Three And Out: Useless Predictions For Sunday's Game
by Tim on Nov 5, 2010 3:00 PM CDT
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PrintRather odd week here in UselessPredictionsLand. On the one hand, many things seem virtual locks. On the other hand, I can't remember being this unsure of how a game would turn out in quite some time. So many potentially dispositive forces at play--the Texans' secondary being what it is, the Chargers' struggles on the road this season, total uncertainty as to what Houston's offensive game plan will be, Antonio Gates/Malcom Floyd/Vincent Jackson/Legedu Naanee all being out or very likely to be out...any one of these could be enough to swing the game. I'll probably change my mind at least another 1,983 times before kickoff. Nevertheless, it's time to memorialize my current gut feeling. Steel yourself and hit the jump with me.
1. Philip Rivers does his best Peyton Manning impression and throws for three (3) TDs to whatever guys from the Reliant Stadium parking lot the Chargers choose to trot out at WR. Rivers is a very good QB in his own right, and he's helped by the Texans' secondary continuing their commitment to making every opposing QB's game against the Texans a career day. As maddening as watching the Houston secondary will be, it could be worse. If Rivers had his regular receiving corps at full health, he'd throw for 11 TDs on Sunday.
2. The Chargers' special teams have been an unadulterated mess. If ever there was a game where Jacoby Jones can make a sizable difference throughout, this is it. Jakespeare's good for a special teams TD on Sunday.
3. Will Kubes remain steadfast in his refusal to take advantage of what he has in Arian Foster? If so, as TDC noted in this week's Blueprint, that stance would seem to be a recipe for season suicide. For some reason, I think Kubes and Dennison are going to make it a point to run early, due in no small part to the fact that they didn't last week, so they'll figure San Diego won't be expecting it. Thus, we get what we want, albeit for all the wrong reasons. Arian Foster gets 20+ carries, tallies 100+ rushing yards, and scores 2 TDs.
PUT YOUR NAME ON IT: As I opined in the wake of the MNF debacle, Sunday is a potential season-defining game for your Houston Texans (if they lose) and a potential future-defining game for the Gary Kubiak Era in his hometown. Going back to last year (and even earlier this season, versus Kansas City), it seems as though whenever Gary Kubiak is up against it, when the villagers are about to break through the castle walls and finally do something with those torches and pitchforks, the Texans respond. My head tells me the Chargers are going to drive the nail in the coffin and win by a TD or more. My heart tells me the Texans answer the bell and win by less than a TD.
This could very easily be a case of me projecting instead of predicting. This could very easily be me pulling for the hometown guy to pull a running play out of his playbook rabbit out of his hat. This could very easily be me chugging one last glass of the 2010 Houston Texans Battle Red Kool-Aid. Indeed, this could be me pulling a Kubes of my own and ignoring what's staring me right in the face. And if that's what it is, I'll be here on Monday to say, "That's on me." Chargers 24, Texans 27.
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This article is the problem.
A reasonable, football savvy, avid NFL and Texans fan cannot sit down and explain the rationale behind our own teams attack from week to week. WIll we run the ball more? It is the obvious choice… so that cannot be the way we’ll go… will we pass the ball more? Honestly Im not even sure if Schaub will start… WHO FREAKIN KNOWS!!! OUR COACHING STAFF LAUGHS IN THE FACE OF SENSE AND REASON!!
We're usually pretty good for a bounce-back game
How pathetic is that? We’re good at bounce back games after coming out completely flat and ill advised the week before and that happens a lot. We’re also pretty good late in the season when Kubiak’s job is on the line. But we’re also pretty good at laying an egg against teams we should beat handily (we’ve got Jacksonville coming up twice still…).
We’re a weird team, but bounce back games against good teams are one of the few things we do well.
I still feel like we’re a 2-5 team at this point and that we were a much more competitive football team last year.
Pitchfork game
I think it’ll be a full-on meltdown by the Texans. We’re talking worse than against the Giants.
Texans – 3, Chargers – 38.
A Texans fan. Really. No, I'm not kidding.
http://www.battleredblog.com
Oh
I think they’ll turn it around. If only to string us along farther.
Frankly
That’s my greatest fear.
A Texans fan. Really. No, I'm not kidding.
http://www.battleredblog.com
Your biggest fear is to watch more meaningful football? :-p
I want to make them beautiful, but they always turn out WRONG! That one... too fat! This one... too tall! This one... too symmetrical!
masochism can take some strange forms
Haven’t we all witnessed it? Need I remind you of the Rosencopter? Chris Brown’s halfback pass?
