BFD Finally Signs
by Rip Jersey on Jun 16, 2010 2:19 PM CDT
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PrintHOUSTON -- BattleRedBlog Blogger BigFatDrunk has signed a restricted free agent tender.
He was extended a first-round and third-round tender at one case of Zima per week and unlimited Cheese Doodles.
The 5-foot-10, 275-pound bfd sat out the blog's just-completed doldrums off-season period when the NFL and Houston Texans basically had nothing going on except drug-testing hearings, one free agent signing of little significance and the rookie draft. Did I mention that the Texans have a kicker battle going on in camp? Anyways, BRB activities continued during his protracted absence as he mostly sat behind his desk at his other job and occasionally posted links to riveting stories such as Texans Release Ryan Moats, Texans Sign Darryl Sharpton, World Cup Open Thread for 6/12, and who will ever forget DPD: QB Vince Young Suspected of Assault?
During the hiatus, just to knock the rust off, bfd dropped nuggets of knowledge on us such as bfd Talkin' Texans in El Paso, which included the soon-to-be classic video Little Superstar! Speaking only for myself, I am a better person for having viewed that vid. In mid-May, he also provided the exciting and timely expose' Offensive Expectations: How Did We Do In 2009? Weekends wouldn't have been the same without his SNT posts. And, I'll never forget bfd's antics at BigCatCountry which I chronicled in BFD Got Banned!
bfd is first in BRB history with 5,481 comments and has a career total 183 posts. He brings an astute knowledge of stat charts and diagrams to BRB and a quiet distrust of defensive coordinators that is shared by many readers. As the off-season winds down and mini-camp activity kicks in, bfd will be amping up with his dry wit and sometimes piercing comments delivered with a certain savoir fare that keeps us wanting more...and more.
Yay! Looks like bfd will be bringing us his inspiration for another season! I hope BRB gives him a long term deal!
(Writer's Note - This piece is an attempt at satirical humor and is not intended to ridicule an obviously talented sports blogger...in reality it is a sideways comparison of bfd's value to this blog to OD's value to the Texans. Also, I have never met or seen bfd, but I picture him being a sober, 6'-2", and about 185 lb sexpot )
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I'm 5'9"
Oh to be 5’10!
Rec’ed.
Thanks, Rip :-)
A Texans fan. Really. No, I'm not kidding.
http://www.battleredblog.com
Rec'd
He certainly is a sexpot.
"I'm just looking forward to something great happening in the city of Houston" - Tracy McGrady
Still waiting...
oh this was a good laugh
"Your mother is a hamster and your father smells of elderberries! Now Go away or I shall taunt you a second time!"
Go Texans!
about freakin' time!
How long did it take the front office of BRB to figure out what a powerhouse BFD is? Geeze!
I loved the post! Thanks for making me laugh.
One case of Zima per week and unlimited Cheese Doodles?
Man, did we overpay. This deal won’t be an albatross around the site’s neck at all, Carlos Lee BFD.
Looking forward to a day when being a Texans fan doesn't mean that April is the highlight of my season...
I think BRB is going to regrett the cheese doodle clause
That’s like telling Tiger he gets a bonus every time he sleeps with a mistress…or telling Titans fans they are paid by the amount of meth they use.
"Well, at least our players kept their helmets on, so that showed some intelligence"-Bob McNair
A one year tender?
So when does bfd change his signature to “Pay me, Tim” ?
"Lord, beer me strength."
by TexansDC on Jun 16, 2010 9:41 PM CDT reply actions 3 recs
5 foot 10, 275 pounds.
Holy shit.
