Three And Out: Useless Predictions For Texans-Titans
by Tim on Oct 21, 2011 3:55 PM CDT
in Three And Out
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PrintAs you deduced from my ramblings with MDC, I believe your Houston Texans will beat Bud Adams' Army of Darkness in Nashville on Sunday. MDC has termed this unusual cheery outlook from yours truly as "opTIMism," which I find to be rather catchy. I also find this unabashed feeling of optimism, I mean "opTIMism," foreign and uncomfortable. I'm not used to being the Texans fan who is convinced that Gary Kubiak's charges will triumph, especially not on the road.
Yet here I am, staking my credibility my reputation my internet legitimacy (already priced at $0.00!) on your Houston Texans winning on Sunday. If I'm gonna be a bear, I'm gonna be a grizzly. Or Timothy Treadwell.
To that end, three ironclad guarantees, plus a final score, lay beyond the jump.
1. MDC, in an e-mail to me this morning:
I assume the Three & Out will have a prediction that Arian Foster will run for 347 yards and 9 TDs?
No. That would be silly. Everyone knows that Arian Foster is only going to tally 24 carries for 117 yards, 4 receptions for 38 yards, and 1 TD this week. Who's going to stop him? Frank Bush?
2. Several quick hits on other Houston offensive players for you...
Matt Schaub: 17-25, 232 yards, 1 TD, 1 INT.
Owen Daniels: 4 receptions for 68 yards.
Joel Dreessen: 2 receptions for 29 yards.
Kevin Walter: 3 receptions for 39 yards.
Jacoby Jones: 2 receptions for 34 yards.
Derrick Mason: 2 receptions for 24 yards and 1 TD.
3. Matt Hasselbeck will get hit 8 times on Sunday. Three of those will be sacks, and they will come from Antonio Smith, J.J. Watt, and Connor Barwin. I also portend that Hasselbeck will throw his fifth interception of the season, to Glover Quin. Hasselbeck will, however, also throw two TD passes--one to Jason Allen's man and one to Kareem Jackson's man, naturally. Be not perturbed, BRB, as I've saved my boldest soothsaying for last: Your Houston Texans will score a defensive touchdown. On a fumble that's recovered by Brian Cushing, which he in turn takes to the house.
PUT YOUR NAME ON IT: You know that I think the Texans will win. By how much, you ask? Why, it'll be by four points, of course. Texans 24, Bud Adams' Legion of Fiends 20.
Texans vs Titans coverage
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This game is for first
I didn't do anything wrong!.... and, I won't do it again.
by Rip Jersey on Oct 21, 2011 3:58 PM CDT reply actions 5 recs
cleverness deserves a rec
I am now drinking the koolaid. Texans are making their turn for the best. Screw pessimism!
by Barryfromtexas on Oct 21, 2011 4:49 PM CDT up reply actions
My totally obnoxious predictions
1. Matt Schaub will have 10 passes knocked down. Only 9 of those will be side-armed.
2. Kareem Jackson will set the team and league record for falldowns at 7. Only 6 of those will go for TDs.
3. Kubiak will go for it on 4th down 5 times. Only one of those will be in the 2nd half.
That being said, Texans 24, BabyEatingSisterEffers 17.
I didn't do anything wrong!.... and, I won't do it again.
Agreed with your score
Texans 24 BESF’s 17.
I feel like the Texans will answer the critics and win this game
But for the life of me I can’t predict a score. It’s just too hard.
Follow me on twitter: @Super_Stud2100
The offense struggles
SO only the defense and special teams score (besides 2 field goals)
Texans 32 BESFs 6
I am now drinking the koolaid. Texans are making their turn for the best. Screw pessimism!