Just this year…we hung a lot of hope on Connor Barwin and now look. I would provide a link, but sitting here on the deer stand stabbing a keys on my BB, it is difficult to supply links…
I really think Barwin could have been the X factor in a few games. The Colts game last week comes to mind.
Meaningful games…what is your tolerance for pain?
I dub the Chargers.....Cromartieless, Merrimanless, Tomlinsonless....WHO ARE THESE GUYS?
by Rip Jersey on Nov 6, 2010 9:07 AM CDT via mobile up reply actions
I think you're right about Barwin
He would help, for damn sure.
A Texans fan. Really. No, I'm not kidding.
http://www.battleredblog.com
I was really excited that Barwin
would bring the much needed pressure this year. We had way too many injuries in the pre-season. They may as well go to an 18 game schedule if these guys are going to put themselves at risk in meaningless games that affect the rest of the year.
Reminder: COD Black Ops 11.09.2010
OT: If someone(not me) is going to Houston what are the BBQ/Mexican places they have to go to
I want to make them beautiful, but they always turn out WRONG! That one... too fat! This one... too tall! This one... too symmetrical!
El tiempo for Mexican. Goode co for Bbq
Useless prediction
Kris brown attempts a game winning FG. Whether he makes it or not I have no idea. But with our luck, he makes it
by AllenOU on Nov 5, 2010 3:39 PM CDT via mobile up reply actions
Re: BBQ and Mexican
For BBQ, Pizzitola’s for the ribs.
For Mexican, the original Ninfa’s (on Navigation).
Looking forward to a day when being a Texans fan doesn't mean that April is the highlight of my season...
by Tim on Nov 5, 2010 3:42 PM CDT up reply actions
Actually tim is right
Pizzatolas is better. And it’s the el tiempo on Washington ave.
But that navigation ninfas is mighty tasty
The texans are like taco cabana
by AllenOU on Nov 5, 2010 5:42 PM CDT via mobile up reply actions
Except
That they started in San Antonio
"I want you guys to pair up in groups of three and then line up in a circle." - Bill Peterson former Oilers Coach
by Barryfromtexas on Nov 6, 2010 11:34 AM CDT up reply actions
I will 3rd the Ninfa's
"I want you guys to pair up in groups of three and then line up in a circle." - Bill Peterson former Oilers Coach
by Barryfromtexas on Nov 6, 2010 11:34 AM CDT up reply actions
I predict nothing
I expect nothing but unpredictability. I think we can win this game, but don’t expect much.
I want to make them beautiful, but they always turn out WRONG! That one... too fat! This one... too tall! This one... too symmetrical!
we get blown up
48 to houstons 17
I heard Brian Cushing like to do it with girls in a really uncomfortable place and i am not talking about the back seat of a Volkswagen
Go Texans!
If the Texans lose
Season considered over? I can’t tell if I’m overreacting or not
Houston Rockets, all day everyday.
i feel like I'm stuck in a time loop
Reliving last season all over again….
I dub the Chargers.....Cromartieless, Merrimanless, Tomlinsonless....WHO ARE THESE GUYS?
by Rip Jersey on Nov 6, 2010 9:11 AM CDT via mobile up reply actions
Here's my prediction
Dennison works the offensive signals from the sidelines next to Kubiak and notices something on his back, pulls up the shirt and says; “WHOA DUDE! We got tattoos last night?!!”
Kubiak looks at Rick’s back and says; “Yeah, SWEET! You got one too”
Rick; “What does mine say?”
Gary; “Sweet! What does mine say?”
Rick; “Dude! What does mine say?”
Gary; “Sweet! What does mine say?”
Rick; “Dude! What does mine say?”
Gary; “Sweet! What does mine say?”
Rick; “Dude! What does mine say?”
In the distance a whistle blows and the head referee turns on the mic and says; “Delay of game on the offense, five yard penalty”
Fans pour out of the stadium mid 3rd quarter in disgust. Brawls break out on Kirby Drive.
Final score: Chargers 63, Texans 9
"I've been big ever since I was little." ~ William "The Fridge" Perry
by MeMongo on Nov 5, 2010 4:40 PM CDT reply actions 2 recs
Wow, I thought I was the pessimistic one who'd comment on this
I mean, I know the Texans have been playing stinky football lately, but this team’s most established pass catcher is Darren Sproles.
