Letters After A Houston Texans Loss

15-yard flag for being a honey badger.

This morning, I opened up my mailbox and found some letters not addressed to me in there. Based on the recipients' names, I decided to open them and read them. I think it is pretty important to share my crimes these letters with you on this pre-Christmas Eve, especially given what happened last night.


Dear Shahid Khan,

We both lost a lot of good will with our fans and playoff positioning, but it was necessary to keep Stanford quarterback Andrew Luck out of Indianapolis for the next decade or keep them from amassing a ton of draft picks in a trade. We know your newly bought Jacksonville Jaguars are good at ruining plans, but it's time to play your part and throw the game. If we play our cards right then we keep the long-term future looking good.

Welcome to the neighborhood,
AFC South owners Bob McNair and Bud Adams

* * *

Dear Andre Johnson,

Help us, Andre Johnson. You're our only hope.

Sincerely,
Houston Texans fans

* * *

Dear Houston Texans Fans,

Do you miss me yet?

Love,
Matt Schaub

* * *

Dear interim defensive coordinator Reggie Herring,

Last week, you were rightfully criticized, but I feel you should be spared this week. The defense was gassed and on the field far too often thanks to an inconsistent offense. We can only do so much.

See you soon,
Wade Phillips

* * *

Dear Houston Texans head coach Gary Kubiak,

If you're going to use our eight-play playbook then we would like to have some credit or a check for doing your offensive work.

Good luck,
Tecmo Super Bowl developers

* * *

Dear Arian Foster,

Okay, you win. Let's talk contract.

Respectfully,
General Manager Rick Smith

* * *

Dear Roger Goodell,

Your referees are becoming NBA bad. Last night's game was as bad a called game as we have ever seen. It was truly called in a way that affects games and seasons.

Fix it or else,
NFL Fans

* * *

Dear 2011 Houston Texans,

Once upon a time, we were the franchise with a long history of losing that won a rare division championship. We clinched in week 14 and followed it up with an embarrassing 21-point home defeat and a laughable 40-point road loss. We had to deal with negative media, pessimistic fans, and lots of "One and done" talk.

We closed out our regular season with a rebound win over a divisional foe then rode a stud wide receiver and good defensive play all the way to the Super Bowl. Hopefully, you find some holiday cheer in that story.

Keep your heads up,
2008 Arizona Cardinals

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