Battle Red Onion: Andre Johnson Ignores the First Rule.

Battle Red Onion Motto:  When One Butt-Kicking Just Is Not Enough.

November 28, 2010

Houston, Texas

Andre Johnson is simply the best wide receiver in the National Football League.  He is also one of the most professional, mild-mannered players in the game today.  So when he beats the ever-loving dog snot out of Cortland Finnegan of the hated Tennessee Traitors, no matter how much Finnegan may deserve it, it draws the attention of football fans everywhere.

"What happened out there was not me," he told his teammates in the locker room after the game.  When asked about what happened on the field, he said, "I don't remember anything, I do remember that little leprechaun being in my face all day and when the fight happened, I can't recall anything."

One player that does remember is Vonta Leach, Johnson's teammate.  "It was unreal," he said, "after the refs separated them, 'Dre kept screaming at Finnegan something about being 'Jack's smirking revenge'.  And he kept calling himself Tyler for some strange reason."

After watching tape of the brawl for hours and hours...mostly out of enjoyment in watching the curb-stomping, the Onion staff saw that Johnson landed at least three punches.  After each punch, a small white star appeared over a stunned Cortland Finnegan.  As Finnegan stood up, Johnson prepared to unleash the mother of all star punches and send Finnegan reeling for the ropes to the ground.  Unfortunately, the two were separated before he could land the knock-out blow.

Bob McNair, as did most people who saw the fight on television, awarded the fight to Johnson on points, and as such will be ranked as the number one contender in the Major Circuit.  Next week, he is expected to face Don Flamenco Asante Samuel and the Philadelphia Eagles for the Major Circuit championship and a chance to keep the Texans' playoff hopes alive.

In all likelihood, both Johnson and Finnegan will be fined for the "Rumble at Reliant" today.  The Battle Red Blog, as well as other blogs in SB Nation, in a show of support for Andre Johnson, has taken up a collection to pay for whatever fine is levied against Johnson.  So far, the "Finnegan Clobberin' Fund" has raised approximately $7,800 to pay the NFL, and that total continues to climb.  The Battle Red Onion editorial board has chipped in $100 themselves; it would be more, but working for the B.R.O. doesn't pay nearly as much as it should.

In three weeks, Johnson and Finnegan will have their rematch in Nashville.  Here's hoping that "Tyler" shows up again and knocks that leprechaun right in the Lucky Charms.

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