Defensive Meltdown Watch 2010
by bigfatdrunk on Dec 23, 2010 12:00 PM CST
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Don't think there's anything riding on Sunday's game against the Denver Broncos? Well think again, my people! The two teams are running neck and neck for the title of the worst pass defense since 1993 (by Football Outsiders' DVOA), making Sunday's game a sure-fire barn burner (however barn burner is being defined these days. I hate announcers.). Join me after the jump as we get dirty with numbers.
Oh, you made it. How nice. Feel free to slip into something more comfortable before we proceed. No no, we'll wait. Better? Great. Let's look at how badly we suck.
| Team | Year | Overall DVOA |
| DET | 2008 | 29.2% |
| DEN | 2008 | 24.7% |
| MIN | 2000 | 24.4% |
| STL | 2008 | 23.4% |
| MIN | 2004 | 23.0% |
Sadly, we've fallen out of the worst five by DVOA, thanks in large part to the first matchup against the BE-SFs. Rusty Smith is single-handedly saving us from further ignominy, which, frankly, makes me sad. Your JUGGERNAUT still clocks in at #7, one spot behind the 2010 Denver Broncos. When it comes to pass DVOA, we still have the power!
| Team | Year | Pass DVOA |
| DEN | 2010 | 42.1% |
| JUGGERNAUT | 2010 | 42.0% |
| DET | 2009 | 40.1% |
| JAX | 2009 | 39.8% |
| BAL | 1996 | 38.8% |
But oh no! We play the Broncos this week with our still strong passing offense, and we'll be facing Tim Tebow. On paper, it's a pretty clear mismatch in our favor to not suck. But we've pulled together before to show the 2010 Houston Texans' pass defense is the suckiest bunch of sucks who ever sucked. Go us! After all, we improve opposing QBs by about 25% of their norm, and we're still allowing a 103 QB rating against. Remove the Rusty Smith debacle, and our QB rating against jumps to 108.2, which is ridiculously, MVP-level bad.
Finally this week's video tribute is a shout-out from me to Frank Bush, because what better says "utter and complete suck" like Journey or, even worse, a video from Journey.
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The only way this could have happened...
by Mike Kerns on Dec 23, 2010 12:03 PM CST reply actions 4 recs
My text book in college was called "Level Design for Dummies"
I wish Frank Bush was reading those, maybe he might be able to get opposing QB’s rating down to 102.5!!
We should strive to live like the moon. Vibrant, not as our own light, but as the carriers of something greater than us. - Arian Foster
That's an insult to the "Dummies" series.
Even a guy that doesn’t know anything about football can coach a better defense after reading that book.
"Eff you mothereffer!"
-Bernard Pollard-
"Armafrankdon" ?
I didn't do anything wrong!.... and, I won't do it again.
by Rip Jersey on Dec 23, 2010 12:11 PM CST up reply actions 1 recs
If only
He would consult such a book
I believe that the Texans need to score 40 points in every game to be competetive because of efense.
by Barryfromtexas on Dec 23, 2010 11:46 PM CST up reply actions
"On paper, it's a pretty clear mismatch in our favor to not suck. But we've pulled together before to show the 2010 Houston Texans' pass defense is the suckiest bunch of sucks who ever sucked."
Is EWwww healthy? We have a chance!
I didn't do anything wrong!.... and, I won't do it again.
When considering the NFL QB MVP this season
Will they throw out the stats-accumulated-against—the-Texans before deciding? Or, will they just insert an asterisk?
- includes Stats-Accumulated-Against-the-Texans
I didn't do anything wrong!.... and, I won't do it again.
by Rip Jersey on Dec 23, 2010 12:22 PM CST reply actions 3 recs
I'm starting to wonder
If they’re waiting for FB to resign and he’s not smart enough to “read” the intent, and both sides are so baffled that neither knows how to proceed?
The fan confidence graph
What a positive spike after the Titans game! The defense fooled us into false beliefs nicely. Well played, D, well played.
"Welcome to the show where everything is made up and the points don't matter. That's right, the points are just like the Texans' defense" - Bring Whose Line back!
Hey, Hey, Hey!!!!!!!!!!! Watch what you say about Journey
They’re one of the greatest bands ever, & probably the most underrated band at that
Although I can’t deny that video was horrible
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Drano Milkshakes, For when a slow, painful death is preferable to watching the Texans play defense
I still don't see how people think Radiohead is better than any of them
This comment has been brought to you by...
Clorox Eye Wash
Has the Texans defense become too excruciating to watch? Clorox Eye Wash is the solution for you. Apply directly to the eyes & the slight pain will provide everlasting relief from the vision of the Texans Defense
and by
Drano Classic Milkshakes
Drano Milkshakes, For when a slow, painful death is preferable to watching the Texans play defense
by The Night Owl on Dec 23, 2010 8:17 PM CST up reply actions
don't forget Nickelback
Add ammonia to your bleach, it goes down smoother.
by CowboyH8ter on Dec 24, 2010 12:09 AM CST up reply actions
No one thinks Nickelback is better than those three bands
This comment has been brought to you by...
