What If The AFC South Were Beers?
by Vega on Oct 21, 2011 11:05 AM CDT
in General BRB Idiocy
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I love beer.
In fact, I think if I were to list the things I love in this world, the top three would be family, beer, and getting caught in the rain football. We won't discuss the order, because I don't want to upset the family, beer, or football.
The combination of beer and football is obviously a beautiful thing but sometimes it could be better intertwined. So I present you the beer equivalent of various members of the AFC South.
I apologize in advance for the lack of Shiner in here, but to be honest, it's not available much where I live, so I'm not as familiar as I would like to be. With that in mind, I tried to keep this to brews that are available nationally -- at least I think they are.
| Andre Johnson | Guinness |  |
Arguing its greatness is just dumb. |
| Matt Schaub | Red Hook ESB |  |
Not the flashiest or "best", but good and better than most alternatives. |
| Chris Johnson | Heineken |  |
Ov-Er-Ated clap clap clap-clap-clap. |
| Kareem Jackson | Pabst Blue Ribbon |  |
It was good in college. |
| Maurice Jones-Drew | Delerium Tremens |  |
Not a fan of the label, but secretly I kind of like it. |
| Johnathan Joseph | Sam Adams Boston Lager |  |
Quality, and it's all over the place. |
| Peyton Manning | Billy Beer |  |
Out of production. |
| Mario Williams | He'Brew Jewbilation 14 |  |
Not always available, but man, it'll mess you up. |
| Blaine Gabbert | Purple Haze |  |
Funny name and kind of fruity. |
| Matt Hasselbeck | Budweiser |  |
Just because you've been around a long time doesn't make you good. |
| Arian Foster | Dogfish Head 90 Minute IPA |  |
Always a solid and excellent performer. |
| Cortland Innegan | Killian's Irish Red |  |
Sounds Irish but really isn't. Can't stand up to Guinness. |
| Curtis Painter | Corona |  |
Let's be honest, nothing that blonde can be good. |
| James Casey | St. Bernardus Abt 12 |  |
Awesome and should really get more recognition. |
| Bud Adams | Recycled Schlitz Light |  |
Is this generous? |
119 comments
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13 recs |
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Comments
kareem jackson
should be O’Douls.
looks okay, but nothing in it (alcohol)
@THEREALALLENOU on twitter - "The man, the verb, the legend" OU'd
Awesome Post!!
Matt Hass-Budweiser was the best one. I still don’t understand why people buy that shit.
Would that make his backup, Locker,
Bud Light?
Matt Schwab, Mary O' Williams, Adrian Foster, and Daniel Owens are my favorite Texans!
by MeSoLongHorny on Oct 21, 2011 11:59 AM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
exactly
I am now drinking the koolaid. Texans are making their turn for the best. Screw pessimism!
by Barryfromtexas on Oct 21, 2011 1:40 PM CDT up reply actions
Rec'd accordingly.
For shitting on Heineken and giving the 90 minute IPA its due. Truly a delicious 9 percenter.
If you ever get a chance, try the 120 minute
It’s like if an IPA and a scotch had a love child.
A beautiful, delicious love child.
Just googled it...
15-20%? Wowsa. Any idea when they sell it?
by Nashmeister on Oct 21, 2011 12:35 PM CDT up reply actions
They only make it once a year and it's hard to find
also, I paid $10 for a 12 oz bottle, so it’s pricy. I saw it at a bar once and a glass was $20.
but…
It’s AWESOME!!
It’s also one of the few beers that ages well. I aged mine for five years before opening. I finally popped it when my daughter was born.
Dogfish Head is my favorite group of beers
Any type or flavor.
Except the Punkin one. But I’m admittedly not into Pumpkin ale.
Tremendous
Rec’d.
Looking forward to a day when being a Texans fan doesn't mean that April is the highlight of my season...
Ahhh Thanks for that!
It took the edge off a bit! Thanks for the laugh, loved it. My favorite: Mario Williams “it’ll mess you up” lmao!
sooo amobi okoye=Coors light.
