Behind Enemy Lines: Wherein The Texans Face Off Against Some Team From Kentucky...I Think
Do you feel it? The tide of darkness looming over the horizon and congregating somewhere near the Cumberland River? The climate of evil descending upon the Texans' schedule? Malevolent forces even now are gathering to...to...um...play against our Houston Texans.
That's right, kids. It's that time again, the first of our twice-yearly tilts against the Tennessee Traitors, I mean BE-SFs, oh forget it, it's time to square off against Bud Adams' army of darkness again.
Who will play the Little Mac to Glass Joe Matt Hasselbeck?
When Matt Hasselbeck left Seattle, I was frankly relieved. He looked like he didn't have much, if anything, left in the tank. That relief turned quickly turned to nausea when he signed with Tennessee in the off-season. It wasn't because I feared any kind of passing attack he would head up there, it was mostly because I like him and didn't want to see him pulverized into sub-atomic particles by the Texans' pass rush, which Pro Football Focus has ranked as the third best pass rush in the league. What makes matters worse is Hasselbeck has actually looked pretty good in his first five starts with the Traitors. It's amazing what happens when he has adequate protection from his offensive line, rated as the top pass-blocking line in the league.
So we're left with a highly rated pass rush against a top-rated pass-blocking line. But there is a potential weakness to exploit. Meet Eugene Amano, starting center for the Murfreesboro Titans. In my opinion, this is the weak link of the line. As far as pass blocking goes, he's rated worst among the starters with a .9 (for the record, 0.0 is average), and has already given up a sack, two hits, and a pressure. His ability to run block is even worse, with a -11.2 grade so far (more on the running game later). I expect to see Brian Cushing have a lot of luck hammering that interior line and making Hasselbeck's life miserable.
Could it be the gold teeth slowing Chris Johnson down?
Maybe. Personally, I never understood why anyone would want to look like a James Bond villain, but I'm going to blame his poor running totals on his Jekyll and Hyde offensive line. While they're generally solid at pass-blocking, they're equally horrendous at run-blocking. Of his runs, Johnson has run frequently (or tried, anyway) off the left end side or up the gut. Running up the gut hasn't gotten him a ton of yardage, so expect to see a lot of runs by Johnson to the sides of the line, specifically the right side of the line..
I would be more concerned, since the Texans' rush defense hasn't exactly been setting the world on fire, but in his first week as a full-time starter, Brooks Reed did very well, with a 2.7 rating (again from PFF). Connor Barwin, on the other hand, has been rather disappointing as a run stopper this season, as evidenced by a -2.9 rating in that category. Since Johnson hasn't gotten much traction by running up the middle, I'd expect Connor Barwin to see a lot of runs headed his direction.
Yes, Cortland, you can come out of hiding, Andre won't be playing on Sunday.
But I wouldn't recommend it. With Andre almost certainly not playing Sunday (keep hope alive!), Schaub's best target remains Owen Daniels. In the five games the BE-SFs have played, two players in particular have been called on to cover other teams' tight ends: MLB Barrett Ruud and everybody's favorite leprechaun, Cortland Finnegan...sorry, I mean Innegan (both have covered tight ends seven times thus far this season). Of the 29 passes thrown his way, 17 of them have been completed, giving him a 58.6% completion percentage. Not very impressive, and certainly not enough to contain Daniels on his own. If they do, by some chance, double cover him like the Ravens did last week, then that should open up the field for the passing game more since, statistically speaking, Innegan is the better of their starting corners.
All I know is, he better not pull some of the same nonsense against OD that he did against Andre, because Daniels is a Badger...like J.J. Watt, and I don't think Watt would take too kindly to someone giving his fellow Badgers any grief.
Release the Kraken Pterodactyl!
