Defensive Meltdown Watch 2010: Our Failure To Completely Fail Disappoints

by bigfatdrunk on Jan 16, 2011 4:47 PM CST in News

Oh my dearest, learned readers, I'm sad: We didn't finish with even the worst defense (by DVOA) in 2010, much less in NFL history (dating back to 1993). I fully believe the honor would've been well-justified by coaching and a scheme that was embarrassingly horrid...not unlike watching Roseanne Barr and Tom Arnold make sweet love in a vat of Crisco. However, my primary driver of this season was to highlight, in a historical context, just how poorly our defense consistently played in such a way as to get the abominable Frank Bush canned. Bush is gone, so now I'm happy! Yay us? After the jump, I'll review where we wound up in a historical context.

First of all, huge props to FootballOutsiders.com and their fantastic work. As a math geek and longtime stat-head, I'm thoroughly enjoying the strides made in the football stats arena over the past few years. Also, thanks to Rivers and the work he does. So, here we go:

Team	Year	DVOA
DET	2008	29.2%
DEN	2008	24.7%
MIN	2000	24.4%
STL	2008	23.7%
MIN	2004	23.0%

Notice anything missing here? Yeah, it's us. We managed to fall to 9th place for worst, thanks almost entirely to Rusty Smith and Trent Edwards. If we face Kerry Collins and David Garrard, I'd bet DilloTex's basset hound we'd be at best #2 overall. Alas, we were able to hold off fantastically horrible QBs, which shot us down the rankings. Jacksonville's 2010 defense was actually worse than ours, and we can blame the last game directly for that switch. For passing DVOA? Well, I'm so glad you asked.

Team	Year	PassDVOA
DET	2009	40.1%
JAC	2009	39.8%
BAL	1996	38.8%
DET	2008	37.4%
SF	1999	37.0%

Nope, we ain't there, either. We managed to fall to 6th place at 36.8%.

However, like I mentioned earlier, the point of this series was to display in a very public way our defensive incompetence (and, for some of us, the incontinence it caused). Frank Bush is gone. Ray Rhodes is retired. And, what I'm most thankful for--David Gibbs is history (I'll get into this aspect in some upcoming posts).

For our final music video tribute for the 2010 defense, I give you my vote for the worst music video of all-time. Frank, you were so bad, you've truly earned David Hasselhoff:

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Comments

How am I just now seeing this music video?

Was that actually from a time when Hasselhoff still took himself seriously? I’m blown away. That was truly the Eugene Wilson of music videos.

by Nashmeister on Jan 16, 2011 5:10 PM CST reply actions 3 recs

This is just wrong...

I fully believe the honor would’ve been well-justified by coaching and a scheme that was embarrassingly horrid…not unlike watching Roseanne Barr and Tom Arnold make sweet love in a vat of Crisco.

And yet, accurate. Well done!

I’m off to get eye bleach.

I am a visionary, I am a genius, and now I am angry! Now help me find my pants!

by UprootedTexan on Jan 16, 2011 5:18 PM CST reply actions

I expect that phrase in your book.

A Texans fan. Really. No, I'm not kidding.
http://www.battleredblog.com
"Blind fandom is all I got left." - LoneSpot

by bigfatdrunk on Jan 16, 2011 5:45 PM CST up reply actions

Hmmmm...lemme see...

Calvin entered Alex’s office and instantly wished he hadn’t. His eye was drawn to the overstuffed sofa in the office where he found his father and his secretary in various states of undress.

“Dad? Reina?” Calvin dropped the box with his father’s veal parmigiana on the floor. It was a sight that nobody wanted to see; like Roseanne Barr and Tom Arnold making sweet love in a vat of Crisco. His eyes would never be able to unsee what he saw.

Hey! It works!

I am a visionary, I am a genius, and now I am angry! Now help me find my pants!

by UprootedTexan on Jan 16, 2011 5:58 PM CST up reply actions 8 recs

You damn well know I rec'ed that.

