Texans-Ravens Preview: A Realistic Perspective
by JBal on Jan 8, 2012 9:21 AM CST
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PrintSo, now that I’ve had a day to sleep off the post-game high from a great win over the Bengals, I thought I’d post a few ideas on what we can realistically expect to see next week from the Texans against a tough team in a difficult road environment.
Andre Johnson will be much closer to 100% for this game. However, the Ravens will anticipate this threat and roll extra coverage to AJ’s side all game. This will leave an opening for Owen Daniels to break free. Owens final stat line: 6 catches, 88 yards, 1 TD
Early in the game, Flacco will make the mistake of glancing over his O-line and making eye contact with Brian Cushing. This will result in his retreat into a fugue state and a petit mal seizure that will leave him temporarily paralyzed from the waist up. His backup, Taylor, will be a bit rusty. Taylor’s final stat line: 1/16, 4 yds, 9 INTs
The officiating crew will make the landmark decision to award the Texans retroactive points based on all the blown calls throughout the season. However, the scoreboard does not have a third digit, so they will subtract the remaining points from the Ravens’ score, leading to the unusual final score below.
Kubiak’s game plan will be an elaborate scheme to create matchups with Bernard Pollard against anyone capable of catching a football. This plan will work so effectively that Yates will actually post a bizarre completion percentage of 105%, completing all his passes, and somehow completing a pass from the previous week.
Kareem Jackson will mysteriously disappear while the Texans plane is in the air. Only the night security guard at M&T Bank Stadium will notice one extra traffic cone in the parking lot. He will shake his head at it. “Damn kids,” he’ll say, in a voice that sounds a lot like Gary Kubiak. But not quite.
Foster will get a new Egyptian tattoo before the game. His new combination of skin art will unwittingly form a series of symbols that allows him to be possessed by Anubis, the Egyptian god of death and embalming. During the game, defenders who approach Foster will see the snarling head of a dog beneath his helmet. Foster’s trademark evasive moves will be unnecessary, as defenders will actually juke themselves out of his way.
MDC will try to explain this game’s counter-intuitive outcome in the 2DH using quantum physics. None of us will fully understand it.
Final Score: Texans 99, Ravens -6
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Rec'd a million times
Great work!
A sharp tongue is the only edged tool that grows keener with constant use.--Washington Irving
How did you sleep off the post-game high in just one night??
Damn you vile woman, you've impeded my work since the day I escaped your vile womb ...
Well, at some point we have to be realistic about the Texans' actual chances next week
by JBal on Jan 8, 2012 12:04 PM CST via Android app up reply actions
Right
Texans 99, Ravens -6…..write it down
Damn you vile woman, you've impeded my work since the day I escaped your vile womb ...
Great post. Rec'd for the realism.
The say the f**king smog is the f**king reason you have such beautiful f**king sunsets. - Ray Barboni
Thanks! I tried to be plausible without being a downer
by JBal on Jan 8, 2012 12:03 PM CST via Android app up reply actions
A Ravens fan finds this funny
And not in a haha this will never happen but it an actual haha this is funny tone.
Won't seem so funny next week.
I keed, I keed. Thanks for stopping by!
by JBal on Jan 8, 2012 12:01 PM CST via Android app up reply actions
And flagged -6 times!
Houston Texans: 1 Playoff Win.
Vince Young, Dunta Robinson, and Jason Babin: 0 Combined Playoff Wins.
"Early in the game, Flacco will make the mistake of glancing over his O-line and making eye contact with Brian Cushing. This will result in his retreat into a fugue state and a petit mal seizure that will leave him temporarily paralyzed from the waist up"
Easily the best line of the day.
"You mean, besides two chicks at the same time?"
I just hope the Ravens try to look past us.
If they do and we come out strong, then i think they are going to be in for a long day. I don’t think either team scores more than 21 points. That being said If Foster/Tate have a better day than Rice i think we win this game.
Texas. Gods favorite country.
For me, the defenses are the key.
The Ravens burned us with some big passes last time. If Flacco takes a dump, which he certainly has in some games, we’ll have a good shot.