The Texans running game should be in for a banner day Sunday. The Traitors defense has given up a lot of runs, and even more yardage in two particular gaps: Between the right tackle and right guard (19 runs for 115 yards) and off the left side of the line (12 carries for 63 yards). But pay particular attention to how many times the Texans run right. Because according to Football Outsiders, the Texans are ranked 9th when running the ball off the right tackle's side. I think this is where the Texans will have the most success running the ball, with a few runs to the left end; while the Texans haven't had as much luck on that side of the line (20th according to FO), since the BE-SFs are giving up 5.25 YPC on that end, I would be surprised if they didn't at least try their luck running that direction.
So what do you think, BRB? Am I completely off my rocker (well...more than usual)? Do you think you see weaknesses that I missed? How badly would J.J. Watt destroy Cortland Innegan in a fight? Add your thoughts below!
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JJ Watt vs Innegan is not a fair fight...
I wanna see Kareem Jackson vs Innegan. And if both get ejected, I sure no one would mind.
Matt Schwab, Mary O' Williams, Adrian Foster, and Daniel Owens are my favorite Texans!
Wow... good idea... Line KJ up at wide receiver on a seek-and-destroy mission...
I likee…
"Fanaticism consists in redoubling your efforts when you have forgotten your aim." - George Santayana
As long as its only intended as a fight to the death with Innegan
We definitely don’t want to rely on him to run and catch a ball.
KJ as a Wide Receiver
Run. Fall down. Yank his own jersey. Fall down. Somehow catches the ball. Gets flagged for Pass Interference. Runs the wrong way. Scores on the wrong end zone. Gets flagged for Excessive Celebration. Then gets in a fight (girly slap fest) with Innegan. Gets flagged for unnecessary roughness. Gets ejected along with Innegan.
End result: TD for Tennessee, 3 personal fouls. KJ and Innegan both out of the game.
I say that would be worth it.
Matt Schwab, Mary O' Williams, Adrian Foster, and Daniel Owens are my favorite Texans!
by MeSoLongHorny on Oct 21, 2011 9:40 AM CDT up reply actions 5 recs
I like the end result.
It’d be like when the Popovich had Robert Horry get into a shovin’ match with Steve Nash in the playoffs. Sacrifice your most worthless player in order to take out one of the opposing team’s better players. I’ll gladly make a Kareem-for-Cortland arrangement.
by Nashmeister on Oct 21, 2011 10:26 AM CDT up reply actions
What are you talking about?
That play was typical Robert Horry coming through in the clutch when his team needed him. When you need a big shot, just call on Big Shot Bob, & that was one hell of a shot he landed on Nash
Murphy’s 20th Military Law:
If it’s stupid, but it works, it ain’t stupid
"Fuck em all. Go Texans."
by The Night Owl on Oct 21, 2011 12:17 PM CDT up reply actions
Side note:
Robert Horry lives 2 houses down from me. Nice guy, but his lights are closed during Halloween.
Matt Schwab, Mary O' Williams, Adrian Foster, and Daniel Owens are my favorite Texans!
by MeSoLongHorny on Oct 21, 2011 12:22 PM CDT up reply actions
When has Robert Horry
EVER been the most worthless player on a team?
The Two-Day Hangover @ Battle Red Blog (2011) & SBN Houston (2010) | Twitter
Actually 2008
2007 is when the clutch hip check occurred, which was far from worthless
Murphy’s 20th Military Law:
If it’s stupid, but it works, it ain’t stupid
"Fuck em all. Go Texans."
by The Night Owl on Oct 22, 2011 4:58 PM CDT up reply actions
Was not even considering him ACTUALLY trying to catch something...
…as a possibility. What a novel concept!
I was more thinking of him as a sacrificial Innegan-seeking-SCUD-missile.
