Three And Out: Useless Predictions For Texans-Jaguars

it would take a turrible pass, but I could foresee this

Texans 24-10 over the Glitter kitties. Sorry LA Jacksonville, maybe next time. Neil Rackers gets a 50+ FG to start us rolling then a TD BY THoR, Foster, Tate!!!

Nolan with the pick
3+ Sacks
Shaub throws 3 TD’s

1. Schaub will finish the game with 227 yards, and 3 TDs. Will have 1 INT, though.

2. Foster will have 22 carries for 113 yards, and will have 3 catches for 22 yards. Only TD for him will come on a throw from Schaub to Foster in the flats. Ben Tate will get 10 carries for 48 yards, no TDs.

3. Blaine Gabbert will finish the game with only 125 yards, and have 1 TD and 3 INTs.

PUT YOUR NAME ON IT: Blaine Gabbert will be sacked 4 times, twice by Connor Barwin, and one each for Antonio and J.J.

Texans win big 24-7.

teh Schaub gets more than 300 yds
What is with all of these one Gabbert pick? More like 3
MJD will fumble less than he did on Monday – but he will still fumble.

Texans 32 Glitter Kittehs 6

Dan Pastorini will get sacked during the coin toss

Anyone else feeling Kareem will get his first INT of the season (do INTs also count as PDs?) via an errant throw that hits Kareem instead of his wide open receiver?

Texans wins 27-7

Houston – 27, Jacksonville – 13

If Andre Johnson were playing, I’d bump the Texans score up somewhere above 30. Since he’s not, I have to temper excitement a little bit. BUT, here’s the thing: the Jags match up well with the Ravens in that the Ravens’ primary weapon is a running back with a very straight-forward running style and the Ravens have only one consistent, legit WR (Boldin). Torrey Smith is good, but he’s young and he’s not going to win a game for you by himself. Also, the Ravens’ employ one Joseph Vincent Flacco, who was not good Monday.

The Texans, on the other hand, have multiple weapons, so Rashean Mathis is not going to be able to blanket someone (as he did Boldin) and make the WR a non-factor. But, hey, if they want to put him on Jacoby and take JJ out of the passing game, more power to them, ya know? Daryl Smith is pretty good in coverage, but the other LBs are not good enough to consistently cover Owen Daniels. Plus, even if they were, Dreessen and Casey still have to be accounted for, as does this guy named Arian. And that’s just the passing game.

In the running game, Arian Foster is not Ray Rice, and I mean that in a good way. Rice is great, but he doesn’t have the vision or (more importantly) the change of direction that Foster does. Point being, just because the Jags shut down Rice does not really mean much as to whether they’ll shut down Arian.

Foster will rush for at least 85 yards with one TD. Shaub will throw a pair of TDs, and Rackers will kick three FGs.

Jones-Drew will get his 100 yards, but it will be in vain. Gabbert will get sacked 4 times.

I think the Texans will come out smoking and put a beatdown on the Jaguars. I think last week was not a fluke, but a sign of things to come. Texans 31 Jags 17. I look for Cushing to have another big game, as usual for this year. I think Jacoby will take a punt to the house, and the Texans will be up 2 games in the AFC South after tomorrow, and on their way to a big playoff run. Once this team gets healthy towards the end of the year(barring more injury problems), they will be set to make a run, with the defense only getting better each week with more experience.

1. Offense; Steady with 5 Scoring drives, nothing spectacular, just good clean fun
2. Defense; They gonna shine shine
3. Special Teams; Damn It Hartman…Rackers is making you look bad…get out there and hit someone or its back to dragging tires around the field all week

Schaub: 344 yds; 26-31; 3 TD; 0 INT
Foster: 65 yds rushing – 1 TD; 158 yds receiving – 1 TD
Tate: 88 yds rushing
Daniels: 78 yds receiving – 1 TD
Walter: 55 yds receiving – 1 TD

Defense: 2 INT; 3 FF – 2 FR; 1 TD

Gabbert does not play entire game / hopefully not done for the season.

2 touchdowns for Schaub – 1 OD 1 Foster
3 INT for Gabbert – 1 Nolan 1 Harris 1 …wait for it…

Kareem Jackson

Texans 27
Glitter Pussys 3

(puts down bong)

I’m relieved that someone on this site is not ODing on peyote and has some common sense. 27 points? 30 points? Yeah, and that hot chick with the longneck is going to go home with you. I don’t think you’re far off with my Jags (i actually like Glitter Kitties, very cute) ending up with 10 or 13 points. You juyst better hope you get 10 or 13 to match them. Have a wonderful Battle Pink day.

Kubiak ices Scooby on game tying kick for the win

Oh wait, that already happened

Texans 21
Jags 16

I called this game a Loss before the season.

