The Unbearable Powerfulness of Ranking (Part the Second)
by MDC on Oct 7, 2011 9:35 AM CDT
in General BRB Idiocy
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PrintPrior to Week 1, I put together a power ranking of the teams in the AFC South. With a quarter of the season gone, it's time to take another look at how the teams in that division stack up. Yet, as I mentioned in the first post, the problem with traditional power rankings is that there is no context given; the rankings imply that each team is one "spot" better than the team below them and one "spot" worse than the team above, but they don't define what each spot means.
And that, friends (and Titans fans), is what I am here to do. To keep things fresh around here, I've changed up the other 16 items on the list. You're welcome. After the jump, the updated AFC South power rankings.
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1. Bacon. Bacon is why I've never understood the appeal of being a vegetarian. The only thing that can make bacon better is more bacon. The only thing that could make the Texans better is less Shaun Cody. Advantage: Bacon. |
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2. The Houston Texans. Had they won in New Orleans, they'd really be challenging bacon for supremacy right now. But they didn't. And bacon is clearly undefeated. |
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3. Boobies. That is Cheryl Cole. Her husband -- douchey Chelsea left-back Ashley Cole -- cheated on her. So, you know ... you've got a shot with her now! Congrats! |
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4. Guinness. On the list of "Great Things To Come Out Of Ireland," Guinness ranks near the very top, while Tim's ancestors rank right around potato famine and Jonathan Rhys Meyers. |
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5. Fajitas. I trust that I don't have to specify beef fajitas, as "fajita" technically refers to the cut of meat used -- skirt steak. Your chicken, shrimp, and baby alpaca are nothing but soft tacos, cabrón. (Is that picture from Ninfa's? Yes, it is, Bionic Barry. Yes, it is.) |
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6. Christina Hendricks. Needs no explanation, really. |
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7. The Yellow First-Down Line. Try to remember football before this was commonplace. Highly, highly underrated addition to the football-watching experience. |
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8. The Tennessee Titans. Quick impression of an average Titans fan, assuming he can read: "B-b-but...we have the same record as the Texans! Waaahhhhh!" /cooks meth Same record or not, they lost to the lowly Jags and had to squeak past the Broncos. Suck it. |
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9. Whataburger. It's not the best burger in the world, and it's not even the best fast-food burger, but it is a tasty burger. And it's a step above the McDonald's/Burger King types. Also, it's amazing when you are drunk. |
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10. Big Sky Conference football. Yeah, it's football, and, if nothing else is available, you'd probably watch it. (Go Portland State Vikings!) Still, it's nowhere near as good as college football can be. |
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11. 3AM diaper changes. As middle-of-the-night duties go, this one's not so bad. You get to where you can change the diaper and be back asleep in under 2 minutes. Much better than feeding the kid. (Spoiler alert for new dads: This is eventually replaced with a toddler who thinks that 3am is an acceptable time to wander into your room for no reason whatsoever. |
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12 U2. It's alright, it's alright, it's AL-right / She moves in mysterious ways / Oh oh oh |
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13. Arkansas (state, not University of). It only ranks this high because everything below it on this list is pretty awful. When your state quarter features a rice plant ... yeah. |
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14. Vaginal prolapse. For the love of god, do NOT Google this. Just don't. |
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15. Cleatus the Fox Sports Robot. For the life of me, I still have no idea what his purpose is. Oooh, look, a fake robot is playing guitar! NOW I AM READY TO WATCH FOOTBALL! |
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16. The Jacksonville Jaguars. In the previous rankings, I branded them the suckiest bunch of sucks who ever sucked. In retrospect, this seems unfair, but only slightly. |
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17. Movies by Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer. There is no humor in merely referencing other movies. Spoof movies can be funny -- Naked Gun or Airplane! come to mind -- but these assclowns haven't the slightest clue how to do it. |
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18. Trai Essex. Wow, is he bad or what? He would've gotten cut from the 2005 Texans. |
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19. Getting Shanked In Prison. I mean, you're in prison and now you're also being stabbed with a homemade implement of questionable cleanliness. I just don't see how anything could be worse. |
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20. The Indianapolis Colts. Oh, right, that's how it could be worse. |
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Comments
Nos 19 and 20
Awesome.
Not in the sense of how good they are (because they suck) but in the sense of how awesome it is that they suck.
Never use a metaphor, simile, or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print.
Never use a long word where a short one will do.
If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out.
Never use the passive where you can use the active.
Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word, or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent.
Break any of these rules sooner than say anything outright barbarous.
-Orwell, Politics and the English Language
www.battleredblog.com
Referees throwing flags
Good reason why your list stops at 20.
I didn't do anything wrong!.... and, I won't do it again.
Whataburger below the Titans?
C’mon. Whataburger is still in town and doesn’t (yet, give it time) employ Courtland Finnegan.
by cgdrexler on Oct 7, 2011 9:49 AM CDT reply actions 4 recs
Yeah, seriously flip 8 & 9...
/wags at thought of fumbled Green Chile Double Whataburger with Cheese…
/goes to look in kitchen
"Fanaticism consists in redoubling your efforts when you have forgotten your aim." - George Santayana
That's actually a good burger!
I’ve had one and contemplate my next one soon.
Texans 2011 Defense is evolving into an epic force to be reckoned with. I dub thee "Bayou Blitz" !!
I had my first yesterday...
…was on business travel and just blew off the diet…
If I wasn’t frantically scrambling to get back on track with my diet, I’d be eating those bad boys on a REGULAR basis. The idea below to add grilled jalapenos just pisses me OFF that I didn’t think of it yesterday.
"Fanaticism consists in redoubling your efforts when you have forgotten your aim." - George Santayana
And grilled onions.
And just mustard and cheese after that, because unripe tomatoes and suspect lettuce don’t add much.
"Each in turn... volunteered his suggestions, his invaluable suggestions."
Twitter - xiane1
The Dreamshake
Yup, the onions would be a definite enhancer too...
The way that they made the one up yesterday didn’t include lettuce and tomatoes… I think they had figured out to just rely on meaty goodness and green chiles.
I gotta’ stop… must eat…
"Fanaticism consists in redoubling your efforts when you have forgotten your aim." - George Santayana
Sir
I believe you just got out-Whataburgered
If the Treasury Secretary doesn't have to pay taxes, then why do I?
by Shake on Oct 7, 2011 1:20 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
Repeatedly
"Fanaticism consists in redoubling your efforts when you have forgotten your aim." - George Santayana
Always go with double meat, double cheese, double bacon and jalapenos
Just your average, run of the mill hardcore casual Texans fan.
"Have you ever noticed that? We base our assessment of the intelligence of others almost entirely on how closely their thinking matches our own. I’m sure that there are people out there who violently disagree with me on most things, and I’m broad-minded enough to concede that they might possibly not be complete idiots, but I much prefer the company of people who agree with me."
by Autra on Oct 7, 2011 12:03 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
Abso-fuckin-lutely
A Whataburger of any configuration is awesome with grilled jalepeños. (Disclaimer: My parents often went to the original Whataburger stand in Corpus Christi in the the mid 1950s when first dating. I conclude that I am a genetically prepared expert on the matter.)
"Nothing could, literally, not be more exciting..."
by jaws on Oct 7, 2011 6:00 PM CDT up reply actions 2 recs
Word from a Wise Person:
Don’t eat lots of Whataburger before you move to Corpus Christi.
.................
True
The Whataburgers are better in Corpus. Specifically, they’re the best at the Whataburger By The Bay.
Looking forward to a day when being a Texans fan doesn't mean that April is the highlight of my season...
by Tim on Oct 7, 2011 9:15 PM CDT up reply actions
I mainly meant that when you eat a lot of it just before you move,
ad then you move to the place where it originated. You thow up in your mouth a little.
.................
I agree, Whataburger should be above the Titans
Murphy’s 20th Military Law:
If it’s stupid, but it works, it ain’t stupid
"Fuck em all. Go Texans."
by The Night Owl on Oct 7, 2011 10:14 AM CDT up reply actions
I agree also
Mario Williams and Antonio Smith on track for 16 sacks each this season.
by Barryfromtexas on Oct 7, 2011 10:22 AM CDT up reply actions
He must be packing
a great heart… you thought i was gonna say large penis didnt you?
"Taco Joe - the beacon of optimism" TexansDC
THEREALALLENOU: "@Joeeatstacos... You're like the second testicle to my Tom green. I dont NEED you, but life is better when your around lol"
AllenOU is the Montgomery to my Patton
God blessed Texas, but he has forsaken the Texans
by Taco Joe on Oct 7, 2011 9:50 AM CDT up reply actions 5 recs
...more likely large wallet
"Fanaticism consists in redoubling your efforts when you have forgotten your aim." - George Santayana
I doubt that, I only remember him from Super Troopers as the one who ate all the mushrooms
Murphy’s 20th Military Law:
If it’s stupid, but it works, it ain’t stupid
"Fuck em all. Go Texans."
by The Night Owl on Oct 7, 2011 10:15 AM CDT up reply actions
wait....
she is with that guy? lol
"Taco Joe - the beacon of optimism" TexansDC
THEREALALLENOU: "@Joeeatstacos... You're like the second testicle to my Tom green. I dont NEED you, but life is better when your around lol"
AllenOU is the Montgomery to my Patton
God blessed Texas, but he has forsaken the Texans
Yeah, that guy
Doesn’t that give guys just too much hope???