My only prediction
I will have 3 beers, 2 bong hits and a Boars Head pickle before kickoff
I Want to Believe
by Fox Mulder on Oct 21, 2011 5:02 PM CDT reply actions 4 recs
That is 3 predictions
So you get a rec
I am now drinking the koolaid. Texans are making their turn for the best. Screw pessimism!
by Barryfromtexas on Oct 21, 2011 5:03 PM CDT up reply actions
I like the recipe
though I fear the Boars Head pickle portion.
by semihard@texans on Oct 21, 2011 5:07 PM CDT up reply actions
whats the over under on bong hits
i might get action on that
Season Prediction v2.5.1 beta lite: Our Houston Wrexans will finish 11-5 and go UNDEFEATED within the AFC South!
by theSpaceCityKid on Oct 21, 2011 8:26 PM CDT up reply actions
Mine is 4.5
Well actually I’m gonna break out the bubbler, but I’m still thinking over
by splanket on Oct 22, 2011 11:22 AM CDT via mobile up reply actions
If I make no game thread comments
I’m sorry, I’m probably going to be in Valhalla during the game
by splanket on Oct 22, 2011 9:22 PM CDT via mobile up reply actions
I have a feeling that
Casey will play, he may not start, but he will end up in the game.
by Bobbythegreat on Oct 21, 2011 6:59 PM CDT up reply actions
I think that it's going to come down to whether or not Kubiak thinks that we need an extra special teams person in his roster spot.
If James plays, he won’t be playing on ST.
i have a feeling our three headed monster will be unleashed
If you dont know, talking about our ground game.
by southpaw70 on Oct 21, 2011 5:50 PM CDT via mobile reply actions
i have a feeling our three headed monster will be unleashed
If you dont know, talking about our ground game.
by southpaw70 on Oct 21, 2011 5:50 PM CDT via mobile reply actions
Someone's been thinking about me....
@THEREALALLENOU on twitter - "The man, the verb, the legend" OU'd
by AllenOU on Oct 21, 2011 6:21 PM CDT via mobile up reply actions
every time someone posts a post, an angel gets a wing.
and when they ALLENOU it, it gets the other one.
See that quietness around here? That calm demeanor right now that all the Texans are feeling?
Thats the calm before the storm. Watch out Titans!!!
by Carter Liles on Oct 21, 2011 6:57 PM CDT up reply actions
or acting like you
I am now drinking the koolaid. Texans are making their turn for the best. Screw pessimism!
by Barryfromtexas on Oct 21, 2011 7:30 PM CDT up reply actions
How 'bout them Sooners?!
Too soon?
Blind fandom is all I got left.
"Down to clown with some other chick's lady bits" ~ MDC
Will Ward and Tate both get snaps this game?
Jules=Now I want you to go in that bag and find my wallet
Ringo=which one is it
Jules=the one that says bad mother fucker!
That makes me feel a little better
I can’t lie at the beginning of the week this game worried me but as the weekend nears I dont feel as bad about the game as I did. I think we get the win no idea what the score will be though.
Jules=Now I want you to go in that bag and find my wallet
Ringo=which one is it
Jules=the one that says bad mother fucker!
My predictions:
1. Arian Foster will run for 137 yards on 26 carries and will finish the game with 2 TDs; one through the air and one on the ground.
2. Matt Schaub will throw for only 203 yards, and he will have 2 INTs. No TDs for Schaub this week.
3. Brian Cushing is going to play like a man possessed this game. He’ll have 7 tackles, one forced fumble, and 1.5 sacks.
Our pass rush is going to get after Hasselbeck this week, but K-Jax and Allen are mediocre at best CBs. Because those two are going to be picked on all game, we lose.
Titans- 20
Texans- 17
"Hakeem couldn't kick your ass cuz you were too
close kissin his!"- Sir Charles to Kenny Smith.
Wot.
will finish the game with 2 TDs; one through the air
No TDs for Schaub this week.
Please don’t tell me Kubiak outdoes himself and has Foster throw a halfback pass to himself.
Canal Street Chronicles-A place of great Saints news and information. Oh and the stuff I write!
Bring back Aaron Brooks! He's the only one who can save us from the evil that is Drew Brees!!
by Jon Banks on Oct 21, 2011 7:50 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
No
This is Casey’s play. Direct snap.
Dallas Cowboys, all hat and no cattle since 1996.
by Jonathan Fosburgh on Oct 21, 2011 8:59 PM CDT up reply actions
I meant he catches one for a TD.
"Hakeem couldn't kick your ass cuz you were too
close kissin his!"- Sir Charles to Kenny Smith.
by bone31crusher on Oct 21, 2011 10:48 PM CDT up reply actions
Who throws it?
You have Schaub with no TD’s.