A Texans fan. Really. No, I'm not kidding.
http://www.battleredblog.com
"Blind fandom is all I got left." - LoneSpot

by bigfatdrunk on Jan 16, 2011 6:03 PM CST up reply actions

/bowing

Thank you, I’ll be here all week.

I am a visionary, I am a genius, and now I am angry! Now help me find my pants!

by UprootedTexan on Jan 16, 2011 6:06 PM CST up reply actions

One more and it is

Goo’d

I am totally optimistic about the Texans new season - at least until the first of the 4 or 2 (if any) preseason games

by Barryfromtexas on Jan 16, 2011 7:21 PM CST up reply actions

done

and the clouds opened up and God said "I Hate you Texans Fans."

by Joe25 on Jan 16, 2011 7:40 PM CST up reply actions

...continued...

As he turned to run from Alex’s office, Calvin tripped over Hobbes who was sleeping happily by the door and stumbled across the hall into Bob McNair’s office. There, an animated Bob McNair was waving enthusiastically at a large whiteboard and explaining the acquisition of Wade Phillips to Gary Kubiak.

“If we’d had Wade Phillips last year, there’s no way we would have been as awful on defense… I’d bet DilloTex’s basset hound we’d be at best #2 overall.” Gary looked at Bob quizzically to which Bob responded “I don’t know… I just saw that on BRB last night and it sounded catchy…”

"the laws of physics are immutable and shit" - tehGrindCrusher
"Because this is a blog and I’m an argumentative bastard." - tehGrindCrusher
"Not to completely equate marriage to fandom, but both rely on suspended insanity a bit..." - beefy

by DilloTex on Jan 16, 2011 8:37 PM CST up reply actions 1 recs

You are now enshrined

On a legendary scale

- well, in a blog anyways

I am totally optimistic about the Texans new season - at least until the first of the 4 or 2 (if any) preseason games

by Barryfromtexas on Jan 16, 2011 9:26 PM CST up reply actions

Yes, that did work

I didn't do anything wrong!.... and, I won't do it again.

by Rip Jersey on Jan 17, 2011 4:31 PM CST up reply actions

Eye bleach???

I think I need brain bleach for this one!

"My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me." -- Benjamin Disraeli

by texanslady on Jan 17, 2011 4:16 PM CST up reply actions

Firing Frank Bush is small consolation

He should have been stripped, body-shaved with a rusty razor, tarred, feathered, then paraded down Fannin St on the top of the light rail on his way out of town…except the light rail doesn’t go out of town. So, I guess firing will have to do…..

I didn't do anything wrong!.... and, I won't do it again.

by Rip Jersey on Jan 16, 2011 11:01 PM CST reply actions

Germany applauds your choice of videos

That is all

I didn't do anything wrong!.... and, I won't do it again.

by Rip Jersey on Jan 16, 2011 11:06 PM CST reply actions

I actually just had this discussion with my German Co-Worker Thursday night

He HATES it when people talk about how popular the Hoff is in Germany. Swears he’s not really popular there.

"Well, at least our players kept their helmets on, so that showed some intelligence"-Bob McNair

by papabear on Jan 17, 2011 9:00 AM CST up reply actions

Maybe its just the chicks bustin' out of their red one-piecers on Baywatch, then.....

I didn't do anything wrong!.... and, I won't do it again.

by Rip Jersey on Jan 17, 2011 9:27 AM CST up reply actions

Denial

I believe that is the 1st stage of grief

If the Treasury Secretary doesn't have to pay taxes, then why do I?

by Shake on Jan 17, 2011 10:05 AM CST up reply actions

FYI Swedish chicks make odd noises during sex

Like a burning pig

by AllenOU on Jan 17, 2011 12:29 AM CST via mobile reply actions

Great

we even failed at being the best at being the worst.

by Bobbythegreat on Jan 17, 2011 12:53 AM CST reply actions

pfft

What a waste of a season indeed. Damn noobs Jags and Titans QBs ruined it.

