Hair of the Dog: Not Extended By Penalty (Colts @ Texans)

The Texans Gave Santa a Divisional Present This Year - Bob Levey

The Texans and Colts faced off for the division title, while the referees worked out their flag throwing technique in preparation for the post-season. Relive the magic!

I will not be participating in today's HotD thread because my friend decided to have his kid's birthday party on a Sunday. He's a very close friend, so I pretty much have to go, but that doesn't mean I can't give him heat for having a party on Sunday during football season. I mean, it's not like there was anything going on yesterday.

To those of you young enough that you don't have kids yet, if you happen to have a kid born during football season, do your friends a favor and don't have events on Sunday.

If you have kids, and you do have events on Sunday, kitten you.

In any sense, five or ten years ago, such an event would have been a catastrophe. While I won't be able to watch the game live or participate in the discussion, at least I can do my best to avoid all football related human contact and watch the game on DVR later.

Without the DVR, this could get ugly. I love my family, and while I'm not saying I would pick football over family, I'd really prefer not to be put in that position.

It makes me wonder how many marriages have been saved by the DVR.

Probably as many as have been damaged by Sunday Ticket.

Pregame:

Brett:

Oh my god. Seriously, oh my god. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=1CFa-d0ry_0#!

BFD:

Flagged as troll.

Vega (before I bailed on the day):

Between that and the Jag Rag, this is officially the most successful season in franchise history.

Tim:

Lesser men would think better of tailgating in a driving rainstorm. Let the record show that Rivers and I are not lesser men.

First Quarter:

Brett:

My stream isn't working and I have to follow on game center. How did Andre get open?

UT:

He didn't really. I'm still trying to figure out how he came up with the ball.

MDC:

Really good play action.

Now wasted because of three straight runs. Because, hey, when the passing is working that well, why WOULDN'T you abandon it?

TDC:

I almost forgot what Houston looked like in their Deep Steel Blue jerseys. It's been that long.

Brett:

OH MY GOD A SPECIAL TEAMS PENALTY THAT WASNT US.

MDC:

I swear to God, Arian Foster has become invisible to Schaub as a check down.

TDC:

Andre Johnson IS greatness.

TDC:

Slant route to big 'Dre? Why don't we see more of those in the red zone?

MDC:

I was just asking that same question.

tGC:

I've seen all of three plays so far, but based on that admittedly small sample size, I'm hopeful that we're going to respond to the Patriots game the same way we responded to the Packers game.

UT:

That would be nice. It would also be completely ignored by folks who seem intent on giving Tom Brady a Messiah complex.

UT:

Things that are awesome: watching Smith AND Watt do their sack celebrations at the same time.

MDC:

How kittening strong is JJ Watt that he can stiff arm an offensive lineman and still be the first person to make a tackle on a running back?

TDC:

3 people got there. That's the pass rush I needed to see.

UT:

Three drive-prolonging penalties.

Kitten!

TDC:

17.5 sacks and 28 tackles for a loss. Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn.

Second Quarter:

UT:

And from a 3-4 defensive end. How is anybody else even being considered for DPOY, to say nothing of MVP, is beyond me.

TDC:

"3rd and 25? Surely, they're gonna run the draw, Wade." - Kubiak

tGC:

Luck may be inaccurate, but he's totally clutch. He's Clutchy McClutch.

TDC:

I don't care if he's here or not. I've said it before...He's not Pey-Pey.

Brett:

"I'm so happy that he's going to be in our division for 15 years" - said no Texans fan, ever.

Brett:

Take an 8 yard loss, run the ball. Makes sense.

tGC:

I think Gary is calling draw plays on third-and-long just for ironic reasons.

Also, Robert Mathis has less than half as many sacks as J.J. Watt. Less than half.

UT:

The disgusting part is I totally expected it.

As did the Colts, obviously.

MDC:

WHAT THE KITTEN WAS THAT PUNT?!

BFD:

That was positively Turkian.

tGC:

On the plus side, at least we get to see JJ Watt and our d-line dominate some more.

MDC:

Yay, Brandon Harris.

Brett:

God dammit Harris, can you please stop kittening the rest of the defense over with your dumbass penalties.

UT:

Brandon Harris = KJax circa 2010?

Holy crap, they got the ball back! Life is worth living again!!

TDC:

This week, Houston learned to fall on the ball.

TDC:

As it stands now, 17.5 sacks, 29 TFLs, 3 FFs, and 15 PDs.

MDC:

Prediction: we worry so much about not giving up a safety here that we do nothing with the ball and punt it back to them at the 50 after three plays.

TDC:

24 special teams penalties? Pukeworthy.

MDC:

That run Ballard just had makes me fear AP quite a bit.

TDC:

I'm not afraid of the Vikings next week, but, just to prepare everyone, Adrian Peterson is running for 130+. He's on a whole different level right now.

TDC:

Reggie Wayne, penalty notwithstanding, was definitely not a Peyton Product. The dude is legitimately good.

UT:

What the hell with all these penalties?

It seems like they're not playing very disciplined. Or the refs are kittening idiots. Or both.

MDC:

Players (on D) are overly aggressive and amped up. Refs are dogkitten. It's a perfect storm.