Dallas Cowboys, all hat and no cattle since 1996.
by Jonathan Fosburgh on Oct 21, 2011 10:50 PM CDT up reply actions
Oh fuck.
I feel really stupid right now.
"Hakeem couldn't kick your ass cuz you were too
close kissin his!"- Sir Charles to Kenny Smith.
by bone31crusher on Oct 21, 2011 10:54 PM CDT up reply actions 5 recs
Good prediction bro
You get an F for Failure.
by EastonFection on Oct 22, 2011 1:03 PM CDT via mobile up reply actions
Good Pick Except
Titans win 27-17 it seems like the Texans defense can not play well for four quarters. The only exception was the Pittsburgh game. As a Titans fan this game will go a long way in determining how their season goes.
by CortlandFinn on Oct 21, 2011 10:40 PM CDT up reply actions
Our defense is #10 in the league.....
"Hakeem couldn't kick your ass cuz you were too
close kissin his!"- Sir Charles to Kenny Smith.
by bone31crusher on Oct 21, 2011 10:51 PM CDT up reply actions
I have few rules in life, but one is this:
When you screen name is an homage to the biggest douchebag in the NFL, you opinion matters less than the opinions on The View.
The Two-Day Hangover @ Battle Red Blog (2011) & SBN Houston (2010) | Twitter
by MDC on Oct 21, 2011 11:08 PM CDT up reply actions 10 recs
Nice analogy.
"Hakeem couldn't kick your ass cuz you were too
close kissin his!"- Sir Charles to Kenny Smith.
by bone31crusher on Oct 21, 2011 11:15 PM CDT up reply actions
Holy balls.
I’m drunker than I realized. Should have used “your” for “you” both times.
The Two-Day Hangover @ Battle Red Blog (2011) & SBN Houston (2010) | Twitter
by MDC on Oct 22, 2011 12:05 AM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
Brilliant... rec'd
"Fanaticism consists in redoubling your efforts when you have forgotten your aim." - George Santayana
This comment cannot be recced too many times
One of my rules of life…
I didn't do anything wrong!.... and, I won't do it again.
Matt Schaub passing TD...
You LOSE sir!
by EastonFection on Oct 23, 2011 1:01 PM CDT via mobile up reply actions
I think if the Texans manage to hit
Hasselbeck more than 6 times, it will lead to the Texans winning. If the Texans hit Hasselbeck more than 10 times, he will get knocked out of the game and Texans win big.
I think Kubiak
was holding back his most creative offensive plays for this game.
I can see going for 4th multiple times. I see several deep plays. I see some special screens to several of our weapons.
And I see lots of passes. If they ever predict we’ll run the ball down a team’s throat, we always pass like its goin out of style.
Texans 43 – besfs 0.
my Z key can't take another free agent flurry
Texans 59 Titans 0
Watch me all in flames, on a butterfly I ride
by nolander on Oct 21, 2011 7:21 PM CDT reply actions 9 recs
...yet incapable of doing so.
The lone rec is mine.
Blind fandom is all I got left.
"Down to clown with some other chick's lady bits" ~ MDC
rec'd
Canal Street Chronicles-A place of great Saints news and information. Oh and the stuff I write!
Bring back Aaron Brooks! He's the only one who can save us from the evil that is Drew Brees!!
I approve this statement.
Despite my better judgment, a manager at Battle Red Blog.
Supreme Galactic Editor of Battle Red Onion.
I am a visionary, I am a genius, and now I am angry! Now where are those pants at?!
Football is war by other means. - Carl von Clausewitz...sorta.
by UprootedTexan on Oct 21, 2011 7:53 PM CDT up reply actions
30-17
The Texans will fire it up, to much talent not to take out the Tits
1. O; 6 Scoring Drives
2. D; 2 Sacks, 3 PD’s, 1 FF & Recovery, & 1 Int
3. ST; Hartman does not make a tackle this week
Completely Random
I have a final spot available on my fantasy team. It’s between Maurice Morris and Tashard Choice. I also have a flex option available. I’m choosing Eric Decker over Ryan Grant or Choice or Morris.
My question: should I pick up Choice or Morris? And if I do, should I still start Decker this week?
The Rams are fucking abysmal.
Pick up Choice. Hope DeMarco Murray doesn’t get the bulk of the snaps.