"You know what they say - Fool me once: strike one. But fool me twice... strike three."

by RocketsAstros on Jan 17, 2011 4:58 AM CST up reply actions

That video

Could not possibly have been made as a serious video. I refuse to believe it.

That scene with Hasselhoff dressed like Crodocilde Dundee with two angels and two beagles in the background… Wow.

I'll eliminate you like I eliminate gluten from my diet.
www.battleredblog.com

by tehGrindCrusher on Jan 17, 2011 3:42 AM CST reply actions

I like how they made sure everything was in scale.

"Well, at least our players kept their helmets on, so that showed some intelligence"-Bob McNair

by papabear on Jan 17, 2011 9:01 AM CST up reply actions

Niners fan here!

And Ive been rooting for you guys for a while! Def my favorite team in the AFC… It hurt when you guys had so much potential (like the Niners) this season to make it in the post season, but fell off throughout the end.

I mentioned this in your Vance joseph thread, but although firing Bush, and the hire of Wade Philips is a promising one, my fellow Niner Nation and I were scratching our heads with the hiring of our former DB coach Vance Joseph. He has been useless to us as much as Singletary was our HC. I do not understand why he was hired in Houston. He was horrible as our DB coach. Have you seen our games? Probably not, who would want to watch such an inept game of football. Yeah our offense sucked because of Smith and Singletary’s horrible nonsense strategy, but we had a decent defense coordinator in Greg Manusky (now in SD). Its not his fault, our DBs (especially corners) were burned consistently. They would either jump the offense, or could not cover period! WE have a solid DLine, and an amazing Linebackers squad (p.willis), but our CBs consistently threw games away for us. So I hope and pray for you Texans, that you guys have better luck with your defense next season. Im just warning you guys about Vance Joseph…..

OHHHHHH!!! Take That With Youuuuuu!!!

by Giants49war on Jan 17, 2011 6:02 AM CST reply actions

I missed your earlier comment

What about the development of Dashon Goldson and the continued high level of play from Clements? Travis Mays seemed to make strides as the year went on, as well.

A Texans fan. Really. No, I'm not kidding.
http://www.battleredblog.com
"Blind fandom is all I got left." - LoneSpot

by bigfatdrunk on Jan 17, 2011 7:36 AM CST up reply actions

Taylor Mays?

by theSpaceCityKid on Jan 17, 2011 8:53 AM CST up reply actions

Dadgummit

Yes. I always do that. Travis Mays is from the old Runnin’ Horns days.

A Texans fan. Really. No, I'm not kidding.
http://www.battleredblog.com
"Blind fandom is all I got left." - LoneSpot

by bigfatdrunk on Jan 17, 2011 9:15 AM CST up reply actions

Which, I think, is basketball?.....

I didn't do anything wrong!.... and, I won't do it again.

by Rip Jersey on Jan 17, 2011 9:30 AM CST up reply actions

Billy Mays?

I am a visionary, I am a genius, and now I am angry! Now help me find my pants!

by UprootedTexan on Jan 17, 2011 1:06 PM CST up reply actions

OD'd on cocaine

after hearing that Shamwow was liked more than his Zorbeez

Murphy’s 20th Military Law:
If it’s stupid, but it works, it ain’t stupid

by The Night Owl on Jan 17, 2011 1:44 PM CST up reply actions

^This^

Made me fall out of my chair – literally

And I do not like to laugh at the misfortunes of others

But it was funny

I am totally optimistic about the Texans new season - at least until the first of the 4 or 2 (if any) preseason games

by Barryfromtexas on Jan 17, 2011 8:38 PM CST up reply actions

No

the only good games they had were against the Cardinals (because they have no real QB). Goldson has a lot of potential, but along with Clements and Spencer they were mediocre at best. Taylor Mays has a huge upside, and he will continue to improve. Can’t say much on him, since he only had 1 season. But again, that’s all it is. Potential. Until there is a guy who can coach them up and get better, there just as good as the average NFL DB. There are rumors we are getting Ed Donatell, who coached Champ Bailey into a pro-bowl, so we are very excited about that.