The main thing is whether our front seven can take Flacco off his game more than the Ravens’ D can rattle Yates. Tall order, but not impossible or unrealistic. If they’re forced into a lot of short gains, it increases the odds that mistakes will be made. If the Texans win on turnovers, they have a good shot even if Rice has a solid game. Tough challenge, but a win is possible.
You’re right too, the more they underestimate the Texans, the better.
by JBal on Jan 8, 2012 6:57 PM CST via Android app up reply actions
It could happen!
If we keep flying under the radar, AND the Ravens look ahead to the next game. After yesterday, I’m not ruling anything out!
Ravens ain't looking past a 10-win division champ.
Cam Cameron personally attended your playoff game. Doesn’t sound like he’s overlooking you as far as I can tell.
Good news for you if you win. In the Harbaugh era, every team that has beaten us in the playoffs has gone on to represent the AFC in the Super Bowl.
I love it knowing that there are a handful of Ravens fans in this area who despise the fact that Joe will be our QB for the next 10 years. --Mr. MaLoR
I scanned through some posts over at BBD and wow there is some major league arrogance over there!
Sure they’ve got veterans and experience, but those fans have no idea how mortal their players are either. They seem to think, just like any BSPN clones, that the Texans “squeaked” into the playoffs after losing the last three games. They don’t even realize we won the division and those last three were let down and rest games with the #3 seed secured.
I see both of our teams as very similar: stout defenses with power running games. I give them the edge with us having a rookie QB. My best guess is the score will be 17-13, and whoever wins the turnover battle gets the win.
Those posts over there are filled with insane amounts of arrogance. I provided just one response regarding their “rounded off” comment about Ray Rice and his 2000 total yards:
Why round the numbers? Let’s crunch ’em
Do you mean the Ray Rice who leads the league in yards from scrimmage with over 2000?
Arian Foster: 1224 yds rushing, 617 yds receiving: 1841 total yards
Not bad for last year’s rushing leader who this year missed FIVE games (4 for hamstring, 1 for end of season playoff resting)
Ben Tate: 942 yds rushing, 98 yds receiving: 1040 total yards
Texans were 58 yards away from having TWO 1,000 yard rushers on the same team in one season
Texans Combined Total: 2,166 yds rushing, 715 yds receiving: 2881 total yards
Ray Rice: 1364 yds rushing, 704 yds receiving: 2068 total yards
Ricky Williams: 444 yds rushing, 83 yds receiving: 527 total yards
Ravens Combined Total: 1,808 yds rushing, 787 yds receiving: 2595 total yards
So the Texans have the edge with 286 yards
We’ll spare ourselves the analysis of Derrick Ward’s 154 yards rushing vs Anthony Allen’s 8 rushing yards which would increase the edge to 432
"Never Never Never Give Up!" Winston Churchill
strength. of. schedule.
We’re not arrogant, we’re 12-4. And 8-0 at home.
I like you guys man, I do. I’ve been predicting the Texans would be good for about 4 years now and they finally are. And you run the ball something fierce.
But why does it offend you if we, being the #2 seed and all, think we have the better team?
I love it knowing that there are a handful of Ravens fans in this area who despise the fact that Joe will be our QB for the next 10 years. --Mr. MaLoR
It's not the message, per se.
It’s the delivery of said message.
I've got nothin'...
That’s exactly what everyone over at BB is saying about you guys.
I love it knowing that there are a handful of Ravens fans in this area who despise the fact that Joe will be our QB for the next 10 years. --Mr. MaLoR
Well then maybe it's a misunderstanding.
What with one of your guys going on about 27-10 which is ridiculous that got us hot and bothered which then got you guys hot and bothered.
Whoever it was predicting 27-10 is probably the entire reason, because that is just fucking unbelievable arrogance.
.................
Should be good as the teams are very similar
B/C the Ravens play a run based defense first brand of football all of our games are close so by and large no one I know thinks this game is a gimme. In fact given the loss to the Jags we don’t view any game , except of course cleavland, as a certain win.
Confident, sure why not ? 12-4, 4th straight year in the playoffs who would not be ??
As far as arrogance though every fan base has some tools who make stupid comments but they are in the minority, and in reading this blog today Houston has their fair share of them as well.