The Two-Day Hangover @ Battle Red Blog (2011) & SBN Houston (2010) | Twitter
close and a cigar
31-27 Houston. Arian gets back into form, the D-Line causes havoc and Hasselback leaves the game in the 2nd quarter with an injury.
Kunserviak and crew let Jake Locker bring the tits all the way back from a 2 TD lead before the Texans get a mid-4th quarter score and barely hold on.
And again nothing comes as easy as it should.
It's Our Time.... or something...
Whoa.
You picked … the Texans?
- Rivers McCown, From Mom's Basement | Twitter | Football Outsiders | Battle Red Blog
by riversmccown on Oct 21, 2011 9:45 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
LOL!
Canal Street Chronicles-A place of great Saints news and information. Oh and the stuff I write!
Bring back Aaron Brooks! He's the only one who can save us from the evil that is Drew Brees!!
Is it like, a vote in favor of more suffering down the line?
I don’t understand.
- Rivers McCown, From Mom's Basement | Twitter | Football Outsiders | Battle Red Blog
by riversmccown on Oct 22, 2011 12:05 AM CDT up reply actions
That Kunserviak nickname is brilliant
"Hakeem couldn't kick your ass cuz you were too
close kissin his!"- Sir Charles to Kenny Smith.
by bone31crusher on Oct 21, 2011 10:56 PM CDT up reply actions
I hope it won't be that close...
If Hasselback is knocked out.
That means we’re doing something (more) wrong.
by anthonymgarcia on Oct 21, 2011 11:47 PM CDT up reply actions
Bold!
Dallas Cowboys, all hat and no cattle since 1996.
by Jonathan Fosburgh on Oct 21, 2011 9:34 PM CDT up reply actions
Will he get more than 2 YPC?
Murphy’s 20th Military Law:
If it’s stupid, but it works, it ain’t stupid
"Fuck em all. Go Texans."
by The Night Owl on Oct 22, 2011 12:33 AM CDT up reply actions
Let's not get crazy here.
The Two-Day Hangover @ Battle Red Blog (2011) & SBN Houston (2010) | Twitter
fuck it, might as well go all the way
2 YPC is more reasonable than these predictions from Titans homers. When was the last time the Texans were held to 10 points or less? I know it sure as fuck wasn’t at the hands of the Titans whenever it was.
went and looked it up, once last year against the Giants and once in 09 against the Jets.
I cant believe
that there are Texans fans here picking the Tits to win this game… Shameful. This is not a bad team facing a great team. These are two good teams playing each other. Grow a pair and support your team. No way Texans lose this game.
Grow a pair?
How about grow a brain.
Rick Dennison has been absolutely pathetic this year, and he’s not going to get any better with Andre out.
Combine that with Tennessee having the 9th best pass defense in the league, and we’re in trouble.
Also, we’re going up against arguably one of the better QBs this year with bad CBs (beside JJo and McCain, who has been surprisingly good this year).
I hate the BESFs and their fans with a passion, but I’m not going to be biased and pick my team to win when I know that they aren’t likely to.
Only way we win the game is if we win in the trenches. We have to get to Hasselbeck A LOT, and give Foster plenty of holes.
"Hakeem couldn't kick your ass cuz you were too
close kissin his!"- Sir Charles to Kenny Smith.
by bone31crusher on Oct 21, 2011 11:24 PM CDT up reply actions
Its actually one good team facing a (decent) albeit disgrace of a team
One is a little banged up. The other makes its home in Doucheron. I’m confident we can win but I can’t predict anything else at this point other than if we lose, I will be glad that I don’t live near the Sea of Trees.
Follow me on twitter: @Super_Stud2100
Picking the Texans to lose a game, last I checked, does not impact your ability to cheer for them at all.
- Rivers McCown, From Mom's Basement | Twitter | Football Outsiders | Battle Red Blog
by riversmccown on Oct 22, 2011 12:04 AM CDT up reply actions
BLASPHEMER!
By which I mean “rational, non-idiot.”
The Two-Day Hangover @ Battle Red Blog (2011) & SBN Houston (2010) | Twitter
No way Texans lose this game.
Except for the part when the Texans actually do lose the game.
