An Ode To The Texans' Playoff Scenarios
by Vega on Nov 21, 2011 5:00 PM CST
in General BRB Idiocy
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PrintTwas the week of Thanksgiving and all through the league,
Teams were struggling with injuries and fighting fatigue.
The Texans return and place their bull's eye,
On the Jacksonville Jaguars -- a second straight bye.
But fans can look forward and count all the reasons,
To finally believe at this point in the season.
With six games to go, our great team's sitting pretty,
For bringing the playoffs to the Bayou City.
The odds were improved with the Titans' last dump,
Let's look at scenarios after the jump.
The focus right now is to win the division,
And this should be done as it's hard to envision,
The Texans regressing and losing their stance,
As only the Titans at all stand a chance.
And they've struggled badly, despite all their claims,
With losses in four of their previous six games.
Hasselbeck's injury won't help them much.
Nor Chris Johnson getting just three yards a touch.
So even with Leinart now turning the screws,
The AFC South is the Texans' to lose.
In terms of the conference the Texans rank two;
Which certainly calls for a toast of homebrew.
Three have a record of 7-3,
Though the Pats will soon join on must-not-see-TV.
New England by far has the easiest way,
With not even one winning team left to play.
If one thing can stop them on their final push,
Its a pass D that feels like it's run by Frank Bush.
Should the Texans and Pats end the year in a tie,
The divisional games could define the first bye.
If Houston can win their divisional spats,
Then they'd own the tiebreaker over the Pats.
The other threat comes from the Steelers and Ravens,
Whose schedules are hardly the work of Wes Craven's.
The schedules remaining are nearly the same,
The Bengals and Niners and Browns left to tame.
Our preference should be that the Ravens and Co.,
Continue to start and employ Joe Flacco.
He's likely to have at least one more big gag,
Just like Week 7 when facing the Jags.
If the Ravens can slip and the Steelers prevail,
Then fans of the Texans should lift up their ales.
Because in the end if the two teams are tied,
The Texans win out thanks to Foster's wild ride.
I haven't forgotten the AFC west,
Or Buffalo Bills or the "great" New York Jets.
The truth is that those teams are not worth a rhyme,
They win only fifty percent of the time.
So that's where we stand with just six weeks to go,
The Texans look good, that you already know.
And lest you think these dreams are only delusion,
The playoffs are nearly a foregone conclusion.
We still need to see how Matt Leinart can throw,
And if he'll refer to his coaches as "bro".
We're hopefully done with the injury bug,
Or the rest of my homebrew I'll be forced to chug.
But should things unfold in the way we expect,
The folks down in Houston will get to erect.
A banner proclaiming the first playoff game,
The city has seen since the Oilers went lame.
I hope that you found this short poem effective,
You don't have to become a playoff detective.
But if it somehow failed to fill you with glee,
Try reading while sitting on BFD's knee.
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i fucking love this blog!!!!
- Feeling the five stages of grief since 2002.
"It's either gonna make you a man or a coward. One of the two. I'm a be a man. I ain't never seen a coward, heard a coward, coward not in ma vocabulary." - Lawrence Vickers
by NoSafetiesNeeded on Nov 21, 2011 5:04 PM CST reply actions 8 recs
If you love it why don't you marry it....
na na na na boo boo
I got another year out of my Steve Slaton jersey...oh wait...no I didn't
i tried/
only legal in methopotamia.
- Feeling the five stages of grief since 2002.
"It's either gonna make you a man or a coward. One of the two. I'm a be a man. I ain't never seen a coward, heard a coward, coward not in ma vocabulary." - Lawrence Vickers
by NoSafetiesNeeded on Nov 21, 2011 8:40 PM CST up reply actions
Nicely done.
"My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me." -- Benjamin Disraeli
"If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers." -- Homer Simpson
"There is no rehab for stupid." -- Chris Rock
Never try to baptize a cat.
So very, very Cute. Clement Moore says, "Rack 'em"
…and a rec for you sir!
'Without change something sleeps inside us, and seldom awakens. The sleeper must awaken.' -Frank Herbert
If a playoff win Kubiak can't deliver
We should send him to live in a van down by the river.
by BricAM on Nov 21, 2011 5:21 PM CST via mobile reply actions
Sounds like the Denver area in general.