OHHHHHH!!! Take That With Youuuuuu!!!

by Giants49war on Jan 17, 2011 9:17 PM CST up reply actions

Remember my words!!!!

I can’t believe that you guys are still placing all the blame on Frank Bush. Frank wasn’t given a team with one noticeable name on defense, Mario Williams, (don’t even dare to mention that steriod popping Roger Clemens imitating Brian Cushing as a name to remember; alledgelly) who, seemed to me, was rarely healthy for the whole season. Remember My Words!!!! If we go into this years draft selecting another INEXPERIENCED defensive player in the first round, kiss the Texan’s 2011 season goodbye. BET DilloTex’s basset hound ON THAT.

by Tough Tittie on Jan 17, 2011 7:29 AM CST reply actions

as Pancakes would remind you repeatedly

This same squad was a top 5 defense over the last 13 games of 2009. Virtually the same squad in 2010, epically horrible performance = Frank Bush sucks.

I wish we could hire coaches without "having grown up in Houston" being a job requirement.

by DaGoaT on Jan 17, 2011 7:45 AM CST up reply actions

That same defensive coordinator coached a top 5 defense over the last 13 games of 2009, too.

Opponents, opponents, opponents. As the preseason prediction so accurately nailed, Eugene Wilson shouldn’t be on an NFL roster. You’re not going to stop legitimate NFL QBs with him starting at FS.

by Nashmeister on Jan 17, 2011 12:52 PM CST up reply actions

I disagree

There are several, fundamental arguments I could make to place the blame squarely on coaching. Examples include poor tackling fundamentals, a poorly designed scheme, a basic disconnect between alleged scheme (4-3 under) and personnel, failure to even run alleged scheme, and continuing to overlook the poor play of Zac Diles, Shaun Cody, and especially Eugene Wilson from 2009.

But I’ll stick with the fact that not a single Texans defensive player aside from Mario improved after his rookie year. There are several, especially Okoye and Fred Bennett, who regressed notably after their rookie season. I strongly believe this is a coaching problem, not a personnel problem.

Finally, it’s highly likely we’ll draft defense in the first round. If we count on this person for more than 750 snaps, then we’ll be in trouble.

A Texans fan. Really. No, I'm not kidding.
http://www.battleredblog.com
"Blind fandom is all I got left." - LoneSpot

by bigfatdrunk on Jan 17, 2011 7:48 AM CST up reply actions

I can't give Frank Bush any props

Not saying there aren’t other factors the contributed, but coaching is the number one reason for the defensive fail. I will start with Kubiak and then Frank Bush. See my FanPost to the right, to see further comments. But, the vanilla, dumbed-down, conservative, zone-defense, 15 yards off the line of scrimmage, no bumping, very little blitzing defensive scheme can be pointed at for the poor season and non-playoff performance in my opinion. Kubiak and Bush should both be blamed. That is the defense that Kubiak has wanted since he came here. That is the defense he supported when he brought in Richard Smith and followed up with Frank Bush. Five seasons of dumbing down was just like laying out the red carpet for the opposing offenses.

That is all.

I didn't do anything wrong!.... and, I won't do it again.

by Rip Jersey on Jan 17, 2011 8:29 AM CST up reply actions

I'll give Frank Bush one prop

up onto a stake then lay him over Jobu’s sacrificial grill

Murphy’s 20th Military Law:
If it’s stupid, but it works, it ain’t stupid

by The Night Owl on Jan 17, 2011 10:49 AM CST up reply actions

/hides under bed

by DilloTex on Jan 17, 2011 10:29 AM CST up reply actions

that is true

Its a good thing this year’s draft is very deep on defensive players, so you should have potential starters all the way up to round 4.

