Deep Steel Blueprint: Battle Red-Clad Texans Host The Ravens On Monday Night...What Could Go Wrong?
For your Houston Texans to make the playoffs, they need, aside from a loss by Indianapolis and Jacksonville, to win four straight games to end the season. While they pulled off this feat in 2009, there was no game as tough as the one that awaits the guys in Battle Red on Monday.
The Baltimore Ravens head to Houston coming off their own prime time loss to a team from Pennsylvania. On the outside, the Ravens' reputation of being a tough, physical, defensive-minded team dominates the Houston image of being a finesse team that can never live up to their potential. By all accounts, this should be a one-sided affair, right? Or do the statistics tell a tale where Baltimore has cracks in their armor?
As always, the results of scouring ESPN, NFL.com, and Football Outsiders, among other statistical databases, are below the jump with a look at what Houston should expect and where Houston may find success.
| Baltimore Ravens Offense | Houston Texans ' 'efense | |
| Rushing | 108.4 YPG (16th), 3.6 YPC (t-30th), 8 TDs (t-18th), 4 runs of 20-plus yards (t-29th), and Rush DVOA of 2.4% (13th) | 101.4 YPG (t-10th), 3.9 YPC (8th), 10 TDs (t-18th), 5 runs of 20-plus yards (t-4th), and Rush DVOA of -2.3% (20th) |
| Passing | 233.2 YPG (15th), 62.5% complete (13th), 19 TDs (15th), 8 INTs (t-7th), 40 passes of 20-plus yards (t-17th), 27 sacks (t-19th), 92.9 QB Rating (9th), and Pass DVOA of 33.5% (8th) | 287.4 YPG (32nd), 66.5% complete (30th), 27 TDs (32nd), 10 INTs (t-19th), 59 passes of 20-plus yards (32nd), 19 sacks (29th), 102.8 QB Rating Against (32nd), and Pass DVOA of 47.2% (32nd) |
| Overall | 21.7 PPG (17th), 341.7 YPG (14th), 5.2 Yards Per Play (20th), 69 penalties (11th), 31:48 TOP per game (11th), 53-47 Pass/Run Ratio | 26.8 PPG (27th), 388.8 YPG (29th), 6.1 YPP (31st), 84 penalties (t-26th), 31:42 Time on Field PG (23rd) |
What the statistics say is that the running game should be a bit of a wash. The Texans can stop the run, and the Ravens are struggling to get any big yards on the ground. Football Outsiders puts the Ravens ground "success" more on the line than Ray Rice or Willis McGahee since the Ravens are struggling to get past the 2nd level and into the open field. However, since the Ravens have the 7th-worst power success (short-yardage success), the line isn't exactly blowing people off the ball either.
Direction-wise, the Ravens succeed at running on the right side (ranked 1st and 3rd to the RT/RE compared to middling rankings on the left and middle), but they only run a league-low 10% of their carries to the right. In a Kubiak-ish type manner, the Ravens run 35% to the left, only beaten by Washington's 36%.
When it comes to the Baltimore pass offense, well, the Texans defense is going to face an attack that is statistically similar to their very own offense. That's not good news. It looks like Baltimore will be without starting tight end Todd Heap, but they have a pair of talented rookies, Dennis Pitta and Ed Dickson, who can pick up the slack.
Wide receiver Derrick Mason (47 recs, 598 yds) and Rice (49 recs, 410 yds) see a lot of targets, but Joe Flacco's clear favorite is Anquan Boldin, who leads the team in receptions (56), yards (770), touchdown receptions (7), WR catch rate (61%), and WR DVOA rank (20th). I imagine Jason Allen will draw Boldin most of the day, and he'll have his hands full.
Since Flacco's not known for mobility, I would hope Frank Bush dials up the blitzes as he did for most of the game in Philadelphia before he inexplicably stopped doing what was working and let Vick pick apart the swiss cheese secondary.
