Free cookies to all who oblige by reading, aka my completely useless predictions

First off let me apologize for the childish tactics to obtain readers. Such lofty promises are not something that should be handed out so whilly nilly not thinking about the poor souls who had their hearts set on a warm chocolate chip. First let me start by saying this is my first attempt at blogging, not just here in this type of forum, but anywhere. So comments will be much appreciated, especially for my impressionable self esteem. I am attempting this because I need to find some kind of football goodness in my life and I am starving for a real sport. I have spent the past year living in Scotland, where Football involves being knocked down by the wind. God willing this will be the place I can find somebody to save my sanity. With that being said, I will donate my completely useless season breakdown and predictions after the jump.

1 Sun, Sep 11 vs Indianapolis

     Thoughts: This is the season and home opener. Houston is trying to implement a new defense with a significant number of personel movements. The Texans offense won't miss a beat from last seasons dominance The Colts are notorious for crushing the Texans but have slipped in recent years. They are a veteran team that won't miss much continuity from the lockout, but I believe Manning's loss of time in the preseason will cost him his surgical precision in week 1.

     What to watch for: The entire focus will be on Mario Willaims and how he adjusts to standing up. Watch the battle between him and the Colts LT Castonzo

     Prediction: Texans WIN 24-17


2 Sun, Sep 18 @ Miami

     Thoughts: After the exciting win in week one, the Texans take the show on the road. Miami does not pose a threat in any area for the Texans. Miami has a decent offensive line, but relatively little other offensive weapons. Brandon Marshall is an excellent WR but when Chad Henne is throwing the balls, it is safe to say he is under utilized. The Texans defense gets another week of practice and their first real test on Defense out of the way and start to see some continuity growing.

     What to watch for: Newcomer Jonathan Joseph's battle with Brandon Marshall. This is where Joseph gets to earn his paycheck since Marshall should be targetted often.

     Prediction: Texans WIN 31-10


3 Sun, Sep 25 @ New Orleans

     Thoughts: Here is where the season starts to get real! Houston heads to New Orleans and the two teams never have seemed to get along (see pre-season practices if you need clarification). New Orleans, led by Texas native Drew Brees has a potent offense and a very capable Defense. The Texans will have their hands full fighting for this game. I think the Texans Defense gets tested early and often allowing the Saints long drives. The Texans offense will hold their own, but with fewer chances it is an uphill battle.

     What to watch for: Drew Brees against the 2nd corner spot (most likely Kareem Jackson). Brees is no fool and realizes that is the weakest link

     Prediction: Texans lose 24-10



4 Sun, Oct 2 vs Pittsburgh

     Thoughts: After a hard defeat the Texans get to go home waiting for a cupcake match against Pittsburgh. Sadly though the Steelers are the toughest team the Texans will play all season. They have a nasty demeanor all across the field and are not afraid to use it. The Texans are still trying to find their toughness will be hard pressed to fight toe to toe with Pittsburgh.

     What to watch for: Casey Hampton against Chris Myers. Myers has quietly developed into a solid runblocker, but has a glaring weakness against monster 3-4 NT's. Look for him to get mauled

     Prediction: Texans lose 21-17


5 Sun, Oct 9 vs Oakland

     Thoughts: After two straight losses putting their record at .500 the Texans are desperate for a win. They are more desperate than Rex Ryan after a woman in Flip Flops. Their Defense should be clicking at this point and assuming they are healthy, have no excuses for poor execution. Oakland is starting to disappoint Al Davis by actually being a respectable team. The will give the Texans a ball game, but stand little chance against the motivated home team.

     What to watch for:Look for Matt Schaub to work the left side of the field. AJ will get his numbers, but with Routt taking him all day, watch Schaub make huge plays on Oaklands weak side without Nnamdi

     Prediction: Texans WIN 27-14


6 Sun, Oct 16 @ Baltimore

     Thoughts:The Baltimore Ravens are another nasty 3-4 defense that will give Houstons offensive line problems. The Ravens offense leaves a lot to be desired but their defense can end a drive on a single play. Houston goes into Baltimore riding high after climbing above .500 but find it to be a hard place to play. This will be basically won or lost between Baltimore's tough defense and Houston's explosive offense. I expect a low scoring match that will leave fans frustrated.

     What to watch for: The Human Coke Machine. While I don't expect his performance to change the outcome of the game in any way, it will be fun (or circus clowns in a dark alley kinda scary) to watch Leach barrel into his former team.

     Prediction: Texans lose 13-10


7 Sun, Oct 23 @ Tennessee

     Thoughts:The Texans are once again staring at .500, but with the toughest part of the schedule behind them things are looking up. They travel to Tennessee to say hello to the most beloved man in all of Houston, Bud Adams. Tennessee is clearly rebuilding, but someone might need to inform Bud. Eh, the senlie ones always think they are on top (Al Davis, Jerry Jones). The Titans prove to be no match for the Texans on either side of the ball.

     What to watch for: Andre Johnson vs. Courtland Innegan. No explanation is needed.

