CBSSports.com Presents: JWML, Week One

The JWML season kicked off last week, and we'll be checking out the results here every Saturday from here on out. Badness this good deserves to be praised when everyone can get off work to gawk. 

Return Of Stacey Mack 273-125 Multiple Scorgasms - AllenOU's Reggie Brown and Alge Crumpler went receptionless as he was destroyed by a balanced Mack Attack led by Tim Hightower's mediocrity and a injured Matthew Stafford. My golden boys put up the highest score on the week, with nobody putting up under 39 points asides from the perfect kicker, Ryan Succop.

Fighting Cocks 259-218.5 Tony Hollings' Opus - Led by 55 horrendous Sam Bradford attempts, Taco Joe crushed the Opus of Tony Holling. Devin Hester was the main culprit for the Opus, as he caught just one pass to key the defeat.

Schaub's Johnson 251-214.5 Fuck It I'm Going Deep - In a tight game, Chad Henne came through for LoneSpot with 56 big points to beat Rex's team. Rex had some bad luck as both Matt Forte and Matt Hasselbeck (?!?!) stepped up IRL and delivered 5 touchdowns between them.

The Fighting Mongooses 240.5-109.5 Spoon Feed Peoples - Kenny Britt and Brandon Pettigrew contributed nothing, and Reggie Bush's touches were so limited that he couldn't even be valuable in this format as JimboTexan's team imploded on itself. The Mongooses improved to 1-0 under Vince Young, who should just win games in this format.

11 Tight End Set 203.5-157.5 S.Rosenfels Starting QB - 0's for Kevin Smith, Justin Gage, and Brian Hartline undermined an amazing effort by Josh Freeman and Ricky Williams to keep Jordann relevant. Shake's waiver wire team got big contributions from Anthony Fasano, Fred Taylor, and Dennis Dixon to squeak by the more talented Rosenfails. 

Farnsworth Parabox 179-139.5 NOLANDERGONNAFUCKUUPSOHARD - Chad Ochocinco backfired hard on nollie, putting up a -1 as noted Franchise QB Mark Sanchez, with help from Santana Moss and Zach Miller, led Mr. Haas to a sweet victory that will only be matched by his reprisal on Tim, Matt, and myself for the four minutes of dead airtime on Battle Red Radio.

Next week's matchups: 

Return Of Stacy Mack (1-0) vs. Schaub's Johnson (1-0)
Tony Hollings' Opus (0-1) vs. NOLANDERGONNAFUCKUUPSOHARD (0-1)
The Fighting Mongooses (1-0) vs. 11 Tight End Set (1-0)
Fighting Cocks (1-0) vs. Multiple Scorgasms (0-1)
Spoon Feed Peoples (0-1) vs. S. Rosenfels Starting QB (0-1)
Farnsworth Parabox (1-0) vs. Fuck It I'm Going Deep (0-1)

And if you're sick of your league's dead air time, you'll love CBSSports.com and their Fantasy Football Commissioner League! Completely customizable, terrific setup, the greatness of being under the same umbrella as Shannon Sharpe, what more could you want? Knock on the door and tell them your buddies from SB Nation sent you and you'll get 50% off! Fast real-time scoring updates, a terrific amount of keeper league options, what more could you want in a fantasy league? 

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