Three And Out: Useless Predictions For Texans-Colts

by Tim on Dec 22, 2011 3:00 PM CST in Three And Out

Peyton Manning responds to Dan Orlovsky's assertion that "The Decade of Dan-O" has begun in Indianapolis.

My quick, yet alarmingly accurate, predictions for Texans-Colts this evening await you after the jump. Before you take the plunge, feel free to read MDC's post-game writeup from Week One to remember exactly what your Houston Texans did to the Colts the first time they met this season.

1. Houston fans will recall rather quickly why the team released Dan Orlovsky before the season started. Spoiler Alert: It's because he's not a very good NFL quarterback. Now, compared to the general public, Dan-O is an exceptional NFL QB. The top fraction of a fraction of 1%, even. But measured against other NFL QBs? Not so much.

Tonight, Orlovsky is going to be sacked three (3) times. He's going to throw two interceptions. And he's going to fumble once. All the while, Kerry Collins will have flashbacks of what Mario Williams did to him in the season opener and, even though Fate has decreed that Super Mario cannot face the Colts again this year, secretly give thanks that it's not him out there this time.

2. Arian Foster missed the season-opening win over Indianapolis. He'll make up for lost time tonight. Pencil him in for 23 carries, 114 rushing yards, 4 receptions, 52 receiving yards, a TD, and no fumbles.

3. T.J. Yates will play more like the lad we saw in the win over the Falcons than the loss to Carolina. I foresee one interception off a deflected pass, but I also see a touchdown pass to Joel Dreessen and a workmanlike 13-20, 195 yard effort.

4. That's right...a fourth prediction, and I feel really good about it: BRBAPALOOZA will be a smash hit tonight, garnering a 92% success rating amongst those who attend. The 8% who don't give a rave review will be the people who show up at 7:15 p.m. expecting somewhere to sit.

PUT YOUR NAME ON IT: Your Houston Texans have never defeated the Colts in Indianapolis. No one will ever be able to utter the preceding statement after tonight's events unfold. Texans 20, Colts 10.

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These are all reasonable and useful predictions

….did I make a wrong turn?

"All our lives we're taught to get in line. The ones who conform never discover." - Undrafted Free Agent and NFL Rushing Leader Arian Foster

by Rip Jersey on Dec 22, 2011 3:08 PM CST reply actions

In other news

Matt Barkley is staying at USC

by southpaw70 on Dec 22, 2011 3:11 PM CST reply actions

you mean, other blip

"All our lives we're taught to get in line. The ones who conform never discover." - Undrafted Free Agent and NFL Rushing Leader Arian Foster

by Rip Jersey on Dec 22, 2011 3:15 PM CST up reply actions

This is actually bad news for the Texans.

The more QBs taken before the Texans’ turn in the draft, the more good prospects left at other positions.

by FreedomRide on Dec 22, 2011 4:19 PM CST up reply actions

There's like 3 1st round talent QB's anyways.

Now two without Barkley so meh. Unless some pulls a Jacksonville and reaches for a QB.

Prediction: 11-5 AFC South champions.

by Ethan Matz on Dec 22, 2011 4:25 PM CST up reply actions

"Now two without Barkley so meh."

A team that might have taken Barkley might now take one of the elite WRs instead, meaning the Texans might have to settle for a lesser guy.

If you’re drafting late in the 1st round, you always want a lot of QBs taken before your turn.

by FreedomRide on Dec 22, 2011 4:42 PM CST up reply actions

That's if you think Barkley out, draft a WR

"All our lives we're taught to get in line. The ones who conform never discover." - Undrafted Free Agent and NFL Rushing Leader Arian Foster

by Rip Jersey on Dec 22, 2011 4:50 PM CST up reply actions

If you're running the Vikes' or the Jags' draft, you might think exactly that,

especially if you had been thinking Barkley was a guy who could erase a mistake you made last year.

Or if you’re running the Browns’ draft, Barkley’s being gone might encourage you to stick with Cutie one more year and take the stud WR you desperately need.

Whatever happens, no Barkley probably means some other elite prospect is taken before the Texans’ turn.

by FreedomRide on Dec 22, 2011 5:09 PM CST up reply actions

Blackmon is an elite WR.

Then there’s everybody else. He might be the only 1st round WR this year. Besides that who’s to say the Texans take a WR in the 1st round anyways? You might be waiting until the 3rd for a WR.

Prediction: 11-5 AFC South champions.

by Ethan Matz on Dec 22, 2011 4:56 PM CST up reply actions

It was just an example. You still want as many teams ahead of you as possible to use their picks on QBs.

by FreedomRide on Dec 22, 2011 5:11 PM CST up reply actions

That's just not going to happen this year.

And it’s really not a big deal. A team can draft a #1 caliber WR in the 2nd or 3rd round. It’s not a big deal if the Texans go a different direction in the 1st round.

Prediction: 11-5 AFC South champions.

by Ethan Matz on Dec 22, 2011 5:13 PM CST up reply actions 1 recs

"That's just not going to happen this year."