Murphy’s 20th Military Law:
If it’s stupid, but it works, it ain’t stupid
"Fuck em all. Go Texans."
by The Night Owl on Oct 7, 2011 12:37 PM CDT up reply actions
I wish I was him
like right now…. BUT I DO HAVE HOPE I BELIEVE and KUBES BELIEVES IN ME!
"Taco Joe - the beacon of optimism" TexansDC
THEREALALLENOU: "@Joeeatstacos... You're like the second testicle to my Tom green. I dont NEED you, but life is better when your around lol"
AllenOU is the Montgomery to my Patton
God blessed Texas, but he has forsaken the Texans
For the record
He IS the guy from Super Troopers who eats the weed and ’shrooms. Then has the line, “The snoz-berries taste like snoz-berries!”
How about I Punch-a-size your face for free! - Rod Farva
by distant_texans_fan on Oct 7, 2011 4:12 PM CDT up reply actions
"YOU BOYS EVER BEEN TO MEXICO"
Jules=Now I want you to go in that bag and find my wallet
Ringo=which one is it
Jules=the one that says bad mother fucker!
by jtr bmf 281 on Oct 7, 2011 4:40 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
He know plays a lab guy on ABC's "Body of Proof"
"The best thing about being a cynic......is that you are never surprised." ~Anonymous
"Don't get yourself a bunch of tricky plays.......get yourself a bunch of tricky players." `Paul "Bear" Bryant
by Christopher H on Oct 8, 2011 11:33 AM CDT up reply actions
SPELLING FAIL!!
ummm. i meant to say ummm now.
"The best thing about being a cynic......is that you are never surprised." ~Anonymous
"Don't get yourself a bunch of tricky plays.......get yourself a bunch of tricky players." `Paul "Bear" Bryant
by Christopher H on Oct 8, 2011 11:34 AM CDT up reply actions
Boy, he loves staying around redheads
Murphy’s 20th Military Law:
If it’s stupid, but it works, it ain’t stupid
"Fuck em all. Go Texans."
by The Night Owl on Oct 8, 2011 3:58 PM CDT up reply actions
I bet her snozeberries tastes like snozberries
Capt. Nately: You're a shameful opportunist! What you don't understand is that it's better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.
Old man in whorehouse: You have it backwards. It's better to live on your feet than to die on your knees. I know.
-Catch 22-
yeah I would love to take a taste test on those bad boys
Jules=Now I want you to go in that bag and find my wallet
Ringo=which one is it
Jules=the one that says bad mother fucker!
I bet they do
Also, I bet Farva would like to go on a 10-92
How about I Punch-a-size your face for free! - Rod Farva
by distant_texans_fan on Oct 8, 2011 2:54 AM CDT up reply actions
God Damn wandering Laptop mouse
How about I Punch-a-size your face for free! - Rod Farva
by distant_texans_fan on Oct 8, 2011 2:55 AM CDT up reply actions
Give her some credit.
She’s pretty bright and funny in interviews. Also, her kind of female beauty had been, I dunno, overlooked for a long while. Lots of people look MUCH better in older styles of clothing. Yet we’re all gonna wear jeans tshirts and flip flops no matter what, despite the fact that it really only looks good on a small subset of people.
"Each in turn... volunteered his suggestions, his invaluable suggestions."
Twitter - xiane1
The Dreamshake
by Xiane on Oct 7, 2011 12:05 PM CDT up reply actions 3 recs
Rec'd
I admit to being a sucker for curves.
The Two-Day Hangover @ Battle Red Blog (2011) & SBN Houston (2010) | Twitter
I agree about old styles
I like the whole retro thing for women. But jeans and a t-shirt is good too. So is naked. Naked I can handle. I see no problem with naked. Or lingerie. Or Retro. Or naked is still gonna be just fine with me approx 100% of the time.
Has she always been that curvy?
I remember hour being hot in Firefly, but not like…that.
by BrownCrayon on Oct 7, 2011 12:57 PM CDT via mobile up reply actions
Yeah, she's always been like that
Murphy’s 20th Military Law:
If it’s stupid, but it works, it ain’t stupid
"Fuck em all. Go Texans."
by The Night Owl on Oct 7, 2011 1:01 PM CDT up reply actions
Firefly?... OH YEAH! She was the bad girl...
niiiice… I’d forgotten that… Not really into Rubenesque women, but she was HAWT HAWT HAWT HAWT HAWT on that.
"Fanaticism consists in redoubling your efforts when you have forgotten your aim." - George Santayana
Yes,
The lovely Mrs Reynolds.
How about I Punch-a-size your face for free! - Rod Farva
by distant_texans_fan on Oct 7, 2011 4:16 PM CDT up reply actions
GO Northern Arizona LUMBERJACKS
attending this school which is in the Big Sky, I am obligated to scream that every time another team is said from Big Sky. But at least I dont have to do that with Division 1 schools people would laugh and say that aint no real football team, even though we have stuck around to almost beat ASU and UofA in back to back years. If only we werent paid to take a dive!
"Taco Joe - the beacon of optimism" TexansDC
THEREALALLENOU: "@Joeeatstacos... You're like the second testicle to my Tom green. I dont NEED you, but life is better when your around lol"
AllenOU is the Montgomery to my Patton
God blessed Texas, but he has forsaken the Texans
Combine 2, 3 and 4
and you have next Sunday at the Men’s Club….
I didn't do anything wrong!.... and, I won't do it again.
aw, rip
I wish I could join you
"Taco Joe - the beacon of optimism" TexansDC
THEREALALLENOU: "@Joeeatstacos... You're like the second testicle to my Tom green. I dont NEED you, but life is better when your around lol"
AllenOU is the Montgomery to my Patton
God blessed Texas, but he has forsaken the Texans
Sorry, but after 3, I blacked out...wow!
BTW, her boobies are almost touching the froth on the Guinness.
by MeSoLongHorny on Oct 7, 2011 11:59 AM CDT up reply actions
Cleatus really is...
About the most pointless mascot I’ve ever seen. Seriously. I understand EXACTLY where your coming from there.
OFFICIAL MARIO WILLIAMS 2011 SACK COUNT; (4)
Jason Allen > Kareem Jackson
by Carter Liles on Oct 7, 2011 9:54 AM CDT via mobile reply actions
I didn't even know he had a name...
Now that I do it makes it that much worse
by MaloneyPony on Oct 7, 2011 9:55 AM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
I had the same reaction.
I used to refer to him as “that goddamned robot.”
The Two-Day Hangover @ Battle Red Blog (2011) & SBN Houston (2010) | Twitter
by MDC on Oct 7, 2011 9:58 AM CDT up reply actions 6 recs
Now if he could only be programmed
To kill certain announcers/color guys…
Mario Williams and Antonio Smith on track for 16 sacks each this season.
by Barryfromtexas on Oct 7, 2011 10:24 AM CDT up reply actions
also...
who names a robot cleatus???
OFFICIAL MARIO WILLIAMS 2011 SACK COUNT; (4)
Jason Allen > Kareem Jackson
by Carter Liles on Oct 7, 2011 11:47 AM CDT up reply actions
I'm assuming it's a stupid play on words.
cleatus = cleats. only “logical” explanation i can come up with
- Feeling the five stages of grief since 2002.
"It's either gonna make you a man or a coward. One of the two. I'm a be a man. I ain't never seen a coward, heard a coward, coward not in ma vocabulary." - Lawrence Vickers
by NoSafetiesNeeded on Oct 7, 2011 12:22 PM CDT up reply actions
Man I thought that was a joke
that thing is really named Cletus? Had to be the BESFs that came up with thar name…
I think they had a vote
online to name it a couple seasons ago.
I am Sancho
by HoustonTransplant on Oct 7, 2011 3:51 PM CDT up reply actions
Is Cleatus
A slack-jawed robot?
Dallas Cowboys, all hat and no cattle since 1996.
by Jonathan Fosburgh on Oct 7, 2011 1:20 PM CDT up reply actions
Some folk'll never eat a skunk
But then again some folk’ll…
The Two-Day Hangover @ Battle Red Blog (2011) & SBN Houston (2010) | Twitter
by MDC on Oct 7, 2011 1:25 PM CDT up reply actions
Pretty tasty if you let it age for a few days...
…of course you have to watch out for those dern buzzards. They’ll steal a good picnic every time.