Lastly, if you needed proof of a defense that played without discipline or focus, look at the 84 defensive penalties. Yeah, I love that the struggling defense commits so many penalties.
| Houston Texans Offense | Baltimore Ravens Defense | |
| Rushing | 130.5 YPG (7th), 4.8 YPC (3th), 16 TDs (1st), 14 runs of 20-plus yards (t-6th), and Rush DVOA of 26.8% (2nd). | 97.8 YPG (6th), 4.0 YPC (t-9th), 5 TDs (t-3rd), 8 runs of 20-plus yards (t-11th), and Rush DVOA of -12.8% (4th). |
| Passing | 242.5 YPG (10th), 64.0% complete (9th), 17 TDs (17th), 8 INTs (t-7th), 48 passes of 20-plus yards (t-8th), 26 sacks (18th), 93.2 QB Rating (8th), and Pass DVOA of 39.0% (5th) | 208 YPG (11th), 58.4% complete (10th), 14 TDs (t-6th), 11 INTs (t-15th), 42 passes of 20-plus yards (t-16th), 22 sacks (t-20th), 77.6 QB Rating Against (6th), and Pass DVOA of -0.3% (8th) |
| Overall | 24.0 PPG (11th), 373.0 YPG (7th), 5.9 Yards Per Play (3rd), 65 penalties (t-7th), 29:16 TOP per game (24th), 55-45 Pass/Run Ratio | 16.8 PPG (4th), 305.8 YPG (7th), 5.1 YPP (7th), 97 penalties (31st), 29:38 Time on Field PG (16th) |
Before the numbers intimidate you, the Texans have had success against top-rated San Diego and New York - both 3-4 defenses in the top-10 in a lot of statistical categories. Actually, the Jets had a better rush defense, and the Chargers had a better pass defense. I don't doubt this team's ability to move the ball against anyone after this past month. In two of their weaker performances, Baltimore's defense struggled against New England, another similarly elite offense, and gunslinging Buffalo.
That said, the Ravens' defensive line stats still surprised me. Even with Haloti Ngata, bfd and Rivers' #1 target of #nosetacklelust, the Ravens are 6th-worst in power success (70%) and one spot behind the Texans in stuffed percentage (18th to Houston's 17th). Maybe the theory of Chris Myers getting abused by Ngata isn't correct? Especially since Houston has the 4th-best power success (73%), 6th-fewest stuffed percentage (15%), and is the best team in running up the middle.
Based on those defensive line numbers, the Texans should find success running at Baltimore's left side. Baltimore ranks 22nd and 31st when offenses run behind the right tackle and right end. Running to the left or middle isn't advised, statistically, since Baltimore's among the best defenders on those sides.
Name-wise, Chris Carr, Josh Wilson, and Fabian Washington don't sound like world-beaters who can stop Andre Johnson, so that's always an option. Statistically, Matt Schaub, who heads a top-10 passing attack, should be looking at his 2nd receiver (Kevin Walter, Jacoby Jones, whoever lines up there) since Baltimore's weakest at defending the #2s. The next vulnerability is covering running backs, but everyone with a brain knows Arian Foster is a beast who needs 30-40 touches a game.
Notice the offense's penalties; that's pretty good especially when compared to Baltimore's defensive penalties.
| Baltimore Ravens | Houston Texans | |
| Kicking & Punting | 19-22 FGs, long of 49 yards. 43.2 punt average (40.1 net); 29 in 20 (1st), 20 fair caught (t-2nd). |
19-21 FGs, long of 53 yards. 42.4 punt avg (38.5 net); 15 in 20 (t-26th), 11 fair caught (20th). |
| Returning | 22.8 YPKR (14th), 7.0 YPPR (27th) | 19.4 YPKR (29th), 6.7 YPPR (28th) |
| Coverage | 27.2 YPKR (32nd), 8.0 YPPR (t-10th) | 22.7 YPPR (16th), 8.0 YPPR (t-10th) |
Lost in the coaching hot seat madness, special teams coordinator Joe Marciano should face some heat for the terrible special teams play. Football Outsiders has everything that doesn't involve Neil Rackers being among the league's worst. A new special teams coordinator and Alex Henery may be something that people should be calling for.
