Three And Out: Useless Predictions For Sunday's Game
by Tim on Nov 13, 2010 12:22 PM CST
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PrintThe crystal ball is awfully cloudy this week, and the spirits aren't returning my calls. As is the case all too often with your Houston Texans, I have absolutely no clue what's going to happen this week. Any given Sunday and all that, but the Texans' defense is still the Texans' defense, a certainty on par with death and taxes. Before we get any more depressed, my best guesses after the jump.
1. Jacksonville is giving up 119.1 rushing yards per game, which currently ranks them 22nd in the league against the run. Jacksonville has also given up 11 rushing TDs, ranking them second-worst in the league in that category. Arian Foster is currently averaging 5.5 yards per carry and has 9 rushing touchdowns in 8 games. I'm no offensive mastermind, but it seems like it'd be a good idea to feed Foster the ball. If Kubiak and Dennison don't try to get too cute (admittedly, a sizable assumption), Arian Foster will rush for 125 yards and 2 TDs.
2. Last week's half-sack aside, Mario Williams has been quiet lately. Eugene Monroe has been solid for Jacksonville, but Super Mario will get the better of him tomorrow. One sack and two QB hurries for the first overall pick of the 2006 NFL Draft on Sunday.
3. David Garrard will turn the ball over once. He will also throw for 3 TDs. Marcedes Lewis will catch one of those TDs. Bernard Pollard will yell about it, despite Lewis being his responsibility. Frank Bush will praise Pollard's intensity between guffaws. I will mainline bleach.
PUT YOUR NAME ON IT: The Texans are 2-1 on the road this season, but they've also lost two in a row and three of their last four. They've never given up less than 24 points to an opponent this season, and they've given up 30 points or more in three of the last four games (with the exception being last week, when the Chargers scored 29 points). If the Texans are going to win, it's probably going to require scoring more than 30 points. Much as I'd like to be wrong, I don't see it happening. Texans 27, Jaguars 31.
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Flip the score, that's my prediction
Jacksonville’s secondary may be just as bad as Houston’s…and they may be missing Alualu on top of Kampman. I just like Houston’s offense to better take advantage of a bad defense than David Garrard.
"Lord, beer me strength."
Key to the game
When the Jaguars beat the Texans seems like it’s Garrard (maybe just my perception) on his feet either scrambling for a first down, TD or a completion on a broken play. The D-line needs to keep Garrard in front of them and not let him get loose. That’s it. That is the intangibles that Garrard brings. It goes without saying that Jones-Drew is their big man. But, it seems that Garrard is the guy that pulls out the wins for them. Stop that guy from making something out of nothing and the Texans win!
I dub the jaguars..... untelevised!
Don't see it happening
with no interior rush and Mario’s one move of flying around the edge the middle of the field will be wide open for said scramble. As usual our zone won’t react till Gerrard is 5 yards down the field and miss a tackle to allow another 5.
The mediocrity in this matchup
Is overwhelming. I think they’ll pull it together and win, because it’s that time of the season again. Kubiak’s not getting fired, and winning games like this when we’re almost certainly not making the playoffs is what keeps him employed.
Frank Bush delenda est
I think we win this game big
and come next week the complexion of the entire AFC will change. We’ll find ourselves with an undeniable chance. Now, as we know with this team, opportunities are rarely seized and capitalized on. However, it starts with this game and I think we will destroy the Jacksonville Jags in their own backyard on Sunday. I think Foster will run for 150+yds and 2 TDs, while Schaub gets everyone involved through the air at the same time. The fact is our defensive play has been similar but we have far more weapons on both sides of the ball especially offensively. I believe this huge win will start the momentum of a 4 game win streak. I think we will stay side by side with the Titans all year and it will come down to the last game of the year, where we will have the advantage of playing a down and out Jags team in our own house and the Titans will play a pissed off 5head Manning IN Indy for their last game and we will win and they will lose propelling us by them into 1st place in the AFC south. BOOM
by theSpaceCityKid on Nov 13, 2010 2:18 PM CST reply actions
Heres how it goes down here on out, sorry to ruin it for you bc its gonna be pretty sweet!
