It's been said that there are 400,000 words in the English language. Whether this is actually true or not is debatable. What is not debatable, however, is the fact that so many words are not enough to describe how incredibly satisfying it was to watch the BE-SFs get exposed as the frauds they are, their spirits breaking like Matt Hasselbeck's glass...well...everything, and the misery on the faces of the Traitors fans in the stands.
The only thing that would have made it better was if the Texans' offense were to set an all-time NFL record for most yards gained on offense against in a single game against them, but I guess you can't have everything.
Simply beautiful. I hope that on his day off, we can get a poet (I'm looking at you, Arian Foster) to put the awesomeness that was Sunday's game into words eloquent enough for what we saw yesterday afternoon (or morning, you know, whatever).
What was also a beauty to behold was the Texans' performance in the red zone this week, especially compared to the beige zone offense we saw last week.
Click the jump and soar, like the mighty pterodactyl, to check out how our Houston Texans fared in the red zone this week.
First Red Zone Drive
The first of our many trips to the red zone comes off the heels of a five yard run by Arian Foster, leaving the Texans at first-and-10 from the Traitors' 19-yard line.
On third-and-two, the Texans call on Arian Foster for one of his numerous carries on the day and gain three yards on the play, good for a first down.
Then on first-and-10, the Texans rush the other 100-yard runner on the day, Ben Tate, who unfortunately loses a yard on the play.
This results in a second-and-11 from the Traitors' 17, when Duane Brown gets called for an illegal use of hands, resulting in a 10-yard penalty. Thanks, Duane.
Third-and-21 comes and Schaub, again from the shotgun, hands off to Foster who gains 13 yards on the play, insufficient for a first down.
Neil Rackers then comes in on fourth-and-eight and nails a 32-yard field goal, good for the first points of many on the day.
Time Spent in Red Zone: 2:35
End Result: Neil Rackers Field Goal (32)
Score: Houston 3 - S. Kentucky 0
Second Red Zone Drive
The second red zone drive comes at the hands of a double-whammy against South Kentucky. Not only did Schaub complete a 10-yard pass to Owen Daniels, but the Traitors also got called for...wait for it...unnecessary roughness. I can tell y'all are surprised. This results in the Texans getting the ball at the Traitors' 12-yard line.
Foster gets the first play of the red zone drive and runs it off the right side of the line for a gain of two yards.
The Texans face second-and-eight from the 10 when Schaub tosses a pass complete to Joel Dreessen in the end zone for a touchdown.
Time Spent in Red Zone: :43
End Result: 10-Yard Reception by Joel Dreessen for the Touchdown!
Score: Houston 10 - S. Kentucky 0
Third Red Zone Drive
Our third trip into the red zone begins after Schaub completes a seven-yard pass to Kevin Walter to get the Texans to the edge of the red zone, the 20-yard line.
After that, on first-and-10 at the Traitor 20, Schaub hands the ball off to Foster, who gets five yards for his efforts.
Second-and-five comes and Schaub launches a pass that falls incomplete.
With third down and five yards to go, Foster catches a pass from Schaub and takes the ball an additional four yards, just short of the first down.
With time running low, and on fourth-and-one, Rackers comes out and kicks a successful 29-yard field goal to end the half.
Time Spent in Red Zone: 1:05
End Result: Neil Rackers Field Goal (29)
Score: Houston 20 - S. Kentucky 0
Fourth Red Zone Drive
The good times keep rollin' as the Texans get into the red zone after a spectacular 24-yard run by Ben Tate.
Needless to say, it's first-and-10 (it's needless, but I'll say it anyway) at the Traitors' 14-yard line. Foster gets the carry as he takes the ball up the middle and gains four yards, getting to the 10-yard line as a result.
It's second-and-six at the BE-SF 10-yard line and Schaub zips a pass to tight end Owen Daniels, who comes up just short of the touchdown, with a nine-yard gain.
Finally, on third-and-goal from the one-yard line, Arian Foster takes the ball and soars majestically over the pile of demoralized Traitors for the touchdown.
Time Spent in Red Zone: 1:08
End Result: Arian Foster takes flight for a Texans Touchdown!
Score: Houston 27 - S. Kentucky 0
Fifth Red Zone Drive
And in the last quarter of the game, the Texans made their final appearance in the red zone, courtesy of a 15-yard run by Ben Tate to the left side of the line, getting the Texans to the BE-SFs' 12-yard line.
With a fresh set of downs and the game pretty well under control, the Texans decided to run the ball, and run it often. The first of those runs was by Ben Tate, who advanced the ball 10 yards to the Traitor two-yard line.
They figure that worked out so well they might as well try it again on first-and-goal from the two with Tate. Unfortunately, this time he gets pushed back a couple of yards for the loss.
Now it's second-and-goal from the four-yard line and Foster's name gets called. He, too, gets pushed back and loses a yard for his efforts.
Never fear though, dear Texan fan, for the mighty pterodactyl struck back, gaining five yards and getting the last offensive touchdown on the day.
Time Spent in Red Zone: 2:14
End Result: Arian Foster takes it to the house for another Texans Touchdown!
Score: Houston 34 - S. Kentucky Tears
Number of Trips in Red Zone: 5
Total Amount of Time in Red Zone: 7:45
Average Amount of Time in Red Zone: 1:33
Red Zone Efficiency: 5/5 (100%)
Scores in Red Zone: 3 TD (Dreessen, Foster x 2) 2 FG (Rackers 32, 29)
I can only imagine what kind of fresh hell awaits Jacksonville next week.