Clorox Eye Wash
Has the Texans defense become too excruciating to watch? Clorox Eye Wash is the solution for you. Apply directly to the eyes & the slight pain will provide everlasting relief from the vision of the Texans Defense
and by
Drano Classic Milkshakes
Drano Milkshakes, For when a slow, painful death is preferable to watching the Texans play defense
by The Night Owl on Dec 24, 2010 2:07 AM CST up reply actions
What's truly, truly sad...
….is that there are people in this world that actually do think that.
Add ammonia to your bleach, it goes down smoother.
by CowboyH8ter on Dec 24, 2010 12:17 PM CST up reply actions
Must be Cowboys & Titans fans
This comment has been brought to you by...
Clorox Eye Wash
Has the Texans defense become too excruciating to watch? Clorox Eye Wash is the solution for you. Apply directly to the eyes & the slight pain will provide everlasting relief from the vision of the Texans Defense
and by
Drano Classic Milkshakes
Drano Milkshakes, For when a slow, painful death is preferable to watching the Texans play defense
by The Night Owl on Dec 24, 2010 12:25 PM CST up reply actions
I'm disappointed
At the relatively pedestrian nature of our overall fail. The run defense needs to step up.
Frank Bush delenda est
You're right
We need some spectacular fail this weekend to stay on the national radar.
I'm a man!! I'm forty!!
Frank Bush should give a portion of his paycheck to
Rusty Smith
"Welcome to the show where everything is made up and the points don't matter. That's right, the points are just like the Texans' defense" - Bring Whose Line back!
Arian Foster and Andre Johnson probably have more tackles than Eugene Wilson....
"An open mind is like a fortress with it's gates unbarred and unguarded."
What happens when an unstoppable force meets three defensive players? THIS: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gpWqMqrZwTU
Or Chris Meyers
I believe that the Texans need to score 40 points in every game to be competetive because of efense.
by Barryfromtexas on Dec 23, 2010 11:33 PM CST up reply actions
Last play. 7 sec left, tied 24-24
Broncos at our 40, quin intercepts tebow, runs it back to the 30, tebow tackles him and forces fumble, where O lineman picks it up and rumbles to the one, where pollard knocks out the ball as it rolls into the endzone. Mitchel, ewwww, and kjax all collide trying to get the ball in it squirts right into tebows hands.
30-24 broncos
by AllenOU on Dec 23, 2010 6:11 PM CST via mobile reply actions
Sounds about right.
A Texans fan. Really. No, I'm not kidding.
http://www.battleredblog.com
"Blind fandom is all I got left." - LoneSpot
Don't you mean
Pope Timothy I? Not that devine intervention would be required to decimate our secondary.
But while searching (very very quickly I might add) to make sure there hadn’t already been a Pope Timothy. I discovered that there was a Pope Hilarius from 19 Nov 461 – 29 Feb 468. Frank Bush in a former life?
THE METRODOME! Another fine product brought to you by Frank Bush Engineering, Construction, and Design LLC. 100% Guaranteed to collapse under pressure.
There Hasn't Been
A Pope Timothy.
Yet.
Looking forward to a day when being a Texans fan doesn't mean that April is the highlight of my season...
by Tim on Dec 24, 2010 11:14 PM CST up reply actions 1 recs
If only
Our secondary was merely decimated
I believe that the Texans need to score 40 points in every game to be competetive because of efense.
by Barryfromtexas on Dec 23, 2010 11:34 PM CST reply actions
I would like to point out one thing
I know it doesn’t really have anything to do with our defense really but:
Glover Quin – 2010 – 3 INT’s / 14 PD’s – Cost to Texans : $800,250
Dunta Robinson – 2010 – 0 INT’s / 5 PD’s – Cost to Falcons : $9,957,000
Now Quin has 59 solo and 13 assisted tackles while Robinson has 41 solo and 3 assisted tackles. A CB having a lot of tackles is not really a good thing. It generally means he’s either used a lot in run support, or he’s targeted often and allows a lot of receptions. I think we all know about Quin in regards to that. But still. $10 million for no picks…ouch.
by SubCrim on Dec 24, 2010 3:40 AM CST reply actions 5 recs
I wish PFF's info was still free
I wonder how they come out in the rankings.
A Texans fan. Really. No, I'm not kidding.
http://www.battleredblog.com
"Blind fandom is all I got left." - LoneSpot
Yes
More “cost effective” defensive players :)
I believe that the Texans need to score 40 points in every game to be competetive because of efense.
by Barryfromtexas on Dec 24, 2010 12:48 PM CST up reply actions
Most cost-efficient cornerback EVAR!!!1!
I am a visionary, I am a genius, and now I am angry! Now help me find my pants!
A word of advice for Texans fans. Remember John Milton's Paradise Lost: The mind is its own place. It can make a Hell of Heaven and a Heaven of Hell. Kinda sums up the last nine years, doesn't it?
by UprootedTexan on Dec 25, 2010 3:02 AM CST up reply actions
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