"Fanaticism consists in redoubling your efforts when you have forgotten your aim." - George Santayana
HEY MA!
GET OFF THE DANGED ROOF!
- Rivers McCown, From Mom's Basement | Twitter | Football Outsiders | Battle Red Blog
We home school 'em.
The big ones teach the little ones, but nobody taught me, so the whole thing is an exercise in futility.
The Two-Day Hangover @ Battle Red Blog (2011) & SBN Houston (2010) | Twitter
by MDC on Oct 7, 2011 4:03 PM CDT up reply actions
“Hey brandine, you might could wear these to your job interview.”
“And scuff up the topless dancing runway?
Nah you best bring em back where from you got em.”
“Ohk, back you go to wait for a woman of less discriminating taste.”
Never use a metaphor, simile, or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print.
Never use a long word where a short one will do.
If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out.
Never use the passive where you can use the active.
Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word, or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent.
Break any of these rules sooner than say anything outright barbarous.
-Orwell, Politics and the English Language
www.battleredblog.com
by tehGrindCrusher on Oct 8, 2011 8:54 AM CDT up reply actions
That's a lot of Love for the Texans
Rankings are difficult. While I might not miss a game for #1 – I would DVR for the 3, 4, 5 trifecta.
Ooh, that's a good one. I'll use it next time.
The Two-Day Hangover @ Battle Red Blog (2011) & SBN Houston (2010) | Twitter
Awesome point. That thing gives me back 17 minutes out of every hour
Texans 2011 Defense is evolving into an epic force to be reckoned with. I dub thee "Bayou Blitz" !!
Glad to see bacon is finally getting some well deserved love after being left off the last one
Murphy’s 20th Military Law:
If it’s stupid, but it works, it ain’t stupid
"Fuck em all. Go Texans."
True! Bacon rules! No oysters though?
Texans 2011 Defense is evolving into an epic force to be reckoned with. I dub thee "Bayou Blitz" !!
I imagine heaven
to be a place filled with bacon; where Tony Romo always fumbles the snap – rivers run with beer – Steelers players limp off the field after playing the Texans – A Vince Young team implodes – Rex Ryan and Mark Sanchez disappoint Jets fans – The Colts start 0-4…..
Is this heaven?
This is your glimpse into NFL heaveen my friend....the Texans World Poker Tour
Texans 2011 Defense is evolving into an epic force to be reckoned with. I dub thee "Bayou Blitz" !!
by MeMongo on Oct 7, 2011 10:50 AM CDT up reply actions 2 recs
In case it isn't easy to see the faces....
Cushing, A. Johnson, D. Ryans, JJ Watt, M. Williams, Manning, Foster, Joseph, Schaub, Kubiak
Texans 2011 Defense is evolving into an epic force to be reckoned with. I dub thee "Bayou Blitz" !!
...in the top bunk...
… and 72 times a night he falls to the floor in the fetal position.
"Fanaticism consists in redoubling your efforts when you have forgotten your aim." - George Santayana
No, hell is being a QB behind the 2002 Texans O-Line & David Carr is your QB Coach
Murphy’s 20th Military Law:
If it’s stupid, but it works, it ain’t stupid
"Fuck em all. Go Texans."
by The Night Owl on Oct 7, 2011 12:02 PM CDT up reply actions
If Wade's head was poking up from under the pile I would rec this
I didn't do anything wrong!.... and, I won't do it again.
He's sleeping under the table!
Texans 2011 Defense is evolving into an epic force to be reckoned with. I dub thee "Bayou Blitz" !!
We gotta have Wade in this, I totally agree!
Texans 2011 Defense is evolving into an epic force to be reckoned with. I dub thee "Bayou Blitz" !!
by MeMongo on Oct 7, 2011 12:03 PM CDT up reply actions 5 recs
Aaaiiiiieeeeeeee!!!
Disembodied Wade Head!!!!
The Two-Day Hangover @ Battle Red Blog (2011) & SBN Houston (2010) | Twitter
he's standing on the bodies of....
Tom Brady – from the AFC championship
and
Aaron Rodgers – from the Superbowl
Texans 2011 Defense is evolving into an epic force to be reckoned with. I dub thee "Bayou Blitz" !!
by MeMongo on Oct 7, 2011 1:10 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
At least we can't tell if he's wearing shorts this way.
Despite my better judgment, a manager at Battle Red Blog.
Supreme Galactic Editor of Battle Red Onion.
I am a visionary, I am a genius, and now I am angry! Now where are those pants at?!
Football is war by other means. - Carl von Clausewitz...sorta.
by UprootedTexan on Oct 7, 2011 8:34 PM CDT up reply actions
Rivers runs with beer... no news there...
"Fanaticism consists in redoubling your efforts when you have forgotten your aim." - George Santayana
hahaahahahahah
as much as i dislike the Texans (not because of any other reason than they are pretty darned good… and really have been for a bit now… and I’m a Colts fan)…
This site is just awesome and very much entertaining. Loved the one with the charts. Kudos and keep up the great/funny writeups.
Don’t worry I’m not a troll looking to stir up anything.
by coltsfanbeforemanning on Oct 7, 2011 10:18 AM CDT reply actions 7 recs
There were Colts' fans before Manning?
/trolling
If the Treasury Secretary doesn't have to pay taxes, then why do I?
There were Blogs
Before Manning? He just seems so old, and Blogs so new
2 Defensive Scores are in the Karma Bag
"Wade aid has lean in it, just saying"
yes... you got me... trolling...
Now keep feeding me with funny content!!!! Lord knows after the first 4 weeks of this season I need it.
Funny bit is I see the Colts are pasting crap on my FB page about winning free tickets to the games… For what??? Forget having to enter something, if we lose to KC next week, they will be giving those tickets away!
PS the piece on Shaun Cody…. Gold. As was the first Powerfulness of Ranking.
by coltsfanbeforemanning on Oct 7, 2011 11:10 AM CDT up reply actions
Hmmmm.... sounds like an excuse for BRB to roadtrip..... hmmmmm......
I didn't do anything wrong!.... and, I won't do it again.
that's a long drive...
However if you do this, do yourself a favor and eat at St. Elmo’s… I think you’ll find it comparable to even the finest TX steaks =)
(Get the shrimp appetizer… and the king crab mac & cheese… your waistline won’t thank me, but you will)
Now that I compared northern steak to TX steak… Methinks the warning is coming =(
by coltsfanbeforemanning on Oct 7, 2011 11:15 AM CDT up reply actions
GET OUT TROLL!!!
:p
OFFICIAL MARIO WILLIAMS 2011 SACK COUNT; (4)
Jason Allen > Kareem Jackson
by Carter Liles on Oct 7, 2011 11:49 AM CDT up reply actions
Welcome and welcoming rec...
"Fanaticism consists in redoubling your efforts when you have forgotten your aim." - George Santayana
Titans deserve to be lower on the list
Maybe one spot ahead of the Jags. I don’t care what their record says, they’re going 6-10.
I agree with you on their ultimate fate.
But I was trying to rank as of right now.
The Two-Day Hangover @ Battle Red Blog (2011) & SBN Houston (2010) | Twitter
I assume
that they’ll slide into the next rankings wherever a 4-4 team belongs.
The Two-Day Hangover @ Battle Red Blog (2011) & SBN Houston (2010) | Twitter
Give me 3
Yall take the rest. I love the Texans, but there are not words for my feelings towards 3…
YOU SUNUVABEESH
Vaginal Prolapse is horrible, ig asfhjadfalskdghhgjk
Capt. Nately: You're a shameful opportunist! What you don't understand is that it's better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.
Old man in whorehouse: You have it backwards. It's better to live on your feet than to die on your knees. I know.
-Catch 22-
The way to get Jordann to Google something
Is to say do not google it
lulz
Mario Williams and Antonio Smith on track for 16 sacks each this season.
by Barryfromtexas on Oct 7, 2011 10:28 AM CDT up reply actions
What part of "Do not Google this"
did you struggle with?
The Two-Day Hangover @ Battle Red Blog (2011) & SBN Houston (2010) | Twitter
by MDC on Oct 7, 2011 10:37 AM CDT up reply actions 3 recs
He was probably one of those kids identified in grade school as oppositionally defiant.
"The best thing about being a cynic......is that you are never surprised." ~Anonymous
"Don't get yourself a bunch of tricky plays.......get yourself a bunch of tricky players." `Paul "Bear" Bryant
by Christopher H on Oct 7, 2011 10:39 AM CDT up reply actions
Anal prolapse is worse...
Do NOT google that…
Yes, yes it is.
No Googling needed here.
Dallas Cowboys, all hat and no cattle since 1996.
by Jonathan Fosburgh on Oct 7, 2011 12:11 PM CDT up reply actions
Alas, I confess to being tempted myself...
…and then I said to myself, “Self, when a defense attorney IN ARKANSAS tells you that something is DISGUSTING and repugnant… listen to the man…”
So I listened.