     Prediction: Texans WIN 31-7


8 Sun, Oct 30 vs Jacksonville

     Thoughts: Jacksonville tried to go out and buy themselves a defense this offseason. The additions of two quality LB's and an in the box safety clearly seems they are trying to stop somebody other than Manning in the division. Jacksonville will come to Houston trying to provide another back and forth game they always seem to manage. In the end I think Houston is far superior.

     What to watch for: Arian Foster finally gets a mention in week 8. Look for him to welcome the Jag's new defensive players properly

     Prediction: Texans WIN 24-14


9 Sun, Nov 6 vs Cleveland

     Thoughts: Cleveland won only 5 games last year for good reason. Yes the Texans won only 6, but they were better than they played. The Browns played as well as could be expected. Hillis had a good year running the ball and it will be interesting to see if that was a fluke year or if he can back it up. The Browns are a bad organization and don't look for this week to be the week they turn it around.

     What to watch for: Colt McCoy playing in Houston with jitters and out new ballhawking defense capitalizing.

     Prediction: Texans WIN 38-7


10 Sun, Nov 13 @ Tampa Bay

     Thoughts:The Tampa Bay Buccaneers might have become the new version of the Houston Texans with a better record. They are young, they are talented, and they are a sweet hearts pick. Their defense front four is all young, talented, athletic, and hungry. The Texans will travel to Tampa Bay to test this young team and see which team has more promise. Of course the Texans have more promise, but after a string of 3 straight wins they are bound to enter the bye week on a sour note. Otherwise they wouldn't be the Texans.

     What to watch for: Houston's offensive line versus Tampa D-Line

     Prediction: Texans lose 21-17



     Thoughts: This will be a time of ludicrous phone calls to the radio stations calling for peoples jobs after the loss before the bye week.

     What to watch for:  Me actually spending a Sunday with my Wife. Damn!

     Prediction: Texans fans lose by having sub par radio personalities like Josh Innes


12 Sun, Nov 27 @ Jacksonville

     Thoughts: Ahhh back to playing football again. I feel refreshed all ready. The bye week allows the Texans to regain focus and the citizens of Jacksonville get to witness this first hand. Well since they can't sell tickets and games are blacked out on tv, maybe they don't. Needless to say the Texans make it look easy and life will be good again.

     What to watch for: Blaine Gabbert should be starting by now. Their bye week is after the two teams first meeting, and I expect he should be the man after their bye

     Prediction: Texans WIN 27-10


13 Sun, Dec 4 vs Atlanta

     Thoughts: Atlanta is a solid football team that should be a lock to go into the playoffs. The Texans are a team that should fight for the playoffs, but people still have doubts. The big difference between the two teams is the success factor. I'm expect the team with a Star QB, a solid passing attack and Top Flight Receiver, a pro-bowl TE, a comlete running game, and solid defense. You mean that explains both teams? Oh.

     What to watch for: Dunta returns to Houston to matchup against AJ. Should be fun.

     Prediction: Texans lose 22-21


14 Sun, Dec 11 @ Cincinnati

     Thoughts:Cincy is not a team that should scare even the most feable of Texans fans. Their owner will spite his players at all cost and the product on the field resembles it. Andy Dalton could be a good NFL QB, but not this year. The Texans must win games on the road against inferior teams to prove they are a playoff team.

     What to watch for: Cushing and Demeco shutting down recently paroled Cedric Benson.

     Prediction: Texans WIN 35-10


15 Sun, Dec 18 vs Carolina

     Thoughts:The leagues worst team has spent a lot of money this offseason with relatively little to show for it. They resigned players needed to be resigned but possibly overpaid for their level of talent. Their visit to the Texans should mirror that of the game against Cincy. A rookie QB with a decent running back. In the end they do not provide much competition.

     What to watch for: The number one overall pick graces his presence in Houston. His father might try to charge viewers just to watch him play.

     Prediction: Texans WIN 35-7


16 Thu, Dec 22 @ Indianapolis

     Thoughts:The Texans are on a roll and face opening week rivals, Manning and Co. The Colts are fighting for the first time to control the division and get into the playoffs and find this game a must win. Couple that with the embarassment they faced on opening week and they are poised for some revenge in their home stadium. Houston will find Lucas Oil to be rather slippery, (sorry for the bad pun, but one had to show up at some point)

     What to watch for: Manning in top form doing what he does best

     Prediction: Texans lose 21-17


17 Sun, Jan 1 vs Tennessee

     Thoughts: Ending the season at home against the Titans seems like a perfect way to finish a season. The Texans coming off the loss to the Colts use this week to secure their playoff position. The Titans use this week to sign fan mail apologizing for Cortland Innegan's hair

     What to watch for: The backups getting extra playing time.

     Prediction: Texans WIN 21-7


These are my musings about the 2011-2012 Texans Schedule. Feel free to dispute what I have written and add your own thoughts, what to watch for, and predictions. All comments will be welcomed and again I apologize for not providing cookies. Maybe some haggis if you head over to Scotland.

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