Adventures In Idiocy: Team Zima Predicts The Future
by MDC on Sep 2, 2010 9:04 AM CDT
in News
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PrintAfter Rivers completed the Community Projections series, he thought it might be a good idea to have a post or two of predictions and projections solely from BRB staff. Unfortunately, he also thought it might be a good idea to let someone else handle compiling said prognostications, and I volunteered. I sent the same questions to all of the other short-bus passengers, and I'm going to split the answers into a few posts in order to milk this thing like ... um ... uh ...
(Stupid SBN rules about not posting explicit and vulgar similes.)
Anyway, after the jump, witness WHEN RIVERS AND KERNS ATTACK.
Q: Player most likely to be arrested before Thanksgiving (and for what)?
Rivers: Jacoby Jones, tweeting in such a way that people recognize him as a diva. But not a Terrell Owens level diva.
Kerns: Kris Brown (given that he makes the team). For public intoxication after missing an extra point as regulation ends that would have beaten the Colts. Instead, the Texans fall 23-20 in overtime.
Q: Assuming Mario Williams gets one sack for each unicorn eaten, the number of unicorns killed in 2010 will be?
Rivers: 14.5. Well, wait, I guess 15 since you really can't kill half a unicorn.
Kerns: 11. Would have been 12, but he wanted to keep one to race on.
Q: Rank of Texans' defense (in either yardage allowed or points allowed...your call) during the first four games?
Rivers: 19th.
Kerns: 22nd.
Q: Rank of same over last 12?
Rivers: 14th.
Kerns: 18th (2nd best defense in TEAM HISTORY!!!!).
Q: Fanbase whose trolls are most likely to run away crying and stage a "blogcott" of BRB in 2010?
Kerns: The Titans. Because when the "Beware of VY Fan Boys" sequel comes out, things are going to get ugly.
Q: Anti-breakout player (i.e., the player who seems most like he could have a good season that will, instead, play like ass)?
Q: Total number of calories ingested by John McClain during his 32 gameday breakfasts?
Q: Number of those calories that come from grapefruit, Grapenuts, or grapes?
Rivers: 0.0005%. But like I said, he has very thorough meals.
Kerns: Do Grape Jelly Donuts count?
Q: Bigger number: Antonio Smith's sack total or Kerns' blog total?
Rivers: Kerns is at 4, right? Antonio Smith will double that.
Kerns: <Scoffs> I've got him doubled up. Easily.
Kerns: Under. Tim has built up an immunity to The Silver Bullet. And Zima is long gone...
Q: Current BRB inside joke least likely to get old before season's end?
Rivers: Theres one that isn't old?
Kerns: Anything dealing with a certain blogger located in between the great states of Ohio & Illinois.
Q: Smaller number: Glover Quin's TDs allowed or my number of substantive posts?
Rivers: Your posts. Glover should be able to beat 1 no matter how good or bad he is.
Kerns: MDC's posts. No offense, I just think Quin falls off a bit this year.
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By the way
Pancakes has us starting 5-1 and finishing 10-6.
Gloom & Doom.
By the way, in that 5-1 start, the only loss he has for us is at Oakland.
wait wait wait
SBN has rules on what you can and can’t post now?
Hmmmm, I gotta think of something overly vulgar to go post on my blog now.
Just to prove a point.
/taking suggestions obviously
/thinks
Maybe a remake of Tool’s Prison Sex, starring Karl Malone & Scottie Pippen
If the Treasury Secretary doesn't have to pay taxes, then why do I?
Jealous
THAT is the kind of thing that makes me wish I wrote for BRB. Would have been fun, heh.
Chris - www.HoustonDiehards.com
Whenever You're Ready, Chris
The Wal-Mart of the Texans blogosphere will welcome you with open arms.
Looking forward to a day when being a Texans fan doesn't mean that April is the highlight of my season...
by Tim on Sep 2, 2010 9:44 AM CDT up reply actions 4 recs
We could always use another coffee boy.
TexansDC’s always comes out too cold.
- Rivers McCown, From Mom's Basement | Twitter | SB Nation Houston | Battle Red Blog
by riversmccown on Sep 2, 2010 10:00 AM CDT up reply actions 2 recs
And Jake & Drekeem's
never come out at all.
by Mike Kerns on Sep 2, 2010 10:02 AM CDT up reply actions 2 recs
Oh snap!
/glad I wasn’t mentioned
I'll eliminate you like I eliminate gluten from my diet.
www.battleredblog.com
by tehGrindCrusher on Sep 2, 2010 10:22 AM CDT via mobile up reply actions
That is literally
the only thing that saves me around here.
"MDC: Droppin' knowledge like a librarian with Parkinson's." --Jonathan Loesche
by MDC on Sep 2, 2010 2:34 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
huh...
