What If The AFC South Were Beers?

I could really go for an Andre about now.

I love beer.

In fact, I think if I were to list the things I love in this world, the top three would be family, beer, and ~~getting caught in the rain~~ football. We won't discuss the order, because I don't want to upset the family, beer, or football.

The combination of beer and football is obviously a beautiful thing but sometimes it could be better intertwined. So I present you the beer equivalent of various members of the AFC South.

I apologize in advance for the lack of Shiner in here, but to be honest, it's not available much where I live, so I'm not as familiar as I would like to be. With that in mind, I tried to keep this to brews that are available nationally -- at least I think they are.

Andre Johnson	Guinness	Arguing its greatness is just dumb.
Matt Schaub	Red Hook ESB	Not the flashiest or "best", but good and better than most alternatives.
Chris Johnson	Heineken	Ov-Er-Ated clap clap clap-clap-clap.
Kareem Jackson	Pabst Blue Ribbon	It was good in college.
Maurice Jones-Drew	Delerium Tremens	Not a fan of the label, but secretly I kind of like it.
Johnathan Joseph	Sam Adams Boston Lager	Quality, and it's all over the place.
Peyton Manning	Billy Beer	Out of production.
Mario Williams	He'Brew Jewbilation 14	Not always available, but man, it'll mess you up.
Blaine Gabbert	Purple Haze	Funny name and kind of fruity.
Matt Hasselbeck	Budweiser	Just because you've been around a long time doesn't make you good.
Arian Foster	Dogfish Head 90 Minute IPA	Always a solid and excellent performer.
Cortland Innegan	Killian's Irish Red	Sounds Irish but really isn't. Can't stand up to Guinness.
Curtis Painter	Corona	Let's be honest, nothing that blonde can be good.
James Casey	St. Bernardus Abt 12	Awesome and should really get more recognition.
Bud Adams	Recycled Schlitz Light	Is this generous?