wk10— Titans win in Mia to go up to 6-3 and we win in Jax to go up to 5-4
wk11— Titans win @ home against Wash= (7-3) and we win IN NY by a Rackers FG= (6-4)
wk12— Titans lose to us= (7-4) and that win makes us (7-4)
wk13— Titans beat Jax at home= (8-4) and we beat Philly on TNF to hit that 4 game streak= (8-4)
wk14— Titans lose to Indy at home= (8-5) and we lose a close one to Balt= (8-5)
wk15— Titans beat us in their home game= (9-5) we lose a thriller to go a game back= (8-6)
wk16— Titans LOSE to a rolling KC in KC= (9-6) and we beat Denver in our house= (9-6)
wk17— Titans have to play Indy IN Indy and we play @ home against Jacksonville.
WE WIN!! THEY LOSE!!! WE WON THE AFC!!!
Now i know what you’re thinkin’: “Hey buddy, youre just gonna forget about the Colts?” but im not. The Colts will lose the next 3 games against the Bengal, Patriots and Chargers to fall to (5-6) Then they will win 3 straight against the Cowboys, Tenn and Jacksonville to go to (8-6). Then they will travel to Oakland and get STUNNED in a shoot out by the Raiders and fall to (8-7). Then for the final game of the year a pissed off Peighton manning puts in work for the good guys @ home and beats the Titans to finish tied for 2nd @ (9-7) and one game behind YOUR HOUSTON TEXANS IN AN ABSOLUTE THRILLER OF A SECOND HALF OF THE NFL SEASON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
by theSpaceCityKid on Nov 13, 2010 2:40 PM CST up reply actions 4 recs
I wish I had your optimism.
About anything.
A Texans fan. Really. No, I'm not kidding.
http://www.battleredblog.com
Thanks for the breath of fresh air...
Please post early and often…
"Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do..."
Denver is an away game. I'll be there!
But if this happens I will buy you a beer every 5 minutes for an hour. And not keithstone.
by AllenOU on Nov 13, 2010 7:45 PM CST via mobile up reply actions
Denver is an away game. I'll be there!
But if this happens I will buy you a beer every 5 minutes for an hour. And not keithstone.
by AllenOU on Nov 13, 2010 7:48 PM CST via mobile up reply actions
After some initial creepiness, I'm starting to like those Keith Stone commercials
"Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do..."
Where I have been department
I just heard Frank Okam was cut by the Seattle Seahawks…ha! I didn’t know he wasn’t a Texan!!!
I dub the jaguars..... untelevised!
Brandon Mebane got healthy
They didn’t need him anymore
"...and Kareem Jackson will fall down..."
Me neither.
I think it was last week though that Seattle had Chester Pitts playing LT.
Ouch.
He played a bit at LT
Also had Tyler Polumbus playing LT, and he kind of sucks balls too. Russell Okung has been injured a lot, so it’s really put them in a bad situation.
"...and Kareem Jackson will fall down..."
Somewhere...
David Carr heard “Chester Pitts playing LT,” and he curled up into the fetal position. Then again, Carr goes fetal when one of his sons approach him for a hug.
"Lord, beer me strength."
Yeah, but his sons are known cheap-shot artists...
"Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do..."
Texans dominate 38 - 24
Schaub and Foster finally have a game where they are both good.
Schaub – 310 yards, 2 TDs, 1 INT
Foster – 110 yards, 3 TDs, 1 Fumble (recovered by Texans)
Johnson – 130 yards receiving, 1 TD
Kareem Jackson falls down only twice this game.
"...and Kareem Jackson will fall down..."
by .Bonzo on Nov 13, 2010 4:31 PM CST reply actions 1 recs
rec'd for the Weebles two fall-down prediction
"Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do..."
I predict that we win this game.
But people still bitch about everything.
"Eff you mothereffer!"