The return teams are evenly matched, average against average, league-worst with near league-worst, and over-matched punt return teams. The Ravens will have a field position weapon in punter Sam Koch, but Houston's used to having terrible field position - in fact, the Texans do their best work when having to drive 80-plus yards, as the NFL Network pointed out last week.
There you have it - Baltimore broken down by statistics. Game-wise, I expect a similar game to the New York Jets contest due to the similar statistical picture. At the very minimum, I feel confident that we won't lay as big an egg as New York did this past Monday. As I said during Jets week, I think this is a more winnable game than most people think.
What say you, BRBers? Feeling the same way? Thinking otherwise? Let the comments bear witness to your witty and insightful observations.
Ravens vs Texans coverage | Baltimore Beatdown
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Comments
Great Look, As Always
Although I’m about as far from optimistic as it gets when it comes to the outcome of this game, I’m going to be paying special attention to Myers v. Ngata. Myers has been very good this year, but I don’t think he’s faced a NT on Ngata’s level this season.
Looking forward to a day when being a Texans fan doesn't mean that April is the highlight of my season...
I don't think Myers would survive this.
He became Kris Jenkins’ ragdoll last season and Jenkins doesn’t even come close to Ngata’s level of play.
"Eff you mothereffer!"
-Bernard Pollard-
I'm most worried about the pass rush of the Ravens
Unlike us, they are very creative in disguising it and creative in how they line up their front 7. Schaub is rather terrible at recognizing the backside blitz and is slow to get rid of the ball when their isn’t someone open. I’m worried another sack/fumble or two is in his future.
Be judgmental about the actions of the past, be hopeful about the actions of the future. -The Homers Creed
This is a winnable game
Our offense doesn’t really struggle against a good defense. If anything, offensively, we tend to beat ourselves. If our offense is rolling as it should, then we’ll have no problem putting points on the board.
If the defense can advance from atrocious to shitty, we have a good chance of at least not embarrassing ourselves.
I agree with this.
We just need to set our sites at 40+ points.
Hoping weird stuff really does only come in 3's
by Barryfromtexas on Dec 8, 2010 9:21 AM CST up reply actions
Good article TDC
I appreciate the breakdown.
The only thing I can add is that last year New England was a tough game going down the stretch and we somehow pulled it off.
If we can pull this off, the rest of these games I’d almost expect to win….
Not Really
Ts only won that game because the Pats had already clinched and were using the starters sparingly.
Not to mention they pulled their entire D-Line out of the game & went with a 0-5-6 defense
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by The Night Owl on Dec 9, 2010 1:31 AM CST up reply actions
You guys must have been watching a different game...
The Pats only started pulling players late in the first half AFTER…
- They were getting beaten
- Welker was knocked out for the season
- Pollard was making goo-goo eyes at Tom Brady again
I distinctly remember the point where Belicheat pulled Brady and it meant nothing other than they had gotten whipped and he wasn’t optimistic of a favorable outcome.
Now I do believe that the Pats would have kept Brady in the game if their playoffs depended on it, but to dismiss the job that the Texans did on their heads is just revisionist history.
"Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do..."
I do agree with this
But one Welker got hurt, they were taking many more chances, but they tried to completely stop the passing game so the Texans couldn’t come back, but Foster started showing us a glimpse of what we’ve seen this year
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by The Night Owl on Dec 9, 2010 6:50 PM CST up reply actions
Great breakdown
I will say this about special teams. There seems to be a lot of “lower level” players being cut and add to the team. This makes it hard to have any consistency in special teams – especially coverage-wise, We all know about our returners. We just do not have a real threat as a returner this year.
Hoping weird stuff really does only come in 3's
I will be optimistic if we wear the ketchup bottle unis.
Assmass alone does not a NT make.
you know
at the beginning of the year I thought it was a stupid game to waste our battle red unis on. Clearly someone in the front office knew we would be in a playoff hope busting game by week 14.
Be judgmental about the actions of the past, be hopeful about the actions of the future. -The Homers Creed
Those fire hydrants are just what's needed to put out the fire on this season....
