We Get Emails
Especially as of late, it seems, I've been getting a lot of football-related emails from assorted external groups. Some of them are pretty comical in nature (such as those talking about how fans should have a seat during the CBA negotiations. Yeah, right, like the owners or players give a crap about the fans or care about our opinions.). Some, like the one below the jump, are downright insulting. Follow me, won't you?
The entire thing is sic'ed:
Tim/Mike (Note: Either Mike was BCCed or he wasn't on the distribution. I was.)
We’ve written a post about the Top 10 Worst Sports Franchises of Our Generation (the past 30 years), listing the teams from the NFL, NBA and MLB in order if win percentage since 1981.
The list unfortunately includes the Titans, which, like some of the other teams on the list, is arguable. That said, we’re giving one blogger who follows each of the 10 teams on the list an opportunity to stand up for that franchise with a blog entry rebuttal explaining why they’re not one of the Top 10 worst franchises of our generation. The post could be double published on both your site and BallHyped.com, where we’d make it the featured post at the top of our homepage.
Here’s the post along with the Top 10 list below:
http://ballhyped.com/2011/02/19/top-10-worst-franchises-of-our-generation/
10. Tampa Bay Rays (.439 win pct.)
9. Cincinnati Bengals (.422 win pct.)
8. Toronto Raptors (.411 win pct.)
7. Minnesota Timberwolves (.407 win pct.)
6. Charlotte Bobcats (.384 win pct.)
5. Houston Texans (.382 win pct.)
4. Arizona Cardinals (.380 win pct.)
3. Detroit Lions (.380 win pct.)
2. Clippers (.346 win pct.)
1. Memphis Grizzlies (.342 win pct.)
Let me know if this is something you’d be interested in responding to so we can plan accordingly.
Thanks for your time!
Brian Milne
Founder, BallHyped.com
Obviously, Brian is correct in stating the Titans are a horrible, disgusting franchise, but you already knew this.
At best, a list like this is sure to be littered with newer franchises, the Bengals, Lions, and Clippers notwithstanding. Lists like this also lack a certain common sense aspect, such as including the Tampa Bay Rays, who have a young and exciting team and are just a couple years removed from a World Series berth.
Alas, after nine years of existence, your Tennessee Titans Houston Texans are there. Here's my requested rebuttal in its entirety:
Bite me.^
Week in/week out, we (as in me and you, my dear readers) watch this team. We chug the kool-aid in the summer, and we follow it with a bleach chaser throughout the fall. We aren't a fan-base like the Dallas Cowboys, fair-weathered and flaky. Here on BRB, we have a large, thoughtful, intelligent fan-base. Hopefully, one day, we won't suck, but we follow the Houston Texans passionately because they are our team, good or bad. This is what really matters.
What say you, Texans fans? Do you have a rebuttal?
^ I was going to go with "Nuts" as a kind of tribute to General Anthony McAuliffe, but it just really wasn't caustic enough for me.
58 comments
|
6 recs |
Do you like this story?
Comments
And thank you BFD...
…for not wasting any more time on that trolling little prick than that.
"In conclusion, I’d like to say that Dicky Justice is an assclown."
"...your in-house hirings on the defensive side suck donkey balls..."
- tehGrindCrusher
Maybe, in support of their ranking
you could provide them with a few key quotes from the gameday threads????
Would that be caustic enough?
I didn't do anything wrong!.... and, I won't do it again.
but we follow the Houston Texans passionately because they are our team, good or bad.
Sums it up for me.
Texas. Gods favorite country.
by CoolBreeze3 on Feb 20, 2011 10:49 AM CST via mobile reply actions 4 recs
Seriously
I was in Willmington, NC yesterday at some sports store in their mall. I was wearing a Texans hat and grey t-shirt with the logo on it and the first employee asked me “what team you looking for”. I was like you cant tell had a Hank hill moment and tried to fire said employee then i left pissed of after i found enough terrible towels to never have to put tp again. i found one Texans item a tiny plastic helmet in a package with all afc south team tiny helmets.
Texas. Gods favorite country.
I love going into the Dallas Cowboys Fan Shops wearing my Texans gear
bugging their employees about the price of the pink Cowboy mini-helmets
I don't see the Washington Generals on the list
I didn't do anything wrong!.... and, I won't do it again.
by Rip Jersey on Feb 20, 2011 10:59 AM CST reply actions 3 recs
Rec'd
Rec’d
Rec’d
Never use a metaphor, simile, or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print.
Never use a long word where a short one will do.
If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out.
Never use the passive where you can use the active.
Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word, or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent.
Break any of these rules sooner than say anything outright barbarous.