Sounds like I’m glad that I did.
"Fanaticism consists in redoubling your efforts when you have forgotten your aim." - George Santayana
by DilloTex on Oct 7, 2011 11:54 AM CDT up reply actions 4 recs
Yeah, some of my Mom's family is from Arkansas
All I had to imagine was one of them thinking it was too gross to check out, threw up a little anyway(’cause damn, imagining those people is disgusting), and then moved along.
Just your average, run of the mill hardcore casual Texans fan.
"Have you ever noticed that? We base our assessment of the intelligence of others almost entirely on how closely their thinking matches our own. I’m sure that there are people out there who violently disagree with me on most things, and I’m broad-minded enough to concede that they might possibly not be complete idiots, but I much prefer the company of people who agree with me."
I mean, I've told my dick photography story
and the pictures of vaginal prolapse gagged me.
Also, I AM NOT FROM ARKANSAS.
The Two-Day Hangover @ Battle Red Blog (2011) & SBN Houston (2010) | Twitter
I know.
Might as well be though, if you’ve spent more than a couple of years out there…
Heh
Just your average, run of the mill hardcore casual Texans fan.
"Have you ever noticed that? We base our assessment of the intelligence of others almost entirely on how closely their thinking matches our own. I’m sure that there are people out there who violently disagree with me on most things, and I’m broad-minded enough to concede that they might possibly not be complete idiots, but I much prefer the company of people who agree with me."
/nods sadly
/prays for death’s sweet embrace
The Two-Day Hangover @ Battle Red Blog (2011) & SBN Houston (2010) | Twitter
by MDC on Oct 7, 2011 12:51 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
Hey... tangential topic...
Do you have any opinion on who really did those “West Memphis Three” murders?
I kinda’ think that toothless father of one of the boys did it… The one who coincidentally had all of his teeth removed when they were going to test his bite against the bite marks on one of the little boys?
"Fanaticism consists in redoubling your efforts when you have forgotten your aim." - George Santayana
Wasn't there some DNA one of their relatives left at the scene?
I liked seeing the WM3 finally freed.
Although something about that Goth prick just still isn't right.
I’m thinking there is going to be more “story” coming out of his timeline.
"Fanaticism consists in redoubling your efforts when you have forgotten your aim." - George Santayana
I gotta agree
But he would have probably grown out of the whole hating the world goth phase if he didn’t have a reason to hate the world (convicted of a murder one didn’t commit would tend to reinforce those things we’d normally outgrow)
Agreed on the whole injustice of a false conviction based on one's appearance.
However, as a wise man once said…
When you find yourself in a hole the first thing to do is stop digging.
My sympathy is reserved for the little boys that got brutalized and killed and for those other two kids that got convicted: the one that seemed pretty normal and the other poor guy with the 70 IQ.
Gotharama was just enjoying the whole thing too much for me to get too worked up over his plight.
"Fanaticism consists in redoubling your efforts when you have forgotten your aim." - George Santayana
Yeah definitely
I will say that I don’t really expect disillusioned kids to respond intelligently to such a situation though. There’s a lot he could have done better, but its tough – especially as a kid who was probably already ostracized – to deal with instant celebrity while his life hangs in the balance.
Its hard to figure out the reasons people do the things they do, especially with the kind of unbalance that comes with that kind of pressure.
I think being a pariah validated his misanthropic tendencies and that can be a hard thing to give up for an immature and disillusioned kid.
I was once something of an outcast myself, so I tend to feel as though I can relate on some small level to why someone like him would misstep and hurt the public’s perception of him even further..
Trust me...
I completely understand the outsider role. I’ve struggled with the loner tendencies it instilled in me my whole professional career. I’m very thankful that tattoos weren’t stylish when I was in high school or I’d probably have “F&&& ‘em if they can’t take a joke…” tattooed across my arm.
"Fanaticism consists in redoubling your efforts when you have forgotten your aim." - George Santayana
I am unique!
The Two-Day Hangover @ Battle Red Blog (2011) & SBN Houston (2010) | Twitter
by MDC on Oct 7, 2011 4:06 PM CDT up reply actions
Because God don't make no junk.
Never use a metaphor, simile, or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print.
Never use a long word where a short one will do.
If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out.
Never use the passive where you can use the active.
Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word, or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent.
Break any of these rules sooner than say anything outright barbarous.
-Orwell, Politics and the English Language
www.battleredblog.com
by tehGrindCrusher on Oct 8, 2011 8:56 AM CDT up reply actions
And mama don't take no mess.
The Two-Day Hangover @ Battle Red Blog (2011) & SBN Houston (2010) | Twitter
by MDC on Oct 8, 2011 9:05 AM CDT up reply actions
Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke
has been my motto for a looong time.
The Two-Day Hangover @ Battle Red Blog (2011) & SBN Houston (2010) | Twitter
by MDC on Oct 7, 2011 4:07 PM CDT up reply actions
Mine too, especially in high school
Sadly, nobody got the joke, and nobody wanted to fuck me.
Pretty sure those two things are somehow related.
Never use a metaphor, simile, or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print.
Never use a long word where a short one will do.
If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out.
Never use the passive where you can use the active.
Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word, or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent.
Break any of these rules sooner than say anything outright barbarous.
-Orwell, Politics and the English Language
www.battleredblog.com
by tehGrindCrusher on Oct 8, 2011 8:56 AM CDT up reply actions
Here's the thing
I get what you’re saying, BUT, no matter how weird he was at 18 (and, be honest, all 18 year olds are some amount of odd), no one deserves to spend nearly two decades on death row, wrongly convicted of the murder (and alleged sexual mutilation) of three 7-yr-old boys. The psychological toll that would take would make even the most normal 18 year old crack eventually and seem weird when/if he was released.
The Two-Day Hangover @ Battle Red Blog (2011) & SBN Houston (2010) | Twitter
by MDC on Oct 7, 2011 4:06 PM CDT up reply actions
yep very true
not to mention the dude got raped in prison so that just fucks with his head a tad bit more than usual.
Jules=Now I want you to go in that bag and find my wallet
Ringo=which one is it
Jules=the one that says bad mother fucker!
HEY!
Well, I’m odd in a special way…
Canal Street Chronicles-A place of great Saints news and information. Oh and the stuff I write!
Bring back Aaron Brooks! He's the only one who can save us from the evil that is Drew Brees!!
"The toothless father.."
Didn’t you just describe half of fathers in Arkansas?
Dallas Cowboys, all hat and no cattle since 1996.
by Jonathan Fosburgh on Oct 7, 2011 12:59 PM CDT up reply actions 2 recs
No way, dude.
Some of them have a tooth or two.
Never use a metaphor, simile, or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print.
Never use a long word where a short one will do.
If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out.
Never use the passive where you can use the active.
Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word, or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent.
Break any of these rules sooner than say anything outright barbarous.
-Orwell, Politics and the English Language
www.battleredblog.com
by tehGrindCrusher on Oct 8, 2011 8:57 AM CDT up reply actions
I've been to Arkansas exactly once.
And I have no desire to return. The suckage that is Arkansas is probably what keeps Louisiana from falling into the Gulf.
Dallas Cowboys, all hat and no cattle since 1996.
by Jonathan Fosburgh on Oct 7, 2011 12:53 PM CDT up reply actions
I think a heavily fortified and well-stocked cabin in the Ozarks would be nice...
…as long as I was able to have several weapons on-hand that the BATF didn’t know about.
"Fanaticism consists in redoubling your efforts when you have forgotten your aim." - George Santayana
I really need to show my friend this, he's from Arkansas.
I give him shit all the time.
Now that i think about it, all my best friends have not been from Texas.
Oklahoma, Arkansas, Libya, and I talk to an English guy on Xbox all the time. Weird stuff.
/rambling.
.................
I've had some fun backpacking through the Ozarks.
And there’s a few great climbing areas there.
But I wouldn’t want to live there.
Never use a metaphor, simile, or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print.
Never use a long word where a short one will do.
If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out.
Never use the passive where you can use the active.
Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word, or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent.
Break any of these rules sooner than say anything outright barbarous.
-Orwell, Politics and the English Language
www.battleredblog.com
by tehGrindCrusher on Oct 8, 2011 8:59 AM CDT up reply actions
NOT FROM ARKANSAS
I know the father of a certain potentate who vehemently disagrees with that analysis.
Looking forward to a day when being a Texans fan doesn't mean that April is the highlight of my season...
by Tim on Oct 7, 2011 12:28 PM CDT up reply actions 3 recs
Yeah, but he's the same guy
who claimed he called the I.M.F. on Ted.
The Two-Day Hangover @ Battle Red Blog (2011) & SBN Houston (2010) | Twitter
....but you got there as fast as you could
I didn't do anything wrong!.... and, I won't do it again.