I dub the Ravens...... Flaccid!
The mad one makes an appearance
Speaking of mad ones….anyone seen hide or hair of Mike Kerns? He’s been M.I.A. and I fear for him. I would knock on his door to see if anything is rustling inside, if I knew where he lived.
I dub the Ravens...... Flaccid!
It would be nice...
If we could score on special teams or defense. When is the last time that happened?
My attitude is like a virgin......I dont give a fuck!
Quick question:
If we win the division, do we host a wildcats?
by fgp on Dec 8, 2010 9:49 AM CST via mobile reply actions

Be judgmental about the actions of the past, be hopeful about the actions of the future. -The Homers Creed
by DaGoaT on Dec 8, 2010 9:54 AM CST up reply actions 1 recs
i guess we are the cat. FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!
reading this TDC, makes me even more baffled at how we are 5-7
" Maybe the theory of Chris Myers getting abused by Ngata isn’t correct? Especially since Houston has the 4th-best power success (73%), 6th-fewest stuffed percentage (15%), and is the best team in running up the middle."
this doesnt sound like a 5-7 football team, or what should be a 3-9 football team
break out the clorox
To your point, and I totally agree, that our offense CAN deliver
in this pic, the offense is the plane…..unfortunately the defense and special teams have other plans for the runway at that point in time (during three of the four quarters of any game).

Uncomfortably numb......thanks to the Texans
Interesting photo and very applicable to Texans fandom...
Most on this board will look at that photo and see an airplane landing and about to have an unfortunate case of unplanned geographical co-location with some construction equipment.
Others, will look at this photo, equate the plane taking off as the Texans Offense which has soared above a relatively stagnant ‘’efense and which continues on it’s way leaving the ‘’efense to continue it’s rebuilding effort.
Still others will look at the guys standing in the foreground staring blankly at the oncoming airplane while standing immobile in it’s path and say: “Kareem!”, “Glover!”, “Bernard!”, “EWWWW!”
"Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do..."
I loved this pic
That said (and I hate even going down this track, yet I can’t seem to help myself) if the following things happen it appears we win the tiebreaker over Indy for the division crown:
- we win out (hilarious presumption I know) and finish 9-7 colts win 3 of 4, only losing to Oakland (plausible I think) and finish 9-7
-
— jax wins their two non-divisional games (others are losses to us and colts) and finish 9-7
Our only impressive wins would be against Baltimore and to a lesser extent, Jax. Both are at home at least. Our other opponents are in full nose dives at the moment (Tenn and Den) although that could change.
I haven’t refreshed myself on all the tiebreaking procs but with a 3-way tie within a division, I believe you look to division records instead of head-to-heads. Jax would lose out at 3-3, with us and colts being 4-2. Then it moves to h2h with their again being a tie between us and the colts since we split the series (arrrgh!). After that I think it moves to common opponents(?) and we must have the edge there because the following tool on ESPN gives the crown to Houston.
I do feel a little ashamed writing this blantantly optimistic entry, but there it is.
f*ck
and the link to the tool didn’t work, Oh well, you guys are smart (aside from rooting for the Texans year in and year out) and can find it if you want
As far as I understand,
in every scenario of a 9-7 tie at the top between Texans and/or Colts, and Jags, we win out.
Assmass alone does not a NT make.
interesting
and makes sense for sure from the Jags perspective — they need to lose the most and would have to do so against us and Indy so that’d automatically put their division record below ours.
ok i was wrong about one of the tiebreakers, it’s still h2h even in 3-way division tie, but that would be a tie, next is div record which eliminates the jags, then with 2-way it’s h2h, div, common opponents, conference. Not sure if we beat colts on common opponents, but given that we tie there we definitely beat them on conference record as we are currently tied but would end up 1 game ahead at the end of the year.
The problem is that we are relying on OTHER teams to fail....
Hate this situation.
"An open mind is like a fortress with it's gates unbarred and unguarded."
