Three And Out: Useless Predictions For Sunday's Game
by Tim on Nov 27, 2010 4:00 PM CST
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PrintAlthough tomorrow will be the fourth intradivision game your Houston Texans have played in 2010, it marks the first time they've tangled with Bud Adams' Army of Darkness this year. As you've probably read with varying degrees of delight over the last week, things are a bit unsettled in Nashville these days. There's turmoil afoot in Tennessee, and they'll be starting a rookie sixth-rounder named Rusty Smith at QB.
99 times out of 100, you'd give the defense the advantage in that matchup. The 2010 Houston Texans defense? The all-too-rare-and-putrid exception to that rule, my friends. Can the Houston offense overcome the handicap that is the Houston defense? Specific predictions, inspired by the spirits--equal parts paranormal and sour mash--await after the jump.
1. Although the Titans will no doubt lean on their rushing attack, Rusty Smith's still going to throw for 240 yards and 2 TDs. Both will be of the 25+ yard variety, and both will be to Randy Moss. Chris Johnson's also going to notch a TD on the ground en route to 119 rushing yards.
2. Bud Adams' minions aren't Houston-bad when it comes to pass defense (I reckon that'd be almost statistically impossible), but they're well below average. Matt Schaub will throw for 280 yards and a pair of TDs. Andre Johnson is going to make Cortland Finnegan look like the love child of Brice McCain and a traffic cone. Put 'Dre down for 8 catches, 121 receiving yards, and a TD.
3. In their first ten games of the season, the Titans have allowed only one (1) opposing RB to break 100 yards on the ground. After tomorrow, the Titans will have allowed two (2) opposing RBs to break 100 rushing yards. Arian Foster accounts for 163 total yards, with 118 and a TD coming via 21 carries.
PUT YOUR NAME ON IT: The Texans have yet to hold an opponent under 24 points this year, and I see no reason--not even a rookie QB making his first start--for that to change tomorrow. Even with a secondary that often provides less resistance than a slight breeze, I believe the Texans are the better team right now. Admittedly, that may be the whiskey talking. Nevertheless: Titans 24, Texans 27.
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Off Topic...
But did anyone see Bill Simmons’ tweet about Gary Kubiak? I’m not sure if he was making fun of him or giving him praise considering Nevada won.
http://twitter.com/sportsguy33
"LoL
Why am I even wasting my time responding to a "Salad". Ugh. Yeah… shit team"
Can't pick them again in 2010
Oilers Titans 34, Texans 24
Even with the piss poor pass d i cant not pick the Texans to win this game. Smith will probably have a career day but the Texan Offense will keep us in this. Texans 34 – Bud’s Minion’s of Suck 20
Texans fan and Proud.
First time for everything
24-21 texans
Let’s go sooners tonight!!!!!!!!
by AllenOU on Nov 27, 2010 5:34 PM CST via mobile reply actions
Texans 34 Titans 29
1. Rusty Smith will throw 300+ yards. 125 of it from screen passes to Chris Johnson.
2. Texans Defense will suck again.
3. Titans will miss Zac Diles.
Rec'd for the "The all-too-rare-and-putrid exception to that rule, my friends" line
and, in other news, Frank Bush printed up t-shirts with that quote, and distributed them to all team membes and coaches.
We are: “The All-Too-Rare-and-Putrid Exception to that Rule” Defense
I dub the Jets..... over-exposed
I would rec it twice if I could for "Houston-bad"
And, I am now awaiting to hear a TV football commentator use that description either in the studio while doing a halftime or end of game wrap-up or during play-by-play coverage of a live game.
I dub the Jets..... over-exposed
3 and out suggestion:
If you predict that we find a new and unusual way to lose the game each week, it will do wonders for your accuracy ratings.
This week my prediction is that Matt Schaub bounces the ball off Derrick Ward’s helmet in an attempted screen that then turns into a pick 6 when we are up by 5 points with under 30 seconds to go.
by WhiskeyR on Nov 27, 2010 5:55 PM CST reply actions 1 recs
If we are predicting new and unusual ways to lose
…why not predict who on the other team will have his obligatory career day?