OHHHHHH!!! Take That With Youuuuuu!!!

by Giants49war on Jan 17, 2011 9:20 PM CST up reply actions

You should try using italics for emphasis.

You know, just to mix things up.

I'll eliminate you like I eliminate gluten from my diet.
www.battleredblog.com

by tehGrindCrusher on Jan 17, 2011 10:18 PM CST up reply actions

I wish we could hire coaches without "having grown up in Houston" being a job requirement.

by DaGoaT on Jan 17, 2011 7:46 AM CST reply actions

And here I thought Vick was evil.

Poor, poor dogs.

A Texans fan. Really. No, I'm not kidding.
http://www.battleredblog.com
"Blind fandom is all I got left." - LoneSpot

by bigfatdrunk on Jan 17, 2011 7:48 AM CST up reply actions

grrrrrrrrr.....

by DilloTex on Jan 17, 2011 10:28 AM CST up reply actions

DT likes....

I didn't do anything wrong!.... and, I won't do it again.

by Rip Jersey on Jan 17, 2011 1:01 PM CST up reply actions

No... I meant "grrrrrr..." like "I'm about to hit you with a two-by-four", not...

“grRRRrrr…” like “Jordann, I like how you look in that Panda Suit, c’mon over here you sexy thing!”

"In conclusion, I’d like to say that Dicky Justice is an assclown."
"...your in-house hirings on the defensive side suck donkey balls..."
- tehGrindCrusher

by DilloTex on Jan 17, 2011 8:27 PM CST up reply actions

So freakin' banned.

I am a visionary, I am a genius, and now I am angry! Now help me find my pants!

by UprootedTexan on Jan 17, 2011 1:07 PM CST up reply actions

Really Enjoyed The Series, BFD

Though I’m admitedly disappointed the Texans can’t even fail like winners.

Looking forward to a day when being a Texans fan doesn't mean that April is the highlight of my season...

by Tim on Jan 17, 2011 9:10 AM CST reply actions

Whatever the statistics say

We all really know they were epically bad.

I mean we know it is bad when we were all pining halfway through the season for a mediocre defense.

I am totally optimistic about the Texans new season - at least until the first of the 4 or 2 (if any) preseason games

by Barryfromtexas on Jan 17, 2011 10:01 AM CST reply actions

It still hurts.

That collapse against the Jets and the Hail Mary pass still hurt.

by Ethan Matz on Jan 17, 2011 12:03 PM CST reply actions

Not to mention the lack of running in the second Colts game

Murphy’s 20th Military Law:
If it’s stupid, but it works, it ain’t stupid

by The Night Owl on Jan 17, 2011 1:49 PM CST up reply actions

Or

three guys jumping at the feet of the Ravens’ kick returner and still failing to tackle him.

The Jets and Ravens games hurt me the most because it took about 30 seconds in both to go from the best feeling in the world to the worst feeling in the world.

"You know what they say - Fool me once: strike one. But fool me twice... strike three."

by RocketsAstros on Jan 17, 2011 5:00 PM CST up reply actions

Yea...

The Jets’ loss was probably the worst in franchise history for me, because it was just so indicative of what a big bunch of losers they are. No other team in football allows that to happen, not even the 2008 Detroit Lions.

I don’t even know how to explain it… It’s like in Madden, when the game gets easier for one team if they’re getting blown out. Just…. The moment we get close to winning anything, everybody just starts to shit the bed and hand the game to the other team. Whether it’s Eugene Wilson being is usual awful self and giving up the sideline, Quin batting the ball into somebody’s arms, Schaub throwing an OT pick-six, Andre not coming up with a catch and booting the ball into a defender’s hands, you can be certain that somebody is gonna blow it.

by Nashmeister on Jan 17, 2011 5:22 PM CST up reply actions