"You got to believe in yourself. Hell, I believe I'm the best-looking guy in the world and I might be right."- Charles Barkley
BFD.... Been Named a Practice Squad Assassin
He’s the kinda player that doesn’t do conventional, exclaimed Gary Kubiak… He’s not into game day activities… doesn’t do team travel.. BFD more of what I like to call a practice squad assasin….He’s the kinda guy that makes guys leave rathere than be cut by management …BFD gives JT Booty nightmares with daily. I think its because of his regular after whistle hits, it was one of those that made Moats go to Minnesota, Stanger though was after the hit BFD helped him up while singing the lyrics to “Yes Jesus Loves Me” It’s hard to mention his name and not seeing that Grinning toothless smile eating a Liverwurst Sandwich that he just pulled out his shorts as he washes it down with a room temperature Buckhorn Beer!!! If one of these players makes the practice squad Be very afraid because BFD… will be waiting to make his mark on you…
by TEXSON on Jun 17, 2010 12:53 AM CDT reply actions 6 recs
I'm crying!
I suppose if all of the stars, moons and planets align it could be possible, but what are the chances of that?
Not only "Yes Jesus Loves Me"
But also “It’s Raining Men” is another fave.
A Texans fan. Really. No, I'm not kidding.
http://www.battleredblog.com
If BFD gets an extension
I’m holding out until I get one too.
I'll eliminate you like I eliminate gluten from my diet.
by tehGrindCrusher on Jun 17, 2010 3:33 AM CDT reply actions
I got your extension right here
A Texans fan. Really. No, I'm not kidding.
http://www.battleredblog.com
by bigfatdrunk on Jun 17, 2010 8:44 AM CDT up reply actions 3 recs
BFD Cited for Altercation in Strip Club!!!
Houston-
Star Texan Practice Squad Player BFD was arrested at 4am this morning in a local strip club…. Seems after a night of drinking and tipping… BFD was approached by a club employeee who insulted BFD’s Jr. High School. “That’s what did it,” said Officer Jim Dandy, who came to the rescue of the employee, " It seemed BFD gave the employee a tripple deep wedgie….slapped him on the buttocks and questioned, “Who’s you’re friggin’ daddy, now boy?” When the cops arrived BFD was gone, but he later showed up at the police station to pick up his citation. The only statement BFD made about the strip club and I quote was, “Hell Boy, I went there to get a steak and I couldn’t find one Damn’ NY Strip in the place — Just Neckked Gals … Hell the police should cite them for false avertisement….” At this time the Texans nor the Strip Club have issued any comments as to the incident.
by TEXSON on Jun 17, 2010 1:19 PM CDT reply actions 1 recs
waiting for the video...
I suppose if all of the stars, moons and planets align it could be possible, but what are the chances of that?
by Rip Jersey on Jun 17, 2010 2:18 PM CDT via mobile up reply actions
Major shrinkage...
From now on, when my wife complains about my size? I’ll tell her I just swam Everest.
A Texans fan. Really. No, I'm not kidding.
http://www.battleredblog.com
Time to Celebrate Part Deux
Umm…okay…http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZScRLMYQ8A
Earl Campbell is the perfect combination of assmass and weightspeed. - Papabear
You, too?
Shit, I suck.
HUGS!
A Texans fan. Really. No, I'm not kidding.
http://www.battleredblog.com
Being a big meanie
And picking on me.
/sniff/
A Texans fan. Really. No, I'm not kidding.
http://www.battleredblog.com
I must have misread the post
Thought I was agreeing with you being signed. Like for money. As in total support of you. Still confused.
380 pounds of pure pirogi
Damnz
I forgot how SKINNY I was back then.
A Texans fan. Really. No, I'm not kidding.
http://www.battleredblog.com
by bigfatdrunk on Jun 26, 2010 12:37 PM CDT up reply actions
How did he ever get through the little door in the background to the toilet?
I suppose if all of the stars, moons and planets align it could be possible, but what are the chances of that?
I might have recommended KY (you know, the kind that tingles?) because it's easier to spread
….not that I have any experience with that.
I suppose if all of the stars, moons and planets align it could be possible, but what are the chances of that?
Deliverance
After showing that picture of yourself… Better stay out of the hills because once that dueling banjo music begins a playin’ real nice like … you’ll be forced to drop down to all fours and squeal like a pig boy!!!! Weeeeee weeeeee weeee!!! I’m guessing it won’t be a PG-13 experience either.
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