I will go with a tandem: Rusty Smith to Randy Moss, all day long, long all day!
I dub the Jets..... over-exposed
Great suggestion. Joking about these things helps to ease the pain.
And if Randy Moss has a career day against us with a QB who is making his first start, there WILL be pain. especially since i’m sitting Moss in FF.
I wouldn't recommend sitting any WR against the Texans
or any offensive player, for that matter. Serious. I’m not joking. Who do you have playing in Moss’ stead?
I dub the Jets..... over-exposed
Mario Manningham vs Jags
T.O. already played, as did Danny Woodhead. So I’ve either got to play Manningham, Moss or Percey Harvin.
I tend to agree with your opinion and am going to give some thought to starting Moss. He has been terrible the past few weeks, but he could have a huge day against us.
Your other two options arent bad
The upside on Moss is what intrigues me with him. Sure, its Rusty Smith handling the rock and if the Smith-Johnson connection is working, then Moss is a question mark. But, I think the Texans whole gameplan will be trying to stop Johnson.
I dub the Jets..... over-exposed
by Rip Jersey on Nov 27, 2010 7:00 PM CST via mobile up reply actions
Right. Moss could be a home run, fantasy wise.
The last couple of weeks it probably wouldn’t have been worth the risk (and it wasn’t, he stunk it up), but if there were ever a time for him to put up huge numbers, its against Glover Quinn and Friends.
Now I will be watching this
I hope you don’t play him on my account because I sometimes just plain out-think myself when it comes to FF.
Although, I am now counting on moving onto the playoffs in the BRB league and making a big impact. The Whoopie Cushings are looking like worldbeaters right now. I am banking a victory this week, but I still need to win next week to assure a spot in the playoffs.
I dub the Jets..... over-exposed
by Rip Jersey on Nov 27, 2010 9:30 PM CST via mobile up reply actions
I'm sitting Moss on principle.
I refuse to have any Titans or Cowboys on my team, Yahoo won’t let me cut him yet and my league’s trade deadline has passed so he rots on my bench regardless of the match-up.
I know it’s stupid and stubborn, but I’m a Texans fan so I’ll happily admit that I’m stupid and stubborn.
GET A SILK BAG FROM THE GRAVEYARD DUCK TO LIVE LONGER.
by Synchysi on Nov 28, 2010 1:41 AM CST up reply actions 1 recs
That's not in Kubiak's failbook...I mean playbook.
If we’re gonna blow a game, it’ll be done in style.
For example: Houston’s down 5 with :47 to go. Traitors have used all their timeouts and need a first down. Smith heaves downfield and, by pure dumb luck or simply because he wasn’t paying attention, EWWWW intercepts the ball and makes it to the one yard line. From out of nowhere, a kitty runs onto the field. EWWWW gets rid of the ball so he can pet the kitty. Traitors recover the ball and run out the clock. A mob of angry fans charge the field and pummel him repeatedly in the head with empty beer bottles, followed by Frank Bush for letting it happen. The kitty will scamper away unscathed.
That said, the Texans better win or I bet Kubiak doesn’t leave the stadium alive.
I am a visionary, I am a genius, and now I am angry! Now help me find my pants!
by UprootedTexan on Nov 28, 2010 4:13 AM CST up reply actions
Probably.
After all it’s only a game, no reason to be TOO violent.
I am a visionary, I am a genius, and now I am angry! Now help me find my pants!
by UprootedTexan on Nov 28, 2010 11:30 AM CST up reply actions
Great work as usual Tim
I hate the Titans. I struggle to understand why anyone living in Houston still feels any connection with that team. It would be like Cleveland fans pulling for the Ravens. Both those ships (Titans & Ravens) sailed with their owner’s middle fingers flying high as they snuck out in the middle of the night. Screw them both!
I’ll be at Reliant early so I can park nearest the exit for the green lot. That’s so I can escape before cars get set on fire and brawls break out on Kirby Drive.
Mortally optimistic:
I mostly agree with your stats on the Texans. As for the Titans, I think they’ll return a kick for a TD, CJ will run one in for a TD through three broken tackles, and catch a pass over the middle for a break away TD after one of our guys falls down. Moss will struggle in the first half, but light us up for two deep ball zinger TD’s in the second half.