The Texan Floater, you wanna flush it but you can't.
Wade Aid Is the Best Drink in the League.
Whitest, I ment Meanest Front Seven in Football.
by WreckNTexan on Nov 21, 2011 5:44 PM CST up reply actions 1 recs
austin powers voice...
yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah baby!
looks like a hydro blend. mine usually comes out a darker green but the same consistency.
Michael: The feeling that you're feeling is what many of us call...a feeling.
Gob: It's not like envy, or even hungry...
OMFG
This is all I want for Christmas!!
by SMITHILLIAK on Nov 22, 2011 11:16 AM CST via mobile up reply actions
LOOK HOW FAR WE CAME
Just the fact that texan fans are working out playoff scenarios makes all the other let downs from past years worth it!
BTW this is my first ever comment. I’ve been reading and laughing for awhile though.
by cgo75 on Nov 21, 2011 6:00 PM CST reply actions 12 recs
welcome
"Well if they've been watching football, i dont think they would say its the same old Texans. I went down. Mario went down. Danieal Manning went down and right now we're sitting at the top of the AFC. If they feel that way they were bandwagoners anyways. So thats the way i feel about it." Andre Johnson
by F-BombTheJets on Nov 21, 2011 6:02 PM CST up reply actions
Welcome
"The greatest danger in planning for tomorrow is using yesterdays logic."
Marc Kahlberg
"Some ideas are so stupid that only intellectuals believe them." - George Orwell
by Barryfromtexas on Nov 21, 2011 7:53 PM CST up reply actions
Rec'd...
for awesomeness!!! :)
"It is possible to read the history of this country as one long struggle to extend the liberties established in our Constitution to everyone in America...Molly Ivins"
by CattleDriver on Nov 22, 2011 2:51 AM CST up reply actions
That's really impressive
Out of all the great posts on here, I think this is the first I’ve ever rec’d, really cleverly done :)
You're not rec'ing hard enough
With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!
This blog kicks so much ass!
by UTBawse23 on Nov 21, 2011 6:22 PM CST via mobile reply actions 1 recs
Was looking at next season…. The awesomeness this defense will spew. I think its realistic we may have to dump demeco’s 5.9 mil of the cap unfortunately as a result of keeping mario and foster. But the great news is we would be in a good position to replace him with Alabama monster ILB D’onte Hightower as our first round pick who could start from day 1. I love captain Demeco but if he doesn’t show signs of becoming close to the player he used to be It’s just a reality of the buisness. A potential LB core of Mario, Hightower, Cush, Barwin, Reed, and Sharpton would be best LB core in NFL. On a side note I would have us taking wr Ryan Broyles in the 2nd rd. He would be a great compliment to Dre. Finally to encourage competition at the NT spot I would draft a NT in the 3rd or 4th round to push Cody and Mitchell to perform harder. Any just my opinions on what I believe can be a scary Texans D next year. No way we let Mario walk by the way
Dirt dog pimp
by jahunter221 on Nov 21, 2011 6:46 PM CST via mobile reply actions
I'd rather not drop the cap
When we could just as easily drop Cody’s 3.5 mil off the cap and not lose as much as we would by dropping Meco. He’s not having his best season, but he isn’t dropping the ball either.
Twice I've had to use this. Must be some kind of record.
Bring back Aaron Brooks! He's the only one who can save us from the evil that is Drew Brees!!
Dallas’ misery will always be my delight
-TexansDC
I actually used this in a work email today
It’s just so appropriate in so many situations.
by Andres_Johnson on Nov 21, 2011 9:37 PM CST up reply actions
Twice I had to use this.
Look at her. She really enjoyed this poem also.
