Jakespeare's Fuh Real Tweet O' Da Last Few Days Dat Make U Say "LMAO Dog!"

by MDC on Jul 29, 2010 2:37 PM CDT in News

Just when you think this feature has gone the way of DGDB&D, Crystal Pepsi, and Tim's dignity, it flares right back up. It's like herpes, only without the dramatic commercials about protecting your significant other.

After the jump, Jakespeare brings da funk, da noize, and da scatalogical violence.

Context: Someone named @fusband, who has since had his/her Twitter account suspended, wrote: "But den I call black people like @jacoby_jones12 the N-word and still talk like dat cuz @PnutButterSmack do it." So, assuming for a moment at @PnutButterSmack is not the ultimate arbiter of what language is allowable, Jakespeare's anger seems completely justified. That being said, only our favorite Twitter-based bard would take the figurative "I am going to beat the shit out of you" and turn it into the more literal "I'll beat [you until you] shit." I like that.

Really, and unlike much (read: 99.995%) of Jakespeare's Twitoetry, his turn of phrase actually makes the meaning more clear than it might have been otherwise. By turning the phrase on its head like that, JJ has made it clear that he is going to harm this person until he (or she?) lets the shit flow like shit-smelling wine. That is an impressive beatdown, and wholly warranted by @fusband's racist attitude...straight up.

Tweet Comment 15 comments | 7 recs |

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Comments

(Stands Up)

Applauds.

Looking forward to a day when being a Texans fan doesn't mean that April is the highlight of my season...

by Tim on Jul 29, 2010 2:42 PM CDT reply actions

[Golf clap]

hCG levels within acceptable range.

by LoneSpot on Jul 29, 2010 3:26 PM CDT up reply actions

Rec'ed

Solely for “Twitoetry.”

A Texans fan. Really. No, I'm not kidding.
http://www.battleredblog.com

by bigfatdrunk on Jul 29, 2010 2:48 PM CDT reply actions

Oh damnz

Nice tags. Be careful: you might get banned at SB! HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH!!!

A Texans fan. Really. No, I'm not kidding.
http://www.battleredblog.com

by bigfatdrunk on Jul 29, 2010 2:49 PM CDT reply actions 2 recs

This ^

If the Treasury Secretary doesn't have to pay taxes, then why do I?

by Shake on Jul 30, 2010 5:40 PM CDT up reply actions

Words cannot describe the awesome....

"An open mind is like a fortress with it's gates unbarred and unguarded."

What happens when an unstoppable force meets three defensive players? THIS: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gpWqMqrZwTU

by TexansForever on Jul 29, 2010 3:22 PM CDT reply actions

Can I get a beledat?

- Rivers McCown, From Mom's Basement | Twitter | SB Nation Houston | Battle Red Blog

by riversmccown on Jul 29, 2010 3:26 PM CDT reply actions

Beledat.

Jacoby’s gonna set that sucka straight.

"Lord, beer me strength."

by TexansDC on Jul 29, 2010 3:29 PM CDT up reply actions

Looks like he's gonna have to GO HAM ON SOMEBODY!

Jacoby is my ghostwriter.

by Salad on Jul 29, 2010 3:33 PM CDT reply actions 4 recs

Salad is on fire today

- Rivers McCown, From Mom's Basement | Twitter | SB Nation Houston | Battle Red Blog

by riversmccown on Jul 29, 2010 3:50 PM CDT up reply actions

jakespeare

is like wutang clan he aint nobody to fuck wit!

"Your mother is a hamster and your father smells of elderberries! Now Go away or I shall taunt you a second time!"
Go Texans!

by Taco Joe on Jul 29, 2010 10:23 PM CDT reply actions

"beat u till u shit"

actually comes from an old story out of N.O which says that police back in the day would take boys down under the bridge and literally beat em till they shit. it’s lousiana slang… but i haven’t heard it in forever. leave it to Jacoby to be the first to post it on twitter. lol

"don't taze me bro!!!!!!!!!!"
http://www.twitter.com/doobieman21

by chrisd21 on Jul 29, 2010 11:05 PM CDT reply actions 1 recs

I Feel

Like there should be a shooting star graphic, followed by “The More You Know,” after your comment, Chris.

The Library at Alexandria wasn’t lost. It’s the comments of BRB.

Looking forward to a day when being a Texans fan doesn't mean that April is the highlight of my season...

by Tim on Jul 30, 2010 7:50 AM CDT via mobile up reply actions 2 recs

People need to learn the difference between "racial" and "racist"

Unless he somewhere implied that one race or another was inferior or superior to others, he wasn’t displaying a racist attittude.

I’m not making apologies for it, he clearly marked himself a douche bag, I just think people jump the gun a little bit on accusations of racism and bigotry these days.

Reminds me of a few years ago when I was on a Portland city bus and two dudes were making out in front of me, the person I was with noticed my disdain and made a comment along the lines of “you shouldn’t be uncomfortable around gay people expressing their love” or so, but she totally missed the boat. I would have been JUST as uncomfortable if it were two women, a woman and a man, or a dog and cat making out… but the automatic assumption is, you don’t want to see two dudes making out so you’re anti-gay.

I just think we should take care to make correct accusation, the guy is most certainly a douche, but unless more was said that i’m not aware of there’s like no evidence of him having a racist attitude. Maybe he does, maybe he doesn’t, but you could put half the country or more in that category…

by Bryan72076 on Jul 30, 2010 2:37 PM CDT reply actions 1 recs