Tim has an irrational love for something terrible.
See that quietness around here? That calm demeanor right now that all the Texans are feeling?
Thats the calm before the storm. Watch out Titans!!!
Don't You Dare Compare Amobust To Coors Light
One comes through for me nearly every night, and the other came through about six times in four years for Texans fans.
Looking forward to a day when being a Texans fan doesn't mean that April is the highlight of my season...
11, one of which ended a game and preserved a win.
Plus 2 forced fumbles.
/obligatory
The Two-Day Hangover @ Battle Red Blog (2011) & SBN Houston (2010) | Twitter
Whenever I Question Amobi
I can count on you to jump to his defense immediately. It’s like you can hear me typing.
Looking forward to a day when being a Texans fan doesn't mean that April is the highlight of my season...
I realize we had an issue once...
But are we really counting the Hail Mary sack as preserving a win?
by Nashmeister on Oct 21, 2011 12:03 PM CDT up reply actions
In this context vis-a-vis Tim?
Yes.
The Two-Day Hangover @ Battle Red Blog (2011) & SBN Houston (2010) | Twitter
This is great!
Recycled Schlitz Light
Did they even have a light?
I am now drinking the koolaid. Texans are making their turn for the best. Screw pessimism!
by Barryfromtexas on Oct 21, 2011 11:22 AM CDT reply actions
They actually do
I wasn’t sure, so I looked it up.
It’s like they thought, “you know, we’ve made a truly shitty beer, but I’m sure we could make it worse.”
hahaha
OK you said do
They still make that? (I loved the old commercials)
I am now drinking the koolaid. Texans are making their turn for the best. Screw pessimism!
by Barryfromtexas on Oct 21, 2011 1:41 PM CDT up reply actions
Mario Should be Changed
To This
The name is fitting, and the 16-18% is a true barn burner.
Otherwise great post
2 Defensive Scores are in the Karma Bag
"Wade aid has lean in it, just saying"
St. Bernardus Abt. 12
is still the best beer I’ve ever had. I have a hard time remembering the entire experience though because I drank the entire wine-sized bottle by myself (it’s 10% abv, far more than most beers).
God is not on our side because he hates idiots also.
There's a local bar here that sells it
and I don’t often get it, but every time I do, I think, “why don’t I get this more often?”
I hate Guinness
tastes like black liquorish, barf. but then again i’m not a drinker so my opinion isn’t worth much.
Guinness is horrible tho id compare it to week old coffee
CVSTROSFAN on ps3 hit me up on madden 2012
by Steelbluecurtain on Oct 21, 2011 12:08 PM CDT up reply actions
Question for Tim
does this count as a personal attack?
by Vega on Oct 21, 2011 12:21 PM CDT up reply actions 4 recs
It's Awfully Close
Then again, I didn’t ban Carter for comparing Amobust to Coors Light, so I don’t know that I can pull the trigger on someone for not liking Guinness.
Looking forward to a day when being a Texans fan doesn't mean that April is the highlight of my season...
Wait, wait, wait.
As an Irishman, not to mention an alcoholic, you are not allowed to equate Guinness and Curs Light at all. Ever. It would be like someone comparing Jeremiah Weed to your beloved Bushmills.
The Two-Day Hangover @ Battle Red Blog (2011) & SBN Houston (2010) | Twitter
I LIke Jeremiah Weed
I am a man of many tastes.
Looking forward to a day when being a Texans fan doesn't mean that April is the highlight of my season...
Awesome
Love the one about Innegan not being able to stand up yo Guinness (Dre).
Matt Schwab, Mary O' Williams, Adrian Foster, and Daniel Owens are my favorite Texans!
Yeah but I actually
like Killian’s more than Guinness……
by Bobbythegreat on Oct 21, 2011 12:36 PM CDT up reply actions
Bud Adams = Harp
It’s dark and he maybe playing one soon in a dark place.