I think we lose, but it’s close.
- Rivers McCown, From Mom's Basement | Twitter | SB Nation Houston | Battle Red Blog
I just simulated this game on madden with the current rosters for both teams and....
using Kubiak logic the Texans got fuckstomped 38-3. Glad I don’t have to watch the game anymore. Weekends will now be spent to do all the shit i didn’t want to do during the week.
Feeling the five stages of grief since 2002.
by NoSafetiesNeeded on Nov 5, 2010 5:09 PM CDT reply actions
Expectation vs Hopes
Expectation: San Diego 34 Houston 23
My tickets depreciate even more, sticking me with 4 useless lower level tix nobody wants. I sell the remaining games for $25 a ticket. I start drinking cheap tequila.
Hope: Houston 35 San Diego 27
Somebody on ebay offers me what I paid for the rest of my tickets. I get to drink good scotch.
Damn
You guys are down on your team worse than Chargers fans are. I hope you’re right, but the Chargers have a sick habit of playing down to their competition. Although, at 3-5, there should be very few teams beneath them. I wouldn’t count your team out yet. The Chargers are good at shooting themselves in the foot and we’ve already worn out the foot of the best guy on offense (aside from Rivers) trying to make something out of nothing. With all the injuries we have, we’re going to be very vulnerable on Sunday.
Our players
Sometimes find a way to win in spite of the terrible coaching, lack of prep, and ignorant play calling. It’s hard to have faith in them when the coaching staff keeps trying to guide them feet first into a plastic shredder every game. The ONLY exception was the first game of the season in which they had months to prep for.
Indy was a walking emergency room too, but the coaches made the players roll over in submission early and often.
Good luck on your Chargers’ season! I’d love to see them in the AFC championship game this year! That’s assuming our coaches continue this graveyard spiral keystone cops experiment and we bust again.
"I've been big ever since I was little." ~ William "The Fridge" Perry
by MeMongo on Nov 5, 2010 5:40 PM CDT via mobile up reply actions
Kubiak should coach the chargers STs
Now that would be the worst STs ever
He is due for a " No matter how hard I try and screw it up we still win" win.
But I think that will be against the ravens or jets.
by AllenOU on Nov 5, 2010 5:46 PM CDT via mobile up reply actions
Even the rat in the maze eventually learns
Which is more than one can say about Kubiak.
There’s really no such thing as a fair-weathered fan here. I think, at least. We all pretty much know what to expect, which is heartbreak. I knew our defense would be gawd-awful bad, I just had no idea it’d be historically bad.
A Texans fan. Really. No, I'm not kidding.
http://www.battleredblog.com
My game predictions:
Schaub- 197 yards passing, 1 TD, 1 INT
Foster- 28 carries, 157 yards, 2 TDs
Rivers- 353 yards passing, 3 TDs
Matthews/Tolbert- 90 rushing yards total, 1 TD
Score:
SD- 34
HOU- 24
*Bold prediction:
Kareem Jackson drops an INT.
"You got to believe in yourself. Hell, I believe I'm the best-looking guy in the world and I might be right."- Charles Barkley
that is bold.
considering jackson spends more time on the ground and is never within 15 yards of a pass.
Feeling the five stages of grief since 2002.
by NoSafetiesNeeded on Nov 6, 2010 1:49 AM CDT up reply actions
Probably ends up being a bad pass that he drops
I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but you appear to be unarmed.
by The Night Owl on Nov 6, 2010 8:06 PM CDT up reply actions
My prediction.
Kubiak thinks that they will think that he will think that he should run the ball so he decides to solely pass the ball, Andre Johnson aggravates his ankle and goes out making Kubiak think that they will think that there is no way that we won’t start running the ball so he decides that despite AJ being out and Shaub already being sacked 5 times we should stick to solely passing the ball. Near the end of the game on 4th and 28 he finally decides to run the ball, Foster only picks up 25 yards and we turn the ball over proving that we never should have run it at all. Texans lose 31-17
by Bobbythegreat on Nov 5, 2010 7:40 PM CDT reply actions 2 recs
I thought I was the only one feeling like this....
at the end of yet another blow out loss.
Near the end of the game on 4th and 28 he finally decides to run the ball, Foster only picks up 25 yards and we turn the ball over proving that we never should have run it at all.