-Orwell, Politics and the English Language
www.battleredblog.com
by tehGrindCrusher on Feb 21, 2011 12:00 AM CST up reply actions
I don't see Washington _________ on there either
fill in the blank, any team could fit
Murphy’s 20th Military Law:
If it’s stupid, but it works, it ain’t stupid
by The Night Owl on Feb 22, 2011 12:42 AM CST up reply actions
If they don't even know the difference between the Texans and Titans..
then fuck them.
And the Rays? Wtf? Also undeserved.
Cards also had a good SB run. That’s gotta be worth something.
by WhiskeyR on Feb 20, 2011 11:14 AM CST reply actions 1 recs
I would've said...
your right the oilers do suck, I root for the Texans, try proofreadin’ yer shit
GO TEXANS!!!!
Our time will come...
by Texanmaniac on Feb 20, 2011 11:18 AM CST via mobile reply actions 4 recs
My rebuttal would be
Top 10 list of List Makers
10. 8 year old girls
9. 9 year old girls
8. 10 year old girls
7. 11 year old girls
6. 12 year old girls
5. 13 year old girls
4. 14 year old girls
3. 15 year old girls
2. TMZ, E!, and other entertainment networks/website
1. Sports “writers”
by SubCrim on Feb 20, 2011 12:11 PM CST reply actions 6 recs
Well played, sir...
"In conclusion, I’d like to say that Dicky Justice is an assclown."
"...your in-house hirings on the defensive side suck donkey balls..."
- tehGrindCrusher
Only thing missing
Is David Letterman Writers – but then again they may be the 13 year old girls
I am totally optimistic about the Texans new season - at least until the first of the 4 or 2 (if any) preseason games
by Barryfromtexas on Feb 20, 2011 9:26 PM CST up reply actions
What crap
I just looked at the list on their website. Stating they would only look at the last 30 years but then bring up the Chicago Cardinals (they left Chicago in 1959) shows they didn’t do anything other than rank teams by their win percentage then come up with reasons why. They claim to consider attendance but that should give the Texans a chance to move down (up?) on the list since they always sell out home games.
Clearly another sports site that can’t compare to those here at BRB.
Nope.
The numbers say it all. However, I will point out how embarrassing it is for Arizona to be on that list. Because if the Texans had played in the NFC west for the past nine years, they’d probably be fighting the Rays for that tenth spot, or not on the list at all.
They looked up the numbers
and then tried to get you to write the article for them. Fuck em.
Some people think that they can outsmart me...maybe, maybe. I've yet to meet one that can outsmart bullet.
by nolander on Feb 20, 2011 12:41 PM CST reply actions 2 recs
WTF?
We’ve been living in the basement of a Tits site all this time? Sorry, dudes, but we’re outie.
Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore, is the method of choosing leaders.
-Law and Governance
The Spacing Guild Manual
Oh...
And I would have told the hackish cock-whores to eat a dick and then go back for seconds.
Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of government, therefore, is the method of choosing leaders.
-Law and Governance
The Spacing Guild Manual
by peytonsurdaddy on Feb 20, 2011 1:21 PM CST up reply actions 3 recs
oooo... "hackish cock-whores" niiiiiice... rec'd
"In conclusion, I’d like to say that Dicky Justice is an assclown."
"...your in-house hirings on the defensive side suck donkey balls..."
- tehGrindCrusher
You sure got a purty mouth, PUD.
A Texans fan. Really. No, I'm not kidding.
http://www.battleredblog.com
"Blind fandom is all I got left." - LoneSpot
Dear Sir (because your name is not important enough for me to remember),
Thank you for the kind, kind offer to let me bash the team I love and spend money on like it were my own child on your blog, which I expect is about as interesting as an in-flight magazine produced by Air Estonia.
I would like to point out that the Titans are part of a different blog called Music City Miracles. You can’t hardly miss it, it’s the place where having 32 cars on blocks in the front yard and the faint smell of methamphetamines are replaced by the piss-poor grammar and spelling on their site. But even they aren’t stupid enough to mistake the Titans for our beloved Texans. We get enough disrespect from the NFL, play-by-play announcers who can’t remember our team’s players half the time on a good day, and the Clorox Corporation who refuses to advertise on our site.
So while I appreciate the opportunity to increase our exposure to your readership, which I presume consists of four readers with an IQ that would make a turnip look like a Mensa candidate and a bored housecat who accessed your website through dumb luck, we must decline your offer and I humbly request that you fuck yourself with a sword. And not with a little bitch sword, but a big fucking sword like Excalibur or some shit.
Frankly, I’m impressed that trolls are capable of evolving and creating their own website. For that, mighty internet imp, we applaud you with a 21 fart salute.
Sincerely, and on behalf of everyone here at Battle Red Blog,
BFD
P.S.
I am a visionary, I am a genius, and now I am angry! Now help me find my pants!