"Fanaticism consists in redoubling your efforts when you have forgotten your aim." - George Santayana
Rec'd
For your creativity in going a whole article calling the BE-SFs by every name besides their own
by MaloneyPony on Oct 21, 2011 8:39 AM CDT reply actions 1 recs
Kubiak Post Game
This is what the post game show will sound like after Titans beat the Texans. Reporter: Why does the team suck in the second half of every game? Kubiak: Because the kids practice hard every day. Reporter: Why does Kareem Jackson get beat in coverage so often? Kubiak: Kareem is going through the learning process that everyone goes through at that position, so they can find out what it takes to be a great player. Translation: Kareem sucks. Reporter: Why does the defense give up so many points in the fourth quarter? Kubiak: Because the kids practice hard every day. Translation: Wade does not make DEFENSIVE adjustments quick enough. TITANS 27-17
by cowboybamafan on Oct 21, 2011 8:46 AM CDT reply actions 1 recs
Well done UT.
I especially enjoyed that you made me start the morning off thinking of what it would be like to see JJ Watt murderbattle Innegan into pieces.
I don’t know what it is, but my hatred of the BESFs is running extra deep right now. Pulverizing them and exposing them for the 6-10 they are simply isn’t enough. The only thing that could truly satisfy my current bloodlust against them is if in a victory celebration we took it upon ourselves to destroy their stadium and relinquish their entire organization into poverty with no chance of government benefits. That or force them all to become Nancy Grace’s bitches.
I hope what you say is true
I just don’t know if I think they are a 6-10 team. Their schedule is just as easy as ours the rest of the way (for the most part)
"Never underestimate the dumb with JJ" - Hugh Jarce
Part of our easy schedule is that we play them twice
I really think this fanbase is just on edge from the loss to the Raiders. That’s what we do though, we lose some games we should have won. But they came to play. After that we had a really tough game going into Baltimore. We’re kind of a bi-polar fanbase because we’ve been burned so many times, but the bottom line, IMO, is:
Texans: Better than our record shows.
BESFs: Worse than their record shows.
Even without our two best players.
I agree about being bi-polar
And I hope it is just my past experiences as a Texan fan that is giving me this uneasy feeling.
"Never underestimate the dumb with JJ" - Hugh Jarce
Titans 10-6
The Titans will be 10-6 while Houston will have their usual record of 8-8.
by cowboybamafan on Oct 21, 2011 9:27 AM CDT up reply actions
Kubiak Post Game Continued
Why did you call a halfback pass on the goal line? Kubiak: Seemed like the right thing to do at the time. What Happened on the Cortland Finnegan Interception? Kubiak: Jones slipped on the play and that caused the interception. Translation: Jones sucks!
by cowboybamafan on Oct 21, 2011 9:00 AM CDT reply actions 2 recs
your team must really suck to be commenting here
and the clouds opened up and God said "I Hate you Texans Fans."
Our Andre, who art from Heaven, hallowed by thy name.
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on Earth as it is in Canton.
Let's not feed the trolls.
Just flag him and move on.
Despite my better judgment, a manager at Battle Red Blog.
Supreme Galactic Editor of Battle Red Onion.
I am a visionary, I am a genius, and now I am angry! Now where are those pants at?!
Football is war by other means. - Carl von Clausewitz...sorta.
by UprootedTexan on Oct 21, 2011 9:13 AM CDT up reply actions
why not just ban him?
if it were one of us doing the same to their blog we would be banned.
and the clouds opened up and God said "I Hate you Texans Fans."
Our Andre, who art from Heaven, hallowed by thy name.
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on Earth as it is in Canton.
by Joe25 on Oct 21, 2011 9:19 AM CDT up reply actions 5 recs
It's more satisfying to see him fail at trolling.
And much more frustrating for him, I assure you.
by Nashmeister on Oct 21, 2011 10:30 AM CDT up reply actions 3 recs
^THIS!!!!
"Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat."
by MexicanTitanFreak on Oct 21, 2011 11:24 AM CDT up reply actions
as a Hoosier just north of the Kentucky border
to hell with Kentucky. You’d much rather be from Tennessee than Kentucky. Have you seen Justified?
-Contributing Writer at The Crimson Quarry.
LMAO I love Justified. Haven't missed an episode. But I get your point.
