In looking at last week's edition, the more critical among you might say, "Tim, you failed to get a single thing right. The fact that you'd pretend to play psychic again is both sad and patently offensive." The more forgiving among you might say, "Hey, the Texans won, just like you said they would. The other stuff was no big deal." The rest of you? You're probably just hoping I wrap this lame introduction up as quickly as possible so you can see this week's predictions and immediately bet the other way. I'm inclined to do that, as it's almost quitting time and I really don't have anywhere else to go with this monologue.
Hit the jump for a dose of blinding analytical (note: I don't know what that word means) prowess.
1. As much as many Texans fans are looking forward to laughing at Reggie Bush on Sunday, I have some bad news for you. He's going to score a TD. On a screen pass. And then you'll be reminded anew by a savvy broadcaster that your Houston Texans passed on him in 2006, followed by some nauseating fawning over what a playmaker Reggie is.
Bonus Bush Forecast: He finishes with less than 40 rushing yards but 82 total yards. He also gets pulled down by J.J. Watt in the backfield on one carry, which will result in Houston fans once again thanking our lucky stars that Mario Williams is a Texan.
2. Owen Daniels finishes with more receiving yards than any other Texan. Pencil him in for seven catches for 87 yards and a TD. Andre Johnson is kept out of the end zone but does manage six catches for 78 yards. Arian Foster returns to action (one of these weeks that will come true...you can take that to the bank) and the endzone simltaneously. Ben Tate, meanwhile, continues to make his presence known, finishing with 71 yards on 13 carries.
3. Wade Phillips strikes again. This time, he takes the form of Antonio Smith, who will strip sack Chad Henne. Your Houston Texans will force two turnovers (one fumble and one pick) and finish +1 in the turnover ledger on the day.
PUT YOUR NAME ON IT: The secondary will get much more of a test this week, and while they will look infinitely better than the 2010 edition, they're going to surrender two touchdowns. If the Dolphins had a back who could regularly exploit the center of the Texans' defense, I'd like their chances much more. I'm guessing this game will be somewhat back and forth in the first half, with the Texans gaining a little breathing room in the second half. Texans 27, Dolphins 20.