What happens when an unstoppable force meets three defensive players? THIS: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gpWqMqrZwTU
by TexansForever on Dec 8, 2010 2:47 PM CST up reply actions
Asking other teams to lose 1 game
isn’t that crazy
LAST SEASON, I led this team in ninth-inning doubles in the month of August!
Few teams win more then 10 games
very often ya know
LAST SEASON, I led this team in ninth-inning doubles in the month of August!
2 games...the Jags have to lose 2 games, thought we are 1 one of them.
The Colts have to lose 1 and the Titans have to lose 1.
Assuming we win out.
"An open mind is like a fortress with it's gates unbarred and unguarded."
What happens when an unstoppable force meets three defensive players? THIS: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gpWqMqrZwTU
by TexansForever on Dec 9, 2010 9:48 AM CST up reply actions
Assuming we win out
takes care of the tits loss and a jags loss, thats why everyone is saying jags/colts just need to lose 1 game.
Be judgmental about the actions of the past, be hopeful about the actions of the future. -The Homers Creed
Oakland is our best hope for giving them that loss
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by The Night Owl on Dec 9, 2010 10:51 AM CST up reply actions
Don't they play Indy again?
Assmass alone does not a NT make.
Texans fans need to be Raiders fans
through the end of the regular season…
Uncomfortably numb......thanks to the Texans
I've been a closet Raiders fan for a while now
Guess I have to dig that old Raiders jersey out for one week
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by The Night Owl on Dec 9, 2010 6:59 PM CST up reply actions
I've never worn body / face paint
But I’d dip myself silver and black and strap swirling spikes to my shoulders, head and arms if it means emotionally helping them beat the Jags. Now we need the Jags to fall for sure since the Colts eliminated the Tita tonight.
Uncomfortably numb......thanks to the Texans
Well the Jags play the 5 heads so somebody has to lose
I believe that the Texans need to score 40 points in every game to be competetive because of efense.
by Barryfromtexas on Dec 9, 2010 11:50 AM CST up reply actions
Yep - We could host the Steelers or Jets or Ravens
Depending on remaining games
Hoping weird stuff really does only come in 3's
by Barryfromtexas on Dec 8, 2010 11:20 AM CST up reply actions
I have a funny feeling about this game
Of course it could just be gas.
or wishful thinking.
please bring the house Frank
I just like our offense to actually bring it in this game. it just feels like it’s time……
for bleach?
Bring the House and the deer camp in Uvalde
I agree with the blitz strategy. Maybe even corner blitzes and let the LBs drop back… they’d probably do better. Try 3-4 sometimes with extra LBs. Mix it up. It’s go for broke (or rather go for not broke)
have you seen our LB's in coverage
You can easily make a case they have been worse than the CB’s…especially with Diles.
"Well, at least our players kept their helmets on, so that showed some intelligence"-Bob McNair
I'm quite positive that the division winner gets to host a game
Imagine reliant, first playoff game, awesome as fuck. If we do, I’ll definately be there
by fgp on Dec 8, 2010 11:20 AM CST via mobile reply actions
How much absolute
do I add to the battle Red Kool-aid to make me this optimistic
Hoping weird stuff really does only come in 3's
by Barryfromtexas on Dec 8, 2010 11:22 AM CST up reply actions
I just have great faith in my team
Love the texans, just not as much faith in the defense, Jason allens interception brought me hope though, it was SICK!!! Anybody else notice that this year and last years losing streaks happened when Owen daniels is injured? He hasn’t played in the past 5 games. we only won 1, against rusty smith.
by fgp on Dec 8, 2010 11:28 AM CST via mobile up reply actions
Dreesen and Casey have filled in fine
I do not think OD has made that much difference this year
I believe that the Texans need to score 40 points in every game to be competetive because of efense.
by Barryfromtexas on Dec 8, 2010 12:06 PM CST up reply actions
because we have a running game now
and the slots scripted for TE plays in the past are now assigned to running plays or pass plays to the RB, who is ranked #1 in the NFL this season. It’s a trade off they had to make in the rotation, and the TE’s get the brunt of the changes.
