/chokes back sobs
/puts on brave face
/takes deep breath
I would like to proudly present Matt Schaub (voice breaks) with Samsung's Game Ball of the Week for his tremendous efforts in the win over the Buccaneers in Tampa. From an 80-yard touchdown pass to Jacoby Jones on the first play from scrimmage to his final snap of the afternoon, Schaub exemplified all that is great about your 2011 Houston Texans.
/stops to compose myself
/begins openly weeping
He led them to seven wins in ten games, to the top of the AFC South and to the top of the entire conference. But more than that, Matt Schaub...
WHY? WHYYYYYYYYYYY? I HATE YOU, ALBERT HAYNESWORTH! I HATE YOU!
/runs off stage in tears
/staggers to feet
/throws open door
/sprints through parking lot, in general direction of liquor store