I just realized that his name is gone from the authors list.
Tim is truly the silent assassin.
Just answer the same questions in the comments
My interest is peaked…or is it piqued?
Any grammar Nazi’s on here that can help me out?
I hate grammar Nazis...
….but you shouldn’t end a sentence in a preposition. :-)
I am the father of Brian Cushing's baby.
Two things
1) ‘out’ in this sentence isn’t a preposition;
2) The actually is no grammatical prohibition against ending sentences with a preposition.
/grammar Nazi
I'll eliminate you like I eliminate gluten from my diet.
www.battleredblog.com
by tehGrindCrusher on Sep 2, 2010 10:26 AM CDT via mobile up reply actions
*there
/not a typo Nazi
I'll eliminate you like I eliminate gluten from my diet.
www.battleredblog.com
by tehGrindCrusher on Sep 2, 2010 10:27 AM CDT via mobile up reply actions
Kerns: Steve Slaton. I just think the guy is done.
Couldn’t agree more. Please prove us wrong, Steve.
I am the father of Brian Cushing's baby.
Done as an every down back?
Yes? I think he can still be a decent piece of the puzzle on third downs, assuming the fumbling problem is corrected and the neck holds up.
"Well, at least our players kept their helmets on, so that showed some intelligence"-Bob McNair
I think what Kerns is saying is...
Ben Tate on a broken fuckin’ ankle might have been more productive than Slaton…
at least that’s what he was thinking, right?
by grungedave on Sep 2, 2010 9:59 AM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
Lets not try and figure out what Kerns is actually thinking about Ben Tate.
It’s in everyone’s best interests.
- Rivers McCown, From Mom's Basement | Twitter | SB Nation Houston | Battle Red Blog
by riversmccown on Sep 2, 2010 10:02 AM CDT up reply actions
*dims the lights...puts on Barry White*
by ~Buck on Sep 2, 2010 10:03 AM CDT up reply actions 2 recs
But in answering papabear's original question
I think he is done overall. Every down back, situational, specialist. You name it. He is likely going to be the kickoff returner to start the year and after he puts one on the turf and gives a team a first down in their red zone, I think he gets doghoused by Kubes. And this is even if he gets to play. Turf toe is a rather significant injury to a running back. I had it in high school and I could barely walk, much less run.
Again, I hope to be wrong about Steve.
It's not a tumor !
Thought it was toe strain, not turf toe ? From my understanding the strain will not linger like turf toe does.
You are banned from Stampede Blue.
You can browse the blog, but you can't participate.
Hi CFHTim. You're trolling yet another SB Nation blog. Since you've been banned from several other SB Nation blogs, you don't get a warning. You get banned. If you want to get unbanned, email BBS and state your case for re-admission.
They said Turf Toe on the radio this morning
With whoever that doctor is that they have on frequently.
And, obviously, he won’t be playing tonight:
http://nbcsports.msnbc.com/id/38900349/ns/sports-player_news/
Just landed in baltimore
Not a fan AT ALL. Might go to Boise va tech though. Up y’all have good updated on the game tonight
by AllenOU on Sep 2, 2010 10:36 AM CDT via mobile reply actions
The game is going to be Suite!
Cause I got invited to be in one by my buddy….1st time in a suite at Reliant. Pretty jazzed!
It takes a big man to walk away, but a bigger man to break his freaking jaw!
BANNED
And I still owe you an email. I’ll try to get to it today. Really, very sorry.
A Texans fan. Really. No, I'm not kidding.
http://www.battleredblog.com
No worries
Happy 137th bday btw. That is a ton of candles. You will be blowing more than Studdard 10 minutes after that picture above was taken.
It takes a big man to walk away, but a bigger man to break his freaking jaw!
by USMC_Texas on Sep 2, 2010 12:30 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
Picture
Was on a dif post, but we all know which one I am referring to..
It takes a big man to walk away, but a bigger man to break his freaking jaw!
Well played sir
You are banned from Stampede Blue.
You can browse the blog, but you can't participate.
Hi CFHTim. You're trolling yet another SB Nation blog. Since you've been banned from several other SB Nation blogs, you don't get a warning. You get banned. If you want to get unbanned, email BBS and state your case for re-admission.
No Worries
Happy 137th bday btw. That is a ton of candles. You will be blowing more than Studdard 10 minutes after that picture above was taken.
It takes a big man to walk away, but a bigger man to break his freaking jaw!
I've already Rec'd this post
And I’ve only made it to this line:
Rivers: Jacoby Jones, tweeting in such a way that people recognize him as a diva. But not a Terrell Owens level diva.
If the Treasury Secretary doesn't have to pay taxes, then why do I?
by Shake on Sep 2, 2010 4:00 PM CDT reply actions 1 recs
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