal. I think this will in turn let Andre Johnson have a huge day.
I think that the Texans will be in this game, and I have a feeling they will find a way to win.
You know... for kids.
by Jake on Sep 18, 2009 7:17 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
I think they'll play better than last game
But I don’t think they’ll win.
When I'm on the mic, I'm like global warming, you can't ignore me.
by tehGrindCrusher on Sep 19, 2009 7:28 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
you do know that
the titans don’t blitz almost at all right? They’ll be able to stuff slaton with their base 4-3 defense, they are that good.
You're not wrong walter, you're just an asshole.
by collinzoober5 on Sep 18, 2009 7:44 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Yeah that non blitzing worked real good for you at the end of the game against the steelers who have a fairly crappy line. Oh wait…
by nolander on Sep 18, 2009 7:59 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
if the titans don't blitz against us
Jeff Fischer should be fired.
Did you happen to see any Jets highlights from week 1?
Smushiak will take us to the playoffs in 2009.
by texanphil on Sep 18, 2009 10:21 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
The Titties...
should win, but I think the Texans put up a real fight.
GO TEXANS!!!!
This is the year.......
by Texanmaniac on Sep 18, 2009 8:41 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
i really wana see
Super Mario and Antonio Smith get after Collins.
"We don't need refs, but i guess white guys need something to do."- Charles Barkley
by Rockets 4 Life on Sep 19, 2009 1:14 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
My predictions
1) The Texans employ state-of-the-art radio jamming technology to interrupt the play call from the Titans’ coaches to Collins and replace it with Jerry Jeff Walker songs. As a result, Collins attempts to two-step with Johnson at the line of scrimmage. Mario Williams manages to poke the ball out from in between them and take it to the house for six. Collins and Johnson are too entranced by each other to notice and spend the rest of the game on the sideline scrapbooking.
2) Vince Young enters the game and promptly rips a long run off for an apparent touchdown, only to look up and see Casey Studdard with a bottle of Patron on the sidelines. Vince promptly veers to the Texans sideline, rips off his jersey and pads, takes a big swig of tequila, grabs a lighter from a fan, and does his best St Elmo’s fire impersonation. LenDale White takes the rest of the Titans’ snaps as qb.
3) Upon seeing LenDale White at qb, Frank Bush has a nervous breakdown and makes the Texans line up in a 6-5 defense with no down linemen. White rolls up 556 yards of total offense against the Texans until the Texans realize they can stop him by blitzing Matt Turk on every play.
Texans lose 73-11.
When I'm on the mic, I'm like global warming, you can't ignore me.
by tehGrindCrusher on Sep 19, 2009 7:40 AM CDT reply actions 1 recs
Laugh, cause this shit aint funny.
After an embarrasing and upsetting game last week it is posts like these that help make it all okay. It’s nice to have a good laugh, because this year this shit isn’t going to be funny. Thanks GrindCrusher.
by TexanSchmackDown on Sep 20, 2009 12:46 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Not so much a prediction as a solemn hope
that the Texans actually show up and regain some respect. This past week has been a real depressing experience for all the koolaid sippers, like myself, that really, REALLY believed that this was the year. One horrendous game does not a season make, but an 0-2 start according to recent historical trends reduces our chances of making the playoffs to about 1 in 7.5. That being known, this is an absolute must game for both teams, and therefore a real good chance to see how we stack up against a tough Titans team.
GO TEXANS!!!!!!!!
It took the Astros 44 years to get to the Series, the Oilers-Texans are due to get to the big dance...Go Texans!!!!!
by oiler-texan diehard on Sep 19, 2009 7:08 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
3 predictions I hope come true
1. Dunta Robinson will have all writing utensils removed from his possession at least 3 hours before gametime.
2. Owen Daniels will score the first TD of the game.
3. Slaton holds on to the ball this time and scores his first TD of the season, too.
by grungedave on Sep 20, 2009 11:01 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
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