Hello Rick Smith. Look at Kareem Jackson, now back to me, now back at Kareem Jackson, now back. to. me.
Sadly, Kareem is not me, and may never be. But if you pick me up via free agency he may, at least, learn to smell like me. Look down, back up. Where are you? You're on the podium receiving the AFC Championship trophy with the man who took Kareem's place in the depth chart.
What's in your hand? I have it, it's a stat sheet that shows how few yards receivers lined up against me have gotten. Look again, that stat sheet is now diamonds. Anything is possible when your secondary has me in it and not Kareem Jackson. I'm really good.
Head Coach Position Available
Eccentric owner in "Mile High City" seeks coach looking to take local football club in new direction. At this point, not terribly picky as to whom. Tired of being shunned by coaches who actually know what they're doing. Literally can't be worse than the last guy. Will pay through the roof for even average results. Trading new starting quarterback non-starter. No time wasters please. We already had one of those for the last couple of years.
See new general manager for more details. Make sure not to mistake him for the horse statue in front of the stadium. Not a good way to start.
"The Beast" of Burden
Pacific Northwest halfback looking for part-time work as bulldozer when off-season begins. Has experience in plowing through shoddy New Orleans Saints defensive formations. Not responsible for any earthquakes that result afterward or overpayment for beers at local stadiums.
Desperate for a job
Former defensive coordinator, specializes in marginal run defenses, seeks employment from any level of football team. Will work for food, alcohol, and the occasional laugh or two. Works best when there's no pressure to win or even really compete. I have no shame and very little idea of what I'm doing. Famous for large, fluffy cushions and my favorite flavor is vanilla. Will hear all serious offers and most non-serious offers.