Well said, Dillo
I also didn’t google, and after reading these comments, it was definitely the right choice
I had to do it
not because it said ‘vaginal,’ rather because you said do NOT google this! however I was hoping to see pictures.
did I type that outloud? oops.
The telling me what not to do part!
Capt. Nately: You're a shameful opportunist! What you don't understand is that it's better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.
Old man in whorehouse: You have it backwards. It's better to live on your feet than to die on your knees. I know.
-Catch 22-
dont tell me NOT to google something!
it’ll just make me wanna google it!
oh wait..
ISWYDT.
facepalm
bastard.
"my momma was the Mike Vick of ass whuppin. side arm delivery, no wasted motion.. and very mobile." - @doobieman21
youtube/chrisdogan
by chrisd21 on Oct 7, 2011 11:36 AM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
For anyone who was smart enough *not* to google
Just assume prolapse means to turn inside out.
Dallas Cowboys, all hat and no cattle since 1996.
by Jonathan Fosburgh on Oct 7, 2011 12:14 PM CDT up reply actions
Definition:
pro·lapse (pr-lps) Medicine
intr.v. pro·lapsed, pro·laps·ing, pro·laps·es
To fall or slip out of place.
n. prolapse (prlps, pr-lps) also pro·lap·sus (pr-lpss)
The falling down or slipping out of place of an organ or part, such as the uterus.
Just your average, run of the mill hardcore casual Texans fan.
"Have you ever noticed that? We base our assessment of the intelligence of others almost entirely on how closely their thinking matches our own. I’m sure that there are people out there who violently disagree with me on most things, and I’m broad-minded enough to concede that they might possibly not be complete idiots, but I much prefer the company of people who agree with me."
I just threw up a little right there.
The Two-Day Hangover @ Battle Red Blog (2011) & SBN Houston (2010) | Twitter
by MDC on Oct 7, 2011 12:53 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
Yup, definitely made the right call.
"Fanaticism consists in redoubling your efforts when you have forgotten your aim." - George Santayana
I knew it was something along those lines, so I had to get the definition
Totally worth it.
Just your average, run of the mill hardcore casual Texans fan.
"Have you ever noticed that? We base our assessment of the intelligence of others almost entirely on how closely their thinking matches our own. I’m sure that there are people out there who violently disagree with me on most things, and I’m broad-minded enough to concede that they might possibly not be complete idiots, but I much prefer the company of people who agree with me."
You have only yourself to blame for looking it up.
Masochist.
Despite my better judgment, a manager at Battle Red Blog.
Supreme Galactic Editor of Battle Red Onion.
I am a visionary, I am a genius, and now I am angry! Now where are those pants at?!
Football is war by other means. - Carl von Clausewitz...sorta.
by UprootedTexan on Oct 7, 2011 8:36 PM CDT up reply actions
I love Adding
- and #5. No Whiskey? I Find that better then objects on the list.
2 Defensive Scores are in the Karma Bag
"Wade aid has lean in it, just saying"
17 is my problem with Family Guy
Recreating scenes from other tv shows or movies is not in and of itself funny. This doesn’t seem to bother anyone but me though.
by JBal on Oct 7, 2011 10:42 AM CDT via mobile reply actions
I agree.
I get toasted whenever i say simpsons is better
OFFICIAL MARIO WILLIAMS 2011 SACK COUNT; (4)
Jason Allen > Kareem Jackson
by Carter Liles on Oct 7, 2011 11:52 AM CDT up reply actions
You three clearly talk to the wrong people
It is okay to carry around a mace for situations like this.
- Rivers McCown, From Mom's Basement | Twitter | Football Outsiders | Battle Red Blog
Until recently
I would’ve said Whataburger was the best fast-food burger (I define fast food as 1. multiple locations and 2. has a drive-thru) until I was in Dallas last month on business and I ran through the deservedly hyped In and Out Burger. That’s my new king, unless you consider 5 Guys to be fast food as well. Love me some 5 Guys.
"The best thing about being a cynic......is that you are never surprised." ~Anonymous
"Don't get yourself a bunch of tricky plays.......get yourself a bunch of tricky players." `Paul "Bear" Bryant
I can honestly say...
I prefer whataburger over five guys I’ve been twice and it just doesn’t do it for me and don’t get me started on the fries I haven’t tried in and out I hope it’s not comparable to five guys
I grew up in SO-CAL (left in the 80's and love Texas!) and In&Out is incredible
best burgers ever!
Five Guys seems to be hit and miss by location. I tried it in two places and wasn’t impressed. Then I tried the one at I-10 at Memorial City area (Bunker Hill) and the one in Cypress on 290. Those two did a fantastic job and it’s a great fresh burger. The fries are hit and miss each time.
Texans 2011 Defense is evolving into an epic force to be reckoned with. I dub thee "Bayou Blitz" !!
I refuse to eat at 5 Guys
after I found out a basic burger from there, before fries is 1200 calories (thank you Mens Health). That’s like 8 more beers I could drink instead.
Whoa.
Goddamn. How does that compare with other fast food burgers?
The Two-Day Hangover @ Battle Red Blog (2011) & SBN Houston (2010) | Twitter
That's about what I guessed.
What the hell does Five Guys do to get to 1200?
The Two-Day Hangover @ Battle Red Blog (2011) & SBN Houston (2010) | Twitter
No idea
But the difference between getting something from a place like 5 guys and making a comparable burger on your own grill is absolutely huge. All restaurants pump their meats full of “flavor enhancers” and are high in sodium, preservatives and other things.
It's the bun...
I doubt the patties help, but a friend managed one for a bit and said that the bun is easily the worst thing on their menu.
by BrownCrayon on Oct 7, 2011 1:13 PM CDT via mobile up reply actions
There burger meat is something like 50% fat
I didn't do anything wrong!.... and, I won't do it again.
All of Five Guys basic burgers are double meat
The ones classified as “little” are single meat. I have no idea which one Men’s Health tested, though.
After all this talk I took the family there just now on our way to a HS game tonight
Damn that’s a good burger!
Texans 2011 Defense is evolving into an epic force to be reckoned with. I dub thee "Bayou Blitz" !!
Standard burgers have two patties on them.
“Little” burgers as they call them have just one patty.
Despite my better judgment, a manager at Battle Red Blog.
Supreme Galactic Editor of Battle Red Onion.
I am a visionary, I am a genius, and now I am angry! Now where are those pants at?!
Football is war by other means. - Carl von Clausewitz...sorta.
by UprootedTexan on Oct 7, 2011 8:39 PM CDT up reply actions
Butter maybe?
Hmm, butter.
Never use a metaphor, simile, or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print.
Never use a long word where a short one will do.
If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out.
Never use the passive where you can use the active.
Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word, or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent.
Break any of these rules sooner than say anything outright barbarous.
-Orwell, Politics and the English Language
www.battleredblog.com
by tehGrindCrusher on Oct 8, 2011 9:00 AM CDT up reply actions
Wendy's is buttering their buns now.
/waits for the inevitable sexual innuendo reply
"The best thing about being a cynic......is that you are never surprised." ~Anonymous
"Don't get yourself a bunch of tricky plays.......get yourself a bunch of tricky players." `Paul "Bear" Bryant
by Christopher H on Oct 8, 2011 9:44 AM CDT up reply actions
This is "Wendy"
I guarantee her buns are perpetually buttered.
The Two-Day Hangover @ Battle Red Blog (2011) & SBN Houston (2010) | Twitter
Thank you for ending my vigilance for the inevitable.
"The best thing about being a cynic......is that you are never surprised." ~Anonymous
"Don't get yourself a bunch of tricky plays.......get yourself a bunch of tricky players." `Paul "Bear" Bryant
by Christopher H on Oct 8, 2011 11:25 AM CDT up reply actions
Is that *just* the meat and bread? Or did they load it down with every possible topping?
Dallas Cowboys, all hat and no cattle since 1996.
by Jonathan Fosburgh on Oct 7, 2011 12:57 PM CDT up reply actions
I think it was a stand bacon chessburger
But I can’t seem to find the link. I did find that they have a “little cheeseburger” for 600ish calories
I think the standard burger at 5 Guys (and Moo-Yah as well) is double meat.
Add the bacon and cheese on top. It may not compare that poorly to other burgers in terms of “nutrition,” based on the size. How many calories do you figure is in a double meat, double cheese, bacon Wataburger?
Dallas Cowboys, all hat and no cattle since 1996.
by Jonathan Fosburgh on Oct 7, 2011 1:08 PM CDT up reply actions
I think Whataburger is a smaller burger
On their site a single bacon and cheese is 780, double meat seems to add 250 based on other burgers in their nutritional info. So 1030, which is quite a lot.
Here’s a link to the worst you could do at Fast Food chains:
http://eatthis.menshealth.com/content/worst-fast-food-meals-america
I think you're right that it does not compare poorly
I wish I didn’t know any of this, because anymore I have to be severely hungover to be hitting up burger joints instead of making my own.