"You give Peyton Manning a better gm, coach, owner and he goes down as the greatest person to ever live." - coltsfan1888
MCM Logic > Real Logic
Official T.O.-I-see-what-you-did-there/rapeface picture Creator/User
by Dynamic Dreadlocks on Oct 22, 2011 1:50 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
Houston wins 17-3
and yes, for the non-believers that’s AFTER 4 quarters of play not after 2 ;-). Whether we win the first half or not, we win the game!
And that’s all that counts ;-). That and having fun and staying healthy.
=)
May both teams stay healthy throughout.
#Texans2011 — Where reality and dreams collide!
~~ Fuzion
by BattleRedFan on Oct 22, 2011 1:12 AM CDT reply actions 1 recs
Guess the Titans have no chance, since this is the Texans year after all.
Just like every other year. I mean, when is it ever not your year? All those division titles and playoff runs ….. Oh wait …
Titans 24, Texans 14, enjoy your 3rd straight loss.
But hey, it’s still your year!
"You give Peyton Manning a better gm, coach, owner and he goes down as the greatest person to ever live." - coltsfan1888
MCM Logic > Real Logic
Official T.O.-I-see-what-you-did-there/rapeface picture Creator/User
by Dynamic Dreadlocks on Oct 22, 2011 1:47 PM CDT reply actions
Damn dawg who pissed in your Cheerios?
Jules=Now I want you to go in that bag and find my wallet
Ringo=which one is it
Jules=the one that says bad mother fucker!
Ha, I'm not bitter bro
Just making a comment based on all these predictions and such
"You give Peyton Manning a better gm, coach, owner and he goes down as the greatest person to ever live." - coltsfan1888
MCM Logic > Real Logic
Official T.O.-I-see-what-you-did-there/rapeface picture Creator/User
by Dynamic Dreadlocks on Oct 22, 2011 3:08 PM CDT up reply actions
Stunning
“FANS OF TEXANS HEAVILY FAVOR TEXANS IN FOOTBALL GAME, FILM AT 11”
- Rivers McCown, From Mom's Basement | Twitter | Football Outsiders | Battle Red Blog
by riversmccown on Oct 22, 2011 4:59 PM CDT up reply actions 2 recs
yeah that's what I thought when I first saw the comment
I mean damn he is on BRB what did he expect.
Jules=Now I want you to go in that bag and find my wallet
Ringo=which one is it
Jules=the one that says bad mother fucker!
And as a person not affiliated with BRB, I will ALWAYS disagree.
So what?
"You give Peyton Manning a better gm, coach, owner and he goes down as the greatest person to ever live." - coltsfan1888
MCM Logic > Real Logic
Official T.O.-I-see-what-you-did-there/rapeface picture Creator/User
by Dynamic Dreadlocks on Oct 22, 2011 5:55 PM CDT up reply actions
That's cool
Just fucking with you. So how do y’all feel about this game, anything that worries you about this match-up?
Jules=Now I want you to go in that bag and find my wallet
Ringo=which one is it
Jules=the one that says bad mother fucker!
If you're asking for Titans fans perspective
We worry about every single game. This isn’t any different, and it’s bigger than any other game we’ve played thus far. I’m worried about the fact that the last game we played was awful, but hopefully they’ve put it past em. If we play like we played against Pittsburgh you guys will destroy us
"You give Peyton Manning a better gm, coach, owner and he goes down as the greatest person to ever live." - coltsfan1888
MCM Logic > Real Logic
Official T.O.-I-see-what-you-did-there/rapeface picture Creator/User
by Dynamic Dreadlocks on Oct 22, 2011 5:57 PM CDT up reply actions
Texans 21 Titans 20
Texans win on a late \ drive with Schaub throwing it to OD for the TD.
CJ2YPC has a sub 50 yard game. Matt Hassleback throws 2 TDs 2 INTs and 350+ yards.
Matt Schaub 1 TD 1 INT 200 yards.. AF 145 yards Rushing (1 TD) 50 receiving
95-1
Texans give the BE-SFs one of their PATs cuz they feel bad!
"Taco Joe - the beacon of optimism" TexansDC
THEREALALLENOU: "@Joeeatstacos... You're like the second testicle to my Tom green. I dont NEED you, but life is better when your around lol"
AllenOU is the Montgomery to my Patton
God blessed Texas, but he has forsaken the Texans
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