Matt Schwab, Mary O' Williams, Adrian Foster, and Daniel Owens are my favorite Texans!
You're right
…damn it was so long ago. Must of been an other beer I was think of.
Matt Schwab, Mary O' Williams, Adrian Foster, and Daniel Owens are my favorite Texans!
by MeSoLongHorny on Oct 21, 2011 12:06 PM CDT up reply actions
You're probably thinking of Guinness.
I object to Guinness as a definition of Andre because Guinness is an acquired taste and not everyone likes it. We need an amazing beer that everyone loves.
People who don't like Guinness
should not get a vote.
The Two-Day Hangover @ Battle Red Blog (2011) & SBN Houston (2010) | Twitter
That actually sounds more right.
If you don’t like Andre, then fuck you you’re wrong.
Ok, I’m cool with Guinness even though I’m not necessarily a fan of it.
It's delicious on tap, no doubt.
If we had a player with severe home/away splits that favored playing on the road, I think it’d be more applicable.
by Nashmeister on Oct 21, 2011 12:43 PM CDT up reply actions
In the craft beer world Guinness is considered pretty mediocre
Its all right, but there are many many many better stouts, including one damn fine local one, Southern Star Buried Hatchet Stout. Its also very strong, like ’Dre. 8.25%.
by WhiskeyR on Oct 21, 2011 12:58 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
Harp is a pale lager
but not all lagers are light. Color doesn’t affect the designation of a lager or an ale.
Those were intended as two separate statements.
Admittedly, the first was less than useful in making the distinction.
Should the Texans' playoff hopes be like Dogfish Head Punkin?
It’s only around from September to October and then you spend the rest of the year waiting for it to come back.
Maybe it’ll become a year-round brew this year.
by Karsh on Oct 21, 2011 12:06 PM CDT reply actions 7 recs
Sunuvabeesh.
Capt. Nately: You're a shameful opportunist! What you don't understand is that it's better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.
Old man in whorehouse: You have it backwards. It's better to live on your feet than to die on your knees. I know.
-Catch 22-
Speaking of Bud Adams
Shouldn’t he be falling over dead about now someone has to keep the streak alive. First Al Davis then Art Modells wife. I think we know where this is headed. Death himself has conspired against the Texans. Well, We can hope.
Wait, I'm confused...
isn’t Bud Adams and Death the same person?
Matt Schwab, Mary O' Williams, Adrian Foster, and Daniel Owens are my favorite Texans!
by MeSoLongHorny on Oct 21, 2011 1:20 PM CDT up reply actions
Nah, Bud Adams is Satan,
Death is on injured reserve.
Despite my better judgment, a manager at Battle Red Blog.
Supreme Galactic Editor of Battle Red Onion.
I am a visionary, I am a genius, and now I am angry! Now where are those pants at?!
Football is war by other means. - Carl von Clausewitz...sorta.
by UprootedTexan on Oct 21, 2011 4:14 PM CDT up reply actions
lulz
Death is on injured reserve
I am now drinking the koolaid. Texans are making their turn for the best. Screw pessimism!
by Barryfromtexas on Oct 21, 2011 4:16 PM CDT up reply actions
Fantastic Post
I get Shiner Bock in Kentucky, it is my favorite (can get at the grocery store) beer. I was thinking possibly Dos Equis for Thor…most interesting H back.
I don't always miss the opportunity to be in the game for a potential game-saving touchdown catch on an FB Flare,
but when I do, it’s because I’ve torn a pec.
Amber or Lager?
The Amber is one of my favorite mass-produced beers. It’s also widely underappreciated. That could be fitting.
by Nashmeister on Oct 21, 2011 12:47 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
Gary Kubiak = Miller Light
All around average beer for an all around average coach. Nothing flashy, but it can get the job done if circumstances aer right.
If you were making the case that Kubiak is overrated and a coach in name only
then Miller Light would be fitting.