Uncomfortably numb......thanks to the Texans
OD can't fix our 'efense.
Assmass alone does not a NT make.
He can help keep them off the field
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by The Night Owl on Dec 8, 2010 7:47 PM CST up reply actions
Um, I don't think they allow high school kids in the NFL
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by The Night Owl on Dec 8, 2010 9:25 PM CST up reply actions
and, I don't think they'll let him on the field with his skateboard....
I dub the Ravens...... Flaccid!
The entire bottle
However you won’t remember why you were optimistic
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by The Night Owl on Dec 8, 2010 11:38 AM CST up reply actions
Or if I am optimistic for that matter
Hoping weird stuff really does only come in 3's
by Barryfromtexas on Dec 8, 2010 11:39 AM CST up reply actions
My Liver Hurts.....
You are banned from Stampede Blue.
You can browse the blog, but you can't participate.
Hi CFHTim. You're trolling yet another SB Nation blog. Since you've been banned from several other SB Nation blogs, you don't get a warning. You get banned. If you want to get unbanned, email BBS and state your case for re-admission.
Turk is toast
we really really need a new punter next year.
LAST SEASON, I led this team in ninth-inning doubles in the month of August!
Alex Henery from Nebraska
That my preferred choice
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by The Night Owl on Dec 8, 2010 11:37 AM CST up reply actions
Maybe Old-School
Both!
Hoping weird stuff really does only come in 3's
by Barryfromtexas on Dec 8, 2010 11:52 AM CST up reply actions
I would bring him in to do both punting & place kicking, then bring in someone else with the strongest leg possible
Whoever that is should strictly handle kickoff responsibilities
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by The Night Owl on Dec 8, 2010 3:32 PM CST up reply actions
What's wrong with Rackers?
I know he’s had a checkered past with blown FGs, but he’s been rock solid this year and is still very capable of making 50+ yarders. A new kicker is the least of our concerns.
by LouisianaTexan on Dec 8, 2010 9:05 PM CST up reply actions
He's good for now, I mean when he gets up there in age
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by The Night Owl on Dec 8, 2010 9:26 PM CST up reply actions
I like Rackers
And the fact he has more tackles than some of our efensive guys
I believe that the Texans need to score 40 points in every game to be competetive because of efense.
by Barryfromtexas on Dec 9, 2010 11:52 AM CST up reply actions
Love the way he chases down the returner
Some kickers couldn’t tackle to save their lives, so it’s refreshing to see one that actually likes doing it.
I'm a man!! I'm forty!!
He can do both it seems
With his leg for 55+ yard FGs, his long term future is at K though.
"Lord, beer me strength."
Yeah
Unless he gets a bionic leg in the off-season
Hoping weird stuff really does only come in 3's
by Barryfromtexas on Dec 8, 2010 11:38 AM CST up reply actions
Vonta should kick Turk as he punts
Assmass alone does not a NT make.
Or maybe just quit punting altogether
I believe that the Texans need to score 40 points in every game to be competetive because of efense.
by Barryfromtexas on Dec 8, 2010 12:09 PM CST up reply actions
Detroit ain't letting him go, ever
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by The Night Owl on Dec 8, 2010 9:27 PM CST up reply actions
I think that the Texans can beat any team in football...........
as long as they put up 45 pts…..
See my signature above
Seems to be the prevalent thought
I believe that the Texans need to score 40 points in every game to be competetive because of efense.
by Barryfromtexas on Dec 8, 2010 12:28 PM CST up reply actions
I think that the Texans can beat any team in football………..
…..in the NCAA.
"An open mind is like a fortress with it's gates unbarred and unguarded."
What happens when an unstoppable force meets three defensive players? THIS: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gpWqMqrZwTU
by TexansForever on Dec 8, 2010 2:50 PM CST up reply actions
Division II
:)
I believe that the Texans need to score 40 points in every game to be competetive because of efense.
by Barryfromtexas on Dec 8, 2010 3:54 PM CST up reply actions
It's all gonna come down to our secondary once again.
