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Introducing "The Arian Nation" and the "Things Arian Foster Did After The Colts Game" list

 

First, a bit of housekeeping:

I think it's fairly obvious that Arian Foster's sudden newfound fan base should be referred to collectively as either "The Arian Nation" or "The Arian Brotherhood," but what about a nickname for solely for Foster? 

Should it be something short and elegant and classic like "The A-Train"? Or should it be just as braggardly* as his facial hair implies it should be (perhaps something like Mr. Fuck You, Fucker)? Do we go with the traditional First Name-Nickname-Last Name template (Arian "The Incredible Foss" Foster)? Or do we Bill Simmons it up a bit and give him something really overly in-your-face and cumbersome like "Arian 'Holy Shit! Did That Just Happen!? Why Doesn't He Fumble The Ball Every Fourth Carry? He Does Know He Plays For The Texans, Doesn't He?' Foster"?  

Second, a list of things Arian Foster did after the Colts game today:

  • Stole the light from the sun
  • Successfully argued why things that aren't, in fact, actually are.
  • Convinced Stephen Hawking that there is a God, then immediately convinced a woman that a trip to the strip club isn't a form of cheating, then turned around and reconvinced Stephen Hawking that there actually isn't a God.
  • Hung up a large poster perfectly straight on the very first try.
  • Kicked a 42 yard field goal. With his cock.
  • Single-handedly ushed an 18 wheeler up a hill. With his cock.
  • Cut a diamond in half. With his cock.
  • Explained what happened at the end of Inception. With his cock.

I'm certain there are more of these. Sirs?

*Totally just made that word up.

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