Texans finally get the break their way and win with a Rackers 43 yard FG.
Final: Texans 38, Titans 35
"The great defense against the air menace is to attack the enemy's aircraft as near as possible to their point of departure." ~ Winston Churchill
Note to Bushiak: "JAM receivers at the line!"
by MeMongo on Nov 27, 2010 10:26 PM CST reply actions 1 recs
I applaud your optimisim
Rec’d.
Houston Texans - Once again proving it's possible to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.
You must be under 30, and/or was not around when the Oilers left. Bud wanted a stadium, fans and city said “screw you, NO!”….. Four years later, Bob McNair comes around and says “I want a stadium”, the fans and city say “Of course, build it, we don’t care what it cost”.
Any NFL owner (including you ) would have done the same thing. The Oilers were financially disadvantaged compared to other teams with better facilities.
If you want to knock Bud for a lot of other things (like the man crush on VY for example), that is OK, but don’t blame him for leaving town – blame the fans and city/county leaders.
That is not even close to the whole story.
But a nice way to spin it to make Bud Adams not look like Satan incarnate.
GET A SILK BAG FROM THE GRAVEYARD DUCK TO LIVE LONGER.
Predictions?
Mine is that I may finally get something useful from our beloved Texans. I predict another squeeker of a loss. I think at that point I may have legal grounds to sue them for giving me PTSD, if not the Traumatic Brain Injury from slamming my skull repeatedly into a car door (or something comparable).
Houston Texans - Once again proving it's possible to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.
I believe that would be Post Concussion Syndrome
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by The Night Owl on Nov 27, 2010 11:57 PM CST up reply actions
Nope. I won't have the luxury of wearing a helmet.
And after the the last nine years of misery and disappointment, I’m pretty sure it could very well be chalked up to PTSD.
I also throw something out there for ya on the clorox eyewash. Just add ammonia for a wonderful room deodorizer.
Houston Texans - Once again proving it's possible to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.
My game prediction:
TEN- 31
HOU- 27
"Hakeem couldn't kick your ass cuz you were too
close kissin his!"- Sir Charles to Kenny Smith.
Let me guess
Deep bomb to Moss, tipped away into the hands of the fast closing Chris Johnson for the TD with no time left on the clock. Seems to be the pattern as of late
This comment has been brought to you by...
Clorox Eye Wash
Has the Texans defense become too excruciating to watch? Clorox Eye Wash is the solution for you. Apply directly to the eyes & the slight pain will provide everlasting relief from the vision of the Texans Defense
and by
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by The Night Owl on Nov 28, 2010 12:04 AM CST up reply actions
I'm going to try to be optimistic for once.
1. Contrary to popular belief, Rusty Smith will look like a rookie. He’ll break 250 yards only because the Titans will be playing from behind. He’ll throw a couple of TDs and a couple of picks. One pick will be so egregious that it will be returned for a TD (gasp! A defensive score!).
2. The Texan offense will not lay an egg in the first half. It’ll be 20-7 at halftime with Andre Johnson leading the way and continuing to do his best to show how overrated Cortland Finnegan is. Houston will turn to Arian Foster in the second half to close it out. Johnson will finish with 10 catches for 138 yards and two TDs, Foster will total 184 yards from scrimmage and find the end zone once.
3. Chris Johnson will break one big run but be otherwise contained, totaling 127 yards on the ground. All the talking heads at ESPN to comment on how great a game he had despite 75 of those 127 yards coming on one play.
Final score: 34-24 Texans. The Titans make it close in the fourth but Houston bucks the trend and puts it out of reach with a game-sealing TD run by Foster with less than two minutes left. We’re all still nervous until the clock expires.
It seems sad to me that an optimistic prediction still consists of Houston blowing a decent-sized lead.
GET A SILK BAG FROM THE GRAVEYARD DUCK TO LIVE LONGER.
by Synchysi on Nov 28, 2010 2:02 AM CST reply actions 1 recs
Those who fail to observe history..
Are doomed to repeat it. Thus far, we have failed.
Houston Texans - Once again proving it's possible to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.
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