Chris Myers, International Man Of Mystery

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*looks around*

*takes off face mask*

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Chris Myers: Infiltrating Qatar's national falconry team has been harder than I thought it would.  Especially with how hard it is to breathe under this mask.  The CIA did a great job getting me here, keeping me undercover by giving me a job no one expects a spy to have: a vacationing football player.  But my time is running out, and I need to find those chemical weapons facilities before all is lost.  

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Falconer: (Hey rookie, get over here, I want to see your skills.)*

*-in Arabic

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*quickly puts mask back on*

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Myers: Okay coach!  Oops, I mean, (okay coach!)

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Falconer: (Is something wrong?  Your face looks a little flat.)

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Myers: (No, no, I'm fine.  Just...desert fever.  Yes, that'll do.  What is it coach?)

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Falconer: (Well, I hear your bird is quite an impressive specimen.  Can I see it in action?)

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Myers: (Sure, here he is.  They call him the) Gamecock Ballhawk!

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Fred Bennett: 'Sup y'all.

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Falconer: (That's a weird looking bird.  Is it ash-shahain?  Al-sinyari?)

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Bennett: You lookin down on me?  I'm the Gamecock Ballhawk!  I trained for months for this.  I'm ready.  You'll all see that I can still play!

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Myers: As a falcon.

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Bennett: Right, right dawg.  As a falcon.  

*Assumes pre-snap stance*

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Falconer: (You talk to him in English?)

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Myers: (It's the only language he understands.)

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Falconer: (Ah.  Well then, tell him that this pigeon is his first target.)  

*releases pigeon*

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*soars majestically*

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Myers: Bennett!  Catch that bird!

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*backpedals 20 yards, stands still, staring at the Falconer, as the pigeon flies over his head*

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Myers: Uh, Fred.  You're supposed to chase the bird.  What are you standing there for?

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Bennett: Oh!  Damn, sorry.  I thought we was playin' zone coverage.

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Myers: ...when the ball goes over your head in zone coverage, aren't you supposed to run after it?

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Bennett: Texans zone coverage.

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Myers: Ah.

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Falconer: (That was horrendous.  If you want to make the team, your bird needs a lot more work.  I've trained chipmunks to catch better than that.  And considering I live in Qatar, where there are no chipmunks, well, you see where I'm going with this.)

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Myers: (He's just a little rusty.  He hasn't been getting much action lately.)

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Falconer: (Not breeding him should make him go faster.  I'm not quite sure how I understood that connotation of action though.  Seems like the kind of phrase that shouldn't carry over to Arabic.)

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Myers: (Don't worry, it's all just a weird part of how the world works.  Sort of like how I can't help saying my secret purpose aloud.  Erm, I mean, yeah, Bennett just needs to get off the benc...performs worse when he's not breeding.)

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Bennett: Hell yeah.  Where the women at?  Erryone in a dress.  it's hard to tell.  Now c'mon, gimme somethin' else.  I need to redeem myself!

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Myers: (Give him something easier, he needs to start off slow.)

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*releases a rabbit*

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 *hops slowly towards Bennett*

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*backpedals 8 yards, continues to look at the Falconer*

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Myers: Bennett, it's a run play!  Don't lose contain!

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Bennett (loudly): Contain?  What the hell is that?

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*starts scampering around faster, scared by Bennett's loud voice, then runs right by him*

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Bennett (shouting): Aw, it's on now little man!  I'm gonna catch you!  

*chases the rabbit around in circles*

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*continues to be scared by Bennett's loud voice, runs closer to Myers and The Falconer*

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Bennett (shouting): I got you!  I got you!  Cornered.  No way you can make it out   Rock and hard place, baby.

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*jumps at Myers, who falls down immediately, then runs right over him.*

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*trips on Myers' face mask, knocking it off, then falls to the ground as the rabbit scurries away*

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Falconer: (INFIDELS!)

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Myers: I knew I should've picked Brent Grimes.  Ugh...

(To be continued...)

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