I have a plan, and it's so cunning you can brush your teeth with it!
by UprootedTexan on Feb 20, 2011 2:01 PM CST reply actions 13 recs
That right there
Is the awesomeness.
Especially the line about the Clorox Corporation not sponsoring us.
Never use a metaphor, simile, or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print.
Never use a long word where a short one will do.
If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out.
Never use the passive where you can use the active.
Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word, or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent.
Break any of these rules sooner than say anything outright barbarous.
-Orwell, Politics and the English Language
www.battleredblog.com
by tehGrindCrusher on Feb 21, 2011 12:06 AM CST up reply actions
I hope they can see this..
because im doin it as hard as i possibly can
by theSpaceCityKid on Feb 21, 2011 10:16 AM CST up reply actions
...
How about this…

Editor at BT Powerhouse, a Big Ten Basketball blog.
by OBrienSchofieldismyHero on Feb 21, 2011 2:13 PM CST up reply actions
Not bad, but it's only sharp on one side,
I think a double-edged sword would be more useful.
I am a visionary, I am a genius, and now I am angry! Now help me find my pants!
I have a plan, and it's so cunning you can brush your teeth with it!
by UprootedTexan on Feb 21, 2011 2:20 PM CST up reply actions
Nah, there's better things to use
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RSUGp9Yz1sk
Murphy’s 20th Military Law:
If it’s stupid, but it works, it ain’t stupid
by The Night Owl on Feb 22, 2011 12:55 AM CST up reply actions
or this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Si1xSjZ5WmI
Murphy’s 20th Military Law:
If it’s stupid, but it works, it ain’t stupid
by The Night Owl on Feb 22, 2011 12:58 AM CST up reply actions
"Nuts" would have been awesome.
Reminds me of that reference on “Jericho.” Such an awesome show, gone before it even had a real chance.
Motion seconded
A hat-tip to General MacAuliffe, much like a great poet, is always timely.
I didn't realize a generation was only 10 yrs.
That in itself goes to show just how little effort and intelligence actually went into writing something so amateurish. Who the hell is BallHyped.com anyway?
Dear BallLickers.com,
Go fuck yourself.
Signed,
Someone who actually knows something about sports.
I'm a man!! I'm forty!!
A generation is about ten years...
In Tennessee.
by Nashmeister on Feb 20, 2011 4:01 PM CST up reply actions 6 recs
is that when they're old enough to marry?
I'm a man!! I'm forty!!
by Hydroshock on Feb 20, 2011 6:40 PM CST up reply actions 3 recs
They didn't even put any time into this list.
And they fish for other blogs to write things for THEIR site. What a douche nozzle.
How about...

"In conclusion, I’d like to say that Dicky Justice is an assclown."
"...your in-house hirings on the defensive side suck donkey balls..."
- tehGrindCrusher
Image fail... you rec tease...
For some reason, the image that I was going to post (and which previewed quite nicely) won’t display…
Let’s try this one…

"In conclusion, I’d like to say that Dicky Justice is an assclown."
"...your in-house hirings on the defensive side suck donkey balls..."
- tehGrindCrusher
Ok... I give up.
"In conclusion, I’d like to say that Dicky Justice is an assclown."
"...your in-house hirings on the defensive side suck donkey balls..."
- tehGrindCrusher
I get this message when trying to access the link:
Forbidden
You don’t have permission to access /forums/images/smilies/stfuhand.gif on this server.
"It's the greatest job in the world until Peyton comes off the field and you think his thumb might be broken and there's three minutes left in the AFC Championship Game and you're down by three to New England and you haven't taken a snap all year. Yeah, it's a great job until that point." - Jim Sorgi.
"If I couldn't play for the Colts, I would probably stop playing football." - Peyton Manning.
by gizzardfanny on Feb 21, 2011 12:05 AM CST up reply actions
rec'd BFD
why use big flowery language when two simple words says it so well.
I applaud your minimalism for effect.
the tenth time is a charm
A great response to the "well written" email
I am totally optimistic about the Texans new season - at least until the first of the 4 or 2 (if any) preseason games
How are the Pittsburgh Pirates not on this list...?
They have a losing record for the past 17 years or something…
thats what he meant when he said "titans"
of course
the tenth time is a charm
by texanphil on Feb 20, 2011 11:07 PM CST up reply actions 1 recs
Or whoever thise guys are
That play against the Globetrotters
I am totally optimistic about the Texans new season - at least until the first of the 4 or 2 (if any) preseason games
by Barryfromtexas on Feb 21, 2011 11:03 AM CST up reply actions
Clearly, he did not look at head to head records
Andre Johnson 1
Cortland innegan 0
AJ by TKO at 0:13 of round 1, ref stoppage
by pattymcgee on Feb 21, 2011 12:15 PM CST via mobile reply actions

by 





