-Bernard Pollard-
by Jordann on Nov 13, 2010 4:37 PM CST reply actions 3 recs
winner winner chicken dinner
I also expect us to then lose to the eagles in a close one, and for everyone to shit themselves some more.
LAST SEASON, I led this team in ninth-inning doubles in the month of August!
Yup.
Or if we win that game, Pancakes will start proclaiming us as superbowl bound.
"Eff you mothereffer!"
-Bernard Pollard-
Yup and LDJA12 will write an article about how he always believed in Kubiak...
"Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do..."
Das a lotta points for Jacksonville.
I think the defense shows up on Sunday. Their two best performances were against Indy, so I’m holding out hope that they spent the entire off-season preparing for Jacksonville and Tennessee. Therefore, Jags: 21, Texans: 3. I mean, 23. Or do I…
My predictions
Kareem Jackson will fall down…
Frank bush will have a sandwich, while trying do his best impersonation of DC which only the front office will buy.
Glover Quinn waves to his parents while on the field which causes him to inadvertently to swat down a pass
and
Kareem Jackson will fall down.
Frank Bush disgusted by the fact that our defense had actually made a stop, will over-simplify the next play by showing a blitz
Mario and Cushing will over pursue and kareem jackson will fall down.
Any barely competent team will score.
Kubiak seeing this performance, will compliment them for only giving up a touchdown in 2 minutes and say dont worry boys its on me. Which then my soul dies just a little more.
This sounds like a chopped up version of the thing posted earlier
I detect plagurism
"...and Kareem Jackson will fall down..."
Summary of the 1st half of 2010
We have a very inconsistent Offense, and a Defense that is consistently horrible. I believe that this scoring chart below for the first 8 games (sample sizes are for bitches) shows this all too well.
If the Treasury Secretary doesn't have to pay taxes, then why do I?
by Shake on Nov 13, 2010 7:35 PM CST reply actions 4 recs
Weeek 3, 5, 7, and 8
Lacked a good amount of Foster
/beating a dead horse
"...and Kareem Jackson will fall down..."
Kinda like our next draft will be TE heavy
/now that’s beating a dead horse
This comment has been brought to you by Drano Classic Milkshakes.
Drano Milkshakes, For when a slow, painful death is preferable to watching the Texans play defense
by The Night Owl on Nov 14, 2010 12:02 AM CST up reply actions
I think alot of people forget
I do not think the jaguars will beat the texans tomorrow. I know the texans will beat themselves. Either coaching, bad game by schaub ( due to coaching ) or getting torched in the secondary ( due to coaching / craptastic players )
38-28 jags
by AllenOU on Nov 13, 2010 7:37 PM CST via mobile reply actions
My two cents.
Or three cents, as the case may be.
1. Arian Foster will gain 180 total yards, score once and after the game we will all complain about how woefully underutilized he was.
2. Mario Williams will continue to be mostly invisible. The best player on the defensive line will be Antonio Smith, who will commit one bone-headed personal foul.
3. David Garrard’s fat-but-somehow-athletic ass will convert a 3rd and long with a 26-yard scramble that sets up the game-winning field goal attempt.
And a bonus, because I want to fit in: Kareem Jackson will fall down.
I honestly don’t feel too bad about this game, but the defense speaks for itself. I know Jacksonville’s isn’t that hot either, but I expect Kubiak will inexplicably stray away from a successful running game again at some point and force Schaub to pass entirely too much.
30-28 Jags. Josh Scobee nails the coffin that contains Houston’s season shut with a heart-breaking 56-yard field goal at the end of regulation.
GET A SILK BAG FROM THE GRAVEYARD DUCK TO LIVE LONGER.
If Arian Foster gains 180 yards, the Texans win.
And Weebles falling down is like Houston being humid, BBQ being tasty or Barbara Streisand being ugly… It’s implied.
"Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do..."
by DilloTex on Nov 13, 2010 8:57 PM CST up reply actions 1 recs
Why are you still calling him Weebles when they don't fall down?
Try some other nicknames, like Highway 25 or Toast
This comment has been brought to you by Drano Classic Milkshakes.