Veni, Vidi, Vici - Julius Caesar 47 BC
Mel Spruiker was just on Mike & Mike dismissing the Texans and predicting
a Ravens-Pats AFC Championship game. Apparently, that greaseball thinks it will be just a warmup game for his beloved Ratbirds next week.
I count this as a point in the Texans’ favor. Can somebody explain to me why anyone still pays attention to that irrelevant asshole?
Colin Cowshit was just on ESPN...
talking about Tebow’s chances of facing the Ravens in the AFC Championship.
Written off already, but that’s cool. Didn’t work out so bad last Saturday, did it/
"You mean, besides two chicks at the same time?"
To be fair (and it's hard, as much as I despise Cowherd), he was giving the T's some love,
saying how wrong he’d been about the game and calling them “big, strong, fast and young”.
Actually, I'm all about Denver taking down the Pats next weekend.
If the T’s do that and we pull one out against Balto, there’s gonna be a helluva party at Reliant on 1/22.
"You mean, besides two chicks at the same time?"
by Ezekiel 25 17 on Jan 9, 2012 6:08 PM CST up reply actions
Texans have a much better shot of beating the Ravens than Tebow does of beating the Pats, IMO.
by VBG on Jan 9, 2012 2:45 PM CST up reply actions
I think the Broncos(and Tebow) can beat the Patriots
given Tebow doesn’t turn the ball over. Broncos D is for real, and the Pats D is bad. That said, I think it unlikely that the Broncos beat the Pats in their house in the playoffs. Unlikely but not impossible. I think the Texans have a better chance of winning than the Broncos, this week, but both of them winning is not out of the question. If I was betting serious money, I’d say the odds were about 60:40 for a Ravens win and about 80:20 for a pats win. But since I’m a Texans fan I think the Texans will find a way to get it done. I think the Broncos will lose, although I would like to see them win. Von Miller, not Tebow, is who i’m pulling for most on the Broncos.
Tebow magic
doesn’t work when he leaves Denver. Brady whipped them in Denver, he will destroy them in Fox.
Playoffs in Houston: 18 years in the making.
If ever there was a game to write a team off
It is the Patriots v Broncos.
I’m sure the Patriots will win by 17
Division Champion Houston Texans
Hi My name is Jack, why don't you help me off?
I'm sure they'll win
But I wouldn’t gamble on that game if you gave me house money. Tebow still manages to make plays despite the fact that he throws more junk than an aging minor league pitcher, and that Pats defense is abysmal. Rodney Harrison called it “the worst I’ve ever seen,” which is obviously hyperbole, but it tells you something.
I love it knowing that there are a handful of Ravens fans in this area who despise the fact that Joe will be our QB for the next 10 years. --Mr. MaLoR
Joe Flacco's NFL passer rating: 80.9 (according to PFF today).
T. J. Yates’ NFL passer rating: 80.9
Also, Joe Flacco’s overall PFF QB rank: #29.
T. J. Yates’ overall PFF QB rank: #21.
Wish Schaub was playing
but I think TJ can get it done. If I was Baltimore, I would be looking for an upgrade over Flacco in the coming years. texans are set with Schaub, and TJ as backup for the next few years.
Nice.
Also, this is easily as realistic as what some of the Baltimore Beatdown people are predicting.
I think the Ravens fans are still high
after beating the Steelers twice this year. That last game in Pittsburgh was like the Super Bowl for the Ravens. I guess they think that there’s nothing to stop them from getting to the big game now.
A sharp tongue is the only edged tool that grows keener with constant use.--Washington Irving
That's something we both have in common
a long history of hating the Steelers
I actually loved that they swept them this year and that the Tebows punked the Steelers in the wild card game
"Never Never Never Give Up!" Winston Churchill
That was friggin hilarious!
loved it
I love it knowing that there are a handful of Ravens fans in this area who despise the fact that Joe will be our QB for the next 10 years. --Mr. MaLoR
Nice
loving your thread…I think it’s quite hard for the Texans to win this, but anything can happen…they just need to act on it
TracyJackson, aka Chris Fuller
Lose a game, no big deal; lost a season, man up; lose the fans, get outta town !
\w/ Hook 'Em Horns, go Texas !
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