In news that will no doubt bring tears of joy to all Houston Texans fans around the globe. The All-Universe TE, Antonio Gates, is considered to be unlikely to play in this weeks game against the Houston Vanilla Defense and the Red Carpet Zone.

Gates was possibly quoted as saying, "I really hope I can play this week. I mean, how often does a TE get the chance to go for 500 yards and 17 TD's in a single game? And if I was healthy, I could do that easily against those pusy cat dolls.