Drano Milkshakes, For when a slow, painful death is preferable to watching the Texans play defense
by The Night Owl on Nov 14, 2010 12:33 AM CST up reply actions
You would think, yeah.
But considering Kubiak’s history, especially after the last two weeks, I wouldn’t discount anything. Foster did have 197 from scrimmage last week and 172 the week before, both losses.
GET A SILK BAG FROM THE GRAVEYARD DUCK TO LIVE LONGER.
by Synchysi on Nov 14, 2010 2:30 AM CST up reply actions 1 recs
Before I finish typing this sentence
KJ will fall down.
The Jags will be hunting to stop the Texans running game and initially limit Foster by stuffing our O-Line and John Gruden’s “A GAP”. Kubiak will respond by going to the air. We’ll have some success, but Schaub gets sacked and comes up tender. We later mix it up a bit more and finally get the running game going, but can’t get enough points fast enough after pissing away two quarters trying to figure out what offense to run.
The defense mostly does well stopping MJD, although he still snaps loose a few times gouging big yards with broken tackles for many. Frank Bush forgets to assign anyone to spy Garrard, and he gets loose for some drive extensions on 3rd down. He also torches our secondary most of the game.
Final score: Texans 24, Jags 30
Another game on the season where the offense needed to score more than 30 to win, further highlighting the failed defense and confused play calling on offense.
I hope I’m wrong and that the Texans dominate and come home with a new chapter and momentum in the season to turn things around….finally.
Laughing at title and first line...
…but taking the mirror-image of your final score prediction.
So, out of curiosity, and there’s no “barb” here ‘cuz I enjoy your comments and it really grieves me to be on “the other side”… Do you still watch games where you really believe that the Texans are gonna’ lose? Or is the predicting a loss-thing some kind of a reverse juju thing where you say one thing hoping for another? ‘Cuz if it isn’t why would you watch the game? I can’t even stand to watch the commentary shows the week after a loss, never mind watching a replay of the game. I am in a FOUL mood for days…
I understand that there are folks that love the technical details and breakdown of plays so much that they can derive satisfaction from watching even poorly played football and creating an effective post-mortem, but it just GUTS ME! I could NEVER do River’s job because the LAST thing I want to do is look at game film of a loss.
Just curious…
"Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do..."
I enjoy humor too much I guess
and it sometimes clouds my posts from where my heart and limited technical research actually are most times. Honestly I watch every game and every play with the absolute enthusiasm that we’ll see a more consistent display of greatness that leads to wins, or at least close fought battles where they put their best into each effort.
I hope they Texans give us all reason to retire any jaded emotions from some of the dismal and lackluster experiences we have witnessed from players and coaches. I hope they pull together as a unit and put their hearts and minds on the field for 60 full minutes. I’m convinced if they did that, they could beat any team anytime they were motivated to do so.
I’m ex-military and my unit was involved in several high risk, low probability of success, operations in some real bad places. We over prepared and jacked up the mental and physical toughness to a level that gave us “force multipliers” that ensured we would not fail. Knowing this, that you can overcome odds by demanding excellence in execution, only makes me more frustrated when I see repeated opportunities for a unit like the Texans get wasted so casually. Honestly, they (and almost any NFL team) could go 16-0 if the entire squad of players and coaches put their full ability to work each and every week.
But alas, it is reduced to “entertainment” and not a life threatening event. But it is also a business, and a gig where millions of fans deposit their hearts and hopes to witness something to give them a thrill and a weekly escape from their own reality. Let’s hope the Texans find a way to get it done this week and start a roll toward the playoffs. Nothing heals venom and wounds like winning!
by MeMongo on Nov 14, 2010 8:52 AM CST up reply actions 3 recs
Im gonna stop being a rec'd whore.
And start flagging every pessimistic post or comment.
Let’s go.
"Eff you mothereffer!"
-Bernard Pollard-
by Jordann on Nov 13, 2010 8:44 PM CST reply actions 1 recs
I'll wreck your whore!