That was my point.

by FreedomRide on Dec 22, 2011 5:26 PM CST up reply actions

in other news

boldin out for last 2 wks with torn meniscus. that’s gotta help cincy’s chances. go cincy

by HTown80 on Dec 22, 2011 3:20 PM CST via Android app reply actions

Yeah, dont mind hearing that.

by Dmo_Htx on Dec 22, 2011 3:21 PM CST up reply actions

Lets just fire some off

1. Texans WIn by 14
2. Yates goes for 300
3. Tate gets closer to the 1000 mark.
4. Foster fumbles, allows Tate snaps to get close to 1000 mark
5. Colts Trade Manning

Division Champion Houston Texans
Hi My name is Jack, why don't you help me off?

by WreckNTexan on Dec 22, 2011 3:20 PM CST reply actions

I think we roll

Only because I think it’s time for a complete game beatdown for the first time since the Schaub master went down.

Madame de Staël once said, "One must choose in life between boredom and suffering." De Staël is dead but there is always an alternative.
This is where the cool is.

by Antho10000 on Dec 22, 2011 3:23 PM CST reply actions

Texans by 17.

Foster and Tate combine for over 200 and no fumbles.
Yates goes for 200 and 1td with no picks.
Pass rush picks up with 5 sacks. 1 for watt, smith, reed, 2 for barwin.
Orlovsky runs out of his own endzone twice.

by Dmo_Htx on Dec 22, 2011 3:25 PM CST reply actions

do you think Tate will do well tonight fantasy wise ?

redskins- bought by Snyder, OWNED by THE Cowboys !
Ryan- If only i could get that kind of aggression from my. Hey! You gonna eat that ?
Texans .....stand tall and REP !

by IRONRAVEN on Dec 22, 2011 4:55 PM CST up reply actions

It's the Manningless-Colts

All of the Texans will do well fantasy wise

"San Antonio is the best falling down team in the league"- Bill Worrell

by TheLastDynasty on Dec 22, 2011 5:15 PM CST up reply actions

I'm about to be hated

I really think this game could either go really good, or really bad for us. Since everyone else is being positive, I’ll play Devil’s Advocate…

1) Dan O’ throws for 300 yards, 2 TDs 1 Int
2) Foster fumbles on the second drive, gets 110 yards rushing, 1 TD
3) TJ throws 2 more ints, 160 yards, most of them in the 4th Qtr
4) Defense gets tired from being on the field too long, we lose 21-17

We all feel a very vulnerable chill run down our backs when we realize we don’t have a chance without Wade and Schaub.

by Big T33 on Dec 22, 2011 3:40 PM CST reply actions

That's a

freakishly accurate articulation of my fears

by Stalking_Horse on Dec 22, 2011 3:45 PM CST up reply actions

Stalking Horse = Colts Fan?

"All our lives we're taught to get in line. The ones who conform never discover." - Undrafted Free Agent and NFL Rushing Leader Arian Foster

by Rip Jersey on Dec 22, 2011 4:51 PM CST up reply actions

If we lose, it will be because we don't score. the colts will not put up 17.

If everybody was somebody, then nobody would be anybody - Gilbert and Sullivan

by professortex on Dec 22, 2011 7:00 PM CST up reply actions

Headed to the game!

I’m in the car headed to Lucas Oil in my #8 Texans jersey!

They are who we thought they were!

by TXNfaninINDY on Dec 22, 2011 3:53 PM CST via Android app reply actions 2 recs

Awesome

Here’s hoping you witness something that’s never happened before—a Texans win in Indy.

You can tell your grandchildren you saw history being made.

Looking forward to a day when being a Texans fan doesn't mean that April is the highlight of my season...

by Tim on Dec 22, 2011 3:56 PM CST up reply actions

Definately

Last year’s game sucked.

They are who we thought they were!

by TXNfaninINDY on Dec 22, 2011 3:59 PM CST via Android app up reply actions

Whose name is on that no.8 jersey?

by jkcheng122 on Dec 22, 2011 4:40 PM CST up reply actions

Uhhhh

Honestly was a Carr jersey. I carefully removed his name from the back two years ago. Prople just assume it’s Shaub around here.

They are who we thought they were!

by TXNfaninINDY on Dec 22, 2011 4:44 PM CST via Android app up reply actions

hehehe, that's why I asked, was wondering if it was Carr's. Good move though on name removal to make the jersey not a doormat.

by jkcheng122 on Dec 22, 2011 5:05 PM CST up reply actions

alright. texas reppin )

redskins- bought by Snyder, OWNED by THE Cowboys !
Ryan- If only i could get that kind of aggression from my. Hey! You gonna eat that ?
Texans .....stand tall and REP !

by IRONRAVEN on Dec 22, 2011 5:01 PM CST up reply actions

Going conservative on my predictions

1. Peyton won’t play.
2. Indy gives up 250 rushing yards.
3. Texans reach 11-4.

Houston Texans fan, first and foremost.
College football teams: Army, Syracuse, Texas, Auburn.

by 5stringJeff on Dec 22, 2011 4:00 PM CST reply actions

I predict we will completely dominate the Colts, and I certainly hope so...