UT:

They called roughing the passer? Against the Colts? I didn't think it was possible for a Texans QB to get that call.

TDC:

DeVier Posey's....not.....useless?

UT:

Don't tell MDC that.

MDC:

I'm withholding judgment on that statement.

MDC:

MO' SACKS!

UT:

J.J. Watt is a bad bad man.

MDC:

AND MO' TFLs!

TDC:

I don't know what else to say about J.J. I really don't. He's exhausted all of my compliments.He's having a Reggie White kind of dominating season.

Brett:

Can we just extend him now before he gets $150 million in a few years?

UT (after Bryan Braman's blocked punt):

CUZ HE'S A BERSERKER, BITCH!

TDC:

Bryan Braman just earned Joe Marciano a 5-year contract extension.

MDC:

WOULD YOU LIKE TO MAKE SOME KITTEN?!

tGC:

If Joe Marciano still has a job at the end of the season, it's because of Braman.

UT (after the Colt's TD):

Aw, now I hate everything again.

tGC (just before Shayne Graham misses a field goal):

Don't you miss this kittening field goal.

Halftime:

tGC:

God. Kitten. Why am I so angry even though we're winning by ten? I feel like Kubiak is the Emperor and he's trying to recruit me to the Dark Side.

MDC:

No hyperbole: Graham makes me miss Kris Brown.

tGC:

Andre Johnson: 7 rec 107 yds 1 td

JJ Watt: 6 tackles 2 sacks 1 ff (and I suspect will get another half sack after further review)

Just sayin'.

Third Quarter:

MDC:

Hey, there's kitteny special teams again. SHOCKER.

tGC:

We can't keep giving these guys short fields and expect to profit.

MDC:

J.J. nearly ended KJax's life.

tGC:

I was legitimately worried for KJ there.

UT:

I was wondering when Arian would finally break a long one.

MDC:

Interesting personnel grouping there on the first play. Dre, Devier, Kevin, and Garrett.

Brett (killing MDC slowly):

Good down field block by Posey there.

tGC:

Is that the first sack allowed by Brown this year?

UT:

I want to say it's his second, but I'm not sure.

Brett:

Yep, his second.

tGC:

Still. That drive was much better. Can haz more of that?

UT:

I'm really starting to worry about their ability to stop the run. I mean this is kittening ridiculous.

Fourth Quarter:

tGC:

This team is oh so frustrating.

TDC:

J.J. Watt isn't frustrating for us. Thankfully.

MDC:

J.J. Watt is the most dominant player on either side of the ball in the NFL right now. The only person close is Peterson.

MDC (after Arian Foster's TD was called back for a penalty):

Kitten you, Wade Smith.

UT:

Kitten you Wade Smith. Just kitten you in every conceivable way possible.

TDC:

I hate Wade Smith. I hate him so much.

tGC:

I swear to god, even though we're up by nine points, I really want to throttle someone right now.

Why is this? Can I blame it all on Marciano?

TDC:

Scurfield says Watt got credit for the sack. That's 19.5

UT:

Love seeing Wade go for intentional grounding. That's good hustle.

MDC:

Another flag on a punt return. It's kittening comical at this point.

TDC:

Foster starting to look sharp. He's been ripping off bigger runs in the 2nd half.

MDC:

24 for 153.

UT:

From watching Foster play, I would have never guessed he'd have nearly
6 YPC.

MDC:

Second half, he's been old Foster.

TDC:

I think DeVier Posey has finally 'got it.' He's actually done well in spot duty today.

MDC:

He's going to force me NOT to hate him, isn't he?

TDC:

Jesus, Shayne Graham. Can't even make that look easy?!

TDC:

OMG. Barwin sack. Lolwut?

TDC:

Scurfield reporting that Marciano, along with Braman and McNair, got a game ball.

I literally feel sick.

MDC:

What the kitten?!?!? Marciano gets a game ball because Bryan Braman is an insane force on ST, despite the return and coverage being festering kittensnot???

tGC:

I think we should rename Houston after JJ Watt. JJWattistan, anyone?

UT:

Wattadelphia. City of Watt-erly love.

TDC:

JJWattistan works. Let's work it into his contract renegotiation.

MDC:

San Watt

Because he should be deified.

tGC:

Santa Watt

Brett:

New Watt City? Los Wattelos? SeWattle? Wattsonville? Wattshington?

UT:

Wattsburgh. Wattstantinople. Wattstanbull

MDC:

Wattstanbul WAS Wattstantinople.

Well, that wasn't quite as comfortable as we would have liked, but it secures the division for the Texans for the second year in a row. Furthermore, and more importantly, should the current score hold in the Sunday night game (31-3 SF at the time of this writing), the Texans would only need to win one of their remaining games to secure homefield advantage throughout the playoffs.

Not a bad weekend.

Game Balls

Offense: Andre Johnson. Because he's Andre Johnson. Arian Foster is deserving as well, but Andre's first half was the most critical element to the victory.

Defense: J.J. Watt. Because he's J.J. Watt. No further explanation necessary.

Special Teams: Bryan Braman. Could you imagine what these special teams would be like without Bryan Braman?

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