Perhaps it is a consequence of being a blogger while also having a "real" job as a writer (of sorts), but I am a complete logophile. I love words. I might even go so far as to call myself a logomaniac (which is not to be confused with a Lego Maniac). I am also a bit of a dork, so I often find myself applying obscure words to Texans-related situations.
Well, rather than just suffer alone in my own weirdness, I figured it was time to force all of you to join me in an exercise in grandiloquence that is both educational and completely devoid of any real-world benefit. YOU'RE WELCOME.
Unless you suffer from catapedaphobia (generally, a fear of jumping), won't you join me on the other side?
doryphore (DOR-ee-phor) — one who draws attention to the minor errors made by others, esp. in a pestering manner. Matt Hasselbeck acted like a doryphore with his constant whining and ridiculous gesticulating after every poor play.
epicaricacy (EP-i-kar-ik-i-see) — taking pleasure in other's misfortune; Schadenfreude. I felt a strong sense of epicaricacy listening to the Titans fans boo Chris Johnson.
foofaraw (FOO-fah-ro) — unnecessary things added for ornamentation; excessive or flashy ornamentation; frills. Chris Johnson's gold teeth are an expensive foofaraw.
ineluctable (in-i-LUK-tah-ble) — unable to be resisted or avoided; inevitable. By the time Brice McCain returned an interception for a touchdown, a Texans' win was ineluctable.
lumpenproletariat (lum-pen-proh-li-TAR-ee-it) — the lowest, most degraded stratum of the proletariat; the underclass of a human population. The typical crowd at LP Field is composed of Bud Adams' hell-spawn and the lumpenproletariat of the mid-south.
mendacity (men-DAS-i-tee) — a lie; falsehood. It is utter mendacity to suggest that Cortland Finnegan is a shutdown corner.
merkin (MUR-kin) — a pubic wig for women. There is no mendacity in suggesting that Cortland Finnegan's hair looks like a $3 merkin.
octogenarian (ok-tah-jah-NAR-ee-an) — a person between 80 and 90 years of age. Bud Adams is an octogenarian born of Satan's ass.
pulchritudinous (pul-kri-TOOD-en-es) — having great physical beauty or appeal. Arian Foster has a pulchritudinous running style.
thygatrilagnia (thy-GA-truh-LAG-nee-uh) — an incestuous desire for one's daughter. Sadness over the Titans' loss was interrupted by a strong sense of thygatrilagnia.