Flacoo is an erratic passer. But when he gets hot, he can tear any secondary in this league. What are the chances that he can destroy the worst secondary in the NFL? High. As high as Chrisd21.
Wanna hear something sad guise? The Lions own a better secondary than we do. Waaay better.
"Eff you mothereffer!"
-Bernard Pollard-
Well they do have.
A DT that is playing just as well as any, suh is a monster on the field.
by fgp on Dec 8, 2010 1:44 PM CST via mobile up reply actions
Especially when they keep him from trying to rip QBs' heads off
http://www.nfl.com/videos/nfl-cant-miss-plays/09000d5d81a15769/Throw-him-down-big-man
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by The Night Owl on Dec 8, 2010 3:25 PM CST up reply actions
I love that clip!
The man is a beast…..I wish there had been some way Houston could have snagged him.
Just my $.02
Even duct tape can't fix stupid
Only way that could have happened is if he had a VY Wonderlic score & he Plexico'd himself
This comment has been brought to you by...
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by The Night Owl on Dec 8, 2010 9:28 PM CST up reply actions
The ketchup bottle uniforms will not show blood
That is a plus
I believe that the Texans need to score 40 points in every game to be competetive because of efense.
by Barryfromtexas on Dec 8, 2010 3:00 PM CST up reply actions
That reminds me of a joke.
Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, “Bring me my red shirt!”. The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain’s red shirt, which the captain put on and lead the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled.
Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain calm as ever bellowed, “Bring me my red shirt!”. The battle was on, and once again the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, although this time more casualties occurred.
Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day’s occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked, “Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?”. The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted, “If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid”. The men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such a man.
As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to their Captain for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my brown pants!!
by Ivan A on Dec 9, 2010 12:50 PM CST up reply actions 7 recs
Nice... consider it stolen... Here's a rec for your trouble...
"Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do..."
Near Reliant Stadium
on the distant practice field where the defensive team was wrapping up drills, Bush could be heard shouting; “Bring me my pink slip!”
Uncomfortably numb......thanks to the Texans
might need to call up Bonecrusher (Pollard) for a few blitzes
Uncomfortably numb......thanks to the Texans
SIGH* BRB I fall for your anylitical charms..
Then the Texans just screw me over. Here we go again…..
by BleedBattleRed on Dec 8, 2010 1:00 PM CST via mobile reply actions
MNF
As an out of market fan, I’m just happy to be able to watch this one on my TV instead of my laptop. Although they are 0-4 when I can watch them.
Hey, it could be worse than being a Texans fan.... You could be a Mets AND Texans fan, like Me
by NewJerseyTexansFan on Dec 8, 2010 8:36 PM CST reply actions
agreed
Queens here. Gonna be awhile before we get the jets, giants, and 2 mondays in one season again.
by doogiehowserMD on Dec 9, 2010 11:59 PM CST up reply actions
Frank Bush is SAD
It’s really sad the average fan can see that there was success when we were blitzing Vick. Everyone could see it. There was success. The frustrating this is how on earth can a person just suddenly change that?! Why would you change some thing that worked?! Man… Frank Bush is not just a bad DC, he has NO common sense.
Oh, and just like with the Ravens. I expect to see all those previews and “how-to-successfully-go-at-the-opponent” discussions to go out the window because once again Frank Bush is going to do something so mind numbingly stupid that we will just lose again. Sigh.. I hope we make the play offs, but if we do, there is a HUGE chance we’re going to be embarrassed that much more by Frank Bush.
not just blitzing
but “man” coverage which worked well, and Allen had 9 unassisted tackles and an interception in that “man” coverage. By the way, his issue with Miami was their zone heavy scheme which he was not as good in, and he’s better at “man” coverage. Coincidence? The rest of our secondary is dismal in zone (no idea how to transition responsibility between zones) so we should stay with “man” coverage and send the house on every down. JAILBREAK BLITZ for the win!
Uncomfortably numb......thanks to the Texans
Lies Damn Lies and Statistics
Texans have decent stats except passing yards allowed. The only one that matters though are Ws and Ls. People say the Ts should have won four of the games they lost. If “should have” counted in the books, then the Ts would be in the Super Bowl.