My favorite in town is Christian’s Tailgate. Luckily I have no idea how many calories, but I gotta hit the gym the day after for sure.
whoa!
OK their description of a “basic” is a double patty that’s about a half pound.
Their “little” burger is the single burger I normally eat and is half those calories.
Texans 2011 Defense is evolving into an epic force to be reckoned with. I dub thee "Bayou Blitz" !!
Sweet Jesus Christ.
- Rivers McCown, From Mom's Basement | Twitter | Football Outsiders | Battle Red Blog
TWSS
Dallas Cowboys, all hat and no cattle since 1996.
by Jonathan Fosburgh on Oct 7, 2011 2:47 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
She's never said that to me.
Am I doing something wrong?
Never use a metaphor, simile, or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print.
Never use a long word where a short one will do.
If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out.
Never use the passive where you can use the active.
Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word, or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent.
Break any of these rules sooner than say anything outright barbarous.
-Orwell, Politics and the English Language
www.battleredblog.com
by tehGrindCrusher on Oct 8, 2011 9:01 AM CDT up reply actions
I am disappointed...
that all this talk of “five guys” “in and out” did not dissolve into some type of sexual outburst.
"Nothing could, literally, not be more exciting..."
Don't forget 'double meat'
Just your average, run of the mill hardcore casual Texans fan.
"Have you ever noticed that? We base our assessment of the intelligence of others almost entirely on how closely their thinking matches our own. I’m sure that there are people out there who violently disagree with me on most things, and I’m broad-minded enough to concede that they might possibly not be complete idiots, but I much prefer the company of people who agree with me."
and 'buns'
- Feeling the five stages of grief since 2002.
"It's either gonna make you a man or a coward. One of the two. I'm a be a man. I ain't never seen a coward, heard a coward, coward not in ma vocabulary." - Lawrence Vickers
by NoSafetiesNeeded on Oct 7, 2011 10:44 PM CDT up reply actions
And 'double penetration'
Oh, wait. Nobody said that.
Never use a metaphor, simile, or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print.
Never use a long word where a short one will do.
If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out.
Never use the passive where you can use the active.
Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word, or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent.
Break any of these rules sooner than say anything outright barbarous.
-Orwell, Politics and the English Language
www.battleredblog.com
by tehGrindCrusher on Oct 8, 2011 9:01 AM CDT up reply actions
OCT 27
premiere of the new bevis and butthead. on the commercial they made fun of jersey shore and epic movie. good stuff.
yes, my guilty pleasure is one of those two, and I dont care who knows it. At least I dont watch the biggest loser like kerns
@THEREALALLENOU on twitter - "The man, the verb, the legend" OU'd
Did not know that B&B was coming back...
…huhuhuhuhuhuh…
Looking forward to it.
"Fanaticism consists in redoubling your efforts when you have forgotten your aim." - George Santayana
BREAKING THE LAW... BREAKING THE LAW!!!
Jules=Now I want you to go in that bag and find my wallet
Ringo=which one is it
Jules=the one that says bad mother fucker!
"My naaame... ees Cornholio..."
"Fanaticism consists in redoubling your efforts when you have forgotten your aim." - George Santayana
I need TP for my bunghole
Jules=Now I want you to go in that bag and find my wallet
Ringo=which one is it
Jules=the one that says bad mother fucker!
God I missed that show
Pretty cool there bringing it back
Jules=Now I want you to go in that bag and find my wallet
Ringo=which one is it
Jules=the one that says bad mother fucker!
Are you threatening me?
It’s a great show in it’s own right. Plus it spawned Daria, which is even better.
- Rivers McCown, From Mom's Basement | Twitter | Football Outsiders | Battle Red Blog
Sure I did.
After a full week of editing everyone else’s stuff, I find my giveadamn is quite busted by the time I get here.
- Rivers McCown, From Mom's Basement | Twitter | Football Outsiders | Battle Red Blog
by riversmccown on Oct 7, 2011 4:14 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
"my giveadamn"... /laughs... recs
"Fanaticism consists in redoubling your efforts when you have forgotten your aim." - George Santayana
DIARRHEA CHA CHA CHA...DIARRHEA CHA CHA CHA
Jules=Now I want you to go in that bag and find my wallet
Ringo=which one is it
Jules=the one that says bad mother fucker!
I watch Biggest Loser
but I’d probably make fun of myself for it if I hadn’t once been 50 pounds heavier and a lot less healthy.
I’m looking forward to the new Beavis and Butthead too.
"If they do this far back enough, they could figure out the origin of herpes"
Murphy’s 20th Military Law:
If it’s stupid, but it works, it ain’t stupid
"Fuck em all. Go Texans."
by The Night Owl on Oct 7, 2011 12:41 PM CDT up reply actions
SI thinks Texans will win 23-20
But the part I liked most about that was what the writer wrote…
“Losing Andre Johnson hurts. Losing Andre Johnson doesn’t cripple.”
I just like the line about AJ...
I do like King’s MMQB series though. Pretty interesting takes from around the league, but he does hate him some Texans success…
I'm in the same boat like reading MMQB
but its pretty obvious not too much Texans love
just can't enjoy peter king's mmqb
until you’ve read the summary on ksk. best read on mondays hands down
- Feeling the five stages of grief since 2002.
"It's either gonna make you a man or a coward. One of the two. I'm a be a man. I ain't never seen a coward, heard a coward, coward not in ma vocabulary." - Lawrence Vickers
by NoSafetiesNeeded on Oct 7, 2011 12:26 PM CDT up reply actions
breakfast at whataburgers..
is waaaaaaaaaaay better than lunch and dinner. gimmie a #10 with sausage and bacon and cheese… and throw in a taquito since you got the oven on anyway.
"my momma was the Mike Vick of ass whuppin. side arm delivery, no wasted motion.. and very mobile." - @doobieman21
youtube/chrisdogan
since we are sharing....
Horrible POP stories, while in my second year at med school we were learnig to do well woman exams and the ladys uterus prolapsed into my hand, suffice it to say after that point I felt ready for anything
by TiEaB on Oct 7, 2011 12:19 PM CDT via mobile reply actions 3 recs
Just... nnnnnhh...
"Fanaticism consists in redoubling your efforts when you have forgotten your aim." - George Santayana
I'll take "Images scarred into my cortex" for 2000$, Alex...
Makes me hungry for some placenta…
I once cut a pacemaker out of a dude's chest once.
I had a buddy who worked at a funneral home and needed some help for a few days. His sister didnt want to do it so she asked me if I would. It was a bitch to get to.
Jules=Now I want you to go in that bag and find my wallet
Ringo=which one is it
Jules=the one that says bad mother fucker!
It was a very surreal experience.
Jules=Now I want you to go in that bag and find my wallet
Ringo=which one is it
Jules=the one that says bad mother fucker!
Can I hide this post, Tim?
- Rivers McCown, From Mom's Basement | Twitter | Football Outsiders | Battle Red Blog
C'mon guys
You act like you never pulled a guys heart out of his chest before.
That’s some straight up Mortal Combat shit right there.
Jules=Now I want you to go in that bag and find my wallet
Ringo=which one is it
Jules=the one that says bad mother fucker!
Dont drink the blood Dr.Jones
Jules=Now I want you to go in that bag and find my wallet
Ringo=which one is it
Jules=the one that says bad mother fucker!
Some things should never get published...
Texans 2011 Defense is evolving into an epic force to be reckoned with. I dub thee "Bayou Blitz" !!
a few good quotes from each though...
“Would you like to kiss me on the veranda?”
“Oh no, the lips would be fine”
“What do you mean ‘You People’ "
“What do YOU mean ‘You People’ "
Texans 2011 Defense is evolving into an epic force to be reckoned with. I dub thee "Bayou Blitz" !!
"You never go full retard"
Jules=Now I want you to go in that bag and find my wallet
Ringo=which one is it
Jules=the one that says bad mother fucker!
RFOL
oops
Texans 2011 Defense is evolving into an epic force to be reckoned with. I dub thee "Bayou Blitz" !!
“That’s C-4, dipshit. Put that back. I said a detonator. I need some dudes up here who speak American, God damn it! He’s making a fucking sweater back here. I’m trying to put Tiger Balm on this jungle’s nuts.”
I didn't do anything wrong!.... and, I won't do it again.
Killing me!
I may have to watch that this weekend.
Texans 2011 Defense is evolving into an epic force to be reckoned with. I dub thee "Bayou Blitz" !!
There goes my day.
Canal Street Chronicles-A place of great Saints news and information. Oh and the stuff I write!
Bring back Aaron Brooks! He's the only one who can save us from the evil that is Drew Brees!!
Yeah, it's amazing what find out you can handle (some of you may want to click the subject now and hide it)
You’ve been warned.
You really have.
Parents especially.
That we were even able to do this is a testament to the awesomeness that is modern medicine.