"The best thing about being a cynic......is that you are never surprised." ~Anonymous
"Don't get yourself a bunch of tricky plays.......get yourself a bunch of tricky players." `Paul "Bear" Bryant
by Christopher H on Oct 21, 2011 9:21 AM CDT up reply actions
Kentuckian Here
I am a Kentucky-raised Houston fan…long story really. While I disagree with “to hell with Kentucky” I would have to admit Tennessee is a much better state than Kentucky. It’s really underrated I think Memphis and Nashville are fun towns (Knoxville is awful). Texas>>>Tennessee>>Kentucky>>>>>>>Indiana>Libya
by PHM on Oct 21, 2011 10:07 AM CDT up reply actions 8 recs
I had to rec this
I am now drinking the koolaid. Texans are making their turn for the best. Screw pessimism!
by Barryfromtexas on Oct 21, 2011 10:09 AM CDT up reply actions
I was born in Lexington and the one time I've been back...
..it seemed like pretty country. However, that has been DECADES ago.
"Fanaticism consists in redoubling your efforts when you have forgotten your aim." - George Santayana
I'm mainly just a hater
as Dillo says below it’s a gorgeous state but you’ve gotta be better than somebody. So most Hoosiers choose to stick their noses up at Kentucky.
-Contributing Writer at The Crimson Quarry.
And by the way...
Just to be clear Justified is a HORRIBLE representation of Lexington. It is an accurate representation of eastern Kentucky but they make Lexington look like it is a small town with no big buildings. I mean we do have like 400,000 people and a downtown it’s not that small haha. Also they drive back and forth from Lexington to Harlan all the time, thats a 3.5 hour drive!!!
No kidding lexington is pretty big.. and I do like memphis and Nashville although Louisville can be fun.. I honestly liked Kentucky tons more than Tennese as far as a living prospect.
Karate? The Dane Cook of martial arts?
Kentucky brings back bad memories for me
Basic Training at Fort Knox was freezing cold
Murphy’s 20th Military Law:
If it’s stupid, but it works, it ain’t stupid
"Fuck em all. Go Texans."
by The Night Owl on Oct 22, 2011 12:13 AM CDT up reply actions
have a buddy that lives in Lexington... I agree it is misrepresented
their depiction of Eastern Kentucky could double for 50% of rural America. The 3.5 drive always bothered me, I knew it was quite a distance from each other.
-Contributing Writer at The Crimson Quarry.
Pregame fight song straight to you Texans Fan
Look out football, here we come,
Tennesse Oilers, number one.
Tennesse has the Oilers, the greatest football team.
We take the ball from goal to goal like no one’s ever seen.
We’re in the air, we’re on the ground … always in control
And when you say the Oilers, you’re talking Super Bowl.
‘Cause we’re the Tennessee Oilers, Tennessee Oilers, Tennessee Oilers, Number One.
Yes, we’re the Tennessee Oilers, Tennessee Oilers, Tennessee Oilers, Number One.
We’ve got the offense.
We’ve got the defense.
We give the other team no hope. ‘Cause we’re the Tennessee Oilers, Tennessee Oilers,
You know we’re gonna hold the rope
5,6,7,8 Bud’s team is better than that Texans team from the lone star state.
by cowboybamafan on Oct 21, 2011 9:12 AM CDT reply actions 1 recs
get back under your rock

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by MeMongo on Oct 21, 2011 9:25 AM CDT up reply actions 4 recs
Plz CowboyBamaFan Go Kill YoSelf
I Welcome All My Haters With Open Arms, Because If Everybody Got Love For You, That Means You're Kissing Too Much Ass
by TheBookOfOlu on Oct 21, 2011 9:27 AM CDT up reply actions
That's Funny!
Is that a real fight song?
by CortlandFinn on Oct 21, 2011 12:10 PM CDT up reply actions
Dallas has a team in the World Series.
Why are you here trolling? Watch some baseball and attempt to grow up.
"Each in turn... volunteered his suggestions, his invaluable suggestions."
