Three And Out: Useless Predictions For The First Playoff Game In Texans History

…they’re going to wish they had opened the roof because the fans will blow the damn thing right off.

I’m gut checking this one as:

Bengals 13, Texans 24

This time we’ll make fewer mistakes. On behalf of: Duane Brown, Chris Myers, Brian Cushing, and Connor Barwin, the defense will send a message to the world that snubbing them from “All Pro” and “Pro Bowl” consideration will render those recognitions as meaningful as the Nobel Peace Prize…

1. The D will deflect and intercept a pass, maybe this play maybe another play but the ST/ D will get a score.
2. AJ gets his first ever playoff TD, the Roof shatters due to the massive roar.
3. The D will get 3 sacks, and 3 Deflected passes.
4. Barian Fostate will generate over 200 yards from scrimmae, and AJ will gather a breezy 90+
5. Texans recieve opening kickoff, and march down the field to put points on the board.
6. Texans D pitches a shut out until around 8:00 of the 2Q.
Prediction Texans 27- Bengals 16

I think it’s funny that eveyone says that Dalton doesn’t play like a rookie. I watched the Cincy/Baltimore game in Baltimore, and he sure looked like a rookie in that game – where they got pounded.

I also think the media is making a big deal about him being 3-0 in Reliant (2 with Katy HS, one with TCU). Ummmm ….. those count?

That said – he’s done a pretty good job this year, and he can move the offense. So – I agree it will be a close game.

No Benarian Fostate predictions?

two teams will play on sunday
the game will be at reliant stadium
the winner will be overshadowed by the other three games
the winner will be a touchdown underdog next week
passes will be thrown
there will be a coin flip
whoever scores the most points will win
at least 2 points will be scored by the winner
the ref’s will miss calls
the ref’s will make up calls
tackles will be made; tackles will be missed
both teams will put everything on the line

Suck it, Jerry

That Houston will be losing….. no sleep after they crush the Bengals. The score wont reflect the mud stomping as houston puts up 28 to the Bengals 18.
Cushing is bleeding by the end of the game
Andre had 100+ with at least 1 td.
Arian runs one in
Tate runs one in
J.Joseph gets his first defensive TD that is finally not called back.
J.J. Watt gets another RTP this time it is because he was held and then let go falling into Andy!
I win because I am amazing!

Connor the Barbarian will have 2 sacks.
Foster will run for 120 yards rushing and have 55 recieving yards.
Cedric Benson will be held for less than 65 yards rushing.
At some point in this game, Cushing will bleed (fact, not prediction; its like a law of nature or something)

Case Keenum will throw for 821 yards and 9 touchdowns. In the first quarter.

for Monty Python reference

1.) I get wasted.
2.) Texans win.
3.) Repeat next week.

20-13

The refs worry me as well as Kareem. If I’m Cincy, I would lob it up all day to anyone being covered by KJ. Maybe they’ll do it early so it forces us to bench him for a while. That being said, we win on a massive dose of Benarian Fostate (1 TD by Arian) and several long plays by Dre (he gets 1 TD). The pass rush will get 3 sacks (2 by JJ and 1 by Ninja) and Dalton will throw a pick. Final score 23-20, a Rackers field goal at the end, which will break glass all over the stadium, requiring an evacuation at the end! The party will continue at the parking lot until Monday morning.

that I have the fire lit by 2, the food done by 3, I’ll be drunk by 3:30, my house will be a very loud place to be for about 7 hours Sunday as the Texans steamroll the Bengals, and the Saints murder Detroit, when the dust settles we’ll all be shitfaced.

I like the defense to score at least once. Namely JJo getting the pick 6 he dropped in Cincy. Dre will score once on a 45 yard TD reception to finish the day with 8 rec 134 yards and the aforementioned touchdown. Foster and Tate each score one rushing and Rackers knocks in a kick from 39 yards out to start the 2nd half. D holds at the end with Watt sacking Dalton on 4th and 14 in the 4th quarter with 1:01 left on the clock.

Careful that someone doesn’t accuse you of high-falutin’ book-learnin’, however.

Wade’s boys give the offense a late Christmas bonus of short fields.

WeeJay works the controls like Hikaru Sulu.

Texans 27, Bengals 13.

The Texans will pull out a win tomorrow, but the offense will have to pick up the pace a bit when they play Baltimore next.

1. Someone gets injured
2. Yates throws an INT
3. We lose

Trying to be as useless in my prediction as possible. Think reverse psychology.

http://l.yimg.com/bt/api/res/1.2/KoWxyUWNhwYcsEyyWOxG6g—/YXBwaWQ9eW5ld3M7cT04NTt3PTYzMA—/http://media.zenfs.com/en/blogs/sptusnflexperts/arianfostershead.jpg

Let’s enjoy ever minute of it.

1. Cincy’s 1st possession is 3 and out
2. Texans 1st possession is a TD
3. Some idiot streaker or similar knucklehead gets arrested

Final score Texans 32 – Bengals 6

When I rec a comment I see “Interior Switches and Levers” I have no clue why this shows up ever rec

I’ve decided to simplify my predictions for tomorrow’s game:

It’s going to be a tough, physical game that won’t be decided until the 4th quarter (maybe in the final two seconds like week 14) and I’m going to be proud of my team no matter the outcome. Overcoming all the adversity thrown at them speaks volumes about the character of Mr. McNair’s and Houston’s team. Go Texans!

hmm…

Ok, I can’t resist another stab at this:

1. Kareem is going to make us scream at least once (this is less a prediction than it is payback for not getting that pick-6 on Cam Newton.)

2. I’m probably going to cry when Andre gets his first TD.

3. Cushing will rattle Dalton… and the TCU wonder will throw an INT this time.

4. Last but not least… Foster is going to go all Pterodactyl for another end zone dive.

3 turnovers before the half Texans lead at halftime 24-0. A.J. has 112 rec yds 1 t.d., Foster has 75 rush 40 rec yds. Tate on 75 on less carries. T.J. goes for 250 1 td and 1 pick (in garbage time) Danieal Manning scores a T.D. on the opening kickoff. Jason Allen gets a pick and brings it to the 7 yd line, but does a T.D. dance anyway. And…… for the least bold prediction of the year so far……….. wait for it….. Brian Cushing gets a nosebleed.

that I posted in another three and out before the Carolina game and cut and paste, but I don’t want to jinx TJ.

Lets just say I have already warned the gf that I will be parked in front of the TV by 3 and that I will not be budging from that spot except for bathroom breaks until the final whistle blows.