This is the Texans we’re talking about. But I was worried before the first Indy game, so what do I know.

I think it will be a struggle, and they will convert more than one 4th down AND and on-side kick. But I think we win in OT 13-10.

Their TD is a pick 6 in the third. Gabbert is horrible, but they get a FG drive with our 2 min defense before half.

We get our TD on the first drive, and struggle to kick the tying FG with 6 mins left in the game.

gone 3-0 in the division.

So is this the biggest game in franchise history?

Arian is hitting his regular season form finally. People expect the Jags good front 7 to give him problems, I’m guessing he surprises us. one or two 40+ yarders and he’ll finish with 140 yards and 3 TD’s as we rely heavily on the running game.

Has anyone noticed just how awesome JoJo has been? yeah. wether it’s because of his awesome that someone else gets the pick or he gets one himself and takes it for 6

Mojo is the only thing going for them, finishes with roughly 100 yards and has 2 TD’s and a fumble we recover. Scobee creates points from sniper-rifle-ranges but misses 1 out of his 3, all 45+ yarders.

Jags 20, Texans 38

3 TFL for Cushing, 1 sack Barwin, 2 sacks for Smith, 250 combined rushing yards for Tate and Foster. Oh, Casey gets a TD fo sho.

Glitter Kitties

Aww hell, Jags 27-14. Gabbert 2 pass tds no ints and MJD 1 TD run

Aberration is the name of the game when these two teams meet. Can the “Q-Tip” be topped? Prepare yourselves for the “Butt-Kareem” as the Jags attempt a furious 4th quarter comeback, Kareem Jackson intercepts the ball to stop the rally in the waning seconds of the game. KJack is beaten by 10 yard by the WR going down the sideline as Gabbert woefully underthrows his target. But KJack, showing never before seen makeup speed, catches up, leaps and interceptss the ball at it’s highest point…. with his butt cheeks. Thus the Jag threat is ended, the Texans hold onto first in the AFC South, and the Butt-Kareem goes down in all-time Texans folklore. Children across the Houston region honor the feat and try to replicate the anal-interception on school playgrounds.

Bad refereeing will not escape the Texans this weekend, just as it didn’t escape the World Series. Head Referee Scott Green, who has been involved in multiple bad refereeing incidents over the years including the infamous Steelers-Chargers game of 11/16/2008 in which on the last play of the game, the Chargers made many lateral passes, eventually fumbling the ball, which Troy Polamalu picked up and carried into the endzone giving the Steelers an apparent 8 point victory. Well, Scott Green’s crew huddled up and nullified the play saying that one of the Charger’s laterals was an illegal forward pass, never saying which one, resulting in the Steelers winning by only 1 point. This might not have been an issue except that the betting point spread was 5 1/2 causing anyone who bet on the Steelers to lose their bet. Incidentally, in that game the Steelers were also penalized 13 times for 115 yards while the Chargers were penalized 1 time for 5 yards. Suspicious? You be the judge. Anyways, Scott Green referees the Texans-Jags game today and somehow, no one can explain how, neither team is penalized for the entire game!

Cracked skulls are not unknown to the Texans. Just ask James Harrison. One year ago, Harrison stated, and I quote:

I wanna bust skulls. I wanna cave in your face. Okay, right – you got yourself a skull. Be it a regular skull or one still encased in flesh, I’mma break that shit. And I don’t mean cracked. I don’t mean one long fissure down the middle of it. That shit is plain busted. There are at least half dozen pieces laying around the floor. Gotta get a crack medical team together just to reassemble it. That’s what I bring. Don’t need nothing more than a helmet. Shit, even if you don’t got a helmet, I’m gonna find a way to make it happen.

Duane “SocketMan” Brown had a reply to that:

Sunday, Neil Rackers breaks a face, but not how you might think. Not via one of his steel-piercing missile tackles. Starting the 2nd half, Kubiak, feeling daring, calls for something out of his bag of tricks, an on-side kick. Rackers, feeling pumped, lines the kick, 100 MPH right off the face of one of the Jags hands-guys. Busted! Can’t wait for the pics….

And that’s the ABCs of the Texans-Jags game…if that’s useless enough for ya’.

And picked up by Watt who runs it in for a score. Attempts by MJD to tackle the Badger are in vain as Badgers give ZERO shits for people trying to tackle them.

He doesn’t know if he gets to pick who it is. If he does he wants Dre because he reasons he’ll be a hall of fame guy. I told him to pick James Cassey for the rarrity of it. Suggestions welcomed.

I got that Jag fans are mad that they have a date with a L tomorrow. Is that what everybody else is getting?

Another big injury on our squad….