Like holding your infant daughter’s intestines while the nurse changes an ostomy bag.
Dallas Cowboys, all hat and no cattle since 1996.
by Jonathan Fosburgh on Oct 7, 2011 12:25 PM CDT reply actions
I would never have thought I could handle something like that (nor did my wife, for that matter).
But, it was something we had to deal with, and we did.
Dallas Cowboys, all hat and no cattle since 1996.
by Jonathan Fosburgh on Oct 7, 2011 12:51 PM CDT up reply actions
You probably just shut it out as most people do.
also, I think it came off that way, but i wasn’t trying to act like I wouldn’t freak out at my own kids intestines, because I know i would. i mainly the anal prolapse pictures.
.................
The other is also something that just has to be delt with.
And, yes, same kid.
I know what you meant. I came of age when the internet was taking off. Nothing shocks until it involves “YOU.”
Dallas Cowboys, all hat and no cattle since 1996.
by Jonathan Fosburgh on Oct 7, 2011 12:55 PM CDT up reply actions
Yeah, I was a bit taken aback when...
…my surgeon off-handedly said, "Yeah, I had a good look at your liver and it’s all clear.
Good news? yes…
Disturbing to know that another man had had your liver in his hands? somewhat…
"Fanaticism consists in redoubling your efforts when you have forgotten your aim." - George Santayana
And, yes, this is related to my shameless plugging on the Boomer Esiason Foundation.
Dallas Cowboys, all hat and no cattle since 1996.
by Jonathan Fosburgh on Oct 7, 2011 1:03 PM CDT up reply actions
For my kid?
I would do that a thousand times a day if I had to.
Hope everything is ok with your daughter.
Never use a metaphor, simile, or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print.
Never use a long word where a short one will do.
If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out.
Never use the passive where you can use the active.
Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word, or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent.
Break any of these rules sooner than say anything outright barbarous.
-Orwell, Politics and the English Language
www.battleredblog.com
by tehGrindCrusher on Oct 8, 2011 9:04 AM CDT up reply actions
"...Tim's Ancestors Rank Right Around Potato Famine And Jonathan Rhys Meyers."
Perhaps. Yet even the worst of Ireland ranks miles ahead of Scotland.
Looking forward to a day when being a Texans fan doesn't mean that April is the highlight of my season...
Blasphemy
The Two-Day Hangover @ Battle Red Blog (2011) & SBN Houston (2010) | Twitter
by MDC on Oct 7, 2011 12:55 PM CDT up reply actions 3 recs
It's SHITE being Scottish!
We’re the lowest of the low, the scum of the fucking earth, the most wretched, miserable, servile, pathetic trash that was ever shat into civilization. Some people hate the English, I don’t. They’re just wankers. We, on the other hand, are colonized by wankers. We can’t even find a decent culture to be colonized by. We are ruled by effete arseholes. It’s a shite state of affairs to be in, Tommy! And all the fresh air in the world won’t make any fucking difference!
I'm a man!! I'm forty!!
Ha Trainspoting
Cool ass movie. That part when he’s detoxing and see’s the baby crawling on the ceiling triped me out the first time I saw it.
Jules=Now I want you to go in that bag and find my wallet
Ringo=which one is it
Jules=the one that says bad mother fucker!
yep mine as well
Jules=Now I want you to go in that bag and find my wallet
Ringo=which one is it
Jules=the one that says bad mother fucker!
And I'm both Scottish and Irish
Grandfathers on both sides both came over dirt poor and worked their brains out, and fought in WWII.
I love both sides of this debate.
Texans 2011 Defense is evolving into an epic force to be reckoned with. I dub thee "Bayou Blitz" !!
I'm just Irish
Well Irish and German to be exact. I’m a krout-mick. My mom’s side came over from Germany to Texas and got into the oil buisness my mother still has land and oil rigs to this day. My dad’s side is Irish not real sure on the facts just know they settled in Tennessee then moved to Texas later.
Jules=Now I want you to go in that bag and find my wallet
Ringo=which one is it
Jules=the one that says bad mother fucker!
You're a regular Tom Hagen.
The Two-Day Hangover @ Battle Red Blog (2011) & SBN Houston (2010) | Twitter
by MDC on Oct 7, 2011 7:35 PM CDT up reply actions
Reply fail.
That was meant for jtr
The Two-Day Hangover @ Battle Red Blog (2011) & SBN Houston (2010) | Twitter
by MDC on Oct 7, 2011 7:35 PM CDT up reply actions
yep love the Godfather reference
every time I hear krout-mick I think of that movie
Jules=Now I want you to go in that bag and find my wallet
Ringo=which one is it
Jules=the one that says bad mother fucker!
You know
We have an actual Irishman that (very occasionally) posts here. The rest of us are Americans of some kind of descent or another.
I say this as an actual dual national who gave up another nationality to remain American.
Never use a metaphor, simile, or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print.
Never use a long word where a short one will do.
If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out.
Never use the passive where you can use the active.
Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word, or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent.
Break any of these rules sooner than say anything outright barbarous.
-Orwell, Politics and the English Language
www.battleredblog.com
by tehGrindCrusher on Oct 8, 2011 9:06 AM CDT up reply actions
Point well taken, sir...
Abandon all hyphens, all ye who enter here…
"Fanaticism consists in redoubling your efforts when you have forgotten your aim." - George Santayana
HEY! HEY! HEY!! None of that, spud-breath!
A delicious serving of Haggis for you…
"Fanaticism consists in redoubling your efforts when you have forgotten your aim." - George Santayana
by DilloTex on Oct 7, 2011 1:01 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
EXCUSE ME?!
Despite my better judgment, a manager at Battle Red Blog.
Supreme Galactic Editor of Battle Red Onion.
I am a visionary, I am a genius, and now I am angry! Now where are those pants at?!
Football is war by other means. - Carl von Clausewitz...sorta.
by UprootedTexan on Oct 7, 2011 8:41 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
Ugh
My friend in Dallas is talking shit to me about how they were ranked the number 1 sports city in the country and how Houston is ranked 25
by TheDream34 on Oct 7, 2011 12:44 PM CDT via mobile reply actions
That doesn's make it not a shithole at least.
by WhiskeyR on Oct 7, 2011 12:46 PM CDT up reply actions 3 recs
Let's see how Romo takes them down that ranking a few notches
In the same way a shart cools into recognition on the upper thigh removing any doubt that it really did just happen and creating concern about the next action to take to save dignity.
I hope the Cowboys experience a multi-decade struggle that makes Detroit pale in comparison. I swear I won’t even rib the bandwagon fans who jump over to the Texans if that happens.
Texans 2011 Defense is evolving into an epic force to be reckoned with. I dub thee "Bayou Blitz" !!
Honestly
I have no problem with the city if dallas itself(it’s no Houston though) I just hate the cowboys
by TheDream34 on Oct 7, 2011 12:50 PM CDT via mobile reply actions
Christina Hendricks
You can never go wrong with massive jugs
My attitude is like a virgin......I dont give a fuck!
Because you can't motorboat personality.
The Two-Day Hangover @ Battle Red Blog (2011) & SBN Houston (2010) | Twitter
by MDC on Oct 7, 2011 1:30 PM CDT up reply actions 6 recs
Laughed. Out. Loud.
"Fanaticism consists in redoubling your efforts when you have forgotten your aim." - George Santayana
ba data, ba data, ba data, ba data
Texans 2011 Defense is evolving into an epic force to be reckoned with. I dub thee "Bayou Blitz" !!
You can't have sex with her personality
and you can’t put your penis in her college degree
It’s a little crass, but hilarious nonetheless
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n0RIKHfwAhA
Capt. Nately: You're a shameful opportunist! What you don't understand is that it's better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.
Old man in whorehouse: You have it backwards. It's better to live on your feet than to die on your knees. I know.
-Catch 22-
Update on 'Dre
All Nick Scurfield tweets
Andre Johnson said he’s not feeling any pain. He’s been able to walk around & ride a bike in rehab w/ no problems
Johnson said he had a lot of scarring around his tendon from an old injury, and that’s what the surgery was for
Johnson said he had some pain in the back of his knee in training camp, it went away & then came back. He’s glad to have it behind him
Johnson said he hopes to be back in a “couple weeks.” His stitches will be checked on in 5 days. He’ll up his rehab after they’re removed
This just made my entire weekend.
More specifically, it made up for the fact that I can’t drink this weekend.
The Two-Day Hangover @ Battle Red Blog (2011) & SBN Houston (2010) | Twitter
by MDC on Oct 7, 2011 1:31 PM CDT up reply actions
Now, if I can just get my damned kids to leave me alone.
The Two-Day Hangover @ Battle Red Blog (2011) & SBN Houston (2010) | Twitter
by MDC on Oct 7, 2011 1:37 PM CDT up reply actions
Hmmm... extra alcohol from not drinking...