Just my $.02
Even duct tape can't fix stupid
My Predictions
Schaub: 310 yards passing, 1 TD, 1 INT
Foster: 98 yards rushing, catches short pass and breaks free for 50 yards, 160 yards in total including short checkdown passes
Johnson: 125 yards recieving
Dreesen: 85 yards recieving, 1 TD
Jacoby takes one to the house off a 4th down punt
Texans win 37-21
/blind optimism
Houston Rockets, all day everyday.
oh and 2 TD's for Foster one more for Ward
and a Safety by Bernard Pollard makes us love him again
Houston Rockets, all day everyday.
Now didn't anyone warn you about drinking that
aged single malt scotch while on pain killers will make you delirious?
Thanks for trying to cheer us up. I’d love to see anything close to your optimism come true.
"I've been big ever since I was little." ~ William "The Fridge" Perry
Blind optimism?
not even a blind man would make that prediction.
Feeling the five stages of grief since 2002.
by NoSafetiesNeeded on Nov 6, 2010 1:50 AM CDT up reply actions
I am not as pessimistic as you guys
MAybe Kubes will think that they know we run well so he will pass, but thinking this, he will actually run the ball so that when they go to outsmart his pass first plan he will run instead.
Ok that part is crazy optimism
However, I still think Texans can win this one.
"I want you guys to pair up in groups of three and then line up in a circle." - Bill Peterson former Oilers Coach
Unpossible!!!
Feeling the five stages of grief since 2002.
by NoSafetiesNeeded on Nov 6, 2010 1:51 AM CDT up reply actions
Won’t somebody please think of Supermario?
San Diego’s o-line so far has allowed 21 sacks that’s joint 6th in the NFL. I think Mario can have a dominant day.
My useless prediction:
Mario Williams 3 sacks
Kareem Jackson 1 Int
(Yeah I went there, I figure with the weak recieving corps and the hopefully decent pressure get’s one plucked off by Ice.)
Problem is
Most of those sacks came before they got Marcus McNeill back.
Not saying Mario shouldn’t still be able to beat him, but I doubt he’ll do it as much as he would’ve beaten the poor backup they had in there before.
- Rivers McCown, From Mom's Basement | Twitter | SB Nation Houston | Battle Red Blog
by riversmccown on Nov 6, 2010 10:48 AM CDT up reply actions
Mario
will just play “patty cake” the same as every week. I guess the shoulder and groin > sacks. Too bad he can’t “man up” like Andre and fight through the pain.
I kept trying to predict K-Jax interceptions each game, but I’ve surrendered since he can’t keep his feet half the time. Have you noticed he trips up himself quite often with nobody else around? Yeah, he was really “NFL ready”, thanks a lot Nick Saban!
Reminder: COD Black Ops 11.09.2010
Prediciton
Rackers takes out Sproles on opening kickoff. On the next series – Rivers gets knocked out of the game playing defender after a tipped ball is intercepted by Smith.
Foster gets 200 yds on 25 carries 2 TD
Ward gets 6 carries 47 yds and a TD
JJ scores 2 TDS 1 PR and 1 Receiving
I can dream can’t I?
"I want you guys to pair up in groups of three and then line up in a circle." - Bill Peterson former Oilers Coach
31 rushing plays?
You mean 31 play-action bootlegs, right?
Houston Rockets, all day everyday.
But the Rackers Prediction is OK
"I want you guys to pair up in groups of three and then line up in a circle." - Bill Peterson former Oilers Coach
by Barryfromtexas on Nov 6, 2010 5:30 PM CDT up reply actions
Yes for sure
That guy is the most violent Kicker I’ve ever seen
Houston Rockets, all day everyday.
Texans win 30-27
Kris Brown misses the game tying FG as time expires.
And Schaub does not throw a pick. Just 14-22 for 189 yds, 1 TD.
"I'm trying to get a feel for Booty" - GK
That stat line
Implies Kubiak remembers who Arian Foster is this game. I think that’s generous.
not necessarily
25 plays from scrimmage for our offense is not out of the question.
Giving Foster 2 carries, and Ward 1.
"I'm trying to get a feel for Booty" - GK
I predict at least 2 crackback blocks on Kris Brown & no less than 3 Roughing the Kicker penalties on the Texans
The last of which will be on a shanked game winning FG attempt, which knocks him out of the game & forces the Chargers to go for it & Rivers overthrows the final pass
Final score:
Chargers 34
Texans 35
I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but you appear to be unarmed.
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