Matt Schwab, Mary O' Williams, Adrian Foster, and Daniel Owens are my favorite Texans!
by MeSoLongHorny on Nov 22, 2011 7:57 AM CST up reply actions 2 recs
Steelers
Bathroom Ben has a broken thumb I believe, lets see how they turn out. The Bengals visitng town and Red Rifle Andy Dalton makes for a good story line, maybe even the Broncos……nah only one 8-8 team from the AFC Weak West makes the playoffs
Carpe Diem
I keep reading the comments
As though they will all rhyme too…it doesn’t stop! The rhymes just don’t stop!
by Its Gonna Happen on Nov 21, 2011 7:22 PM CST via mobile reply actions
great job man!
as a guy who loves to rhyme myself, that was really impressive.. halfway through I was like, ‘’this is an instant classic’’
cant wait to see leinart sunday, go Texans!
Houston errthang.. first off, get rid of pubes.. Rockets-Texans-Dynamo & Longhorn fan.. an Astros fan these days is an oxymoron
Hey does anybody else search all of SBN blogs for any mentions of the Texans?
Follow me on twitter: @Super_Stud2100
This was just full of awesomeness
Lifted my spirits just a bit too
"The greatest danger in planning for tomorrow is using yesterdays logic."
Marc Kahlberg
"Some ideas are so stupid that only intellectuals believe them." - George Orwell
That was
awesome.
I have been lurking around for about 3 years now. Reading articles, learning peoples personalities, pretty much stalking all of you.
I am in no sense of the term a fair weather fan, and have watched the Texans since 2002. I believe I drank to much Drano and sprayed my face with too much bleach to remember the David Carr years, or Frank Bush, whoever that guy is/was. I would consider myself pretty knowledgeable, reading most every article Texans Related, and watching every game on the big screen.
Recently I have wanted to start commenting on threads, but I have not had the time to sign up at SB nation and become part of the BRB community. So here i am, no longer lurking in the weeds.
Vega, Thumbs up on your rhyming and great article. It drove me to piss off my wife by signing up and posting this long drawn out comment, before putting my kid to bed. Speaking of which…
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths. -Stephen Wright
by ArsiNick on Nov 21, 2011 8:51 PM CST reply actions 9 recs
lmao honestly i was trolling jaxonvilles fan site and they had me cracking up at their “playoff scenarios”
since they arent mathematically eliminated yet they think they still have a shot
same with the tits
i say by halftime this sunday glitter kitties will be out of any kind of postseason contention (like they arent already)
& we need to break further away from the bums in nashville and keep rolling
Happily rec'd
"San Antonio is the best falling down team in the league"- Bill Worrell
by TheLastDynasty on Nov 21, 2011 10:41 PM CST reply actions 1 recs
"bro"
great poem. made my day.
i’m doing in it; i’m putting it all on the line and saying “I am a Matt Leinart Fan”… wow, that wasn’t as bad as i thought. i’m even debating going to academy and buying a jersey (they probably dont carry his jersey). i mean, why not? the guy and the team are saying all the right things to help butter me up. [new to BRB, first post, feels good]
by Coach Red Beaulieu on Nov 21, 2011 10:54 PM CST reply actions 8 recs
Welcome!
A Texans fan. Really. No, I'm not kidding.
http://www.battleredblog.com
"Blind fandom is all I got left." - LoneSpot
by bigfatdrunk on Nov 21, 2011 11:04 PM CST up reply actions
Newb Wreck!!
'Without change something sleeps inside us, and seldom awakens. The sleeper must awaken.' -Frank Herbert
Welcome Coach!!!
Rec’d….
"It is possible to read the history of this country as one long struggle to extend the liberties established in our Constitution to everyone in America...Molly Ivins"
by CattleDriver on Nov 22, 2011 2:58 AM CST up reply actions
Like your bravery
I have a good feeling about Matty Light too.
Never use a metaphor, simile, or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print.
Never use a long word where a short one will do.
If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out.
Never use the passive where you can use the active.
Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word, or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent.
Break any of these rules sooner than say anything outright barbarous.
-Orwell, Politics and the English Language
www.battleredblog.com
by tehGrindCrusher on Nov 22, 2011 4:39 AM CST up reply actions
Thirsty
I’m gonna drink some natty light this Sunday in hopes that matty light will play better bc of it…
by SMITHILLIAK on Nov 22, 2011 11:13 AM CST via mobile up reply actions
Newb for the win?