…carpet munchers in need of “relaxing”…
“Come here, honey, let daddy show you the new Koolaid he made!”
"Fanaticism consists in redoubling your efforts when you have forgotten your aim." - George Santayana
Wait, I'm going to be mroe smashed than you come gameday for once?!?
Would it just be mean to inform you that since my parents are out of town, I’ll be waking up on Sunday and immediately begin drinking screwdrivers?
Just your average, run of the mill hardcore casual Texans fan.
"Have you ever noticed that? We base our assessment of the intelligence of others almost entirely on how closely their thinking matches our own. I’m sure that there are people out there who violently disagree with me on most things, and I’m broad-minded enough to concede that they might possibly not be complete idiots, but I much prefer the company of people who agree with me."
Mean, sure.
But the fact that you are only doing it because your parents aren’t there to tell you no somehow makes it a little better.
Ah, who the fuck am I kidding? I’m still jealous.
The Two-Day Hangover @ Battle Red Blog (2011) & SBN Houston (2010) | Twitter
by MDC on Oct 7, 2011 7:36 PM CDT up reply actions
Yeah, as I hit post
I was thinking “Man, I really don’t sound like a divorced father of 2 here…in fact, I sound just like me when I was 16.”
Either way, I’ll see what I can do to post pics for you.
Just your average, run of the mill hardcore casual Texans fan.
"Have you ever noticed that? We base our assessment of the intelligence of others almost entirely on how closely their thinking matches our own. I’m sure that there are people out there who violently disagree with me on most things, and I’m broad-minded enough to concede that they might possibly not be complete idiots, but I much prefer the company of people who agree with me."
No Drinking This Weekend, Eh?
Scottish indeed.
Looking forward to a day when being a Texans fan doesn't mean that April is the highlight of my season...
by Tim on Oct 7, 2011 9:17 PM CDT up reply actions
Can't.
Stupid antibiotics. Doc actually said, “I wouldn’t even use mouthwash that contains alcohol while you’re on these.” I laughed, and he said, “No, seriously.”
Related: Forced sobriety sucks. I occasionally stop drinking by choice, just to prove I can. Being required to stop? Not a fan.
The Two-Day Hangover @ Battle Red Blog (2011) & SBN Houston (2010) | Twitter
by MDC on Oct 7, 2011 9:28 PM CDT up reply actions
That reminds me,
I think I’m about due to pop open one of the Shiner Hefeweizens that we just got from Amazon.
Shiner = awesome
Hefeweizen = awesome
Shiner Hefeweizen = ultra-mega-awesome.com
Despite my better judgment, a manager at Battle Red Blog.
Supreme Galactic Editor of Battle Red Onion.
I am a visionary, I am a genius, and now I am angry! Now where are those pants at?!
Football is war by other means. - Carl von Clausewitz...sorta.
by UprootedTexan on Oct 7, 2011 11:57 PM CDT up reply actions
I just knocked out several pints of Maredsous 10
Good thing the wife is driving us home. That stuff is tasty and potent!
The Yardhouse is a great place for drinking and watching sports! We dropped by there after our friend’s son’s HS football game. It was their homecoming and he got crowned King and they won big time! He also had some massive hits in the game that should make a great highlight reel. Rice has been scouting him, so hope that works out too.
This “Scottsdale-Irish” is calling it a night.
Texans 2011 Defense is evolving into an epic force to be reckoned with. I dub thee "Bayou Blitz" !!
Bloody hell with the fucking auto spell correct
“Scotts-Irish”
Texans 2011 Defense is evolving into an epic force to be reckoned with. I dub thee "Bayou Blitz" !!
That's honestly probably my favorite Shiner product.
Just your average, run of the mill hardcore casual Texans fan.
"Have you ever noticed that? We base our assessment of the intelligence of others almost entirely on how closely their thinking matches our own. I’m sure that there are people out there who violently disagree with me on most things, and I’m broad-minded enough to concede that they might possibly not be complete idiots, but I much prefer the company of people who agree with me."
I think Shiner Black is my favorite
though I have to confess to loving the Ruby Redbird. And the Hefe.
The Two-Day Hangover @ Battle Red Blog (2011) & SBN Houston (2010) | Twitter
Shiner Blonde. Yummmmm.
"The best thing about being a cynic......is that you are never surprised." ~Anonymous
"Don't get yourself a bunch of tricky plays.......get yourself a bunch of tricky players." `Paul "Bear" Bryant
by Christopher H on Oct 8, 2011 11:29 AM CDT up reply actions
Either
Tate or Ward will be the #3 rb. with this it looks like both will be ready for the Ravens game.
both practiced today and looked good according to Kube
did I type that outloud? oops.
optimism
I would not be surprised if AJ is back for the Ravens game. even though he said “a couple of weeks” doc told him that once stitches are out, he could go for it.
did I type that outloud? oops.
Ravens game would surprise me a bit.
BESFs game would not surprise me even a little.
The Two-Day Hangover @ Battle Red Blog (2011) & SBN Houston (2010) | Twitter
by MDC on Oct 7, 2011 7:36 PM CDT up reply actions
Great news!
Sounds plausible too, probably from that knee injury in 2007.
The other part that is good is this may as well be a can of T.O. Repellent!
Texans 2011 Defense is evolving into an epic force to be reckoned with. I dub thee "Bayou Blitz" !!
That's the good news
The bad news is that Kareem is all healed up
by TheDream34 on Oct 7, 2011 1:44 PM CDT via mobile reply actions
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
Texans 2011 Defense is evolving into an epic force to be reckoned with. I dub thee "Bayou Blitz" !!
http://www.nooooooooooooooo.com/
Murphy’s 20th Military Law:
If it’s stupid, but it works, it ain’t stupid
"Fuck em all. Go Texans."
by The Night Owl on Oct 8, 2011 12:23 AM CDT up reply actions
Happy Friday everyone!!!!
Welcome to the weekend
Texans 2011 Defense is evolving into an epic force to be reckoned with. I dub thee "Bayou Blitz" !!
#7 Yellow Line picture
much hilarity – a full foot inaccurate. Also, #17 have not walked out of many movies, but that stuff is garbage too stinky to sit for.
"Nothing could, literally, not be more exciting..."
Whataburger...waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!
I miss Whataburger so much!
Despite my better judgment, a manager at Battle Red Blog.
Supreme Galactic Editor of Battle Red Onion.
I am a visionary, I am a genius, and now I am angry! Now where are those pants at?!
Football is war by other means. - Carl von Clausewitz...sorta.
That IS a Tasty burger!
Pulp Fiction reference?
Thank God for football!
by BattleRedHusker on Oct 7, 2011 10:12 PM CDT reply actions
Si.
Glad you caught it.
The Two-Day Hangover @ Battle Red Blog (2011) & SBN Houston (2010) | Twitter
Also
please destroy OSU tomorrow. TYIA.
The Two-Day Hangover @ Battle Red Blog (2011) & SBN Houston (2010) | Twitter
"Mmm...That IS a tasty burger"
My or may not be the alert on on my phone for all incoming emails and texts.
Just your average, run of the mill hardcore casual Texans fan.
"Have you ever noticed that? We base our assessment of the intelligence of others almost entirely on how closely their thinking matches our own. I’m sure that there are people out there who violently disagree with me on most things, and I’m broad-minded enough to concede that they might possibly not be complete idiots, but I much prefer the company of people who agree with me."
That's beyond awesome.
Is that a ringtone that you can email to someone? Because, if so…
The Two-Day Hangover @ Battle Red Blog (2011) & SBN Houston (2010) | Twitter
Check your email.
Not sure if it worked or not, might have to do some experimentation to get it to go through
Just your average, run of the mill hardcore casual Texans fan.
"Have you ever noticed that? We base our assessment of the intelligence of others almost entirely on how closely their thinking matches our own. I’m sure that there are people out there who violently disagree with me on most things, and I’m broad-minded enough to concede that they might possibly not be complete idiots, but I much prefer the company of people who agree with me."
Worked like a charm. Gracias.
The Two-Day Hangover @ Battle Red Blog (2011) & SBN Houston (2010) | Twitter
by MDC on Oct 8, 2011 3:45 PM CDT up reply actions
Yeah, I'm pretty great.
Hahah
Just your average, run of the mill hardcore casual Texans fan.
"Have you ever noticed that? We base our assessment of the intelligence of others almost entirely on how closely their thinking matches our own. I’m sure that there are people out there who violently disagree with me on most things, and I’m broad-minded enough to concede that they might possibly not be complete idiots, but I much prefer the company of people who agree with me."
All hail the Big Kahuna burger
"The best thing about being a cynic......is that you are never surprised." ~Anonymous
"Don't get yourself a bunch of tricky plays.......get yourself a bunch of tricky players." `Paul "Bear" Bryant
by Christopher H on Oct 8, 2011 11:28 AM CDT up reply actions
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