Chris Myers, International Man Of Mystery

*looks around*

*takes off face mask*

Chris Myers: Infiltrating Qatar's national falconry team has been harder than I thought it would.  Especially with how hard it is to breathe under this mask.  The CIA did a great job getting me here, keeping me undercover by giving me a job no one expects a spy to have: a vacationing football player.  But my time is running out, and I need to find those chemical weapons facilities before all is lost.  

Falconer: (Hey rookie, get over here, I want to see your skills.)*

*-in Arabic

*quickly puts mask back on*

Myers: Okay coach!  Oops, I mean, (okay coach!)

Falconer: (Is something wrong?  Your face looks a little flat.)

Myers: (No, no, I'm fine.  Just...desert fever.  Yes, that'll do.  What is it coach?)

Falconer: (Well, I hear your bird is quite an impressive specimen.  Can I see it in action?)

Myers: (Sure, here he is.  They call him the) Gamecock Ballhawk!

Fred Bennett: 'Sup y'all.

Falconer: (That's a weird looking bird.  Is it ash-shahain?  Al-sinyari?)

Bennett: You lookin down on me?  I'm the Gamecock Ballhawk!  I trained for months for this.  I'm ready.  You'll all see that I can still play!

Myers: As a falcon.

Bennett: Right, right dawg.  As a falcon.  

*Assumes pre-snap stance*

Falconer: (You talk to him in English?)

Myers: (It's the only language he understands.)

Falconer: (Ah.  Well then, tell him that this pigeon is his first target.)  

*releases pigeon*

*soars majestically*

Myers: Bennett!  Catch that bird!

*backpedals 20 yards, stands still, staring at the Falconer, as the pigeon flies over his head*

Myers: Uh, Fred.  You're supposed to chase the bird.  What are you standing there for?

Bennett: Oh!  Damn, sorry.  I thought we was playin' zone coverage.

Myers: ...when the ball goes over your head in zone coverage, aren't you supposed to run after it?

Bennett: Texans zone coverage.

Myers: Ah.

Falconer: (That was horrendous.  If you want to make the team, your bird needs a lot more work.  I've trained chipmunks to catch better than that.  And considering I live in Qatar, where there are no chipmunks, well, you see where I'm going with this.)

Myers: (He's just a little rusty.  He hasn't been getting much action lately.)

Falconer: (Not breeding him should make him go faster.  I'm not quite sure how I understood that connotation of action though.  Seems like the kind of phrase that shouldn't carry over to Arabic.)

Myers: (Don't worry, it's all just a weird part of how the world works.  Sort of like how I can't help saying my secret purpose aloud.  Erm, I mean, yeah, Bennett just needs to get off the benc...performs worse when he's not breeding.)

Bennett: Hell yeah.  Where the women at?  Erryone in a dress.  it's hard to tell.  Now c'mon, gimme somethin' else.  I need to redeem myself!

Myers: (Give him something easier, he needs to start off slow.)

*releases a rabbit*

 *hops slowly towards Bennett*

*backpedals 8 yards, continues to look at the Falconer*

Myers: Bennett, it's a run play!  Don't lose contain!

Bennett (loudly): Contain?  What the hell is that?

*starts scampering around faster, scared by Bennett's loud voice, then runs right by him*

Bennett (shouting): Aw, it's on now little man!  I'm gonna catch you!  

*chases the rabbit around in circles*

*continues to be scared by Bennett's loud voice, runs closer to Myers and The Falconer*

Bennett (shouting): I got you!  I got you!  Cornered.  No way you can make it out   Rock and hard place, baby.

*jumps at Myers, who falls down immediately, then runs right over him.*

*trips on Myers' face mask, knocking it off, then falls to the ground as the rabbit scurries away*

Falconer: (INFIDELS!)

Myers: I knew I should've picked Brent Grimes.  Ugh...

(To be continued...)