And here I thought I was the only cool person who decided to post when the texans started winnning…
by mumbles_alot on Nov 21, 2011 11:20 PM CST reply actions 6 recs
Wrecked....
for being a man and owning up to being a bandwagoner. lulz I keed, I keed!
Welcome aboard! If I have already said that somewhere else, you can say you are now doubly welcomed.
Just my $.02
Even duct tape can't fix stupid
Hahahahaha.....
Rec’d….
"It is possible to read the history of this country as one long struggle to extend the liberties established in our Constitution to everyone in America...Molly Ivins"
by CattleDriver on Nov 22, 2011 2:59 AM CST up reply actions
Great post
And as long as Leinart plays smart, and doesnt play reckless,
We will have SuperBowl contenders down here in Texas!
Yeeaa
I’ve posted once or twice, but I’m random in the timing in my posts. I’ll try to be more consistently consistent in my mumblings about the achievements of the Texans. I’ve loved Houston since I was a kid, which makes no sense since I was born and raised in Alaska, but for whatever reason… Go Houston.
Oh
One more random comment, I’ve rooted for the Texans for a while, but I haven’t had enough pride to post on it… So if that’s being on the bandwagon… well, shoot… I’m along for the ride!
Whatevs, man.
You’re welcome here.
Never use a metaphor, simile, or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print.
Never use a long word where a short one will do.
If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out.
Never use the passive where you can use the active.
Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word, or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent.
Break any of these rules sooner than say anything outright barbarous.
-Orwell, Politics and the English Language
www.battleredblog.com
by tehGrindCrusher on Nov 22, 2011 4:44 AM CST up reply actions
the chances of our Houston Texans making the playoffs without Matt Schaub!
now that our Houston Texans will be getting Andre Johnson back and possibly Manning if everything goes well, how do things look now for the team? the way I see it right now it looks like we should be able to make the playoffs without any problem. all we have to do is just keep doing what we have been doing all year round and just win the rest of our games. hopefully Andre Johnson can come back as strong as ever and of course Foster will continue his great play. lets just hope they can bring a championship home to Houston.
Best part.
We still need to see how Matt Leinart can throw,
And if he’ll refer to his coaches as “bro”.
Just freaking hilarious!
A couple of my favorites:
If one thing can stop them on their final push,
Its a pass D that feels like it’s run by Frank Bush.
We still need to see how Matt Leinart can throw,
And if he’ll refer to his coaches as “bro”.
With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!
I think at worst
We get the 3 seed if we stumble against the Bangles and Falcons. Meaning I think we’ll either get 3rd in AFC North (Bengals or Ravens rematch at home) or 2nd in AFC East (Jets most likely). Either of which I’ll be fine with.
by BricAM on Nov 22, 2011 9:57 AM CST via mobile reply actions
I just ran the ESPN Playoff Machine
and if we finish 3-3 (losing in week 17), and the BE-SFs finish 5-1, they will come to Reliant again the following week for the wildcard.
The way I figure it, our magic number is 4 for the division, right?
Leinart's 2011 final line: 6 wins, 3 losses. 12 TDs - 2 INTs, 2,100 yards with 62% completion.
I just ran the ESPN Playoff Machine
and if we finish 3-3 (losing in week 17), and the BE-SFs finish 5-1, they will come to Reliant again the following week for the wildcard.
The way I figure it, our magic number is 4 for the division, right?
Leinart's 2011 final line: 6 wins, 3 losses. 12 TDs - 2 INTs, 2,100 yards with 62% completion.
Allen OU'd
to be precise
With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!
HELLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
lets go hot tub!!!
@THEREALALLENOU on twitter - "The man, the verb, the legend" OU'd
shouldnt that be
HELLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUU ??
by BleachBum on Nov 22, 2011 2:46 PM CST up reply actions 3 recs
Just saw on espn.com an article that said schaub could be back this season
due to new reports. However you have to be a member to read the article…. someone with a membership go read it!!!
kubiak said
matt is going to carolina to see a specialist, and we should know thursday whether he MIGHT come back. Im optimixtic
@THEREALALLENOU on twitter - "The man, the verb, the legend" OU'd
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