October 19, 2010
After an uneventful trade deadline passed this afternoon at 3 p.m. CDT with no trades for the Houston Texans, members of the Battle Red Blog, a sports blog dedicated to the football team, rose up and marched on the stadium into the office of General Manager Rick Smith.
The editor, who only went by the name "Tim" said in a statement to the media, "We're just tired of seeing the Texans do nothing to improve the quality of our team. There were perfectly good cornerbacks to be had at discount prices and we didn't bite at any of them!"
Other bloggers ransacked the stadium. One blogger in particular, who did not give his name, found the office of Frank Bush. After a brief scuffle, the defensive coordinator, and object of scorn for many BRB bloggers, was thrown out of his office bound with duct tape and hog-tied. When last seen, Bush was being tied to a stake at the 50-yard-line by angry bloggers wearing Texans jerseys.
"We have spoken with Mr. McNair," Tim continued, "and we have come to terms about how the team will be administrated from now on."
Among the changes made include naming tGC as new defensive coordinator. When asked why, Tim only stated, "He can't be any worse than Frank Bush, and if he is, he's thousands of miles away from the angry mob."
Joining Rick Smith in an unprecedented role as co-General Manager is riversmccown. He will make sure that Smith conducts future Texans drafts in a manner according to what Texans fans deserve. While covering this story, this reporter saw riversmccown asking Smith about how many tight ends will the Texans be taking in the coming draft. "Um..." Smith muttered meekly. Before he could answer, rivers raised a baseball bat above Smith's head, "how many, Rick," he asked? "None," said Smith, slumping his shoulders.
"We also have an endorsement deal for new drink sponsors of the Texans," announced rivers in his first act as co-GM. "The fine people of Clorox have graciously allowed us to serve their beverage at all concession stands for the rest of the season. And because Tim demanded it, we will also be serving Zima, despite the fact that nobody other than Tim drinks it, as well as Coors Light." This announcement was met by a loud chorus of boos.
Uprootedtexan, a Texans fan living in Seattle, has been named as executive vice president of
propaganda public relations because, frankly, he had nothing better to do and it pays better than his substitute teaching job. TexansDC and BFD have been named to unique posts within the organization. TexansDC has been given the title of "Head of Obnoxious Sportscaster Relocation Squad" colloquially known as the "Tasker Brigade." BFD, as the blog's economic guru, will be tasked with managing team funds and use of said funds to ensure a properly called game by the referees.
"The last major change," according to Tim, "will be replacing the bulls in front of the stadium with an enormous idol dedicated to Durga," the Texans guardian goddess of victory.
Since the filing of this story, Texans
propaganda public relations has announced that Frank Bush will be used in a ritual sacrifice to the idol of Durga. Time to be announced later today.