Shouldn
Murphy’s 20th Military Law:
If it’s stupid, but it works, it ain’t stupid
"Fuck em all. Go Texans."
by The Night Owl on Oct 21, 2011 1:04 PM CDT up reply actions
Fuck, hit enter accidently
Shouldn’t Kubiak be Coors, made in Colorado?
Murphy’s 20th Military Law:
If it’s stupid, but it works, it ain’t stupid
"Fuck em all. Go Texans."
by The Night Owl on Oct 21, 2011 1:04 PM CDT up reply actions
He is from Texas
I am now drinking the koolaid. Texans are making their turn for the best. Screw pessimism!
by Barryfromtexas on Oct 21, 2011 1:45 PM CDT up reply actions
But he made a name of himself in Colorado
Murphy’s 20th Military Law:
If it’s stupid, but it works, it ain’t stupid
"Fuck em all. Go Texans."
by The Night Owl on Oct 21, 2011 2:00 PM CDT up reply actions
"The Great Divide", perhaps?
Though if the Texans lose against Tennessee this week, I’m guessing there won’t be many supporters left.
MDC, do you live in Houston?
I’m kind of surprised at the lack of love local beers get around here. We have 4 outstanding breweries in the greater Houston area right now that are better than most of the beers mentioned. Saint Arnold, Karbach, No Label and Southern Star.
St. Bernardus Abt. 12 was an excellent call though.
MDC has been condemned to the purgatory that is Arkansas.
/at least it’s not Tennessee
by Tailgate Andy on Oct 21, 2011 1:02 PM CDT up reply actions
No, I live in Florida
I left Houston when I was 8 years old, so I wasn’t quite a beer lover yet. That’s why I tried to keep it to nationally available brews.
There are some local Florida brews that I might have added, but nobody else would know what I was talking about.
by Vega on Oct 21, 2011 1:04 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
That makes a lot of sense.
Next time you’re here for a Texans game, take a minute to check out the locals. Some very good stuff.
I definitely want to head out to a game one of these days
but with the new baby at home and the wife and I cutting down to a single income, it’s just not in the cards right now.
Where in FL are you? You should go to an away game.
I’m going to the game against the Bucs in a few weeks.
I'm in Melbourne
Its almost exactly equidistant from Jacksonville, Miami, and Tampa. The TB game is in the realm of possibility.
Tampa has blackouts
so tickets should be available and cheap. I’ve been to several Bucs games, its a decent gameday experience.
I used to live there
We lived closer to rockledge over in sun tree. Absolutely hated it there. Couldn’t wait to get back to houston.
"Is that right?????" SURE!?!!!??!!
F**K you're agenda
Poetry in Motion- Arian Foster''
by JLeeNino on Oct 21, 2011 6:00 PM CDT via mobile up reply actions
More or less unrelated, BUT...
have you spent any time in Miami? I spent a long weekend on South Beach in 2007, and I have never felt older or less attractive in my entire life. Everyone there was 23, gorgeous, and driving a $200K car.
The Two-Day Hangover @ Battle Red Blog (2011) & SBN Houston (2010) | Twitter
Rec for
I was 8 years old, so I wasn’t quite a beer lover yet
I am now drinking the koolaid. Texans are making their turn for the best. Screw pessimism!
by Barryfromtexas on Oct 21, 2011 1:46 PM CDT up reply actions
Not even a mention of Shiner
Murphy’s 20th Military Law:
If it’s stupid, but it works, it ain’t stupid
"Fuck em all. Go Texans."
by The Night Owl on Oct 21, 2011 1:05 PM CDT up reply actions
I did make my Shiner disclaimer
I only rarely find it around here and it’s only Shiner Bock. I’ve never seen the other ones.
Yup, outside of Texas it is not easily found
For the record, I was at a bar in St. Paul last weekend and saw it was on tap. I decided to try it since I never have and wanted to see what the fuss was about. Didn’t really care for it.
"Lord, beer me strength."
FWIW, you are not alone in your assessment
by Jonathan Fosburgh on Oct 21, 2011 2:43 PM CDT up reply actions
Grr
Really, if no link name is specified, it should default to displaying the link.
