The Houston Chimera/Hydra Gets a Facelift

Matt Schaub: Okay guys! We are in a unique position. We made the playoffs, but the heads of the Houston Chimera are getting cut off one by one. We went to the Houston Hydra, but by golly, that isn't working either. We need a new identity if we're going to beat those evil Manningless Colts Thursday!

Mario Williams: Oh, here we go again....

Darryl Sharpton: Hold on, my Big Dog! I'm up for something new, Schaubby, my man. The D has your back covered, my sneaky QB.

Mario Williams: This is gonna be good...

Dominique Barber: That's right! Count me in! We may be hobbled, but we have to stick together and help our team anyway we can. But, maybe we should get away from all the mysticism of Chimeras and Hydras. That stuff just freaks my out! I have a phobia for lizards, anyways. you can't house-train them.

Mario Williams: How about if we come up with a name that is like a bunch of superheroes? I already have a Superman tattoo!

Matt Schaub: Naw! I don't think anyone would buy that, because none of us really have any super powers. Especially, when I'm riding around in a power chair and wearing a boot.

Mario Williams: But, that's the beauty of it! It's a disguise!

Matt Leinart: Big Dog, Big Dog, Big Daaaawwwwwwg!!!... take it from me, brah! The ladies don't like guys that wear capes, okay? So, I'm voting against the superheroes theme. Besides, do you really want to see my chicken legs in tights? No, didn't think so!

Kasey Studdard: I got it, guys! Let's go with a Hollywood movie theme! Yeh! That's right! I really like action movies, you know,... blood, bullets, beer, women, more beer... kind of like a typical Friday night in Austin!

Brett Hartmann: Now you're talking! I'm a big movie guy myself! Besides, I'm not into any of that roaring or hissing. But, put an automatic assault weapon in my hands and it's all over but the wiping up the blood!

Darryl Sharpton: Hitman, my donkey punter, you are onto something here! Schaubby, this gets my vote, my weak-kneed QB on wheels.

Matt Schaub: Okay, I'm calling an audible right now. Let's go with the action movie theme! Any ideas?

Andre Johnson: I plan to play again this season come playoff time, so I'm begging out of this one. Besides, I don't want OD to stop his hissing. It keeps me on point on those crucial third and shorts. So, you guys will have to go on this mission without me...

Brett Hartmann: I got it! I got it! This just may be the Hollywood action hero in me talking, but how about, The Expendables! Yeh! The Expendables! You know, with Stallone, Stratham, Jet Li, Lundgren! Hahaha! I want to be Lundgren! "Whoops! Aimed a little low...." Hahahaha!

Dominique Barber: I like it, Hitman, I mean, Dolph! We can be like The Expendables in the movie and go on a mission to Indy in an attempt to sabotage those Manningless Colts! Hahahahaha! Explosions! Fast cars! Wooooo-hooooooo!

Mario Williams: But, isn't that suicidal?

Brett Hartmann: Now, you're getting the idea!

Matt Schaub: Wait, guys! We're getting ahead of our plan here. We don't want to blow up the stadium or shoot anyone! We just simply want to cause a little commotion, maybe steal the gameplan, if they actually have one. After all, they are only a one win team. Orlovsky could never follow any of our game plans, so why would he be able to follow one of theirs?

Kasey Studdard: Oh Matt! You're so fucking stiff! What would the real Expendables do, is the question. Flamethrowers! That's what we need!

Dominique Barber: "You guys aren't gonna start sucking each other's dicks, are you?" Hahaha! Love that movie...

Wade Phillips: Hey guys! What's up?

Mario Williams: Oh man! I knew this wasn't going to be good....