Twitter - xiane1
The Dreamshake
No, Arlington has a team in the World Series
Murphy’s 20th Military Law:
If it’s stupid, but it works, it ain’t stupid
"Fuck em all. Go Texans."
by The Night Owl on Oct 21, 2011 1:58 PM CDT up reply actions
fixed
No, Texas has a team in the World Series
Dallas fans hate it when I tell them they dont even have a baseball team. We have the Stros and then the Rangers are for all of Texas to share.
Season Prediction v2.5.1 beta lite: Our Houston Wrexans will finish 11-5 and go UNDEFEATED within the AFC South!
by theSpaceCityKid on Oct 21, 2011 8:14 PM CDT up reply actions
But the stadium is in Arlington, just next door to the Deathstar
Murphy’s 20th Military Law:
If it’s stupid, but it works, it ain’t stupid
"Fuck em all. Go Texans."
by The Night Owl on Oct 22, 2011 12:15 AM CDT up reply actions
yes i know
my girlfriend is from Kennedale, a suburb of Arlington…. no worries though shes a fully converted Texans lover/Cowboys hater despite her family’s allegiance (hence my love for her)
Season Prediction v2.5.1 beta lite: Our Houston Wrexans will finish 11-5 and go UNDEFEATED within the AFC South!
by theSpaceCityKid on Oct 22, 2011 11:32 PM CDT up reply actions
Trolls come here and troll
to read the awesome pieces our writers produce.
by anthonymgarcia on Oct 21, 2011 9:18 AM CDT reply actions 6 recs
Fiction
Yes, I have always appreciated articles that are fiction over articles with real facts.
Deep Inside You Are Really A Texans Fan!
I Welcome All My Haters With Open Arms, Because If Everybody Got Love For You, That Means You're Kissing Too Much Ass
by TheBookOfOlu on Oct 21, 2011 9:28 AM CDT up reply actions
but this one is particularly annoying, especially since he doesn't even comment the cowboys site
even Toro is irritated by this troll

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by MeMongo on Oct 21, 2011 9:36 AM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
Great read
entertaining as always with a dab of statistical facts.
I am now drinking the koolaid. Texans are making their turn for the best. Screw pessimism!
I would live to see KJ fight finnegan
It would be the first good thing he’s ever done.
by TheDream34 on Oct 21, 2011 9:28 AM CDT via mobile reply actions
Tony Romo
While Tony Romo would be an ideal eskimo brother, he must make your life miserable. The cowboys should be awesome and they’re 2-3, ha.
Matt
Remember Oakland, must make your life miserable to watch Matt throw that third grader pass in the end zone. My four year old can throw a better pass than that! Dallas will be 3-3 after this week while the Texans are going to drop to 3-4,Ha!
by BruceBamaFa on Oct 21, 2011 11:06 AM CDT up reply actions
Notice a trend?
cowboybamafan
BruceBamaFa

Eight Walls a new MMA blog from Fantake
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SECede?....Whoop(s)!!
It woulda been the 2nd best thing he done!
Remember he made a RB fumble :)
I Welcome All My Haters With Open Arms, Because If Everybody Got Love For You, That Means You're Kissing Too Much Ass
Anybody going to the game?
Living 3 hours away from Nashville it is one of my few chances to see the team in person (Yay for @ Cincy this year) I would like to have a beer with another Schaub apologist.
While I Normally Make The Road Trip To Nashville
I opted for New Orleans this year.
Looking forward to a day when being a Texans fan doesn't mean that April is the highlight of my season...
Yup
I usually go to the @NO games because my pops lives there but I couldnt make it down this year, probably why we came up short.
Had to ask....
What does BESF stand for? I’ve been seeing that replaced for the Titans name but could never figure out the abbreviation, Acronym finder says: Baghdad Embassy Security Force!!! Lol…. Hate to admit it but I’m not very up to speed on a lot of text/chat lingo, so acronym finder is my friend!
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
Never argue with Idiots. They will bring you down to their level and beat you with experience!