We’re a potential #1 seed in our Division, we should embarrass 1-13 teams. I think TJ and Tate will have a big night.

"My arms look sweet on the Jumbotron"

by ZipCode4 on Dec 22, 2011 4:00 PM CST reply actions

*Conference

"My arms look sweet on the Jumbotron"

by ZipCode4 on Dec 22, 2011 4:02 PM CST up reply actions

If we had Wade on the field i would feel a lot better about this game.

I still think we win it, but just dont feel safe as a Wade Phillip-less Texans team IN Indy…

by Texan5513 on Dec 22, 2011 4:01 PM CST reply actions

I'd like the Texans offense...

To NOT start slow. Score more than the 17.5 points they have averaged since Schaub went down and give me consistent steady drives. And above all stop turning the damn ball over especially in Texans territory.

Defense not getting beat (I’m watching you JJow) fro a lot of big plays. Stop letting teams convert on 3rd down, once a strength of this unit it is now a problem (Panther were 9/14 Sunday). What happened to the takeaways defense? Yates and the offense needs some of those big plays so help them out.

Rackers…wake the hell up and stop missing kicks.

I’m not really into predictions because they are mostly irrelevant. These are just things I need to see from a team that’s going to be playing a playoff game in just a few weeks. They have looked awful the last two weeks which leaves a bad taste in my mouth. This will be a difficult game and a potential loss if they keep playing like they are.

Prediction: 11-5 AFC South champions.

by Ethan Matz on Dec 22, 2011 4:14 PM CST reply actions

My predictions

1.Texans D gets 3 takeaways. 2Fumble Recoverys and an INT
2. Foster doesnt fumble, Tate get and him combine for 214 yds and 2 tds
3. TJ gets 215 goes 14/21 gets sacked once with 2 tds no ints
Texans 31- Colts 10

"Taco Joe - the beacon of optimism" TexansDC
THEREALALLENOU: "@Joeeatstacos... You're like the second testicle to my Tom green. I dont NEED you, but life is better when your around lol"
AllenOU is the Montgomery to my Patton
God blessed Texas, but he has forsaken the Texans
Follow @Joeeatstacos

by Taco Joe on Dec 22, 2011 4:19 PM CST reply actions

Sunday's loss was understandable, even forgivable.

A loss tonight would not be.

The Texans need to come out and play like Division Champions tonight.

by FreedomRide on Dec 22, 2011 4:29 PM CST reply actions

A Close Game & Controversy

1. As all Texans cast-offs do when they play us, Dan-O will play well. Yates will struggle. Texans win in a squeaker, 17-14.
2. Gary Kubiak will reveal in the post game presser that it was a mistake putting Schaub on IR, as he belatedly realized Schaubby in a boot isn’t really any less mobile than Schaubby playing healthy

by kozanack on Dec 22, 2011 4:36 PM CST reply actions

Colts pull the upset tonight

book it! hides under a rock

by metal_militia on Dec 22, 2011 4:41 PM CST reply actions

No need to hide.

You’re talking to Texans fans, so you’re not telling us anything we’re not already dreading.

It’s been a long 10 years.

by FreedomRide on Dec 22, 2011 4:45 PM CST up reply actions

do yall think Tate may get good fantasy points tonight ?

oh and kick some poverbial A tonight, make them colts wish for yester-year !

colts= bald-headed, long-haired, no neck, one-eye brow’d , cross-eyed, snot nosed, hair-lipped, snaggle-toothed, double chin, hunch backed , broad arsed, bow-leggged, knock kneed, flat footed, gopher chasers, sasquatch maters, and refers to sow’s as MOMMA !

muwahahahahahaaaa……. GO TEXAN’s

redskins- bought by Snyder, OWNED by THE Cowboys !
Ryan- If only i could get that kind of aggression from my. Hey! You gonna eat that ?
Texans .....stand tall and REP !

by IRONRAVEN on Dec 22, 2011 4:48 PM CST reply actions

I love the idea of "Decade of Dan-O"

"Lord, beer me strength."

by TexansDC on Dec 22, 2011 4:55 PM CST reply actions

He did lead them to a win!

How many other QBs can do that for them? Peighton Manning? pshh

Bring back Aaron Brooks! He's the only one who can save us from the evil that is Drew Brees!!
Dallas’ misery will always be my delight
-TexansDC

by Jon Banks on Dec 22, 2011 5:02 PM CST up reply actions

I'm gonna add some O love

I’ll say that Daniels, Dressen, Foster, and Tate all get TD’s tonight, 0 interceptions by Yates, and Barwin, Cush, Reed, and Watt all get at least a sack apiece. Shabam! Time to get back on our game after the Camtroversy last week

"San Antonio is the best falling down team in the league"- Bill Worrell

by TheLastDynasty on Dec 22, 2011 5:21 PM CST reply actions