Dallas Cowboys, all hat and no cattle since 1996.
by Jonathan Fosburgh on Oct 21, 2011 2:45 PM CDT up reply actions
Bock?
It’s good in the sense of “man, I’d much rather drink this than Bud.” But Black and some of the seasonals are where it’s at.
The Two-Day Hangover @ Battle Red Blog (2011) & SBN Houston (2010) | Twitter
Yes, the Bock
I’d agree with the Beer Advocate reviews that there was a severe lack of flavor or body to it. If I see the Black, I’ll give it a whirl.
As an unrelated segue, I do have to say Brooklyn Brewery is the current apple of my eye.
"Lord, beer me strength."
Texas also absolutely obliterates the beer competition in:
Jacksonville
Methopotamia (they have us beat in Meth though)
Indy
Also for local breweries Houston >>>>>> Dallas and its not even close. Rahr from Ft. Worth gets honorable mention though.
Gary Kubiak's job security
Should be Pabst Blue Ribbon. It’s very average and not that unique yet seems to have an unbelievable variety in opinion.
Clever post, Vega
But the lack of Shiner brings the list down. I don’t care where you live.
And I’ll still drink PBR when I’m broke. $3.50 for six tall boys is tough to beat.
Also, Delirium Tremens is good, but I like Nocturnum better.
Arian might actually be a good proxy for Nocturnum. It looks and sounds really freaking weird but is surprisingly good and complex when you give it a chance.
Of course, Delirium is very expensive, so that doesn’t work too well in the analogy.
I also prefer Nocturnum
but I figured Tremens is more widely known.
Besides naming a beer Delirium Tremens is awesome.
Agreed on the last statement.
The Two-Day Hangover @ Battle Red Blog (2011) & SBN Houston (2010) | Twitter
Definitely.
But it does come in a can and Chris Johnson has a golden can opener in his mouth.
So hard to decide!
by WhiskeyR on Oct 21, 2011 1:39 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
Rec'd for
Chris Johnson has a golden can opener in his mouth
"My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me." -- Benjamin Disraeli
"If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers." -- Homer Simpson
"There is no rehab for stupid." -- Chris Rock
Never try to baptize a cat.
It would look better as
I am now drinking the koolaid. Texans are making their turn for the best. Screw pessimism!
by Barryfromtexas on Oct 21, 2011 2:00 PM CDT up reply actions 7 recs
No dude
Never use a metaphor, simile, or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print.
Never use a long word where a short one will do.
If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out.
Never use the passive where you can use the active.
Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word, or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent.
Break any of these rules sooner than say anything outright barbarous.
-Orwell, Politics and the English Language
www.battleredblog.com
by tehGrindCrusher on Oct 21, 2011 11:52 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
So Leinart is the new Matty Ice??
Murphy’s 20th Military Law:
If it’s stupid, but it works, it ain’t stupid
"Fuck em all. Go Texans."
by The Night Owl on Oct 22, 2011 12:20 AM CDT up reply actions
another great post vega
my only quick fix would be with Dre and guinness..he should be a glass of half guinness draught and half guinness stout…very strong, but still smooth..
OK I saw this
It is labeled best beer commercial – but isn’t about beer
But it is about so many of us
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x76EpIUPLpI&feature=related
I am now drinking the koolaid. Texans are making their turn for the best. Screw pessimism!
Posts like these almost make me wish I were a Texans fan.
"There's no place like it, and it's ours." - Stephen King on Fenway Park
by 808BostonSportsFan on Oct 21, 2011 3:56 PM CDT reply actions
Hop on board
no one here would mind:)
I am now drinking the koolaid. Texans are making their turn for the best. Screw pessimism!
by Barryfromtexas on Oct 21, 2011 4:03 PM CDT up reply actions
BACK OFF
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Bring back Aaron Brooks! He's the only one who can save us from the evil that is Drew Brees!!
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