To do is to be. (Descartes)
To be is to do. (Voltaire)
Do be do be do. (Sinatra)
Baby Eating Sister F*ckers
See the glossary on the main page (left side) to see why.
Wow!!!
Now that’s just harsh! Lol!!! Man it hurt me to my core when the Oilers left, I was so distraught I actually got rid of all my gear, because I just couldn’t bring myself to root for the Titans, even though I loved Eddie George, Steve McNair, Frank Wychek, Daryll Lewis! Damn it pisses me off just thinking back to 1997!
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
Never argue with Idiots. They will bring you down to their level and beat you with experience!
To do is to be. (Descartes)
To be is to do. (Voltaire)
Do be do be do. (Sinatra)
Baby-Eating Sister-Fuckers
It’s a reference to the mythical Titans.
The Two-Day Hangover @ Battle Red Blog (2011) & SBN Houston (2010) | Twitter
All kidding aside, I know CF got his ass handed to him by AJ last year.
But why is Kevin Walter opening his mouth? He is maybe the 5th-6th best option on the Texans. Calling CF names and saying he would be the first to punch CF this time.
Boxing/brawling
AJ >CF….CF >KW.
"Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat."
by MexicanTitanFreak on Oct 21, 2011 11:31 AM CDT reply actions
Nah brotha, Nas he is not.
"Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat."
by MexicanTitanFreak on Oct 21, 2011 12:17 PM CDT up reply actions
Kevin Walter?
No No No, he is nowhere near illmatic.
he’s more like iSouljaboytellem.com
by Ice0ne (CAJ) on Oct 22, 2011 9:06 AM CDT up reply actions
Source?
KW is behind only Jacoby and OD for potential targets, not 5th or 6th.
But I’d love to see him kick Innegan’s ass. In fact, I’m all for making it a team tradition.
come on know your squad
1Johnson
2 Foster
3 Daniels
4 jones
5 Casey
6 Walter/ Mason
"Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat."
by MexicanTitanFreak on Oct 21, 2011 12:12 PM CDT up reply actions
I do know my team.
Johnson is out. So is Casey. Uur #2 WR is split between KW and Jacoby if ’Dre wasplaying, with OD likely to get more targets. Because Jacoby is in for ’Dre the targets are:
1. Jacoby
2. OD
3. KW
4. Arian
5. Mason
talking in general, i know a couple of these dudes are out.
"Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat."
by MexicanTitanFreak on Oct 21, 2011 12:15 PM CDT up reply actions
Yay!
That’s two votes for “WRONG FUCKING ANSWER!”
The Two-Day Hangover @ Battle Red Blog (2011) & SBN Houston (2010) | Twitter
KW
is the best WR active this Sunday. Also, he could kick the shit out of Innegan even if Walter was the 12th best option on the team. Cortland is a bitch.
The Two-Day Hangover @ Battle Red Blog (2011) & SBN Houston (2010) | Twitter
Maybe they should just let Mason do it
Kinda like “Welcome to the Texans! Now go beat up this Leprechaun Pinata” initiation.
Matt Schwab, Mary O' Williams, Adrian Foster, and Daniel Owens are my favorite Texans!
Aye or I or eye
Whatever results in an a$$kicking
I am now drinking the koolaid. Texans are making their turn for the best. Screw pessimism!
by Barryfromtexas on Oct 21, 2011 1:39 PM CDT up reply actions
Gotta say it
Only after Mason gets me some fantasy points. I decided to take a chance on him. AFTER that (which means after the Texans are up by 2+ TDs)…Aye.
And yes, I know none of you care about my FF team.
I
"My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me." -- Benjamin Disraeli
"If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers." -- Homer Simpson
"There is no rehab for stupid." -- Chris Rock
Never try to baptize a cat.
I
Murphy’s 20th Military Law:
If it’s stupid, but it works, it ain’t stupid
"Fuck em all. Go Texans."
by The Night Owl on Oct 22, 2011 12:15 AM CDT up reply actions

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