I'm pretty sure most of you have heard the basic principle of Murphy's Law, "Whatever can go wrong will go wrong", and as is the case that is usually what happens with the Texans. There have been so many bad memories with this team since their inception. Now the military has a broader version of Murphy's Law, which I feel I need to show you how they happen to have similarities to the problems the Texans seem to keep having year after year.
Murphy’s Law on Combat Operations
Murphy’s 1st Military Law:
Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are.
Obviously we need a head coach & coordinators with more guts than Andre
Murphy’s 2nd Military Law:
No battle plan ever survives first contact with the enemy. (self explanatory)
The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:
A. when you’re ready for them, and
B. when you’re not ready for them. (also self explanatory)
Professionals are predictable. It’s the amateurs that are dangerous.
If we see someone on the depth chart we know nothing about, someone better get a scouting report on him cause he'll be the guy that burns us. Also whoever we hire next as head coach might need to be someone off the radar so no one has gamefilm on him
Murphy’s 3rd Military Law:
Friendly fire ain’t.
If you can’t remember, then the claymore is pointed at you.
If you can't remember your coverage responsibilities, you will get beat deep
Murphy’s 4th Military Law:
The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.
Or a coordinator with a worthless scheme
Murphy’s 5th Military Law:
There’s always a way, but the easy way is always mined.
Don't throw the ball into an open space just cause you think your TE/WR can truck or juke that LB coming across the field
Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won’t be able to get out.
If your O-Line is big but too slow to block & your QB isn't that mobile, make sure he can at least see over the linemen so he can get rid of it
Murphy’s 6th Military Law:
The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.
Having the safety over the top means that you might not get all the blame for getting beat deep
Murphy’s 7th Military Law:
The further you are in advance of your own positions, the more likely your artillery will shoot short.
(well, we kinda fixed this one by getting rid of Kris Brown)
Murphy’s 8th Military Law:
Incoming fire has the right of way.
We are not allowed to pick off Peyton Manning
Murphy’s 9th Military Law:
If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush.
If you find that your path to the QB is very clear, you're about to get beat by a screen pass
Murphy’s 10th Military Law:
The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.
Same goes for our DTs, too large to play for us, too small to be effective
Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
Cost effective players doesn't equal Effective players
Murphy’s 11th Military Law:
If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.
We aren't getting competent coaches anytime soon
Murphy’s 12th Military Law:
The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions.
A player is truly open when another player forgets to cover him
Murphy’s 13th Military Law:
The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
Penalties are more hazardous than Peyton Manning, just ask Antonio Smith
Murphy’s 14th Military Law:
There is nothing more satisfying than having someone take a shot at you, and miss.
Our best defense is hoping that the opposing kicker shanks everytime
Anything you do can get you shot, including doing nothing.
Frank Bush will find this out very soon
Murphy’s 15th Military Law:
Don’t be conspicuous. In the combat zone, it draws fire. Out of the combat zone, it draws sergeants.
When Kareem falls during a game, QBs throw his way. When Kareem falls during practice, punches are thrown his way
Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.
When Kareem falls down, shots of bleach are consumed
Try to look unimportant. They may be low on ammo.
Opposing offenses don't realize Shaun Cody ain't that good cause they don't run the ball at him. They're too busy throwing at Kareem Jackson
Murphy’s 16th Military Law:
If your sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.
If Kubiak can see Kareem fall down, so can the other QB
If the enemy is in range, so are you.
Murphy’s 17th Military Law:
The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack.
Those passes they keep completing while you're focused on stopping the run is part of their gameplan
Murphy’s 18th Military Law:
A "sucking chest wound" is nature’s way of telling you to slow down.
A sucking FS is nature's way of telling you to bench his ass
Murphy’s 19th Military Law:
When you have secured an area, don’t forget to inform the enemy.
When you're undefeated on CBS, make sure they know that so they don't try anything stupid, like a Hail Mary from the 50 to win the game
Murphy’s 20th Military Law:
If it’s stupid, but it works, it ain’t stupid
If last season you had the #1 passing game & a piss poor running game, but your run game seems to be working this season.....
RUN THE DAMN BALL!!!!!!!!!