We should strive to live like the moon. Vibrant, not as our own light, but as the carriers of something greater than us. - Arian Foster
Flagged!!!
For being pessimistic about pessimists
If the Treasury Secretary doesn't have to pay taxes, then why do I?
by Shake on Nov 14, 2010 8:13 AM CST up reply actions 2 recs
Rec'd for flagging
I dub the jaguars..... untelevised!
by Rip Jersey on Nov 14, 2010 9:47 AM CST up reply actions 2 recs
Rec'd for rec'ing
"Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do..."
by DilloTex on Nov 14, 2010 12:02 PM CST up reply actions 1 recs
I think we win tomorrow
in a clash of two piss-poor defenses, I have to give the edge to the better offense. And that’s us.
Wow... gutsy call...
Now that’s some REAL optimism…
Preach, son!
"Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do..."
I'm just getting a little tired
of people picking on a rookie for playing like a rookie.
living the Texas dream
Yeah, in fairness...
I’ve gotta’ say you are probably right. That doesn’t mean I’m going to abandon “Weebles” for a while though. After he’s had a few non-ass-sprawling games in a row, I’ll forget all about the sight of him falling down in just about every game for the first few games.
Again, in fairness, the kid has demonstrated that he actually knows how to turn and look for the ball. If he ever gets some over-the-top help, and if it comes before he has gotten into bad habits from never having any confidence in having any backup, he may actually be one of our better pass interceptors.
Hope Wish springs eternal.
"Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do..."
I'm seriously hoping
KJ ends up similar to the story Darryl Green told about his rookie season and going on to be a game changing shut down corner. I really love those kind of turn around stories.
Yup, I would love that too...
…problem is Darryl Green used up the last of that batch of alien rocket-booster DNA and Weebles ain’t got those kind of wheels. Speed can make up for a lot of ills.
"Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do..."
When I was doing some research
on great corner backs, a few sources highlighted Deion Sanders. Now I always saw that guy as a flashy and verbal “hot dog” who mostly annoyed me when he played and did interviews. In fairness, some of the stats on that guy are shocking. His speed was insane, so much that he could make a mistake and still crack the boosters and catch up to get a hand on the all and disrupt the play. Your point on the speed factor is well recognized. Green and Sanders both had amazing speed.
Since KJ does not have world class speed, still good for his position-just not blistering, he has to master technique and limit his mistakes.
Sanders was more than just speed
He had awareness, mobility, insane intangible abilities. I don’t see that in KJ. Sanders was a “super” athlete. He was in a special class. KJ blends in with other normal humans. I never expect him to be what Sanders was.
I dub the jaguars..... untelevised!
Is he interested in coming out of retirement again?
What’s he, mid-40s now? Probably still better than Kareem/McCain.
by Nashmeister on Nov 14, 2010 10:03 AM CST up reply actions
I'd agree if he was just getting beat
but he keeps ending up on the ground. Does he fall cause his hips are tighter than a nuns t#@+ and he has no footwork or does he know he’s beat and falls to have an excuse when he gets back to the sideline.
“Ugh coach… I slipped….I did my best I swear”
I think he'll fall down
and the ball somehow falls on him for the pick
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Drano Milkshakes, For when a slow, painful death is preferable to watching the Texans play defense
by The Night Owl on Nov 14, 2010 12:35 AM CST up reply actions
/snort... He obviously isn't clued in that you have to BASH your own team around here...
What’s with this picking your own team to win? That’s so last year…
All the cool kids are angst-ridden and dark.
C’mon man!
"Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do..."
Texans 82 jags 13
Yeah let’s do this. Beat LA!
by AllenOU on Nov 13, 2010 10:57 PM CST via mobile up reply actions 2 recs
At least our team will make the playoffs in less than 5 years
You can't reason with unreasonable people.
Yes, but he doesn't attend the games...
…hence all the empty seats.
"Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do..."
If the Texans lose
Drano & Clorox should offer me some money for the advertising I’ll be giving them Sunday & Monday
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Drano Milkshakes, For when a slow, painful death is preferable to watching the Texans play defense
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