The problem is
Problem is every game is winnable, but we dont win.
Now we might be able to fall ass backwards into the playoffs, where our defense would get us immediately eliminated, no doubt about it. And we screw draft picks and give Frank Bush a better chance at keeping his job.
I’d love it if they made the playoffs, but Id love it more if we had a chance at really making a run next year.
maybe if we make the playoffs,
we can sell someone on taking frank bush and our late draft pick for a higher draft pick? ITS AWIN-WIN!!!
Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.
Facebook.com
the two wins are:
1 we get better and a good draft pick while being in the playoffs.
and
2 we make someone else worse by giving them frank bush. (easy win that week)
Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.
Facebook.com
The problem is with us getting a better draft pick is that we'll just trade down. We frequently do.
"My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me." -- Benjamin Disraeli
Which means that we get MORE players...
…and this set of talent guys, for all of their misfires, has done a pretty good job of getting good talent out of later rounds and even undrafted free agents (VREEK for example)
"Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do..."
Monday night game
I really would have liked seeing the battle red uniforms all season (at least alot more often); however that said; while the Texans have a good chance to win this game I am betting on them finding a NEW AND EXCITING WAY of screwing this chance up as well since they have made a career of playing less than 30 minutes of football for 5 years+. The teams lack of intensity has been a sore spot as well; I thought at the beginning of the season that 2010 was a year early for the Texans to achieve SUPER status, but thought they were in the hunt in 2011(if there is a season?) I now have to adjust my hoping to the next 2-4 seasons of building an actual team as we are loosing too many good starters in near future(replacements need time to gel) and expect a major shake up of the coaching staff in this time frame (which will likely upset thing even further). Let all the fans hope and pray I am full of it!!!!
Monday night
I hope Foster can figure out how to pass block by Monday night. I know a lot of people are in love with the numbers he is putting up but he is going to get Matt killed. Thought we were gonna have a Romo situation for sure on that play at the end of the Eagles game.
by FartyMcFly on Dec 9, 2010 11:01 AM CST reply actions 3 recs
Farty...
…haven’t seen you around here before… and I KNOW I would have remembered that screen name. Are you a newbie? There’s newbie recs to be had if you are… [grin]
"Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do..."
Welcome
I think Foster is usually OK in pass blocking, but like Matt has one bad throw a game, Foster has 1 or 2 missed blocks per game.
I believe that the Texans need to score 40 points in every game to be competetive because of efense.
by Barryfromtexas on Dec 9, 2010 11:58 AM CST up reply actions
/laughing... and a new BRB catch-phrase is born...
"Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do..."
"I bet you'd like that, wouldn't ya Trebek!"
…..“and your mother is a whore”
“OK, I’ll take the-rapist for 200”
Uncomfortably numb......thanks to the Texans
by MeMongo on Dec 9, 2010 11:52 PM CST up reply actions 1 recs
I'll take The Penis Mightier for 1000
This comment has been brought to you by...
Clorox Eye Wash
Has the Texans defense become too excruciating to watch? Clorox Eye Wash is the solution for you. Apply directly to the eyes & the slight pain will provide everlasting relief from the vision of the Texans Defense
and by
Drano Classic Milkshakes
Drano Milkshakes, For when a slow, painful death is preferable to watching the Texans play defense
by The Night Owl on Dec 10, 2010 1:33 AM CST up reply actions 1 recs
one of my favorite skits ever
I wish they’d bring back those actors and do a series on SNL Jeapardy for a few weeks.
The writing on SNL is back in a lame slump lately.
Uncomfortably numb......thanks to the Texans
Totally on topic
On the contrary, Ive been thinking SNL is actually on an upswing since last season, it;s been damn funny. But it’s certainly not the same kinda funny as the 90s, or the 70s.
“ooooOOOooooo whee! What up with that? What up with that?”
by doogiehowserMD on Dec 10, 2010 11:35 PM CST up reply actions

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