Three And Out: Useless Predictions For Texans-Titans

As you deduced from my ramblings with MDC, I believe your Houston Texans will beat Bud Adams' Army of Darkness in Nashville on Sunday. MDC has termed this unusual cheery outlook from yours truly as "opTIMism," which I find to be rather catchy. I also find this unabashed feeling of optimism, I mean "opTIMism," foreign and uncomfortable. I'm not used to being the Texans fan who is convinced that Gary Kubiak's charges will triumph, especially not on the road.

Yet here I am, staking my credibility my reputation my internet legitimacy (already priced at $0.00!) on your Houston Texans winning on Sunday. If I'm gonna be a bear, I'm gonna be a grizzly. Or Timothy Treadwell.

To that end, three ironclad guarantees, plus a final score, lay beyond the jump.

1. MDC, in an e-mail to me this morning:

I assume the Three & Out will have a prediction that Arian Foster will run for 347 yards and 9 TDs?

No. That would be silly. Everyone knows that Arian Foster is only going to tally 24 carries for 117 yards, 4 receptions for 38 yards, and 1 TD this week. Who's going to stop him? Frank Bush?

2. Several quick hits on other Houston offensive players for you...

Matt Schaub: 17-25, 232 yards, 1 TD, 1 INT.
Owen Daniels: 4 receptions for 68 yards.
Joel Dreessen: 2 receptions for 29 yards.
Kevin Walter: 3 receptions for 39 yards.
Jacoby Jones: 2 receptions for 34 yards.
Derrick Mason: 2 receptions for 24 yards and 1 TD.

3. Matt Hasselbeck will get hit 8 times on Sunday. Three of those will be sacks, and they will come from Antonio Smith, J.J. Watt, and Connor Barwin. I also portend that Hasselbeck will throw his fifth interception of the season, to Glover Quin. Hasselbeck will, however, also throw two TD passes--one to Jason Allen's man and one to Kareem Jackson's man, naturally. Be not perturbed, BRB, as I've saved my boldest soothsaying for last: Your Houston Texans will score a defensive touchdown. On a fumble that's recovered by Brian Cushing, which he in turn takes to the house.

PUT YOUR NAME ON IT: You know that I think the Texans will win. By how much, you ask? Why, it'll be by four points, of course. Texans 24, Bud Adams' Legion of Fiends 20.

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